Private Specialty Clubs: West Coast and Dallas!
*I'm going to start out by saying that the clubs on the West Coast are pretty damn difficult to get into unless you know people BUT they're always hiring and the tips are apparently great. I have a friend who was making $3,100 minimum per night and working 7 nights per week before she met a tech exec one night and settled down with him. Anyway, difficult to get in the door, easy to get hired at and move up quickly with the same benefits and pay*
Little Beach House Malibu!
A Soho House club. I'm not the biggest fan of LBH Malibu because it's usually filled to the brim with influencers and the vibes are extremely awkward. The younger men with fast money to flash are here in droves, there are usually a lot of Instagram models, and the crowd is younger. If you like those vibes, this is your place and I can almost guarantee that you will find your people here. Be warned, the staff are extremely rude, there is a high turnover rate with them (but that's none of my business), and they'll totally treat you badly if you're any shade other than alabaster. If you meet a movie exec here, run, odds are he has pretty heavy Weinstein vibes. Not the best 5/10.
The environment is nice, the staff are nice, but the inside is lacking and the choices of patrons are lacking. This is sort of a family venue and that can be nice but the issue is that if you're my age, someone always has a son that they want to set you up on a date with. It's not that I don't like Bel-Air, it's that a lot of members have come into a lot of money really recently and you're watching their financial descent, a lot of families send their nannies and their children and it's not fun to swim while you're making sure children aren't drowning, and the food really isn't good enough to make excuses to keep going back.
It's a nice environment and I love the vibes, I actually got really sick here with my family one night and the staff helped me to the back and made sure that I was alright and didn't leave me and my Grandma alone. 10/10 for the staff alone. I love the golfing, the men are extremely high quality and extremely nice, and the food is amazing. I met Adam Sandler here once so you know the vibes are unmatched, there are a lot of guys in their twenties and thirties, and if you go out to golf, know how to run because the men don't know how to drive their golf carts and drive like they're trying to compensate for something. I think it's great though and I've always enjoyed my time here!
11/10 the vibes are wonderful. When Frederick is in LA, we go here to work and to the bar and for dinner! I absolutely love the staff, I love the people, and I met Wes fucking Anderson one night and I've never fully recovered from that. The vibes are comparable to none and everyone you meet is really lovely, I've never met one person who was rude or seemed discontent. Fazza goes here and he's the crown prince of the Emirate of Dubai (his father is the current ruler of the Emirate of Dubai) and I've seen that there are so many other interesting people on all of the nights that I've been.
Los Angeles Country Club!
The vibes are good, the golfing is not up to par, and the people are sweet. The men here are lovely, and there's practically no shade from the sun that will beat down on you and make you feel like you've entered the third circle of hell before midday. I'll have to give the LACC a solid 6/10 rating because the staff are just so nice and the food is even better and that's what makes the night really wonderful. I don't mind the LACC and they have wonderful themed nights once in a blue moon but I don't find myself yearning to go back once I leave and I tend to look at my watch when I'm there.
The Jonathan is actually really nice and sweet once you get in, I've only been a few times because my Frederick is a member and he likes to take me out places but I've always had a nice time. 3/10 because one of the chefs added caramelised nuts to my salad but 10/10 because our waitress ran to me before I could begin eating, 10/10 because it's near the water and the view is gorgeous, 10/10 because the men there are gorgeous, and 10/10 because the accommodation is lovely and whenever we visit Los Angeles, I always find an excuse for us to stay at least one night. The community is next to none though and I really do love the JC.
I like the Battery but I don't love it. San Francisco is nice for PSCs but they aren't really the best unless they're pulling in from Atherton and the surrounding areas. The vibes are decent but I don't tend to pay much attention to them, the quality of the men is nice, and while the food is decent and the time is well spent, it all depends on the day and time of day when you go. I'm not opposed to ever attending the Battery but it's one of those places where I find myself wishing I was some place else when I'm there, there's nothing to it, I just feel like I'm wasting my time. The men are nice, the venue is nice, the food is nice, and I just feel completely empty. It leaves something to be desired and I'd have to rate it a solid 2/10 because it's just lacking so much.
I'll be the first to tell you that all the men here are so wack it's ridiculous but if you want an easy night and to get to know people, this is the club you go to. I'd only suggest going to this club on nights where you're first starting out because you can mess up here and no one will notice. Lowkey aggressive and that's super awkward, the vibes are really off, the staff are really sort of oblivious. I would only go here with someone you know and trust and I would be very clear in not accepting any drinks or even food because the men here are, as I said before, beyond wack. Not the best. 10/10 members would say they voted Trump, 10/10 members will call you their "exotic treat" if you're not white, 10/10 members are weird.
The PUC is nice, I'd put it at almost the same level as the Met in NYC. It's definitely a great venue filled with great men, it has a lot of Silicon Valley type men, and it's filled with lots of things to do, great food, great vibes, and a great area to sit and have private conversations. Not only am I confidently able to say that the vast majority of men that you'll meet will be completely chilled, I'm able to say that they're also extremely respectful, interesting, and have so much to offer. I love PUC and I love most of the patrons of PUC, I love the vibes of PUC, and I love spending time there. 10/10 because it has everything you could ever wish for in a fabulous venue that leaves absolutely nothing to be wished for.
If you want to date and marry a pro-golfer, this is where you go. I personally am not a big fan of OC because it's filled to the brim with Qataris who interrupt me to ask after my father and then try to push their sons off on me but it's nice, if you want to marry Middle Eastern, OC will provide. The food is decent, the men are decent, and the vibes are all decent. I'd give it a solid 5/10 for the fact that there's this weird familiarly with the patrons and the staff is all sort of odd but, other than that, it's sort of nice. The venue is definitely lacking and the clubhouse is boring but it's nice if you're just starting out and want to be able to mess up before you go to different and much larger and more exclusive private clubs.
I love this little private club, it was established in 1958, Frederick and I are members, and the vibes are wonderful. This is my favourite club in all of the Bay because it reminds me of my childhood in Atherton with my Grandparents, how the staff used to help me with homework while I was at my table and bring me treats, and everyone there is so kind. I love VT and I'll never stop talking about how much I love it. The crowd is usually extremely high quality and absolutely wonderful, there aren't really any women so every man will want to talk to you, the powder room is lovely, and there's just so much to remark on because it's so gorgeous and there's so much to enjoy. This is my favourite club we're members of, right after Annabel's in Mayfair!
*I haven't had much experience in San Diego and don't particularly feel like pretending I know everything about SD so I'm going to keep most of these pretty short and uninteresting*
I've been twice so I'll spare you all the long impression. It was nice both times that I went, the men were nice, the boats were nice, and it was quiet on both nights that I went. It's a nice place to start out before you branch out and begin going to bigger and brighter places.
One word. Gorgeous. My Grandparents had real estate here, the golfing is gorgeous, the staff and people are gorgeous, and it's sort of an older family environment. There aren't many younger children and there are a lot of divorced men. It's not ideal but it's a nice place to spend time and everyone is nice.
The golfing is mediocre but the men make up for it. They're bronzed, they're tall, they have money, and they're almost uncomfortably attractive. It hurts to look at them and I'm perfectly okay with saying that. I love the men here, I love the atmosphere, and I love the food and drinks, the staff are beyond mice, and the venue and clubhouse are both beyond gorgeous.
La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club!
+10 points because my Grandma and I once heard a male member say that his virgin girlfriend was pregnant with another man's child and we could tell that he was completely serious. The venue is only nice because it's on the beach, during daylight hours there are lots of kids playing tennis and swimming, there's a lot of screaming, people will think you're a nanny if you're ethnic, and the men are only sometimes good. It's a really hit or miss sort of situation and there's so much up in the air that it's almost not worth going most days of the week. 4/10.
I've been once and had one great experience. The men left something to be desired but the venue is nice and a relaxing night out is definitely fun. I went with my cousin and she said that she met someone nice but nothing really came of that for her. It's a nice place to start out but you'll have to leave eventually.
*Only the three clubs that I've had the most experience with for Seattle because I don't have many formed opinions on the other clubs because I haven't really experienced them like I've experienced these three clubs when I've visited Seattle and I don't want to give any impressions that I I haven't made myself*
Very business formal but nice, that's the way that I would describe the Rainier club. The vibes are decent but the men tend to be older and the women are all very aggressive, I don't mean that in a good way. The Rainier is one of those places that you can either go to for practice or you can skip altogether, you're not really missing out on anything whichever way you decide to go. The food is decent and you'll probably get free food and the drinks are mediocre but again, if they're free you can't really complain. It's one of those venues and situations that you should try for the experience so you'll succeed in other difficult venues or talking to difficult men but it's not a necessary experience. Save yourself some grief. 4/10 on a good night, 2/10 on any other.
There are a lot of younger tech execs at The Ruins and they completely kill the atmosphere. I'm not saying undiagnosed differences but still the same time, it's exactly what I'm saying. The issue that I have with The Ruins is that it's not an environment that I'm comfortable in because I don't like to guess and I don't like to be treated weirdly. If you can pick up on social cues from men who have none, absolutely go for it and have fun. But if you're like me and you can't and don't want to play "Is he just different or is he a sexual predator?" all night, go ahead and skip The Ruins. The vibes are just really uncomfortable, the men make me sad, but if you want a Frederick 2.0, get yourself there ASAP and start looking for him.
I am all about the women's restroom in this club because it is so damn beautiful. The vibes here are 10/10, the men are gorgeous, the food and drinks are wonderful, and I personally feel like it's really a type of situation that you can excel in if you're shy, quiet, or inexperienced. The men are very gentle and sweet, they'll always attempt to teach you things, and they always want more. I've found out from friends that the relationship rate with men from this club is like 10/10 and they're always desperate for a chance to be with you, the vibes are sweet, they're usually extremely moneyed, and most of them can confidently say "that's not my house, that's my second garage" in a completely serious voice because they live in beautiful and HUGE homes in Seattle. 10/10
*Please note that I am biased against Dallas because once a man asked me if I was a virgin and then sent me chocolate covered liqueur cherries the next day before breakfast. That's all. The men tend to be conservative and gross but their vast amount of money almost makes them worth the time*
Okay so I met Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys here and he was actually extremely sweet. The men here tend to be older, extremely wealthy, and actually very tolerant. All the men here you will meet will be very Christian but in the sense that we're all God's children. I've never had an issue with my skin tone or anything, every man has been lovely and patient, and I've always had a wonderful time. 10/10 because I've been to the private box for Cowboys games, 10/10 because the golfing is so good, 10/10 because I've never been sexually harassed, and 10/10 because the men here are real southern gentlemen with real southern charm and I can fondly say that they deserve the world. It's absolutely gorgeous and I wouldn't change a single thing.
My Daddy is a member here and when we were last in America together, he took us (me and Nana) to look at DCC as a wedding venue and it seemed...cheap for Highland Park. It was sort of grimy, the older male members are sort of racist, and unless you're a diehard fan of The Trump Family, I wouldn't go. 0/10 because one of the staff members asked if I wanted "oriental music" and looked at Nana (who is Japanese and told him so), 0/10 because that same staff member commented on my Dad's traditional Saudi wear and asked if it was African and when he was told that it was Saudi said "And they say nothing good comes out of Saudi Arabia!" and was shocked when Daddy said "9/11", and another 0/10 when Daddy got that same staff member fired in front of us and the former staff member started crying like he didn't realise being a racist to a man paying $900,000 yearly would bite him in the ass. If you want to empty the wallets of racists who can't help but lust after women of colour, GO GO GO and then tell me how it goes! 2/10 because I have a thing for extremely conservative alt-lite men that I think may be a sign of self hatred 🥰
It's a boys club and it's an awkward ground with a lot of locker talk but, if you consider yourself one of the boys, this is where you'll wow the crowd. I'm not the biggest fan but I can't not admit that the men aren't good and that the atmosphere and vibes aren't good. I'd have to give it a solid 8/10 because some girls love it but it's not the place for me. -1 because there's no real dress code, as long as the men are wearing towels around their waists, they can eat from the buffet and I find that absolutely foul. Another -1 because there's a real culture of sexual harassment and it's sort of weird but if you're a waitress or just visiting, you'll get compensated really well for it by the patrons and by the club so you don't sue. It's a gorgeous venue, the golfing is fabulous, the views are wonderful, and there's a secret pool that's absolutely gorgeous and beyond fun.
If you get over the fact that a lot of the men here are Republican mega donors and focus on the fact that a lot of them are mega donors to children's hospitals, the vibes immediately become 9/10. Old Parkland is in a rotunda and the real estate isn't the best and so that brings the venue down by 3 points and the location is another minus 2 points. The food and drink are good which is nice but the act of sitting to order food that will take ages to come is not. The men here are older and more established but most of them want to cheat on their wives and are offering to pay a premium if you give them the experience of having a young hot girlfriend, if you're okay with that, absolutely go for it, if you're like me, don't force yourself to conform to any situations that you're not completely comfortable in. Overall a solid 4/10 for Old Parkland because it could be much better but it doesn't have the chance to be.
