Friendly reminder that mental illness is not an excuse for abuse or to be a terrible person. Ever.
If your partner has depression and uses it to force you to carry their weight, it is not okay. There is a difference between depression and abject refusal to care for themselves. I know we watch movies and TV shows and see posts all over that glorify taking care of your chronically depressed partner, unfaltering and ever understanding, there to make sure they shower and cleaning up after them and feeding them as they lay helpless. Regardless of your mental health, you’re supposed to care for them without a second thought and NO.
You are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to call your partner out for hurting you, and you are NOT responsible for regulating their emotions and yours. You are not responsible for handling their responsibilities 100% of the time. You are not responsible for forcing a person with actual access to resources (I fully understand that some folks cannot seek treatment) to access those resources. Your partner is not allowed to belittle or shame you for you showing symptoms of mental illness when they expect no commentary or criticism when they exhibit the same symptoms. Your partner is not allowed to use mental illness as an excuse for bad behavior while criticizing you for even showing a symptom, god forbid it leads to bad behavior.
You are not an emotional punching bag put on this earth to absorb every sadistic blow your partner throws.
If your partner doesn’t allow you to vent without making it about them, that is not okay. If your partner brings in a third party to try to force you to accept their bad behavior on the grounds that your partner has a mental illness, that is not okay.If your partner shuts you out for perceived slights, that is not okay. If your partner refuses to take responsibility for themselves and instead blames mental illness or you, that is not okay, and it is not solely the mental illness causing them to behave that way. Even if your partner has a mental illness that can cause negative reactions to rejection or negative responses, it is not your job to make sure you never feel a WHOLE PORTION OF THE EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM because it may bug your partner. Your partner is absolutely responsible for learning self regulation.
If you try to talk to your partner about an issue and they fly high and to the right to make you the aggressor, the bully, the attacker, that is not fucking okay.
If you find yourself tucking away any of your negative feelings, regardless of their source, to avoid hurting your partner, then that is not okay.
If your partner is using mental illness as an excuse to violate your boundaries, to try and make you behave in ways that make you uncomfortable, OR TO OUTRIGHT DISREGARD CONSENT, THAT. IS. NOT. OKAY.
No is no, even if your partner has a mental illness.
If your partner threatens suicide if you upset them or try to leave, that is not okay
Your partner forcing you to accept bad behavior because of their mental illness rather than working to make the relationship better for both of you is abuse.
I am not saying dating with a mental illness is abuse. I am saying that using a diagnosis to control another person is abusive. Another person is not obligated to do what you want them to do and tolerate what you want them to because you have a mental illness. People are allowed to have boundaries, and no one is allowed to cross them. Mental illness is not an excuse to
You are allowed to take a break from or even leave partners who are detrimental to your mental health. You are allowed to take care of yourself. You are not wrong for taking a step back for your own sake.
No one is allowed to make you stay because the other person needs a punching bag.
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