a playlist featuring songs of spontaneous combustion , mental instability and feeling lost . listen now for the premium new york rat experience . with special guest appearances from , becky g and shakira .
↳ 𝑷𝑳𝑨𝒀𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 .
( playlist is always being added to . so i’m just gonna list ten on here and if you’d like to hear the rest feel free ! . )
𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉 , 𝑐𝑙𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑘 .
once i lit it , they said , “ you’ll regret it “ . consequences thin as smoke . i swore to god that i won’t . this stuff is tough . it’s got a lot more than you bargained for and you have a hard time doin’ things you do when you got so much more than you wanted to .
𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 , ℎ𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑙𝑦 𝑠𝑢𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡 .
how long must i justify my pain through these songs ? . . . how long must i talk about my pain in these songs .
𝒓𝒂𝒕 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏 , 𝑝𝑙𝑢𝑟𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒 .
i mind you trying to drive a wedge between yourself and the rest of the world .
𝒎𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒍𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 , 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑟ℎ𝑜𝑜𝑑 .
now i’m on the inside trying to stay out of my head . i need peace of mind . grew up pretty fast . good things never last .
𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒃𝒍𝒆 , 𝑐𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑝ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑡 .
we were at the table by the window in the view . casting shadows , the sun was pushing through . spoke a lot of words , i don’t know if i spoke the truth ?
𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒓 , 𝑗𝑜𝑒 𝑝 .
i’ve been hiding in my skin and learning how to live in my head . come cut out my heart , we’ll go driving in the dark and start fighting in the car .
𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒏 , 𝑐𝑙𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑘 .
just when i think i’m in the clear , she hooked her hair behind her ears and said , i’m goin’ down . she said , “ baby , it’s okay to feel the way you do if you keep it to yourself . “
𝒔𝒐𝒅𝒂 , 𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑠 .
i don’t wanna be myself , it’s making me so unwell . i don’t wanna be myself , i just wanna be someone else .
𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒊 𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 , 𝑠𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑔𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑒𝑛 .
words you say never seem to live up to the ones inside your head . the lives we make never seem to ever get us anywhere by dead .
𝒘𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒚 , 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑘𝑠 .
don’t say , say you love me . leave me until you had your fun . use me when you get lonely . you’re not the only one . we all get lonely , you’re not the only one .
a smile cracks at the corner of her lips that she doesn’t fight , peering at him as he speaks , a certain relief washing over her when she realises that he isn’t saying that he wants to end things , that he wants them to change . “ you’d tell them that you liked it ? ” she asks in a whisper allowing her gaze to be guided upwards . she isn’t laughing but there is something similar to laughter inside her , a happiness that exists in that sweet spot that she tells herself she can no longer find , that she hasn’t really seen in years . although she often doesn’t really take it to heart when people tell her that she should be something special to someone , a history of people promising her that right before they make their final appearance in the story of her life , she really does try to listen , make it sink in . dropping her own two hands with his in the middle as she steps forwards a little to close the gap almost completely due to his own step , their arms caught between their bodies . “ thank you , “ she regards , not really knowing what else to say because although she was sure she had been asking , needing to hear something like those words , she still didn’t know how to respond to them , what to say . her mind felt like it was a little more clear , a little less confused because he was able to bring her some inner peace about her own importance in the world . she had always found a place with him . she releases their hands , a little unsure of what she’s doing because she knew this was different , that it wasn’t like the moments they had shared before and normally , the lines were clearer . she gently moves her arms to rest against his shoulders , “ i’m glad you’re not embarrassed , “ she gets up on her tip toes , pressing her lips gently to his jaw line , arms moving so they were more wrapped around behind his neck as she moved to find his lips , kissing him with softness before pulling away , “ but you’re still an idiot , “ and maybe that was her way of saying that everything was okay , trying to convey that she felt something for him then that maybe she hadn’t before . it was probably impossible that he would know that but she felt it , that something was changing although she didn’t fully understand what .
cassidy knew that he wouldn’t be able to solve all her problems or make every bad thought she had about herself disappear . the mind was far too cruel to ever cure any of them of the different things that ran wild in their minds . but what he knew he could try to do was help her or remind her of how special and great he thought she was . did it mean much ? maybe ? maybe not but it was something . it was all he could give , all he could contribute and he would because he cared . he wanted to put a smile on her face and even if he couldn’t convince her that everything he was saying was true all the time . even if she still had doubts about herself , at least he’d distract her from the thoughts for a little while . or that’s what he’d hoped he was capable of . sadly enough , cassidy didn’t give himself all that much credit when it came to his abilities to be there for the people in his life . always feeling like it wasn’t enough , like he wasn’t giving them what they deserved and so on . it really was a frustrating and ongoing saga for the male . that being said , he wasn’t thinking about it much right now . he was just glad to see at least a little bit of the weight on her shoulders lift off for a bit . “ are you kidding ? “ he started , “ of course i would , i mean i would change it from past tense and say i like it when you do but i don’t wanna get ahead of myself . “ he joked , “ can’t get all the fashion students in this place getting too excited . “ laughing , he was messing around as he kept his eyes on her . leaning down slightly when she got up on her tip toes . eyes drifting closed for a moment as her lips softly pressed against his jaw line . cassidy opened them only to closed them again as their lips met . moving his hands to her waist . cass opened his eyes again , keeping the close proximity as her arms wrapped around the back of his neck . in some way , there was an even bigger sense of relief once she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him the way she did . even more reassurance that whatever was going on , it was fine . maybe he shouldn’t have been that relieved or that content with it but he was . not that he was reading too much into his own uncontrolled reactions . “ unfortunately , that’s something that’ll probably never fade . “ he said , a smile sneaking on his lips as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against her forehead before pulling back again . “ so , you wanna show me some of your designs for real ? you know , this time without almost knocking the mannequin down ? “
it was nicer having a shake at this time of year, it was something they haven’t had for so long and the weather made it so that it didn’t melt as fast but they deserved a cheat day and honestly, they were too high to really deny them self of something so good. “you’re so dumb,” victoria said as they rolled their eyes but a second later they tired not to knock the table down as they made their way towards him, carefully sitting down beside him. “i love the new place,” they played along with a smile as the took a sip of their drink. “i just, i didn’t want to get hurt again so i told her i can’t have feelings for her anymore and i knew that if we slept together the second time i wouldn’t be able to lie to myself and say that it wouldn’t mean anything but it does and i feel myself slipping back into this thing with her and it sucks because the last time i told her i liked her, it ended up in a fight and i’m just so fucking sick of fighting with everyone.” it was draining them of everything they had and it was just easier to give in and just do what they wanted, even if that means that they’re back to square one with noah and god, the part where they dont talk about each other’s feelings anymore really fucking helps. “the thing is, i can wait. i can wait months if that’s what she wants and if she’s just trying to figure herself out but if there’s other people, what am i really waiting for? what if i hold onto her and then she develop these deeper feelings for someone else? i don’t think i would be able to hold onto an idea of what could be,” she’s not asking for noah to just forget them, although, that would be nice butshe wants to know if she could see them as something long term or something serious. “with asher i just wished that all it had been was us being platonic. it’s kind of shitty but i told him to keep it from her so great minds think alike,” she let out a short laugh, “now i’m just feeling guilty about it because i regret it, mostly the almost sleeping with him part and i just want to tell her but she’ll probably hate me forever especially now that she’s acting like a lot nicer to me.” victoria still doesn’t understand where it’s coming from, like now when she had decided that she wasn’t going to have feelings for her anymore. “maybe it’s just the sex, i don’t know. okay, it’s probably just the sex.”
cassidy let victoria talk , get everything out that she was feeling and thinking . he knew first hand how confusing feelings could be and how confusing it was to know what to do with that . he couldn’t begin to explain half the shit that was in his head constantly . he didn’t have the best advice in the world to give victoria , he couldn’t even figure out his own feelings and thought processes most of the time but he was more than willing to sit there and try and help them as best as he could . “ it’s one thing to wait and be patient when it comes to someone trying to figure themselves out but it’s another to feel like you’re wasting your time waiting for anything . “ cassidy added in , he’d never thought of himself as being the type of person that waited for anyone . maybe that was because he was always the one people we waiting to be ready for anything ? but he knew how it felt to take whatever steps back in order for the other person to feel comfortable enough to take any steps forward . he just didn’t know it to the extent victoria was talking about . knowing him , if he had feelings for someone , no matter the circumstances , he’d probably just push away . he’d cut off the waiting part before it was even a thing . he’d stop it before he was the one making anyone wait or hurting anyone because he clearly wasn’t able to give anyone what they were searching for . there wasn’t anything worse to him than knowing someone was relying on him and waiting on him while he figured things out because he knew disappointment was lingering in the background . “ the easiest thing would be to tell noah how you feel . all of it , not just bits and pieces or things to push her away . to tell her everything . “ knowing that was easier said than done , he pressed his lips together for a moment . “ i just think you gotta be careful . figure out what it is you really want . if you think she’s being nice because you are sleeping together then think about if that’s something you want or not . at the end of the day you gotta look out for yourself even though it’s real easy to get caught up in a moment . “ cass rambled a bit . “ it’s real easy to look at everything and be swept up in it but when reality comes crashing down and confuses things even more . you gotta figure out if it’s worth the hit or if you’re just setting yourself up for disaster . “ it was sort of a negative perspective but it was all he had . “ you gotta start thinking about what you deserve and how you want to be treated . noah is great and one of my favorite people here and i don’t blame you for a second for the way you feel about her but you gotta stop and think is this thing between the two of you good for you or not . “
when they get outside and he speaks again , her heart feels like it’s in his throat as she joins up the dots of his own thought process , why he’s asking that . she’s still holding onto his hand for dear life , everything about the way she was feeling seeming to be complicated but at the same time , not a lot to do with them . “ no , i don’t think so , “ she says quietly , a little worried that he wants to stop . not that the world would end but admittedly , she doesn’t want to stop , despite freaking out about everything in general , she wants to continue with it . she’s good at talking about a lot of things , willing to give away parts of herself and her history or even explore topics that most people would of stayed away from but she didn’t like talking about what really made her insecure . the fears that had stuck with her and were often brought back to the surface by people who unknowingly made her feel the same way . cass had never made her feel like that , as if there was something wrong with wanting her . she’s not looking at him again but she shifts her arm , pulling their hands closer to her to be up by her chest as she brings her other hand to sit on top , “ i know it’s in my head , that there’s nothing that you’ve done to make me feel this way but sometimes i just get insecure and it’s really ugly , in there . i just started feeling like i could understand , if you were embarrassed about what we’ve been doing , about people really knowing whatever it is , “ it doesn’t make sense . cecilya was the first person to let everyone know her business , she was the first person who had relished the gossip or laughed at it thinking it was stupid . she had never asked anyone for this type of reassurance before , she was confident and above all , she was always prepared to be left , had almost accepted it before it happened to the extent that when she saw someone heading out the door she was waving and wishing them well . when she had thought of cass being abandoned by his mother , she had thought , that must be awful , that she had no experience of a feeling like that . she still felt that way , still felt like she hadn’t been left because she hadn’t let anyone but the feelings that were inside of her chest were telling her different . that no one really wanted to know what was inside of her , that there was something desperately wrong with it that caused this domino effect where they were either blinded by who they wanted her to be or didn’t really like what she was at all when they found out . these were the thoughts that were now gathering and as much as she wanted to just snap out of it , she was struggling . “ i . . . i don’t know how to explain it , i’m just feeling down on myself . i’m not feeling unhappy with you , i feel the opposite about you . happy . ”
there she went again reassuring him despite her needing the reassurance herself . keeping his hand wrapped with hers , he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty , thinking this seemed and felt like a sudden change in behavior with cecilya was because of him . of course , he was being hard on himself and he wasn’t meant to know where and how every emotion came up or effected cecilya or anyone for that matter . no one knew that but her and no one would figured it out unless they were told . but it wasn’t that he was feeling bad or sorry for himself for not being able to piece together what was going on , for thinking it was about him . he was more so feeling some concern for her or guilt for not knowing every right word to say to make her feel better . seeing her seemingly spiral in her own head , something he knew all too well , it ripped at his heartstrings a little . he wanted to know the perfect things to say or do to make her not feel the way she was . that being said , he’d be a liar if he said he didn’t feel some relief when she said she didn’t think she wanted to stop what they were doing . of course , if she wasn’t interested in it anymore or if it was bringing stress into her life , he would cut that part of what they’re doing out . being in her life and staying there was important to him , he didn’t want to do anything to screw that up . but he did enjoy what they were doing , he was still curious and intrigued by it all . he didn’t know what to make of it all but that was sort of the point at the moment and he liked that . it felt good and he would miss whatever it was if it was to take a backseat . so , at her not wanting to stop what they were doing he felt an unexpected weight lift off his chest . not taking into account that he’d be more effected if they were to stop than he’d think . ⏤ “ i get it , that feeling . when everything comes crashing down in your own head and your left with every ugly thought you have about yourself . “ he began , “ but i want you to know that i’d never be embarrassed of you and i’m not embarrassed about what we’re doing . “ taking a small step forward , he raised his free hand up and brushed his thumb against her cheek before moving it down and placing the side of his index finger under her chin . “ hell , i’ll go in that room right now and tell everyone that you spanked the shit out of me and i liked it , i don’t give a shit . “ he smiled , trying to make her laugh or smile . he gave her hand a squeeze . “ and just so you know , for whatever it’s worth . no matter how down on yourself you might feel , i think you’re amazing and you’re one of the few people that make me feel genuinely happy . i also think anyone would be an idiot if they found any involvement with you as embarrassing . you’re one of a kind cecilya arslan . “ a small smile crossed over his features again as he looked at her , trying to keep eye contact so she knew he meant what he was saying .
“It’s there so many good shows you can watch from there? God the mysteries of which crime series to watch today.” Fable replied as she looked at Cassidy. “I mean we could go on our own investigation. I don’t know what we would find, but it would be interesting have a mystery to solve here on the ship.”
" i binged that evil lives here show but also there’s this one called your worst nightmare , been hooked . sadly they stopped making them . “ he rambled on about the different true crime shows . “ you mean like a live action clue ? what’ll be our first mystery ? our first mystery inc. type business ? how they don’t run out of alcohol inventory ? despite all the people that steal from their stash ? “ he laughed , “ or what happens to the people that leave the ship when we’re in the middle of the ocean ? do they just evaporate ? does dean murphy throw them overboard ? so many questions . “
she was still standing where she had placed herself , her heart beat slowing down in her chest although she was hyper aware suddenly that there were a bunch of people milling around . she is actually listening and she knows that what he’s saying is true , all the thoughts she had about herself , all the negative things that others have spoken that are stuck in her head suddenly are not true . she takes in a slow steadying breath trying to bring herself back to reality instead of letting her mind run away with her , the thoughts she was having completely unhelpful and making no real sense . she doesn’t really know what she expected him to say but it makes her heart flutter a little to hear that he wouldn’t want to forget about her ( she’d never admit it ) . she doesn’t really know what to do so she just sort of stands there dumbly with her lips pressed together feeling like she’s made a real mess of things today . finally , she cautiously steps forwards to meet him , feeling a little guilty about everything that had been said , having not really intended to do that at all . she reaches out and gently pulls on his shirt , an invitation to touch her if he wants to accept but no pressure as she releases , “ i’m sorry , “ she admits , “ i don’t know , “ she half sighs , “ i just get in my head sometimes , about a lot of things . it’s not you . can we maybe leave this room before i actually die of embarrassment in front of everyone ? ”
if there was anything cassidy understood it was ones head spinning with thoughts and different scenarios or different truths . he knew what it was like to hold onto every negative thing and let it feel and be true in your own head . he also didn’t know if it was something that’d just go away instantly or if it’d be something tickling at the back of her head . waiting to come back out in full force when something else pokes at it . either way , he understood that . although , completely confusing at the same time because honestly , his own moments like these were confusing . he did get it . he just hated that cecilya felt these ways about herself . so much so to the point of thinking he’d see her a certain way as well . eyes softening as she stepped forward and tugged at his shirt before letting go . cassidy shook his head shortly after . “ don’t be sorry , you didn’t do anything to me . “ and it was true , she hadn’t done anything to him to apologize for . she was clearly going through something and she didn’t have to be sorry for that . “ i might know a thing or two about getting in my head too . “ he said , his lips curling into a small smile for a moment as he reached out and slipped his fingers around her hand . “ let’s get outta here . “ continuing to hold her hand , cassidy walked towards the doors . turning to face her once they were outside and a good distance away from everyone . “ can i ask you something ? “ he began , “ is what we’re doing . . . is it making you get in your head ? “
when he steps forwards , she moves backwards quickly almost taking the mannequin down with her , eyes widening realising she probably looked like a total idiot . she wasn’t really thinking about the way he might feel , the thoughts running through her head exponentially exaggerated by the sound of her heart thumping away in her chest . for the first time , seh was in her head and hers alone . he was telling her that he wanted to be there but she couldn’t hear it , she was still hung up on a variety of other things that were plaguing her and making it hard to see reason , exasperating a historic series of times where she had never been someone to come through for , pay attention to . “ i don’t know because i’m like , a massive whore and everyone here will probably think that we’re fucking and spread it around this entire boat and because like , having sex with me is something most people want to scour off their brains forever . i’m just the person that ruins everything , ” she rants rather crazily , not really catching herself until she stops , her lip held stable by a bite as she looked at him with wide eyes . he hasn’t done anything to make her feel this way , hasn’t done anything wrong , she doesn’t really know where it’s all coming from . she blinks a few times to try and contain whatever else is coming , not that she was a stranger to a public meltdown or a screaming fit but she hadn’t really meant for all that to come out . face still bright red , she gulps , releasing her bottom lip as she awkwardly speaks although her tone is still unnecessarily stressed , as if she’s angry at herself , “ and i did want you to come , by the way . so thank you ! thank you for coming ! and saying my work is great . “
when she stepped back once he stepped forward , cassidy raised his eyebrows as she almost knocked into the mannequin behind her . a peng like feeling washing over him at the movement . he wasn’t sure if he was taken aback by it , felt confused by it or idiotically enough felt hurt by it . maybe it was a little bit of everything mixed in a messy little bowl but he was trying his best not to think this change in behavior was because of him . he could tell that she was in her head about something and he just wanted to be there for her . although , it was hard to not start overthinking and think it was something he did . which only made him feel slightly guilty for thinking like that . the dumbfounded look on his face only grew as cecilya started to blurt some of the things out that were currently plaguing her mind . it was interesting actually , being on the opposite end of someone letting out all the cluster that was on their mind . “ you aren’t a whore , “ he began , his voice slightly loud before he glanced around at the people around them . unsure if they were all listening in . . . it’d be hard not to . looking at her again , he shook his head . “ that’s not true , “ he wanted to step forward and place his hands on her arms , try and calm her down but instead he stayed where he was . unsure of how she’d react . “ first , i don’t care about what people think about me . i’m pretty sure they’re gonna think whatever they wanna think anyways . and second , you don’t ruin everything . “ seeing her like this , he wished there was something he could do or say to make her feel better but he wasn’t sure if he was doing or saying the right things . he knew what it felt like to be thinking about things so quickly you couldn’t catch your breath . that the color of your cheeks go reddened and your heart felt like it was about to burst out your chest , he knew the feeling all too well . “ and fuck , if we ever had sex the last thing i’d wanna do is forget it . “ it might’ve been a weird thing to say with tons of people around but it wasn’t false . although , he wasn’t sure it’d make any difference to her , it was just him . “ what’s going on , ce ? “
teddy blamed himself for pulling away from everyone , but wanted to rekindle some of his close friendships that he had previously. he watched as cass walked over towards him , and sat opposite him on the couch . he did notice the the laptop in the other’s hands, but watched as it was left locked on the couch while the other conversed with him . “ I know, fable and I are seeing each other now, like for real, ” he grinned. “ my girl and everything,” . the brunette knew that himself and fable were sometimes brought up by other people, but most the time it was nice things, over bad things. “i’ve heard some things about you as well, a lot of drama the past couple of weeks, “ he chuckled. “ don’t worry. I won’t pester you all about it , ”. teddy looked into the other’s eyes. “hows school been for you, bro? ”
hearing teddy talk about his new relationship , cassidy was happy for him . although , relationships clearly weren’t his thing and thinking about committing to someone despite the forever lasting cloud of doom that relationships had . . . cassidy didn’t hold others to the same negative standard as he held himself . he wasn’t as negative about what his friends got up to or as judgey about if there’d be an inevitable end or not . if anything , he rooted for his friends to be happy and he wanted that for fable and teddy . happy for them to live in the now and take a leap . “ wow look at you , all grown up . “ he teased , a laugh escaping his lips as he spoke . “ should i throw a party ? we can all get wasted and play a celebratory game of twister or sing karaoke ? only sing songs from the titanic soundtrack . “ joking around , he was pretty sure fable and teddy were dressed up as titanic characters that year for halloween . a small laugh fell from his lips at teddy’s comment about the drama that swarmed his life , especially these last few weeks . “ it’s fine , it was dramatic but that’s a messy break up for you , right ? and then that random shirt thing that happened , still confused about it , honestly . “ another laugh slipped out as he shrugged . he honestly hadn’t let anything that happened to him in the past few weeks sink in as much as it probably should’ve but that was something he always did . pushed things down and kept pushing forward , throwing more things on his back before letting go of the past baggage . “ schools school , never been great at it . how’s it going for you ? “
she felt like she was on fire , tucking hair out of the way of her face as she looked at the ground and then right past him , teeth digging into her lip . her stomach flipped , it didn’t really make sense because she did want him there and she wasn’t nervous about people seeing her work , she just felt like he’d had to go out of his way . overthinking was something she chose to avoid but right now , it was all she could do , “ no , no , i’m not nervous , “ she blushes again , not even thanking him for the comments or cracking a joke . she can barely get out of her own head about things , not really sure she’s making any sense when she blinks a few times , looks up for a fleeting second , hands wringing in front of her and says , “ i just mean that , you didn’t have to come if it’s like cringey or something because of , stuff . if it’s embarrassing because people might talk about us , ” it’s not like she’d ever cared before , she doesn’t really know what she’s saying , unused to feeling how she did right then .
noticing the different movements and actions cecilya was making , cassidy had never really seen her act like this before it still being something he couldn’t put his finger on . if she wasn’t nervous about the showcase than what was it ? did someone do something before he got there to make her feel a certain way ? was it him being there that made her feel a certain way ? what did he do ? did he do something ? the questions ran through his mind at a mile a minute as he crinkled his eyebrows together , even more confused when hearing what she had to say . “ ce , what’re you talking about ? “ he questioned , taking a step forward , looking down at her , he tilted his head to the side a to try and get her to look at him . “ why would it be cringey ? you think i wouldn’t wanna show up to something that’s important to you ? i know you been working hard , i wanna be here . “ still completely confused as to what was going on . what had cecilya feeling this way or questioning things like she was . “ i’m not embarrassed to be here and i don’t care what people say . they’re always gonna talk . people have always talked about shit they don’t know about but it’s never stopped me from doing what i wanna do and i wanna be here . . . unless you don’t want me here ? “
Romeo turned to look at Cassidy. “Hey Cass, how are you?” He asked as he looked around for a bit. “Well um you know, just spending some time with Emmett, ya know.” He said with a shrug of his shoulders. “What have you up to?” He asked as he smiled a bit. “Not much, all work no play makes Romeo a dull boy. What’s been on in your life?”
“ been doing fine , dude . “ cassidy answered quickly before furrowing his eyebrows a little at the mention of emmett . he didn’t know what was going on with romeo and emmett . friends ? more than that ? benefits ? undecided ? he didn’t know ? “ you and emmett , huh ? too much studying or what ? “ he asked before raising his shoulders up and down . “ been waiting to dock , making some new music and annoying every single one of my professors . some ol’ shit . “
𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝘃𝘆 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗵 cece looked at cassidy with a long look in her eyes. “ you’ve always been there for me through the tough times, cass….. you are 𝘀𝗼𝗼 spontaneous and i love that about you. ”. cece replied looking at him . “ tequila sounds right up my alley. ” she answered. “ what about you?…” she asked looking at cass with a curious look in her eye.
listening to her reasons why , the things that stood out about him to her . it was oddly enough hard for him to wrap his mind around it . even though she answered his question , gave him reasons . for whatever reasons ( his own struggles in his mind , ) he just saw those things as more things he’d disappoint her on . he’d lose whatever charm he had with those things she liked . shooting himself down from the compliment right as he receives it , it was annoyingly accurate . looking down at his glass of tequila , he nodded . “ i should’ve ordered a bottle , we could’ve split it . “ deciding not to say much about the things she said she liked due to his inability to take any type of compliment , no matter the form . he didn’t even have a sarcastic joke to cover up his inability to accept it . instead just moving to the next subject . “ what about me ? am i a tequila guy ? yeah , used to be a strictly vodka guy ‘cause you can’t taste it as much but i’ve been dabbling in the world of tequila . “ he had a feeling that’s not the question she was trying to ask but he wasn’t sure what it was she was exactly asking .
after a full night of studying for an upcoming test, eli began dozing off. it was only when he felt his head touching cassidy’s shoulder did he straighten up. “shit, i really some sleep.” he said rubbing at his eyes.
working on a few things on his laptop , cassidy was typing away until he felt elijah’s head touch his shoulder causing him to look over . seeing as eli shot up . “ i’d suggest that’s a good idea . either that or now is the perfect time to down a five hour energy or something . “ he laughed a little , “ what’s got you staying up all hours of the night ? “
the room was pretty busy , the second year fashion students all showcasing their designs around the room for people to come and view . winter was coming and the next project was scheduled to begin , it had been a pretty uneventful evening for her , teachers praising her work and others stopping for short conversations . she was adjusting one of the jackets on the mannequins , gaze floating up to see a familiar face , heart beating in her chest , “ oh , uh hi , ” she stumbles with a small awkward smile , knowing that she hadn’t asked him to come , a recent conversation swilling around in her brain . she can feel her cheeks heating up as she averts her eyes , “ you didn’t have to come , you know . i - you didn’t have to come and look . ”
cassidy had heard about the fashion showcase . he didn’t pay attention to much but he knew about the showcase and he wanted to go . obviously , the reason he wanted to go was because of cecilya . he wanted to stop by and support his best friend , she’d do the same for him if there was some kind of showcase or show where he performed his music or even did something via soundboards . he didn’t expect an invite or anything like that , sorta of excited to be able to surprise her by showing up . but he was also curious as to why she hadn’t mentioned it but that was besides the point as he walked in and looked for cecilya . spotting her , he walked over , a smile crossing over his features as he looked at her . as soon as she started speaking cassidy could tell something was different , he just couldn’t place it yet . “ i didn’t have to , no , “ he began , “ but i wanted to . “ looking over at the mannequin she had just finished fixing up , he looked at her once again . “ it looks great by the way . i mean , i’m not the greatest when it comes to fashion but if it counts for anything i’m pretty sure your designs are better than everyone else’s . “ he laughed a little , his eyes searching her for a second , still trying to put his finger on what felt different about her in that moment . “ you good ? nervous ? “ cass questioned , unsure if it was the show making her a little different .
Teddy felt as if he had been drifting away from a number of people during his time on the ship, and he wanted to try to rekindle some of his old friendships. For the time being, the brunette had decided to kick his feet up in the student lounge, making himself comfortable and calm in the communal room that was shared by all of the other students onboard. Teddy hadn’t been paying attention to who was entering and exiting the student lounge until he recognised a familiar face. “Cass, my boy!” he said. “Why does it feel like we haven’t seen each other in a long time?” he wondered. Teddy had taken a step back from everyone without realizing. He had been feeling loner, so wanted to rekindle some friendships that he had. “Hows things been for you as of lately, bro?”
( @ofsilvas)
cassidy was also at fault when it came to not keeping in the closest contact with some of his friends . so much had happened in what seemed like such a short span of time . he started to lose track of not only all the things going on in his life but also maintaining some of his relationships . when seeing teddy , cassidy walked over and sat in the chair across from him . setting down his laptop , which he’d brought to work on a few things for his classes but since teddy was there it was the perfect excuse to keep that hand dandy laptop completely locked down and closed . “ hey man , “ cass said , a smile crossing over his features . “ probably ‘cause it really has been a hot second . i feel like i missed so much . like for instance , you and fable ? “ he heard bits and pieces around . “ as for me , i just been trying to have a good time . you know me , here for a good time , not a long time . “ the brunette joked .
" my roommate back home subscribed to that discovery tv thing and i been watching shows from the ID channel all day on my phone . a day full or productivity . “ he joked , “ i need a distraction before my mind turns to mush or i start thinking i’m a detective by proxy . “
