Home to F*ed Up books

In this F*ed Up world, there's nothing wrong with being a little F*ed Up yourself.

[oscartrashman]

Day 2? I think. My sleep hasn't been great the past few days, unrelated to cutting out weed. I recently took 2 weeks off work and screwed up my sleep schedule. I would have thought that having to wake up at six again would shock my system back into alignment, but nope, I had to force myself to bed before midnight.

So I'm getting clean both figuratively and literally. While it won't fix the issue entirely, I have allowed the fucking cockroaches to make a mess of my place long enough. Only I get to make a mess of my place. I cleaned behind my chest freezer and it was black underneath from cockroach shit. I'm going to mop it twice and then again with straight disinfectant.

I'm going to give my entire place the same treatment. Partly to let the bugs know that the party is over and partly to get rid of any lingering weed smell so that I'm not triggered to smoke. Lastly it's become I just smell it and I am craving it, which was the sign that kicked me into gear. I'll not quiting forever, just until I address what I'm trying to fix with all the weed and then I can return when a healthier relationship to pot.

I will say that I hit the bottom of my spiral and it's time for the spring to bounce back up.

[oscartrashman]

I have been smoking too much weed the past year. It's the only time I've been feeling fully comfortable vs half comfortable my sober self feels. I have been smoking daily for the past 16 months and it's been affecting me negatively lately.

I've tried quitting a few times, but the past few months I've been dealing with a cockroach infestation. Of course it's unlikely that the smoking caused the infestation, but it's making it harder to deal with the issue.

I know that this will not be easy for me because weed has become my go to way of dealing with boredom, and I still have the flowers I bought and won't get rid of because I spent too much on it for it to go to waste, but for the month of August I'm going to try and be sober.

I'm going to try and keep a daily journal of this to work out my stuff during this month.

[brucesterling]

[lestatfag]

would you rather**

be covered in dirt, like rich soil that’s perhaps a bit wet

be covered in blood, which is definitely wet but it dries quickly

Voting ended onMar 27, 2024

btw this is not a “which do i find LEAST disgusting” poll. this is for the freaks who want to be covered in natural substances

[oscartrashman]

This is a hard decision. On one hand the dirt can be gritty, although rich soil does feel luxurious, but blood is usually warm and silky, but it dries quickly and it will get stuck and crusty in a way that dirt doesn't when it dries (unless it's clay). I chose dirt because long term gritty is better than dried crust.

[betweendoctorsanddetectives]

combat transphobia + express solidarity! available to buy here 

[ID: three images of stickers on bathroom doors saying “a trans person used this bathroom and no one was harmed.” there is a blue sticker, a pink sticker, and a white sticker.]

[fictionalfix]

[sapper-in-the-wire-old]

[amygdala-dan]

This makes no sense

[maxknightley]

it literally could not be more straightforward

[thatguyfromthatwebsite]

It literally doesnt make sence, both have the same value, they're both $30

[sapper-in-the-wire-old]

I think the failure of many people to grasp an incredibly simple, barebones metaphor is demonstrating implicit bias very well

This dude straight up stated the fucking answer and still can’t understand it, because he’s expecting the answer to be his own views lmao

[thatguyfromthatwebsite]

No im not expecting anything its just a badly frammed metaphor

[sapper-in-the-wire-old]

Bro you said the answer. Both have the same value despite different sizes. It’s simple. Basic. Elementary.

[thatguyfromthatwebsite]

But it never says that, it just asks you wich one is greater and the text ends there, wich leads you to thinking that one indeed has greater value then the other, and that the one with the greater value is the answear

[sapper-in-the-wire-old]

It asks you which one has the greater value and what is the answer to that question?

[thatguyfromthatwebsite]

Im not about to argue over a focken tit size metaphor

[sapper-in-the-wire-old]

Never underestimate the lack of reading comprehension on this site lmfao

[flipocrite]

[depsidase]

[youremysunshine8]

Ok I love this???

"baptise me in hot dog water"

Hot dog water - there's a Tumblr post out there I've seen saying hot dog water is the opposite of holy water, due to the fact that a single drop of it will contaminate what it touches. I assume this was partly inspired by this allusion but who knows for sure.

Also the the idea of holy water as inhuman and cleaning vs hot dog water as the remains of feeding someone - often a child - and entirely human. It may be dirty and I do not want it on me but God hot dog water has some memories. You will not wash away my sins. They're mine. Also, anyone can make hot dog water but holy water is refined, restricted (yes anyone can make it in an emergency but lay people are restricted from it)

"you and I both know"

Unlike baptism for babies, this one is done between two people who are both aware of what is happening. The one receiving the baptism gives the orders about what they want to happen. The giver and receiver are portrayed as equals. They are equally aware of their humanity.

"the holy stuff won't take"

Ooof heartbreaking, amazing line. Raises so many questions. What does it mean when the water "takes"? What has the receiver done that makes them unfit for holy water? Or, what has the holy water done that makes it to weak to help, to be a part of your life?

The poem as a whole - I love the lack of capitalization. It adds a sort of intimacy to the poem, and the statement from the speaker. The high words "baptise" and "holy" being offset by "take" and "hot dog". Also "hot dog water" vs "holy stuff." The cadence! I would lick it.

[the-real-seebs]

I love the serious analysis, and I think I find it persuasive.

This also sheds a lot of light on some plot points in Scooby Doo! Mystery Incorporated.

[zwoelffarben]

Not to turn this into another house full of chintz, but I'mma fuck this poem on the floor.

Meter

There are two readings of the poem's meter that I immediately identify, the first is how I'd want to read it, and the second is how a normal person would probably read it, but both make the same point.

In my interpretation (left), the first line is four wholely irregular feet: an iamb into a dibrach into two trochees; The second line is two trouches into a hanging stressed syllable; And the third line is three iambs.

In the more normal interpretation(right), the first line and second line are six trochees all together plus that hanging syllable in 'knowing' which transitions the poem to iambic trimeter.

And look at the interesting result of that laid bare:

In English poetry there's a tradition, all other things being equal, that iambs are considered the sophisticated foot with trochees often being contrasted as the vulgar or common foot.

The vulgar in specificity "hot dog water" is put in trochee, while the respectably vague "the holy stuff" is afforded iambs. Without the poet having thought of the stress things the pattern actively, this incapulation of the English poetic tradition is astounding. Especially when you consider the

Chiasmus

Chiasmus is a figure of rhetorical construction, in which two pairs of ideas are laid across each other, A B B A. It's one of the more popular figures of rhetoric and if you're looking for it you'll see it everywhere.

In the most literal sense, it's about repetition; but, you can apply it more liberally to ideas, thoughts, or in this case, parts of speech:

The nouns and verb pairs in the first and third lines crossover each other. They are in chiasmus. Structurally, the inversion makes the poem feel more solid, while still furthering emphasizing the contrast between the idea of hot dog water and the holy stuff.

Opening with a command and closing with a result.

[doubledecks]

“While many people think fanfiction is about inserting sex into texts (like Tolkien’s) where it doesn’t belong, Brancher sees it differently: “I was desperate to read about sex that included great friendship; I was repurposing Tolkien’s text in order to do that. It wasn’t that friendship needed to be sexualized, it was that erotica needed to be … friendship-ized.” Many fanfiction writers write about sex in conjunction with beloved texts and characters not because they think those texts are incomplete, but because they’re looking for stories where sex is profound and meaningful. This is part of what makes fan fiction different from pornography: unlike pornography, fanfic features characters we already care deeply about, and who tend to already have long-standing and complex relationships with each other. It’s a genre of sexual subjectification: the very opposite of objectification. It’s benefits with friendship.”

— Francesca Coppa, “Introduction to The Dwarf’s Tale,” The Fanfiction Reader (via francescacoppa)

Someone put it into words. I gotta sit down

[queeranarchism]

(Why does this belong on my decidedly not-fan-fiction-related blog, you ask? Because this quote illustrates very well how assuming that anything where people put sex in it is debasing it, objectifying it, or simply ‘sexualizing’ it, etc. often misses a lot of the real picture of why people do that thing.)

[hotvampireadjacent]

[funny-tik-toks]

[oscartrashman]

Start of a Podcast

Start of a Podcast

After much effort over the past few weeks, I’ve managed to record, edit, and post the first episode of my podcast. Thankfully, hearing my own voice wasn’t as triggering as I feared it would. I’ve been recording my voice a lot lately, so I think I’m just getting used to it. I mean, there is still a disconnect where I know that’s my voice, but it also sounds wrong, but I’m not as distressed over it…

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[official-kircheis]

Enemies with benefits

[oscartrashman]

It's a Roar in my throat

It’s a Roar in my throat

It’s a roar in my throat A pinch in my jaw  The burning tears in my eyes From unsolicited advice Of assumed incompetence  Of assumed ignorance Drives me to the edge You ass and the ass you make of me Keep your advice where it’s meant to be  I’d tell you where to shove it  But the light from my eyes you see Means you shove it at me You see no light in my eyes And I wish to shut off…

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[oscartrashman]

Day 1

Yes, I have arrived at day one of hormone therapy. I have worked for years to get to this day, and it's even better than I imagined.

Yes, I have arrived at the day I’ve been waiting for. Today is my first day on T. I went to my appointment at the Halifax Sexual Health Center and they started me on my first dose. The doctor gave me two choices for the injection, in the stomach (subcutaneous) or in the thigh (intramuscular). I chose the subcutaneous because that is a smaller needle and a much more shallow injection. The nurse…

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[oscartrashman]

Reconciliation

My apartment is being sprayed for bedbugs, and I needed a place for my cat to stay while I was at work. I asked my mother and she agreed and suggested I stay for dinner when I drop my cat off. Of course I’m going to say yes to a free meal. My mom was making chicken alfredo. We ate and talked. My mom mixed up my names and pronouns a little bit, but she would quickly apologize and correct herself.…

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[oscartrashman]

Day -13

That’s right, we are back to the count down. Yesterday I met with the doctor for an introduction and an interview to enter in my family history and make sure I understand the process. When I told them about the date of my blood test, they told me that I can call the blood collection people and reschedule from there, especially if I tell them that my doctor said so. I didn’t think that they would…

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[oscartrashman]

Podcast Preparation

I'm starting a podcast. There's a lot to do, but I'm riding the energy of excitement.

Yesterday was the first day I didn’t add a blog post, which isn’t a big deal because I never planned this to be a daily thing anyway (not unless my intention is burnout). I wanted to make sure that this doesn’t become a diary but rather about sharing my experiences as a transgender person to help other transgender people feel more connected. Also, yesterday I was busy making preparations for my…

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