Identification
There's a friend of mine who I have come to identify with a lot...he goes through a lot of the same issues I go through...depression...anxiety...
I get so irrationally jealous when my friend spends time with others, and it feels like he doesn't care. He gets irrationally jealous when his friend spends time with others, and he feels like he's mad at him or doesn't care about him.
And people are complaining and complaining about him, like, "Oh, Chris* is having a crisis again" or "Is Chris having a breakdown again?" or "Chris is being stupid and only wants attention."
(*name changed)
And today I realized like.
People need to stop. It's not okay.
I felt really bad. All I could think of is that's the last thing I want people to do to me, talk about my problems to other people and complain that I go through them.
So what if he experiences the same shit over and over? He has clinical paranoia and depression. It's a thing. It's a process. I know how it feels to ruminate over something, or have one idea in my head and not be able to reason with it. That's what I've been struggling with forever.
My closest friend is going through some issues, too. But I don't think, oh god, he's talking about not being loved again, he needs to shut up...I feel bad and feel concerned. As a person with obsessions or anxiety or depression, we tend to worry and complain about the same things...I know. I do that.
And today he came into the dining hall with a bandage on his arm. I'm afraid he's self harming. He's obviously doing it in a way to gain some attention, but whether or not he's doing it for attention or not, it's still self harm and still a problem. People were complaining about that and saying that he's overreacting.
Yes, he's overreacting.
But he can't help it.
I hate that people complain about the way he thinks.
I sent him a text. I don't know him super well, but I told him that I have come to identify with him on more than one level, and that I empathize with him and know what he's going through. I told him that because of that, I'd be willing to listen to him if he ever needs anyone to talk to. Because I know how it feels, and I know the feeling of being left out or feeling like you have no one to talk to because you don't want to be a burden.
And it made him happy. He appreciated it. And I opened a door for him and myself. Maybe we'll talk more. I like him a lot, I think he has a lot to offer. People are just being turned away by his personality.
Because a new good friend of mine who has become like an older brother simply said to me, "if you ever need help, I'll be there. It isn't a burden for me to help those who I really care about, but an honor." Just that little text completely made my day and changed a lot. No one had ever said that to me before. To most people, I feel like a burden. Even to my best friend, I feel like a burden now. He said that it's hard sometimes because he knows he's my closest friend, and it's hard for me to talk to him about my problems all the time. To me it felt condescending, partially true, but also made me feel like a burden. I feel like I can't go to him with my issues because he doesn't like talking about emotions, he has his own issues, and I don't want to bother him.
I thought he just needed to hear that. He was really happy to receive it. My close friend said I'm very kind..but I actually did mean everything I said.













