“What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.” Caleb // 35 // poly and married // not gay as in happy, but queer as in I love men and will fistfight a transphobe
My blog was terminated without warning and with no explanation, and honestly I’m gutted. That blog was so important to me. It had so much of my life recorded, so much of myself in it, and it feels like losing thirteen years of journals and letters and pictures and memories.
I hope that this new blog won’t be necessary in a few days. I hope that that my original blog is reinstated, but if not, well — it ain’t the first time I’ve had a fundamental connection to my past taken from me, and there really ain’t nothin’ to be done but start building again.
Also From Microsoft’s own FAQ: "Note that Recall does not perform content moderation. It will not hide information such as passwords or financial account numbers. 🤡
Because this has mostly been talked about with Windows 11, heads-up that this installed itself on every Windows 10 computer in our house with this week's update.
I saw a post earlier, I will not be appending my response to that post to the post itself, but I did want to touch upon it.
The post was about how trans men and transmasculine people afab don't have any media tropes that are, we'll say, problematic for them, the way that the 'funny man in a dress' trope is trans-misogynistic, I wanted to discuss that and lay that claim to rest.
Below I will be discussing some tropes in media that affect trans masculine people afab. Some may be worse than others, some accidental, some maybe on purpose, but I've compiled them because I think it's important to understand that just how the harmful tropes aimed at masculine people afab do exist, they just differ in their execution.
DISCLAIMER: If I have worded anything poorly in this post please tolerate it, English is my fourth language and it can be overwhelming to attempt linguistic perfection or the performance of it for native English Speaker.
EDIT: tumblr really messed my layout and formatting up, sorry for that but I'm not fixing it unless I really need to.
1. “Tomboy Gets a Makeover” = Suddenly She’s Worth Something (AKA: Now She’s Fuckable)
This one’s everywhere. You’ve got a character who’s rough around the edges, usually wears hoodies, maybe doesn’t shave, maybe doesn’t even care what people think. And the story punishes her for that. Until someone (usually a fairy godmother or mean girl turned ally) shoves her into a dress, puts some gloss on her lips, straightens her hair...
and then she’s finally seen as beautiful, desirable, and valid.
The core message? Your masculinity is temporary, and your value doesn’t actually exist until you conform to traditional femininity. You weren’t lovable, datable, or even visible until you softened up and got pretty.
This trope tells young people AFAB:
You're not enough unless you perform femininity
Your gender nonconformity is a flaw to fix
If you're not seen as sexy in the "right" way, you're invisible
And this sticks. Especially for transmascs, who grew up seeing their natural instincts or styles treated like a before picture.
Examples:
The Princess Diaries – Mia goes from “invisible frizzy nerd” to prom-queen level once her hair is flat and her legs are waxed.
A Cinderella Story – Sam’s baggy clothes are treated like a shield for her insecurity, until she shows up in a dress and suddenly earns male attention.
The Breakfast Club – Allison is artsy and weird and quietly masc... until she’s quite literally pink-washed and given a makeover so she can be datable.
She's All That – Laney is cool and self-possessed in her own way, but the movie waits until she’s in a red dress and contacts to take her seriously.
Meteor Garden – Shan Cai’s toughness is tolerable, but she’s still only framed as truly “lovable” after being softened through male attention.
2. “She Pretended to Be a Boy” = She’s a Lying Snake Whore
When characters AFAB dress or live as boys, it’s almost always framed as deception. Not survival. Not autonomy. Not self-expression. Just trickery. There’s a dramatic “reveal” scene where everyone suddenly feels betrayed, like the character has been scheming the whole time instead of just…
living. Sound familiar?
This isn’t just about fiction. It directly echoes how transmasc people are treated in reality, as liars, as fake men, as threats to those around them just by existing. The idea that someone AFAB could be masculine, or just a guy, is treated like a trap set for unsuspecting cis people.
The underlying message:
You can’t be trusted if you present as masculine
Your gender is a mask, a trick, a crime
If people liked you before, they were duped
it’s the same logic used to justify violence and exclusion towards Transmasculine people AFAB in reality.
Examples:
She’s the Man – Viola pretends to be her brother to play soccer, but it’s all “uh-oh she has boobs” humor. Her gender presentation is the punchline.
The King’s Affection – She lives as the crown prince and does a damn good job, but the tension constantly hinges on whether she’s tricking people by being there at all. Masculinity is okay only if it’s secret and painful.
Coffee Prince – Go Eun-chan presents as male to get a job, and instead of critiquing the system that forces her to do it, the narrative focuses on her guilt and “the reveal.” Masculinity is tolerated, but never fully respected.
Victor/Victoria – Gender is treated as a clever disguise. The moment someone finds out “the truth,” it’s all shock, betrayal, and drama. Queerness framed as a con.
3. “It’s Just a Phase” = You’ll Be a Real Girl™️ Eventually
You can be a tomboy for now. Run around, get messy, be loud. It’s even kind of cute! As a little kid who needs to grow up. Then suddenly, your masculinity isn’t just childish! it’s a problem. Something to “grow out of.” Something to fix!
This trope trains audiences to see AFAB masculinity as:
Immature
A quirk of childhood
A stepping stone to real femininity
And what does “real girlhood” mean in this context? Dresses. Lip gloss. Boys. The implication is that your value kicks in when you start performing the kind of femininity that makes you palatable and desirable. You were allowed to be wild for a minute, but only if you clean up nice later.
It reinforces the same tired message:
Girlhood = destination, not a choice.
Masculinity is just the wrong stop on the way.
If you are Transmasculine AFAB, you are a child who should grow up, immature, being treated as much younger than they are is a huge issue with transmasculine people AFAB.
I would like to add that this is also a misogynistic trope, but misogyny intersects with transandrophobia in ways that are valid to talk about.
Examples:
The Parent Trap – Annie and Hallie are opposites, but Hallie (tomboy-coded) only really “settles down” and softens once she’s back with her mom. Her rougher edge is charming but temporary.
Now and Then – Roberta is the tomboy of the group, and her Big Moment of Growth™ comes when she puts on a dress. Not solving childhood trauma. Not emotional healing. The dress.
Boys Over Flowers – Jan-di is scrappy, resilient, athletic! and then she falls for the male lead and gradually loses every bit of that fire. By the end, she’s quiet, deferential, and soft. like that’s her natural arc.
Hi My Sweetheart– Rainie Yang’s character starts out masc-presenting and bold. She’s mocked, corrected, and eventually “fixed” into a soft, pink, cutesy girl. Her makeover isn’t for her. it’s the narrative giving her permission to be “dateable.”
5. “One of the Boys” But Never Really One of the Boys
She’s tough. She’s cool. She fights. She hangs with the guys. She might even burp. But make no mistake! she’s never actually allowed to be one. This trope gives characters AFAB just enough masculinity to seem "interesting," then punishes them if they go too far with it.
Again, this is also a misogynistic trope, but the intersectionality here is important even in the ones that don't seem obvious, some people will poke fun at me putting Natasha here for example, but if you do that you're misunderstanding my intent and I do not care for it.
I am not saying ANY of these characters are coded transmasculine, I am discussing how masculinity is treated in regards to characters AFAB.
The message is clear:
You can borrow masculinity, but don’t get comfortable in it.
These characters:
Get constant reminders that they're different
Are sexualized, softened, or sidelined the moment they get too close to “boyish”
Exist to complement the boys, not compete with them
Examples:
Avengers – Natasha Romanoff is deadly, competent, cool under pressure, but also constantly shoved into the “team mom” or “sexy redhead with feelings” role. Her backstory centers around forced sterilization, and her arc in Age of Ultron literally says she’s a “monster” for not being able to have kids. Tell me again how she’s treated like “one of the guys.”
How to Train Your Dragon – Astrid starts out as the alpha fighter, but as soon as Hiccup grows up, she becomes a background girlfriend with no arc of her own. Her sharp edge gets smoothed into supportiveness.
My Hero Academia – Nearly every tough AFAB character gets undercut. Mirko is badass but exists on the fringes. Jirou gets development, but only as support. Bakugo’s mom is comic relief. Meanwhile, male characters are allowed complex, messy, powerful arcs without ever needing to "soften" for the audience.
“AFAB Character Learns to Embrace Womanhood” = Moral Victory!
You start with a tough, scrappy, masculine-coded person AFAB, maybe she fights, maybe she’s emotionally shut down, maybe she just doesn’t want to be like other girls. It doesn't matter, this is how it ends:
She softens. She submits.
She “grows” by becoming a wife, a mom, a love interest, a Real Girl™️.
This isn’t healing. It’s containment.
The message is: your rebellion was cute, but it’s time to settle down and accept the role assigned to you.
“Growth” = compliance.
“Strength” = giving it up.
“Maturity” = pink, dresses, and a baby carriage.
Examples:
The Hunger Games – Katniss Everdeen is trauma-coded, masc-leaning, and uncomfortable with romance or traditional femininity. So what’s her ending? A baby epilogue where she’s in a dress, quietly settled into nuclear family life. Is she happy about it? No, but there's no denying that this is her ending.
Mulan II– In the original, she challenges gender roles and becomes a literal war hero. In the sequel? The plot revolves around her needing to prove she can still be soft, feminine, and wife-material. Her masculinity is not allowed to just exist.
Jojo Rabbit – Rosie (the mother) is framed as the ideal woman: warm, loving, feminine. Meanwhile, Elsa (a girl in hiding) starts out guarded and hard-edged, but only becomes “redeemed” once she softens and embraces traditional femininity.
A Silent Voice / Koe no Katachi – The narrative constantly punishes her for not being “nice enough,” and her arc only begins to shift once she becomes more demure and apologetic. She cannot be both a good person and brash or hotheaded, submit or be branded evil.
Inuyasha – Sango is introduced as a demon-slaying warrior. But her story ends in the most vanilla way possible: marriage, motherhood, and sidelining. She loses her edge completely. I hate the end of Inuyasha so much it is borderline a meme in my circles.
Fruits Basket - Uotani is tall, tomboyish, and used to be in a girl gang. She has strength, history, and depth. And then her “big growth moment”? Realizing she wants to be softer and more ladylike, because femininity is treated as the finish line within the story.
“Masculine Presentation” = Joke Costume or Moral Failure
When characters AFAB wear suits, cut their hair short, or pass as masc in any way, media rarely lets it land without a laugh track, or a moral consequence.
Masculine presentation is treated as:
A silly costume
A failed experiment
A sign of monstrosity
Or something to be shamed out of.
The story makes sure you feel embarrassed for them. It invites the audience to laugh, cringe, or judge, because “girl in boy clothes” is still a punchline in mainstream media. Just like 'Boy in girl clothes' is.
And yes, this hurts trans women, but it also absolutely targets butch, GNC, and transmasc folks. Masculinity is marked as wrong on AFAB bodies, funny if temporary, disgusting if permanent.
Examples:
Scooby-Doo – Velma’s masc coding (short hair, flat clothes, practical shoes) constantly becomes the joke. If she dresses even more masc? She’s “mistaken” for a man and ridiculed. Her queerness and presentation are treated like a quirk at best, a problem at worst.
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody – London Tipton wears a single masc outfit and the laugh track explodes. The outfit itself isn’t weird, but the show acts like the sight of her in anything non-feminine is a cosmic-level joke.
Friends – Rachel and Monica wear tuxedos in one episode, and the joke is entirely that it looks “wrong.” Chandler mocks them, the camera lingers on how “awkward” they look.
iCarly – Sam dresses masc semi-regularly, and is constantly mocked for acting “like a guy.”
In interviews, actress Jennette McCurdy has said this ongoing joke contributed directly to her eating disorder relapse.
This is not harmless.
Matilda - Miss Trunchbull is heavily masc-coded: big build, short hair, no makeup, harsh voice. She’s a literal villain, and her appearance is meant to be scary. Her masculinity is associated directly with her monstrosity.
Aikatsu! – Girls in suits are used as performance shock value. “Omg, a girl in a tuxedo??” is the whole joke.
they shape how people see us, and how we see ourselves.
When characters AFAB exploring masculinity are only ever jokes, villains, phases, or tragedies, it sends a message:
You don’t get to be this. You’re only allowed to visit.
And when you're done, you better come back “correct.”
But we’re not punchlines.
We’re not broken girls.
Some of us are boys.
Some of us are neither.
Some of us are just butch as hell and happy about it.
We deserve stories where we aren’t corrected. Where masculinity on AFAB people isn’t a phase, a disguise, or a joke. But our lives, and the truth of them.
does dad like country music? if yes, any favorites?
I sure do! Country music feels like home.
My favorite country singer is Miranda Lambert, but I listen to all kinds of people and all different types of country. Here are a few of my playlists so you can enjoy some of dad’s country:
Country Music For Rodeo Queers is all music by queer folks (a couple songs by some allies, Miranda Lambert included)! This one means a lot to me, because it’s so comforting knowing that there are other queers folks who love this music as much as I do.
do you ever look at a man’s hands and just think “fuck yes” is all my horny-on-main country songs. These are the ones that turn me on (and yes: I have jerked off and fucked to this playlist on before).
Save It For Someone You Love is all my favorite country loves song: all about fallin’ in it, losin’ it, or makin’ it.
Southern Gothic Anthems For Gays And Other Sinners is exactly what it sounds like; it’s a darker side of country music.
William Faulkner Called, He Wants His Subtext Back is all the old-time roots music that first got me into country. It’s folk songs and field hollers and spirituals and everything that country music came from.
Black Country, Folk, Bluegrass, & Old Time Music is a celebration of the Black roots of country music. We wouldn’t have country without African-American music, and this playlist is all by Black folks carrying on those traditions.
A few months ago I had to bring this beauty home from London:
This is Junie, a gilded horse skull on a 2m tall frame, with a rotting bridle and discordant rumbler bells plaited into her mane. When she moves, she makes a horrendous jangling and chattering noise, and when she's still the smell of decaying leather and river mud radiates off her.
I was sweaty, pissed off, I had been mudlarking so I stank as well, and I was generally not presenting a very warm or welcoming figure as we sat in the first-class lounge and I was acutely aware that the giant horse puppet wasn't the most sociable thing either. And then, a mother and daughter came in - The mother looked exhausted, but the daughter, maybe ten at the oldest, was properly on the verge of a meltdown... Until she saw Junie.
Immediately, she was calm. She came over, very quietly, and asked "Can I look after your horse?" - I looked at her Mam, and the Mam shrugged and nodded. I handed Junie's reins to the girl. What followed was about an hour of the girl in deep conversation with Junie, as if she was a real horse, bringing her cups of water, stroking her nose, checking that her bridle wasn't too tight, walking her around the lounge, and whispering in her empty ossicles. By time I went for my train, she was eating biscuits and happily waved Junie off with a "BYE HORSIE! GET HOME SAFELY!"
my brother started calling our cat "doobie brother" which he then lengthened to "dubious brother" and has since morphed into "brother dubious" like he's some sort of fucked up little monk
oh yeah Peter Glazebrook is 100% the inspiration behind Brother Herbert. Every drawing of Herbert is my attempt at capturing the pride and joy in this man's face at his big vegetables
staying close w people long distance really is about the mundane stuff. i get texts like "made quesadillas" "spilled mop water all over the floor :(" "lady on the bus has not one not two but three tiny dogs in her purse" andits like wow. i love you more than words can express
"One day, as he was texting her about the shortstop the Yankees had just traded, he thought: Why am I boring her with this? She doesn’t care about the Yankees. And then he thought: I’m telling her this because I love her."
In like 1998 my very femme lesbian friend went to Pride in London and was all excited at the “teddy bears picnic” happening in one of the city parks. She took along a picnic hamper and her cuddly teddy bear. Needless to say, the large hairy gay men all thought she was adorable and she had a great time
man I dunno I’m just so glad I get to wear fag clothes and have fag friends and write fag books and have fag sex. THIS is what we crawled out of the oceans for.
Nothing slapped my shit back into place like someone pointing out that the "genius gifted child with so much potential who got burnout and mental illness" is just the nerd equivalent to the jock "could have been a pro at sportsball if it wasn't for the injury".
