just tryin' to survive 🦝 ✦ she/her ✦ 30s ✦ multifandom ✦ random reblog dump followed by the most cursed shit you've ever seen ✦ ye hath been warned! ✦ see pinned
*Currently going through a mental health crisis. Sorry if I'm a bit all over the place atm.*
Hi! You can call me Ore! Made in 🇮🇪 and living in 🇫🇷! Welcome to my dumping ground! I am (or was) mostly active in the Tolkien, BG3 and Dragon Age fandoms, but I have too many hyperfixations to list!
This is an 18+ blog. If you are a minor or are uncomfortable with the content, please turn away.
I try to tag everything for your blacklisting needs, but some will inevitably slip through the cracks. Stay safe ❤️
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I use the block button liberally. Antis, terfs, thought police, general bigotry, HP stans, people who knowingly share GenAI "art", etc will be blocked.
I don't participate in ask chains (the "send this to 10 other people" type) anymore, it makes me anxious.
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Khajit has tags if you have depressy... *opens trenchcoat*
Emailing my mum and had to remind her AGAIN that I have CHRONIC FUCKING FATIGUE because she was like "oh why did you have to sleep all day Sunday? Are you finding it hard to sleep at night at the clinic with the heat?"
Ma'am I have had chronic fatigue for years! I have been sleeping amazing actually but that does not mean I'll be ok during the day!
Mum:
"Glad to hear you've been sleeping good but concerning really that they don't seem to know what's causing the fatigue...I still see that it sounds like ME in my mind."
I am about to fucking lose it. Well, I did lose it. I bawled my fucking eyes out last night. Because WTFDYM we don't know what's causing the fatigue??
Do you not remember the sleep study I did a year and a half ago?? Do you not remember the RLS diagnosis? You know, the thing that makes me want to rip my legs off every night?
Also if you'll remember I'm suffering from stress, anxiety, depression, PTSD and cPTSD (much of which was caused by being repeatedly raped but also much was caused by you actually, but you're not ready to hear that without being fucking offended that you've treated me like shit my whole life)
you can have religion in one of 2 flavors: “woo hoo aesthetic garnish” and “Sinister State Control in Bad Allegory for Problems in Modern Christianity”
not to mention that this land is simultaneously inhabited by thinly modified northern vikings (Nordic pre-medieval/9th century), travelling mongols (European medieval/13th century) and a wealthy italian merchant family with a house full of oil paintings (Southern European renaissance/15th century). the dance of the day is waltz (refined German 18th century country dance).
So in the latest clinic fiasco they once again fucked up my medication 🙃
Tw: medical treatment for eye. also me being long-winded
So I've had a sty in my eye since before I got here, but usually it clears up on its own so I let it be. Except it didn't, so I eventually asked the doctor to prescribe me something for it.
So I see the medication, huh, it's in single dose capsules, not what I'm used to (before I've had it in a small tube). So I ask the nurse:
"Hey is this applied like the other stuff? You know on the inside of the bottom eyelid?"
"No it goes on top of the eyelid. You really need to massage the cream in all over the infected area. If you really want you can put some on the edge of your eyelid but you really need to massage it into your skin."
Ok sure, so I massage this stuff in and omg it's a lot in that tiny capsule! I spent 20 minutes each morning and night rubbing that stuff in and there's still gel left over! After a couple days of this, it's not getting any better, and one evening a different nurse was like "Hey, you didn't come get your eye cream, I've pushed it till later because you're eating now and you wouldn't be able to see anything lol"
...and so I start to wonder... Did she mean not being able to see because I have to massage my eye for twenty minutes... or because it's supposed to go INSIDE the eye and my vision would be blurry?
So today I decide to look up the medication guide.
Well whaddayaknow... I HAD IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AND THE NURSE GAVE ME COMPLETELY WRONG INSTRUCTIONS.
i love when ppl message me again if our convo kinda ends. like yes, please keep it going. you could never annoy me but sometimes i forget and don't know what to say or i was busy
So last night around 1 am the resident woman who's known for calling out "madame madame madame" for every small inconvenience, started calling out again but also calling for help. I could hear the alarm button for the nurse was pressed. IT TOOK TWENTY MINUTES OF HER CONSTANTLY CALLING BEFORE NURSES ARRIVED. And that was only after someone in a neighbouring room went and checked on her herself and went to find the nurses. She had fallen out of her bed and broken something.
Later around 5 am my own own roommate fell out of her bed. She couldn't reach the alarm and I was dead asleep. Poor thing was like that for forty minutes before I woke up and was able to hit the alarm. Then had to wait another 10 minutes before I saw a passing nurse who was like "oh do you need something?" YEAH NO SHIT DO YOU NOT SEE THE RED BLINKING LIGHT AND HEAR THE ALARM?
It's like they don't give a shit here. They don't honour scheduled one-on-one meetings, the employees are always late for their own activities, the schedules are changed constantly without warning...
I said I was frustrated, I didn't know why I was here anymore. The whole reason I'm here is to get a break from my current living situation. But at this point I feel like being home would be better than this.
He said "well you gotta learn how to adapt and manage your frustrations". Sir, I've been "adapting" my entire life. I've never been able to live as myself, I have had to mask and repress my entire self for my own self preservation.
He said "well your house isn't going to get done overnight" yeah no shit Sherlock, especially since I'm here and not, you know... there helping make my house habitable.
Bro really went "have you considered camping?"...
"HAVE YOU CONSIDERED CAMPING" ??
SURE IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER HEATWAVES AND WITH MY DISABILITIES SURE I'LL CAMP OUT UNTIL MY HOUSE IS DONE. YEAH SOUNDS GREAT.
We're literally in a heatwave rn and the heating is still on at night in the clinic. This is fucking ridiculous.
Anyway the doctor couldn't leave fast enough, I barely had time to say "hey btw I have a sty on my eye". He said "yeah sure I'll prescribe you something" as he closed the fucking door in my face.
Oh today imma be really pissy and there's nothing to do on the weekends I'm going to lose my mind.
