[oopsimsad]

i wish i felt differently. theres been so much death and sadness in my life. sadness always but death for the last few years. i love someone who doesnt love me back yet i continue to be with them even though we arent together. every day it gets more intense and it hurts. i like it though. it feels like its all i deserve and all im worth. i dont know how to stop this cycle i go through with myself. it just never stops. it felt like it did for a while after my disaster of last relationship in 2021. ive been single ever since oct 2021 but ive casually dated people. mostly men until i met her. and it hits differently to be around her. ive been with and dated girls before but not since i was a teenager and im 23 now. the first person to ever break my heart was a girl. she was my first love. and when things ended w her they ended very badly. i think i just got scared of girls after that because love with a girl is so much more intense and emotional. this girl im seeing now makes me feel okay and safe when im with her but also like i know she will hurt me. why dont i care? its only been a little over a month and its been just the last week that ive realized i think i love her. i know its more one sided than i want. i dont think she will ever want me the way i want her. but when were together its days in a row and we act like were together. it feels comfortable yet bittersweet bc i know im gonna be the one who gets hurt. i think im just a placeholder for her until she decides shes ready for something real with someone better w me. it just feels so real to me. sleeping next to her makes me hate sleeping alone. its been so hard to sleep lately i just lay up thinking about being cuddled up w her. i fucking know this shit is going to blow up in my face. i want to be with her for real. also my grandma died almost two weeks ago and i dont feel like a real person. my bpd is eating me alive. and so is my ed. just so many things. it feels pointless to even try and help myself and feel better. i just wish i could go away and be someone else. idk if anyone reads this im just venting and thx for reading i guess

[raymondshieldsofficial]

getting in the car I’ve left parked in the sun all day

[oopsimsad]

[borderlinepdfeels]

[humminghost]

my fear of abandonment is so strong because if I could I would abandon myself too lol

[manicgoblinnightmaregirl]

u know when someone insults u in a completely harmless jokey way which shouldn’t offend u but actually it does so much so that u think about it for hours on end and it makes u wanna tear urself apart bc same :^)

[borderlinepdfeels]

[flowerbomb-borderline]

having bpd and social anxiety is such a brain fuck tbh like.. i want people to pay attention to me but am literally terrified to ask for it. i’ll have breakdowns but can’t bring myself to tell anyone or call when i need someone there, i feel like a bother, i feel like they don’t care. i crave close friendships but i am too scared to get close to people. i do impulsive shit and then panic when i realise people are going to notice. i’m being pulled in both directions constantly and i’m tired.

[borderlinepdfeels]

[lithonate-deactivated20201001]

[brutalnightmare-deactivated2023]

Hey hey heeey

[borderlinepdfeels]

[untrustyou]

[anger----issues]

“best friend” :))

[i-will-die-today]

[oopsimsad]

https://www.gofundme.com/f/h7s6t-anything-will-help?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link-tip&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet

Anything Will Help! organized by Syd E

Because of the recent COVID-19 pandemic, I've been unable to work and pay my bills. Any amount would help at… Syd E needs your support for A

[lmaonade]

just a heads up if i ever act dumb i’m joking. i’m 100% smart and know literally everything