The only real equivalent Marvel has to Bruce Wayne is Logan, no it does not matter that he isn’t a billionaire, this is my hill, I will die on it.
Fact the first: Both are socially inept jackasses who insist this is proof they are meant to be alone. When alone, they sit in their Feels and cry because they don’t actually want to be alone.
Fact the second: Both are under the impression that unattended children are like Pokemon, and you gotta catch ‘em all.
Fact the third: Both make shadowy government agencies swoon with the desire to follow them around and collect their blood spatters to turn into clones. Kidnapping is also occasionally on the table.
Fact the fourth: Both are sometimes surprisingly good at parenting and other times absolutely the worst at parenting. There is no in between.
Fact the fifth: Both staunchly insist they are not team players. Both are also on an average of 12.5 teams at any given moment.
Fact the sixth: Both are the best there is at what they do. Both really really really never get tired of reminding everyone that they are the best there is at what they do.
Fact the seventh: Both are completely incapable of determining if their teammate (Clark Kent, Scott Summers) is their best friend, worst enemy, rival, love interest, or occasionally all of the above. Sometimes this leads to being the center point of an isosceles love triangle, and with it usually mistaken as having Diana Prince or Jean Grey as the center point of said isosceles love triangle. Diana Prince and Jean Grey are never the center point of said isosceles love triangle.
Fact the eighth: Both have at least (1) over-achieving, perfectionist and precocious child or child surrogate who was already glued to them at the hip when they probably should have been watching Saturday morning cartoons still instead (Dick Grayson, Kitty Pryde), (1) brooding, misunderstood bad boy child who they do not have good relationships with on account of All The Murder (Jason Todd, Daken), (1) undersized, underestimated ball of jaded cynicism with the potential to Destroy Civilization should said cynicism ever evolve all the way into jaded nihilism, hence it is highly recommended that they not be left alone to their own devices (Tim Drake, Jubilation Lee), (1) exceptionally talented Warrior Child who takes after them in most ways, including their claims to be too brooding/solitary/dangerous to have friends, but who actually collect friends and allies like they’re a supermagnet dragging all things iron into their sphere (Cassandra Cain, Laura Kinney), (1) Smol and Adorable Murder Child who really should be kept away from all things with stabbing potential, but whom it is equally impossible to keep away from all things with stabbing potential (Damian, Gabby), and (1) Shiny New Child who likes to claim they don’t know what they’re doing here, two seconds before turning the dial up to eleven like this is Spinal Tap and they try and catch up to their siblings’ scores in the game of Wtf Why Would Anyone Think That Was A Good Idea in a span of 24 hours or less (Duke Thomas, Jimmy Hudson).
Fact the ninth: Both have never met a romantic interest who hasn’t tried to kill them or at least seriously considered trying to kill them at least once. Yes, this includes Clark Kent and Scott Summers. In defense of their love interests, said love interests are usually extremely Valid for these attempts.
Fact the tenth: Both have at least one ruthless, relentless and implacable enemy who is either their brother or long-time friend who’s completely obsessed with them, depending on which dimension they’re in or just like, which day of the week it is (Lincoln March, Owlman, Hush, Sabretooth, Dog. Yes, Logan has a brother named Dog, you can look it up, I couldn’t make this up if I tried.)
Fact the eleventh: Both would really like to be excluded from all narratives including the originators of ancient cults or secret societies with ties to their fursonas (Barbatos, Romulus).
Fact the twelfth: Both would really like their children and colleagues to stop referring to them as having fursonas.
Fact the thirteenth: Both are convinced they are the last line of defense should their colleagues, friends and families ever go mad with power and need to be taken down. The families, friends and colleagues of both would really like them to get over themselves and stop milking this as an excuse to avoid all social gatherings and/or fun, for they have all already lived through five versions of that scenario by now and no longer care.
Fact the fourteenth: Both would really like time travel and time travelers to leave them alone, they are old and they are tired.
Fact the fifteenth: Time travel and time travelers will never ever leave them alone.
jacobvanloon
blakekathryn
theartofmadeline
