sword hell @okitagumi - Tumblr Blog

guys i dyed my hair

#well my friend did but yeah #i love itttttt im literally showing everyone rn #hair

maidthings

as long as the united states exists there will be no peace on earth

penandinkprincess

parenting commitment level 3000

penandinkprincess

apparently a requirement for working at poison control is a talent for stand-up comedy

carolsturka

you have to be in a certain specific mood to listen to classic rock because sometimes a guy is playing his guitar and you're just like shut the fuck up man

sunflowerlovergirl

hatesaltrat

The road to the childrens’ hospital

@swedishfalcon-actual

enchantingsorceress

I hope this joke outlives the context that made it, leaving future generations baffled.

swedishjazz

inthefallofasparrow

ceausescue

i think this is probably true of every office, but there's a middle aged woman working in business who doesn't hold any particular place in the chain of command but is Sovereign. i was running support and she has access to more secure network drives than i do. im pretty sure she has an admin account. i was having trouble with my parking pass and my boss just said to talk to kristen- one day later i had parking in any garage on campus. she's not even in charge of parking in our building

maniculum

This is also true of academia. In pretty much any department of the university — in my experience at least — there’s a person with a small-but-private office and an unassuming title (probably including a word like “secretary” or “assistant”), usually an older woman, and she actually runs the place. Faculty defer to her; department heads come and go, but Jill has been there for thirty years and knows how everything works, and she’s the person you go to if you want to get anything done. You’ll know her because when a professor directs you to her they won’t say “you need to talk to the Office of So-and-So because this falls under their purview”, but “you need to talk to Jill.” Her official job title is basically irrelevant because her actual role is acting as eminence grise for this whole operation.

I’ve personally had the experience where my advisor told me “you should do such-and-such certification, go talk to Jill,” and I went to talk to Jill & she said “actually you can’t do such-and-such because XYZ,” so I went back to my advisor to relay this, and he just kind of shrugged and was like, “well if Jill says no, then it can’t be done” and that was the end of it. Complete veto power, no higher authority to turn to, because the only reason Jill can’t do something is if it’s literally impossible.

Honestly there’s probably a whole dissertation about invisible labor and gender dynamics in there waiting to be written.

royalblueghost

When I am elected president I will institute a law saying that anyone with a net worth over 50 million must, at their own expense, employ a Jester. They must feed, clothe, and house the Jester according to the Jesters wishes, may not fire the Jester, and may not retaliate against the Jester, as the Jester will have Jesters Privileges.

One must spend at least three hours per day on the company of your Jester, and allow the Jester access to your quarterly reports.

The Jesters will be chosen by voluntary lottery. Jesters will be regularly interviewed to make sure they have not become Lackeys.

This law will prevent rich folk from being surrounded with vapid yes-men. A lot of problems with the world right now are happening becuse rich and powerful men don’t have anybody on hand to say “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

demilypyro

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off