idk man i just work here

my name is tess and im trying my best//26//AR

[moldavite]

[dogpuppy]

*flick him in the eyeball*

[dogpuppy]

Oh shit I didn’t even read that this bitch is suicidal my bad *flick both eyes x2*

[dogpuppy]

Oh fuck really? We should bully this thing until it kills itself

[userfish]

genuinely crying laughing

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the phrase "this machine kills fascists" has gone through enough layers of meaning that I think it's come all the way back around to where the funniest thing you could put it on would be a gun

[striders]

kind of a milf.

[striders]

none needed brother

[274th]

and this is why we don't have online sharing LMFAAAOOOOOO

[kushblazer666]

[kushblazer666]

i just went to play this video and it made me click a box saying i wasnt gonna kill myself and then it gave me a 15 second ad for granola bars

[mousidy]

it's not natural for candy to be $3.49. candy is supposed to be one dollar

[deerwithamullet]

candy should cost a nickel and we should all wear little propeller hats when we eat it

[seven-winged-liar]

she butterfly on my effect til i (gravely serious) everything could have been different

[infectiouspiss]

there's been a robbery at the lourve???? please tell me they nicked the mona lisa it would be so fucking funny

[infectiouspiss]

i'm talking proper heist movie backflipping over lasers and cutting holes in the ceiling to slowly descend on a wire i want this shit to be FUNNY

[infectiouspiss]

nevermind they did something funnier let's chainsaw our way in and then scoot out beep beep that's the sound of my scooter vrmmm vrmmm that's the sound of my tiny chainsaw

[classicallycara]

“Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; of it’s constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.”

— Edgar Allan Poe (via wordsnquotes)

[what-even-is-thiss]

“Cats don’t actually love you”

A cat is a small creature in the middle of the food chain that is fully aware that you are a very large thing that could stomp its head in at any moment and yet it chooses to rest its tiny little head on your leg for a nap and spreads out on the floor near you exposing its belly and its most sensitive organs. It brings dead mice and bugs to you to share food.

Don’t you get it? This tiny thing trusts you. It wants to help you too. It licks your leg thinking that it’s helping. It kneads on you to find comfort. It shares its body warmth with you in the cold and gives you your space in the heat. It hisses at other mammals it sees outside including other cats in an effort to protect its family.

Cats love you so so much. But they will keep trying to eat plastic.

[inbabylontheywept]

one of my favorite things in the world is when i am excercising Extreme Self Restraint about something, and i want to give in and just do it but i can't, and then my wife just waltzes in and doesn't even pretend that she's gonna resist, she just Does The Thing immediately and i get to be like. ah. as eve, so adam.

two apples please.

[lionesshathor]

As Eve, so Adam.

Two apples pleaee.

[shortqueershakespeare]

@theshitpostcalligrapher

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

niiiiice

ink: diamine firestorm

[sailorbrazil]

points have been made

[axiomschema]

Counterpoint

[big-ovipositor-energy]

an addition

[gauntletqueen]

We’re done

[sailorbrazil]

An exclusive look into the workings of the mind of the average tumblr user

[flowerbleedme]

The juggling voyeur

[yupokaysuremhm]

MY HANDS ARE STUCK MY HANDS ARE STUCK!

[oommmmmoo]

HELP

[a-silly-poll-side-blog-yay]

you teleported to the last game you played! are you doomed?

yes

no

results

Voting ended onAug 17, 2025

[starrypals]

nothing leaves an imprint on your psyche quite like early 2000s girl game websites