really?

adult, he/him ✖️ not real ✖️ not valid - I bitch about shit in the DID community - take everything with a grain of salt

[onesaltybastard]

Everyone who says some variation of “Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder” has to pay me $5.

That shit’s been outdated for years and the longer people keep dragging it out of its grave and dusting it off when they talk about DID, the longer the stigma surrounding it will haunt DID.

People don’t say “Tuberculosis, formerly known as Consumption.” If you know it’s called DID, just call it DID.

[onesaltybastard]

The irony of yelling at someone to be more socially sensitive is not lost on me. The difference is I'm not trying to sell that my shitty behavior is meant to help people like them. I'm yelling for me, I don't give a shit what they get out of it. They could flat out ignore me (advisable, honestly) and I'd be just dandy.

But most likely they're going to fire back with a "but I'm a system too so it's okay" and I'm going to roll my eyes out of my skull and that'll be the end of it.

[didxosdd-follower-deactivated20]

I’m doing student’s survey research around the world - please help me! it’s very important because it’s for improving relationships of the systems in the future

*it’s about relationships either between two system or system and a singlet (person without DID or OSDD) who knows about you being a system - can be a relationship that ended and relationship that you are still in - doesn’t matter but it has to be at least 3+ months long (if not then mention about it at the beginning or end of the survey, thank you)

*if you had more than one relationship like this please add numbers or nicknames etc to particular [ex] partners

*please write experiences of all alters - not body/system as whole, thanks

*you can send it anonymously to me if you are afraid of reblogging or sending a survey over under your tumblr name - it’s ok!

Did you know about you/them/both of you being a system before entering the relationship or found out later? When? How? How did finding out affected the relationship? Especially if you were engaged or married already or even had kids.

How old any of you are/were? If you have a different age than the body or are an age slider give me the age you are/were at the time or most of the time. Did any of the alters change their age during relationship? Why? Are/were any alters underage that got involved into the relationship by any sides? Are/were their partners also underage?

How many relationships between specific alters there are/were if your partner isn’t/wasn’t a singlet? Are/were there poly relationships? Tell me more about them if possible (how they worked - how many alters in one and such)

What gender/sex and orientation most of your alters have? What is/was your partner orientation and gender/sex? Did anyone change gender/sex/orientation on both sides? Why? Were they forced?

Was anyone forced to have sex with another? Were there accidental switches/fronts during sex that got out of control? What was yours/their reaction during and after?

How sex affect[ed] your relationship?

Are/were any alters sexually traumatised that no longer are?

Tell me more about your sexual alters/protectors - are they involved with all sexual activities? If not - why? Any other alters having sex?

How both sides treated alters that aren’t/weren’t involved in relationship[s]? How they were reacting?

Were there any kids that were kids of your partner somehow? Either treated by your partner like their baby or “adopted”? What about you, any adopted kids, if your partner is/was a system? How about other littles? How they treated your partner and if they are/were theirs - how do/did they treat[ed] you?

Did any of the sides had splits because of the relationship? Why? Who are they? Tell me more about it.

Did your partner help you anyhow in finding out about your system or your traumas (or anything else you are thankful for)? Did they cause new traumas? If yes - what kind and how if you don’t mind me asking?

Did any of your or your partner’s alters had relationship within your/their system and how it affected both of you?

If you broke up - what caused it? What was too much or not enough in a relationship? What do you need/want from another relationship? How your new relationship is any better if you are in one? Do you even want a relationship? If yes then with a system or a singlet? What do you blame your ex or current partner for? What do you want to change in a relationship if you are in one right now?

If you broke up - how differently your alters reacted to that event? How do they cope now? How did they behaved if you entered a new relationship?

How your ex partner behaved after your relationship ended? Especially if they are also a system - how did their alters felt/acted? What did they blame you for if anything? Show me your perspective on their opinions.

If you did something (or do) in a relationship you aren’t proud of - what would you do differently next time or to fix that? What do you regret of doing wrong?

If you have or had issues in a relationship - how do you try to find a compromise, fix things, understand another’s perspective etc? Share your tips.

Is/was your partner ill besides DID/OSDD? Are you? What is affecting your mental and physical health?

What would you want to tell to you ex or current partner (try not to skip that) or hear from them?

*if you can - tell me what kind of trauma caused you having DID/OSDD in the first place between the age of 1-5

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME!

if you want to add any other informations or questions you didn’t see in here - feel free to pm me :)

if you need someone to talk - also welcome

[onesaltybastard]

Congratulations, you're the unlucky fucker who woke this bastard up from a long nap inside our brain.

I'm not going to pick apart every single thing that's fucked up with this post, but here's a rundown of the most glaring issues:

How fucking dare you claim this bullshit is to ~help systems~ when you can't even be bothered to treat our community with care? Tag for obvious triggers like sex and rape (because that's what forcing an alter to have sex is, genius), or are you too oblivious to know that MANY people with DID/OSDD have sexual trauma in their history and maybe you should be sensitive to that? Hm?

Also, it's absolutely fucked to demand that people answer with perspectives from specific alters rather than a more integrated perspective. Yeah, fuck people who are taking a stab at owning their experiences! Strict lines between alters' experiences only!

And jesus fucking christ, the first rule of interacting with people who have DID/OSDD is that you do not, under any circumstance, ask them about their formative trauma! If they offer to tell you that's one thing, but the absolute audacity of asking in a little footnote for someone to speak to what trauma fragmented their mind as a child--

No, you know what, that's my biggest issue with this post in its entirety. It smacks of someone getting off on the sexual relations, trauma, and relationship struggles of people with DID/OSDD. It's voyeuristic and disgusting. You're not looking to help systems. You're throwing a bunch of triggering, shitty questions into our tags with zero regard for us, under the guise that you're trying to "help" and not be some vulture picking over the painful experiences of people with DID/OSDD.

There's your fucking feedback. Get lost.

[onesaltybastard]

[chaotic-stack-o-pancakes]

If you've been active in the DiD/OSDD community, you've probably heard "my alters", or variations of the sort such as "my little" or "my persecutor" floating around there.

But please, for the love if everything that is holy, stop.

Your alters don't belong to you, you don't have possession of them. You don't own them.

So why do people say "my alters" then? I'll go over some common reasons here:

"I use "alter" like the word "friend" or "sibling"

I can get behind viewing your system as a family. We kinda did that too in order to make the idea of being multiple a bit easier to accept, but the word "alter" isn't a status that someone can have, it's something unique to DiD and OSDD (as far as I know). Saying they're yours is saying you own them, but they're still their own people.

"I'm the host, so they are "my" alters"

No, you're an alter too. The host is an alter, the host is a role in the system that can also be changed. You are not above the alters in your system because you're the host. You and the alters in your system ad equal, regardless of how often one fronts. A host is just an alter who fronts the most, and any alter can take up that role.

"I just say "my alters" because that's what feels right, I don't mean it in a possessive manner"

I get why that could be more comfortable, but that's how it comes off.

There's a lot of instances where you don't realize you're possessive over something as well, and how you talk projects that, even without realizing it sometimes.

"The other alters say "my alters", they don't mind it"

A lot of people who say it don't mind it. I didn't mind it until I really started to think about it.

The points I listed above still apply to this.

"I'm not ready to accept that we're a collective"

That's okay, that's valid.

If you'd prefer, there's other phrases to use such as "the system" or "an alter" instead of "my system" or "one of my alters", as they don't have those possessive undertones, but also don't force the collective onto you.

Im not quite sure how to end this post, but if you have any other reasons, feel free to drop em in the notes.

-Callisto (he/him) and Alin (they/them)

Please read our DNi!

[symptoms-syndrome]

It's really inappropriate to try and police what language other people use for their parts.

Saying "my part/alter" is like saying "my nose" or "my gender" or "my hobbies." It isn't about ownership, it's just that my parts are parts of me, as a whole.

If that language isn't comfortable for you, you don't have to use it. But policing how other people talk about their experiences, ESPECIALLY framing it as something a great number of people and professionals don't agree with (vis a vis "parts are their own people," a sentiment noted by many professional sources to be an unhealthy one and factually incorrect) is not okay.

I say "my parts." Other parts say "my parts." There's no ownership about it, no hierarchy I'm enforcing by using "my parts," it's just the language that reflects my experience.

Again, you don't have to use "my parts/alters" if you don't want to! But framing it as universally bad and unhealthy, especially when you don't have any ground to stand on, is unnecessarily rude and invasive.

[maemaybe]

OP, you can explain why this language makes you uncomfortable or why you think it’s problematic. That’s fine. You can set boundaries around this language, like not reblogging posts that use this language or even blocking people who use this language if you really find it that upsetting. Tumblr’s new post filters would probably even allow you to block any post that contains the phrase “my alter”. 

But what you can’t do is tell other people that they have to stop talking about their systems this way. 

I understand why you are reading “my alter” in a possessive way and it sounds like that is probably triggering for you, but that isn’t how most people use, read, or interpret it. Most people are simply indicating that their alter is a part of them, the same way they’d say “my inner child” or even “my soul”. These things don’t belong to me, they are me. 

My alters aren’t just “an alter”. That phrasing is dangerous for me. It creates more detachment and dissociation from them and that is the opposite of what I want. They are MY alter. They are a part of me. They can not be detached, removed, or separated from me in any way. If I say “an alter” it could be anybody’s alter. My alter? A friend’s alter? Some rando alter I saw on tumblr? 

I actually use parts rather than alters, but the same holds true. They are my parts. As I’ve progressed through healing, I’ve actually started using the phrase “a part of me” more and more. It feels right. It feels good to say that. I bet it freaks a lot of people out the same way that saying “my alter” freaks you out. I know it would have freaked me out a lot two years ago. But this is where I am now and it feels good. 

I’m honestly getting a little bit tired of people in the DID/OSDD community making demands and rules like this. “Stop this!” “Don’t do that!”. If you think something is harmful then lay out a compelling argument about it and convince me, but starting your post with a demand that everyone obey your rules is a surefire way to ruffle feathers. 

[siorairamblings]

Yeah. So. Here's the thing. Healthy boundaries sound like "if you do [thing], I will not be able to interact with you." Or even "I will not do [thing]." But they do not sound like "You have to stop doing [thing]." Regardless if the thing is actually harmful or not. Regardless of how you feel about it. You control your behavior, but you can not demand to control other people's behavior.

At one point it really triggered me when people referred to alters as "parts". So it was my job to block people, to filter posts, ect. What I couldn't do is demand other people never refer to their alters as parts. That's none of my business how they refer to them. It's not my business to tell them or demand of them to stop referring to their alters that way. Even though it really triggered me. My triggers are mine to manage, especially when it comes to how strangers, especially strangers on the internet.

You can absolutely share how you feel, and why you feel that way. But making demands of strangers on the internet isn't conducive. No one gets to control how I see, and how I refer to my alters. Not even my friends. Not my family. Not my wife. And definitely not strangers on the internet. I understand that's how you feel, and I can even see where you are coming from. But that's not going to everyone's perspective, it's not going to fit everyone's experience. And that's okay. This disorder varies widely between people. And that's okay. It's not a bad thing.

[justanothersyscourse]

Today’s Hot Take

Stop admitting who and what is in your system– anything beyond names and age ranges should be considered personal information because abusers and manipulators can and will use that information against you. 

By admitting who in your system is a trauma holder, you’re allowing abusers and manipulators to know who’s most easily triggered, and there are standard “trigger buttons” and “hot topics” that are likely to apply to almost everyone.

By admitting you have certain “fictives” or “factives” or “introjects”, or whatever term you’ve chosen to use, you’re allowing abusers and manipulators to create common ground between you and them– topics of conversation to get closer, the opportunity to go, OHHH, GUESS WHO I’VE GOT IN MY SYSTEM??

By admitting who your gatekeepers are, you’re giving abuser and manipulators the knowledge of who they need to get closest to in order to have the most power over your system. 

By admitting who is the least connected to reality, or who experiences the highest dissociative barriers, you’re giving abusers and manipulators the knowledge of who they can attack easiest without being noticed. 

By admitting what alters are most affected by certain mental illnesses or disorders (for example, if you also suffer from BPD or OCD) you’re giving abusers and manipulators the ability to use those other issues against that alter and your system.

Please be careful out there– share information wisely. 

[onesaltybastard]

It’s absolutely delightful that this post showed up in the actuallyDID tag right next to one about fearmongering.

I don’t entirely disagree with you; information about system members is personal information and there are a lot of people out there who don’t seem to realize how much sensitive info they’re stapling to their foreheads. People should be cautious with what they share.

However,

It’s also not necessary to beat the shit out of the Stranger Danger drum like this. Allowing parts to share about themselves and be “seen” and “known” can be incredibly healing, provided it’s done in a safe manner. And yeah, your last line does tell people to share information wisely--after an entire post that basically reads “If you say ANYTHING about ANY part, abusers WILL use it to wreck you :)”

You’re probably coming at this from a place of wanting to protect other people, and I get that. But the way you’re going about it is triggering as fuck for people who already deal with mistrust issues and paranoia. 

So, my counterpoints: Hiding away all personal information that can be used by malicious people is 1: not feasible, not even for non-dissociative people, and 2: not the only way to stay safe in the first place. It’s possible to share personal information safely--by assessing the risks of sharing, being mindful who you share what info with, being vigilant about how malicious people might use that info against you, and by having social boundaries. 

So yes, share information wisely. The existence of malicious people should not be used to scare people from sharing anything personal about their system.

[onesaltybastard]

I don't get around to answering things in my inbox very often. I'm a single salty bastard in an otherwise mild-mannered system: once a month I wake up, rabidly attack my keyboard, stare in abject horror at the DID tags, and dissociate back into the abyss.

[onesaltybastard]

Hey, I'm saying this with genuine curiosity- what's wrong with coining terms for specific kinds of multiplicity? Having terms like alphagenic (system formed by type a trauma) is really important to us, just because our specific kind of formation trauma is often overlooked in DID/OSDD spaces. Your answer won't change what we do, of course, but I'm curious.

There's nothing wrong with it. Words are just words, it isn't some kind of moral judgment if some asshole (me) balks at them. But since you're asking for my opinion:

I think it's a mistake to fixate on a specific type of abuse or trauma as being what "formed" your system or caused your multiplicity or however you want to phrase it. There's a real habit of people in the multiplicity community staking their sense of identity on these kinds of flimsy labels and then those people experience breakdowns when they realize "Ah geez, my Forget Shit Disorder made me Forget Shit about past trauma but I remember a lot more about different kinds of Trauma now, so if I'm not really (whatever)-genic, what am I???" It's just asking for bad times.

Trauma in all shapes and sizes can cause multiplicity. You don't need a specific name for yours. In most peoples' cases it's more complicated than that anyway, and that's fine.

Also, depending on who you broadcast that information to, it can be real fuckin risky to essentially tell people what you consider to be your Most Impactful Trauma. People can use that shit against you in really gross ways. Just saying.

And that's not even touching the -genics that talk about soulbonds (fiction), astral gateways (fiction), or whatever else that make my eyes roll out of my skull. I assume you're just asking about trauma-related ones though.

So that's my long winded way of saying all this shit is personal opinion and preference. By all means, hold on to hyperspecific labels from alphagenic to omegagenic if it makes you feel better, how you live your life is none of my fuckin business.

[onesaltybastard]

Imagine going into a cancer ward and shouting “DOES CHEMO FEEL LIKE DYING?” like please fuck off.

[dissolutionandcreation]

OMG okay I haven’t posted here in forever…but guess what! Our DID system fused into one person…and I’ve started vlogging about the subject. 

Here’s what final fusion felt like, if it was scary, and some tips on how to go about it if your system is interested in that path. :D

P.S. DMs for questions/comments are welcome if you want. I’m not that active here though, but you can see me pretty much daily on Instagram!

[onesaltybastard]

I get that clickbait thumbnails and such are the norm, but shit like “Did fusion feel like dying?” is in such bad taste. I don’t even care what the rest of the video says--either it does feel like dying to you and I don’t want to hear about it, or it doesn’t and you’re just contributing to fearmongering for clicks.

[kitshisopinions]

Okay but if you see any posts by @unofficialdid please do your own research on anything they say. They have openly admitted to being willing to spreading misinformation in the comments of this thread, react defensively to anyone challenging their stance of presenting their own anecdotes and opinions as facts, and have stated they believe DID and OSDD-1b should be merged and the amnesia guideline rescinded.

Looking for mental health resources on tumblr is risky because of the amount of misinformation and dangerous takes spread around here, but people do it anyway because they arent sure where to turn and i understand that looking for more comprehensive resources in credited sites is intimidating. Some of that things that user posts have merit but please do not take their experience and absolutist tone to mean yours has to be the same. DID and OSDD are so difficult to generalize because of how our fractured brains react to the abusive and neglectful situations we experienced before we were too small to understand, i dont want to see any more young and impressionable systems suffer extended denial because of posts that impose their personal experience as the way it has to be

[onesaltybastard]

They claim to be an "unlicensed, untrained therapist," if that isn't a desperate cry for unwarranted credibility I don't know what is. I hope people have the good sense to read that and sprint in the opposite direction.

[onesaltybastard]

I know nuance is weally hawd and weally scawy, but considering multiple opinions from POC is essential to being a white ally. You cannot pick and choose the opinions that suit you and perpetuate your own views. And you absolutely can’t say that any POC on the other side isn’t an actual POC (unless you’re cool with being a piece of shit, that is.)

Do I personally believe that having alters of a different race is inherently racist? It doesn’t fucking matter because I’m white and that’s not my place. Some POC claim it is racist, some POC claim it is not, so maybe have enough sense in your thick skull to understand that both opinions are real and valid and you should leave it to the POC to talk about it.

[onesaltybastard]

I am a white person and therefore will not be talking about the issue of whether having an alter with a different skin color / perceived ethnicity is racist.

I may be a bastard, but I know how to stay in my fucking lane. Listen to POC.

If you pull the "criticizing anything about people with DID is ableist" card, I will reach through the screen and throat punch you. Grow the fuck up and face your flaws.

[thevoidalsoscreams]

Criticizing anything about people with DID isn't ableist, but claiming inherent racism due to something that systems have no control over is ableist. This issue (ableism) affects people with DID/ OSDD in general and isn't off limits for discussion to any of them, regardless of race. Also "listen to POC?" Take your own advice. The actual POC who have weighed in on this discourse have very clearly stated that it's not racist; it's mainly other white people who are claiming racism because they want clout for being "woke."

Grow the fuck up and learn to recognize nuance where it exists. Use critical thinking.

[onesaltybastard]

The actual POC?

The actual POC.

The actual POC.

What in the everloving fuck do you mean? Are the POC who disagree somehow not POC? They are literally out there saying it’s inherently racist, it is not just white people vying for “woke” points. What the actual fuck my dude, take your blinders off.

The rest of this isn’t even worth responding to because your head is clearly shoved too far up your own ass. My god.

[onesaltybastard]

Also, there is no such thing as "The POC Opinion" because the opinions of POC are not a monolith. Meaning if you actually seek out POC to listen to, you'll find they have different opinions on things. Because they're, you know, fucking people and not a hivemind.

Finding a POC with a view that aligns with yours doesn't make you de facto correct, and it's especially fucked up if you turn around and say POC who present an opposing view are "trolling." I can't believe I have to spell this out when half this site has "pro-BLM" in their header. Y'all think POC matter? Fucking act like it.

When I say "listen to POC" I don't mean "find a POC you agree with and use them as Racism Armor." I literally mean shut your white mouth and listen to POC.

Sidenote: It is a privilege for my white ass to be able to speak angrily to other white people and tell them to butt out of conversations on racism. I don't have to police my tone in order for people to not just dismiss me as "another angry POC, ranting about racism." That's my white privilege showing, and I own that in no uncertain terms.

[onesaltybastard]

I am a white person and therefore will not be talking about the issue of whether having an alter with a different skin color / perceived ethnicity is racist.

I may be a bastard, but I know how to stay in my fucking lane. Listen to POC.

If you pull the "criticizing anything about people with DID is ableist" card, I will reach through the screen and throat punch you. Grow the fuck up and face your flaws.

[onesaltybastard]

Can I just say I love your work, and please make more posts because we’re pretty new to tumblr and could use a DID tumblr community(ies) education?

Oh so like that one scene in Mean Girls, where I show you around the tumblr cafeteria pointing out different cliques? Those are the endogenics, that’s the pluralgang, those are the book nerds...

Well, I’m just as biased as Janis is in that movie. I’ve got my own grudges. All I can promise you is my opinion on things as they pop up, and if you agree with me, fuckin’ great! But god, don’t get any form of education from me. I’m no better than the rest of them.

[onesaltybastard]

Good morning to people who respect the others in their system and good morning to those people only.