There were a lot of things I wish I had the courage to have said to you. There were so many worries that swam around in my mind that I ignored because I thought that I loved you. There were so many Red Flags that passed my mind, but looked away because our relationship was new. Three months have come and gone, and I no longer have the fear to say what I want to say anymore.
I want to be left alone. I wish you would keep my name out of of your mouth and leave me the fuck alone. There were so many things within the start and end of our relationship that I shouldāve broke up with you sooner.
The first day we met, you asked me to be your girlfriend. In front of all of my friends. Making me feel as though I couldnāt say no to you. Even though we have only been talking for two months at the time. Making me feel as though I couldnāt say no to you. Throughout our entire relationship it felt as though I was on a fucking rollercoaster, with how fast we were moving along. I spoke up multiple times to you, worried about how fast we were moving and you ignored me. You were even looking for rings on during the 2 month mark in our relationship! Does that no sound insane to you? You even wanted to push my sexual boundaries and wanted me to shower with you, when I told you that I was uncomfortable, and that I wasnāt ready for anything.
Iām 21 years old, in college, still experiencing life and wanting to go out and be social with my friends. I enjoy drinking with them and getting high when I have the free time. I would always update you throughout the night, which isnāt and wasnāt an issue for me. Yet you would go directly to my best friend and tell her that you disliked me getting high and disliked the fact that I would drink with them. I rarely get high with my school schedule already, so I never understood what the problem was. The problem I have with this though, was the fact that you spoke to my best friend about this and not me. The girl you were in a whole ass relationship with. Also the fact that
The fact that I completely ignored the fact that you told me that you used to emotionally (maybe even physically) abused you ex in the past. And what because youāre friends NOW, means youāve grown past that and became a better person out of it?? You didnāt!! You tried to guilt trip me into staying with you when I was trying to break up with you!! You even began to victimize yourself in this entire situation and Iām so sick of it!! Youāre spreading complete and utter lies to people to make yourself out to be the victim!! You want to be a victim within our past relationship so fucking bad itās pathetic!! When retelling how you treated your ex, you made yourself out to be a victim then too!! Now youāre doing the same thing with me!!
Anytime I would try to communicate a problem I noticed within our relationship, you always thought I was going to break up with you. So you would cry and cry, never actually addressing my worries. Itās crazy that you are older than me and I acted as the more mature adult in those situations. And right before I broke up with you, I called you to tell you about some problems that would come up in our relationship due to my schedule with school and extra activities that I wanted to do. I told you my feelings, stating that I didnāt want to break up with you at all and wanted to work things out, but ultimately gave you the decision for an out if you werenāt okay with that. You said you wanted things to work and I said that I was glad we were on the same page. Out of no where you started crying and getting mad at me for even mentioning my worries and telling you these things, and to make matters worse, you made a ājokeā that threw my trauma back into my face!! Comparing me to the man that SAād me when I was 17!! Saying āoh you better not become you ex and break up with me on our 4 month anniversary.ā I told you my trauma out of trust and respect for our relationship and you fucking threw that back at me!! You knew that break-up was traumatic to me!! I told you how that break-up not only affected me but my entire family!! And yet you still made that joke!! I woke up the next day retelling what you said to my best friend and had a fucking melt down and panic attack because of it. I saw you in a completely different light because of it. I didnāt see you the same and all my trust for you went out the fucking window.
Since the breakup, Iāve kept my peace. Iāve kept my silence. Except you constantly and consistently keep posting about me and talking about me as if you KNOW ME?? I only knew you for 4 months and dated you for 2??? You barely even knew me?? And not only that but you thought it would be a great fucking idea to post on Tumblr, airing out all of my fucking trauma to strangers on the internet, and not think for a second that I wouldnāt see that shit?? Are you insane?? You broke my trust yet again doing that shit!! Everything I told you was out of trust and you yet again thee that back in my face!! You told the internet all of the details of shit not even my best friend new about!! You told the internet my sexual history, and you didnāt think for a second that I would be okay with that?? If you want to write about our relationship and cry, then please by all means do so, but for the love of all things within the universe, do so in a fucking diary or on the notes app on your phone. I feel like this is obvious.
And you still think youāre a victim?
All I want is for the both of us to move on and I just want to be left alone. Iām tired of seeing you lie and lie again about our relationship over and over again. Iām tired of you lying about me, and painting me to be a villain in your story. Whether you believe it or not I did truly love you. I ignored all the red flags and signs because I believed I loved you. Also I donāt hate you, I very much dislike you.
When you hurt someone who has been hurt before it gets tiring, and you can no longer can stand the things that you would normally just ignore and move on.
Well I realize that I didnāt want to settle for someone who would hurt me the way you did. I didnāt want to settle for someone who wouldnāt have difficult conversations about problems that arose within our relationship. I didnāt want to settle for someone who tried to push past my boundaries. I didnāt want to settle for someone who would throw my trauma back in my face over and over again to manipulate me to getting back together with them. I didnāt want to settle with someone who broke my trust. I no longer want to settle for someone who doesnāt meet my expectations for a relationship that I want.
Iām sorry for not saying these things sooner, but I was trying to be the bigger person and move on. Iām tired on staying silent and Iām tired of not being able to defend myself.
Leave me alone and keep my name out of you mouth.
I hope you get the help that you so desperately need before you ruin your current and future relationships.
Have a nice life
Lmao is it to late to repost this? āļøš letās just say Iām 24 now and want to reclaim my truth for funziesš„“š§āØ itās crazy how time flies, you grow older and forget the shit thatās happened to youā¦ gaslighting and manipulation is real yallā¦ I hope your new girl is prepared lmaoāļøš isnāt she #3 and I ooopš teaā¦ anywaysā¦.
