Oprah Says...

stupid shit my roommate says illustrated by Oprah Winfrey.

[oprahsays]

“I’m so tan! I look like such a big N-word.”

not offensive at all. 

[oprahsays]

"No underwear tonight?"

Because wearing panties would be false advertising. 

[oprahsays]

"I think I have a fat vagina."

the first step to FUPA acceptance is acknowledging your FUPA. 

[oprahsays]

in-OPRAH-priate things are happenin'

  Back and fresher than ever. 

[oprahsays]

“I pretend that my parents don’t support me and like random guys will pay for everything for me. It’s awesome.”

thrifty bar move #37

[oprahsays]

My roommate consumed 8.8lbs of Coconut Lychee Jelly in 42 days.

RIP Lychees

[oprahsays]

"You're tan. You're flawless."

[oprahsays]

“Give me food before I shit on your face.”

you ain't never seen hanger like this before. 

[oprahsays]

“My salad is giving me heart burn.”

lettuce is merely a vehicle for dressing. duh. 

[oprahsays]

“I think I’m gonna get really high and cry in my room.”

menstrual problems. (we've all been there)

[oprahsays]

“I just don’t eat anything during the day…then I get fucking hammered every night.”

[oprahsays]

“I lost ten pounds…actually I don’t know, I just made that up.”

[oprahsays]

"Watch this TV show. It's going to make you want to become a whore."

[oprahsays]

"My grandma is a flaming cunt."

[oprahsays]

"How did this cucumber get in my bed?"

[oprahsays]

"Do you know what Family Guy is?"

...what are television. 

[oprahsays]

"I just really want a guy to eat me out right now."

dinner's ready. cum n get it.