Big Burgundy Lady

I am a robot superhero.

[peachcookie]

hot new tumblr discourse

put in the tags your opinions on wearing shoes in the house and why

[queenundomiel-blog]

[kyrafic]

“Never did like that much,” is a baller and superb way to express your irritation with the way the patriarchy refuses to acknowledge how badass you are.

[lisa-maxwell]

Word.

[johnskylar]

Before World War I, she shot a cigarette out of the mouth of the Kaiser of Germany at his request.

After the war started she sent him a letter asking for another chance, as she was afraid her aim might’ve been a little off.

[certified-p0ser]

Annie Fucking Oakley everyone

[catsbeaversandducks]

[notobadthings]

I knew what would happen and yet

[disgustinganimals]

What *can’t* we learn from looking to the wisdom of nature?

Here’s one

[astalkingirin]

The best part is that the cat’s first box was already too small. “I learned nothing and never will.”

[prokopetz]

Trainability in cats is a funny thing.

My cats understand and will obey a number of verbal commands, one of which is “go away”. I don’t use it often, but if they’re bugging me and I’m trying to work or doing something that could be dangerous for cats, I can tell them to go away, and off they go - they’ll only keep pestering me if there’s a serious problem they need me to look at.

That said, their idea of a serious problem that requires my attention is somewhat eccentric. Previous instances have included:

There was an unfamiliar car parked across the street

Their water bowl was four inches to the left of its usual position

One of them had puked on the stairs and they didn’t want to walk past it

It was raining

One of them saw a weird bug

[hollowedskin]

These are all very important things that required your attention. They’re doing a good job.

[blenderweaselhasopinions]

Dogs really aren’t much better.  I teach all my dogs the command “show me”.  How it works is if the dog needs something but I’m having trouble understanding what exactly they’re trying to tell me, I say “show me” and they lead me to whatever the problem is.  Usually they lead me to a real problem (like a toy that got stuck under the couch, their water bowl is empty, etc).  But sometimes they want me to fix things like this-

They pulled the covers off my bed and now they want me to put the covers back

They put their ball on top of the ottoman but the ottoman won’t throw it for them

The cat is sleeping and won’t chase them

A flower fell off the potted plant

The cat is sitting in a box and they don’t like it

One of them lost their bandana

The cat won’t take the toy they’re trying to give her

The cat DID take the toy they gave her and now they want it back

[eat-the-hell]

stealth

[eat-the-hell]

The best part about this is the amount of people that just now found out about how big Haunter really is

[king-turtle-of-shit-mountian]

[go-drink-the-kool-aid-deactivat]

For some of you guys who dont realise how large moose are

[dethgreetsmewarm]

Holy fuck! Dude, what the hell!!?

[go-drink-the-kool-aid-deactivat]

They big

[dethgreetsmewarm]

Is this why Canadians ride them into battle?

[go-drink-the-kool-aid-deactivat]

Yes. Its also why they apologise so much. The moose crash into everything

[cluegrrl]

That is one unconcerned mezozoic megafauna specimen. Ain’t give no fucks since the ice age, ain’t about to start again now, thumb-monkeys.

[cowboy-garfield]

Capitalized deer

[indiaincredible]

Step-wells in India by Victoria Lautman

[diseonfire]

So I clicked through and had a read of the story. It’s worth doing. Step-wells were used as a way to access water, which could fluctuate wildly between almost nothing in the dry season, to overflowing right to the top of the stairwells even, during the monsoon season. Constant pumping however, has dropped the water table, so most of these structures are no longer in use and are being used as rubbish dumps or just left to decay. Victoria Lautman (in 2015 at the time the article was written) has been going around India trying to photograph all of these structures before they disappear.

[thehotgirlproject]

These structures are not for the faint of knees

[kirkspocks]

odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”

[chromalogue]

Oðinn spake:

Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth, And bathed his count'nance fair. Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar, I found on the cold pavement While returning in glory | from a grand hunt For a 3 AM quesadilla.

[baegishjalmur]

@damn-fuck-i-burnt-myself-again

[systlin]

I need this framed on my wall it’s so beautiful. 

[retro-minty]

@theshitpostcalligrapher

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

ay @systlin hmu

[bold-sartorial-statement]

@systlin

My husband complained that this was more Shakespeare than Eddas, and I challenged him to do better.

Solen sken, skönt gyllene

Dagen Tor föddes

På trottoaren, vid Taco Bell

Där låg Loke

—KJN

My translation:

The sun shone, sweet golden

The day of Tor’s birth

On the tarmac, by Taco Bell

There lay Loki

(For poetry reasons, Thor needs the Swedish spelling.)

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

@bold-sartorial-statement

ay yo show ur husband 

[andersonsallpurpose]

@bold-sartorial-statement no but hang on this should be in runes: 

(oops spot the typos)

[svampurinn]

i wanna translate this into icelandic so imma do it 

Sólin skein, björt og gullin við fæðingu Þórs á stígnum við Taco Bell Þar lá Loki

[books-and-candy-ples]

The amount of quality going into these shitposts is amazing

[rembrandtswife]

This is not shitposting, this is transformative work!

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

so fun fact yall. A certain someone splurged out the cash to get this remastered with illumination, what do yall think?

[sapphic-matriarchy]

someday archeologists are gonna find this. 

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

which is why i made things like the soft taco just as detailed as the emblems of thor (goat, hammer, rune) and loki (Baldersbrow holding back the fenriswolf, Jörmungandr, rune) 

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

for those asking for print status, lo it is done

[prokopetz]

Concept: one of those cliché angel/demon romances, except the demon is the stuffy, orthodox one and the angel is like “hold my beer”.

[queerical]

#demon: youre SUPPOSED to be a background influence!! no one is supposed to see you!!! youre not supposed to leave any sign of ur presence!#angel *sneezes and twenty feathers drift to the ground*: lmao im gonna cure this chicks blindness and make that guy rethink his life choices (via @andsotheuniverseended)

[controlledapocalypse]

demon: *sits there drawing up a long contract for a lawyer’s human soul, working out the loopholes because lawyers are sneaky* angel: i think that dude is on lsd lmao i’m gonna go talk to him in my true form demon: don’t you have burning wings and a thousand eyes or something angel: haha ye deom: *long sigh*

[tamascotchi-deactivated20190101]

oh my god i'm cleaning out my desk and i found my first phone

it was a fucking house phone that i was so stoked to have because it was mine that i kept in my own room and i cannot believe technology has progressed at the speed of FUCKING light to the point where this is a hilarious artifact to have had in like 6th grade and now theres kindergarteners with iphones

[princess-peridot]

How did you know if you dialed the right number

[tamascotchi-deactivated20190101]

each button made a different tone so the numbers you dialed a lot became a subconscious melody in your head and if you hit the wrong button by accident it would sound like a wrong note in a song you know by heart

[teaboot]

i can’t beleive that is a legitimate question in my lifetime

[notevensneaky]

Other acceptable answer: the wrong person answers on the other end.

[propitlikeithot]

Another acceptable answer: the robot lady comes on the phone and tells you number doesn’t exist.

[aaronsmithtumbler]

Older forms of English kept Latin’s gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix;  tor is for men and trix is for women. So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix.

This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.

[val-ritz]

YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE

[yasakajinjya]

[yournewfriendshouse]

cat stack! cat stack! cat stack!

[setheverman]

when you’re a romantic pianist but also a gamer

[doublepunishedtradchad-deactiva]

[scribbledwriting]

Rereading an awesome scene you worked really hard on:

[weirdmageddon]

girls night girls night girls night

[yukulele-deactivated20190729]

this is my house but when artie does it he falls asleep all stretched out like he dead and i keep nudging him to make sure he’s alive

[thenatsdorf]

Timelapse of maine coon growing up. [source]

[daco-broman]

he dancin