The 'tumblr gets deep' collection @ohforsomebodyssake - Tumblr Blog

I just used the line “that’s not an asshole move, it’s a whole asshole ballet” and I’m kinda proud of it so it’s going here where it will get the recognition it deserves.

tealdearest

A pas de douche, if you will

wetwareproblem

All right, the rest of you can go home, this one wins.

krixwell

Tags courtesy of @neuxue:

endbittersweet

a friend of mine tried to sell his soul on ebay and the starter price was $10 and people were bidding on it but before anything happened ebay took it down and sent him an email explaining that if he was selling a soul that didn’t actually exist then it was against their policy and if he was selling a real soul then that is a human body part and it is also against their policy

arawol

tag by @ilthit

slutforwings

had a customer ask me ‘do you have any cookbooks for men’ and i think the saddest part was that we did

the-suburban-craft

chirmartir

CH

rederiswrites

Okay two things

1) every time I see something like this, or photos of wild unrealistic landscapes that really exist, or spectacular architecture, whatever it is, I think again that when we write fantasy, we NERF REALITY. That is, here’s some dude with a special interest and a brain that somehow lacks basic self preservation mechanisms, and he’s out here looking like a super hero. Regular humans are capable of things we seem super human. Real landscapes are more fantastical than our fantasies. Reality is more fantastical than our fantasies.

2) how the fuck did he not kick out any windows that’s the most impressive part of the whole video.

jackhawksmoor

this man is his own zombie apocalypse team, adding anyone else would just slow him down

rj-abacura

So as someone who used to teach parkour back in the day, this dude isn’t just talented. His technique is amazing.

It’s not just about not kicking out windows. Controlling how you land is about shock absorption, about minimizing the strain on your joints. It also makes you quieter when you move. A good landing should be as silent as possible, because loud landings hurt. That’s the foundation of everything else you do in parkour. So by the time you’re climbing buildings, if you’re breaking windows it means you don’t have enough control to land safely and it’s time to go back to your ground basics.

dnd-homebrew5e

Be the rogue you want to see in the world.

lefthandedkaos

@theoutcastrogue

awed-frog

Yeah so this is the guy who tests the Ninja Warrior stuff. He’s like an Olympian of parkour, that’s why this looks so good.

keepcalmandcarriefischer

I’d love to see a version of Julius Caesar where he takes the beware the Ides of March warning seriously like “oh shit. good heads up man thanks” and he goes into it with his own knife. He calms down a bit when he see’s all his best friends like “yea, the squad is here and everyone is strapped. nice”

nylaporp

I don’t know why this is making me laugh so hard

keepcalmandcarriefischer

Because I am very funny

apriki

A few fragrance reviews from Perfumes: The Guide (2008 and 2018 editions), Luca Turin and Tania Sanchez

guerrillatech

Amazing

finnwolfhards

this is superior humor

housmania

Tip: This Valentine’s Day, don’t be romantic. Be Romantic! Recite Lord Byron on the edge of a barren cliff! Feel the gusts of the thunderstorm blow through your hair as you sob! Become a reclusive poet who trusts no one and is only seen at 2 am, wandering half-dressed through the streets and muttering in Old High German! Drown your lonely heart in laudanum and die at age 34 of tuberculosis, martyrdom in a small and ill-fated revolution, or wasting away from a disease that makes you look wan but poetic! Forget “forever alone”: You’ll always have your haunting past, your wasted ambitions, and the melancholy of a life unlived to keep you company!

thvndermag-deactivated20200419

www.instagram.com/ondrejzunka

randomencounters

Encounter: a Tutchi-Fili, a curious but largely harmless aberration that enjoys collecting rare and exotic textures. If threatened or startled, it defends itself by making a grapple attack and delivering an attack as Vampiric Touch, except instead of necrotic damage it deals Psychic. It can also use Cleansing Touch on itself or others.

gallusrostromegalus

It’s the saxophone music that really makes this.

somecutething

Too much of a chonk to be able to balance her back legs too 😂😂

penguin-and-kiwi

As long as she feels graceful

everythingfox

“Human tests are no match for cats (1 inch = 2.5cm).”

(Source)

wiselwisel

cydonianmystery-deactivated-dea

N U N R A V E

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

BLESS THIS MOSH PIT

debonairbexar-deactivated202108

“Drop the blessed bass sister Mary Bethel!”

weallneedsomethingtobelievein

I’m not gonna lie, this made my night.

mactiir

Shoulda realized I had adhd that time I misplaced a two-ton vehicle and didn’t realize for 48 hours

mactiir

How to activate executive dysfunction in twenty easy steps:

-be in college

-drive to cafe to do homework, stay for a while

-i can’t park at the university b/c parking passes are like 300 dollars, so i leave my car where it is and walk to a building on campus for a meeting. this is important. normally I walk to and from campus

-heyimoncampus.jpeg

-it’s been 2 hours so by now the car has ceased to exist until I need it again

-walk home

-life as usual for a few days, I don’t need my car during the week so i don’t notice it’s not where it’s supposed to be

-Saturday. I pack up to drive to see my folks. Got all my stuff in a backpack and i’m ready to go

-go to parking spot

- Dude Where’s My Car (2000)

-holyfucksomebodystoleitwhostolemycar– waitasecond

-long term memory… loading. loading.

-oh shit it’s 2 miles away I left it at the cafe on Thursday

- “who stole my car” me. i did. i stole my own car. from myself

-basically jog back across campus to get there as fast as possible because it’s not like i left it in a rando parking lot for two days already and the 5 minutes i save by exhausting myself will totally make a difference

-holy shit i hope it’s still there

-it is. the god of forgetful assholes was smiling down on me because i don’t even have a parking ticket even though i’m right under a “no overnight parking” sign

- this car had a 50/50 shot of actually turning over on any given day because it guzzled through batteries like some people guzzle la croix so by now i’m freaking out b/c i have no idea what to do if it doesn’t start

-god of faulty car batteries is smiling too

-i am halfway to driving to my parents when i realize i forgot my backpack at home

-somehow it takes five years before anyone suspects i have adhd

-the end