contract lizard (seeking hire)

cell • they/it/he • eel enthusiast 😳 artblog is @plentyeels

[smeared1992]

you used to be able to get a job just by circling a listing in a newspaper in red pen

[vedurnan-archive]

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

“It's just a small handful of ibuprofen, and it will help the words fade away."

[galaxywarp]

[bunniope]

performing the "u-turn of blowjobs" because i do a little bit and run away and also it does bug type damage

[memorycycle]

20 billion percent of our budget has gone towards the millipede that gets nervous and crawls away

[elksewer]

oh oo ohhh ooo oh

[foreveriallyzombified]

i think i’m going to be straight now can a girl come on this post so i can practice i want to try to be straight today

[foreveriallyzombified]

i need a girl to come on to this post i need to try something

[quinndolyns-deactivated20220403]

ok. im come over.

[foreveriallyzombified]

heyyyy lol 😛 sooooooo *leans against the wall in a way that’s way way way way too close and you can smell my deer attractant and axe body spray combo* ummmm *blushes* *goes red*

[quinndolyns-deactivated20220403]

ok. whatever. *looks away from you, hornily*

[foreveriallyzombified]

*i panic and rip your face off*

[quinndolyns-deactivated20220403]

ummm.... ok... kind of weird... you are such a weird guy lol.... kind of funny tho... lol... can we kiss now. *i am unperturbed and my face is growing back slowly because i am immortal*

[foreveriallyzombified]

OOC: Godmodding. This is why i never RP with women

[quinndolyns-deactivated20220403]

OOC: Typical misogyny. And of course the mod team does nothing. This is why rpworld.zetaforums.net is failing. I’ll be taking me - and my FOURTY-SEVEN active RP threads - to roleplaydream.invisionfree.com. Thanks for nothing.

[foreveriallyzombified]

OOC: Have fun getting anyone to play with your shitty mary sue. Go back to fanfic

[thenightling]

What the fuck did I just read?  As a role player and a non-straight woman... I think I need a drink after reading this.  You are BOTH terrible role players, and neither of you are worthy of a good plot. 

[foreveriallyzombified]

*crawls towards you on all fours submissively hoping you don’t hurt me*

[wanderinsect]

🫩 no i don't think those characters are siblings i think they're friends. I don't think that's their mom I actually think she's their friend. I don't think they're related actually I think they're friends with each other.

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

Amoeba Leashes for sale

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

(talking to my forwards-facing buddy) strafe over here dude

[angelicguy]

These jeans fit me now, sure, but there's no way they'll fit me in my Lucario form. *hands the pair back to the exasperated Levi's attendant*

[worldmovingslow]

husband: I'm so glad we finally have our own place! You did such a great job decorating it, honey

fujo wife: Really? You don't think it's kind of...chintzy?

[annabelle--cane]

you know I think I WILL bet on myself for a change [is mysteriously losing dog shaped]

[fieldexplores]

Never Learned - Gator Days

[twenty-fourth-order-simulacra]

...the alt text?

[fullmetalwindbreaker]

canadian guy who’s only played bioshock, metro 2033, fallout 4, doom 2016, nier automata, dishonored, machinegames wolfenstein, dark souls, and prey 2017 upon seeing any other video game for the first time:

[egirlbutternubs]

Actually if you look at his username you’ll see he’s played at least one other game

[yswapy]

i released a spider in the kitchen +one in the bathroom, And, No more ants anymore Lol

my sentinels

[armoredprincess]

yknow, the kind of girl that makes you wish you were a perfect serpent *looks around expecting everyone to understand what I mean* yknow, a serpent? *looks around* perfect serpent?