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Second to Last

@p-3-nultimate

Hold on. Im still trying to figure out which one this is (probably a vent,log account or whatever

35 posts

Aug 12

im lettin my anger speak for me

i wasnt like this before

im disgusting

#bruh i just sound like him #ewwwwww #hahahahah #i should not be near a thiiiiiing everrrrrrr #no good thing ever!!!!!!!!!!!!#im happy so happy im legit smiling and lauging #and then the next i hear his voice i start crying #then when hes gone im legit fucking grinning #bruhhh what in the hayday #this is so confusing #like #haha

Aug 12

.

#i think i am replacable #this statement shouldnt hurt at all because its true #how long will you lament #just shut the fuck up already #damn #lmao i get so scared to go outsied when theres like a lot of people #legit makes me panic #lmaoooooo

Aug 12

,

#the urge to delete vs the urge to draw #who will win !!!#lmaoo #i cant stop the tides from turning #i just wish i get swept away from it and im just #far away chilling #i do want to still draw #just sticking around for that #even when i doubt myself that if ireally should draw or even have the hands or right to do so #i am lamenting i am oa i am #i accidtelnlu fucking cut mysel fbitch what the fuck how was that piece of shitty plastic even sharp #lolll #i just know he hates me for what i am #i am not going anywhere #i cant go anywhere #oh no #nooo boo #dont cry #you cant do that #wait like when #when everyones asleep

Aug 12

.

#i kept dreaming of my friend's oc for the past few months #made me feel really guilty #like we werent doing anything bad but like #in fact it was just like the usual things i would see with mister sometimes during break times or whatever #He'd smoke a cigarette nearby lke near a parking lot and id drink from a bottle with a paperbag #usually id imagine this shit happening with like an oc of mine and a character I took from a thing #just doing mundane things #in the dreams usually i'd be this one oc but recently ive just been #i dont know #i dont control it #but like i feel #i feel kind of guilty enjoying my friend's ocs company in the dream when i havent talked to them in months? like ?#im tripping up a lot more often and i keep hitting things accidentally #like not like the angry hitting on purpose things like #just like #i just know i cant fix anything #i dont really want to take care of anything #then like i got worried that what if the mister ive been seeing in my dreams is actually like a real thing like #and ive jsut been #im sorry im really sorry #hell i woke up earlier had a dream we were building sandcastles for fun #but not like as kids but like as we are or like the latest age that friend's oc was and the best friend of that one oc i usually watch from #and i like watching to sun-like related ocs interact with each other #i dont want to overtake #but i feel like thats what im doing right now

Aug 12

.

#hahaha .)#i have the urge to do it again #you know i thought it would be scary to #but like im still so so scared about it #but i keep coming back to it #the thought of it and doing little bits of it #He's right. Things are going to break because I don't care #He's right #I should care about it more like with everything else #i am dirty and disgusting #and i will never get it fixed #Hes right #So right #Im so happy right now I just need another #another rotting thing yup #in reality i shouldve just kept my mouth shut #hold on #i should give this to #he has really good concerns #i already got what i wanted #so why even bother sticking around #this is the happiest ive been #oh #oh no .(#i dirtied her shirt #im sorry A #Im really sorry A #wow thats beautiful #first i will be Soooooo happy right now #and then later

Aug 12

.

#I WILL be losing dinner tonight but thats okay #ill eat chocobread tomorrow and i think thats a win #im just a ditzy fucking idiot who cant do anything right yep!#i was hoping you would teach me but all i heard from you is how useless i am with everthing and when will I learn #hmm youre right #i should do better even if im going at it blindly #cuz like #who the fuck cares right #i fucking used a knife to pry open the door lmao #fool. you utter fool! you shouldlve used a magnet #i do just make everything worse #at this point i have like negative points with appliances #im happy #im happy so happy #so duper happy #its funny how i feel so happy when i think about going to the ocean #oml what if i pull a chapter 5 weirdroute thing with the lake with noelle hahahahha #that would be so funny actually #everything is perfect #i cried a bit but it felt nice that i got #i didnt feel disgusting

Aug 12

.

#it felt good to talk back #i mean yeah sure there was a couple of words said to me and i believed it to be true #but like i didnt cry immediately after talking!#it was very satisfying actually even though i got shit on my head for it ahahahaha #it was a light thwack now that im older but like hahahahah #i should say sorry #i wont mean it but likke if i dont be nice to them theyll probably cut off my shit and i wont have anywhere else to go #my educ is already cut off and i might as well fucking die right #well not right now of course #i still have a few things i want to draw #i should however talk to my friends though #....#no #nah #theres no point to it #all im gonna do is say shit and hope they move on from it #i dont #i dont want to let them know that no #ha thats funny shit actually #I just know for a fact that he sees my bros gf as a good replacement i bet #like yeah go ahead she can be your new kid #im too incompetent to be anything to anybody so yeah #too tired to engage with my fellas #too tired to put all that work in anything #thats fine though #this is good material for Hashtag Emotions and what not #im going home but all i can think of is #getting lost #would be fun right #I dont know whats fun right now. the oc that handles/lets me feel fun and hunger aint exactly the same nor here right now

Aug 11

nothng fucking work but laest i got my phone back

#im happy #no im grateful that i can still use it actually #even its as laggy and frustrting as hell to use #its stll mine #frustratingly yetlovingly mine #this is awesome dude i gotto see someof my unfinished works dude

Aug 2

.

#maybe im too childish into wanting to keep those things #i dont even use it #and where the hell a m i gonna use it #its #okay

Aug 2

.

#yeah you can have all my things #just wait for me to die ok #im sick enough as it is #you can have my guitar too if you want #you already have my piano and clothes #and my plates and my pillow and my fucking room too i guess #if you wanted my phone go ahead #but theres no phone to use because i fucking broke it #my shooes too some of them are new #go fucking ahead go fucking taek them #yeah i now im fucking selfish for wanting to kee p it #take my fucking bag too #im trying not to hold onto anything so youre making this easier for me #im scared that it will hurt #but really once you really think about it its pointless to keep it #have my rings. earrings. necklace and bracelets too ig #not enough “its okay” can remedy this right now #i need to just #remove moylef form the situation #itll cool off probably #ill piss myself off and then id forget about it #so i can just go fuck off an d #yeah #you already took my fucking octavina #and bandurria #and my fuckingn flag baton #you dont even use those things #why are you fucking taking it #youre already taking like a bunch. and some cash too to like make your skin whiter #what the fuck bro

Aug 2

.

#ofc im wrong #all of the things i said is wrong #im always wrong #im wrong im so fucking wrong #theres nothing i can say that i can make it right #ill always be wrong to you #thats okay because i deserve it #you alwasy hated people who are like this right #you wanted someone lese whos more intune with whatever more competent more righteous #im nothing like that because im dirt im wrong and i will awlays say the wrong thing that s okay thats okay #but whats not fucking okay that you decided to waste it on me when you can do it for someone else because im less #im less than a bug than a person im utter fitlh #garbage #i shouldve #stop #i should just stop #but i f i dont say these things i might break another thing #i dont want to break another thing and have the #i there making me close my #no #i have a choice yet i chose this #its my fault for being this way #its best to minimize the damage and go the fuck away from everything else #i just need to stress myself out the right way so i dont have to remember any of this #but not enough that ill do something ill regret #i just need to go far far far far far far away #theyre coming by the door again #my words suck man #lmao even when im talking like this it still feels so weak and riddled with mistakes

Aug 2

.

#the ocs i use to help me with ignore everything and encourage me to eat is kind of #going away from me #it feels like they're not mine anymore just because i #im just angry easier now but i dont want to eat #it feels so uncomfortable to eat #and it feels like im being watched all the tine (by nothing at all)#it just feels like it #i dont have mych time on this borrowed tablet #it took me like 6 mins to log in because it slow #the moment i post this im gonna log out and go back to hiding in my room again #theyre not mine anymore #i want it to be but gootnes #igained a bit of weight andi m kind of happy about that but like #my relativs are pointing it out like its a bad thing #i dont want to see bones i dont want to see my ribs or the points in my #i dont like how my kneecaps look wrong #a person in my life who was in the days before i turned one of ocs into a candy thing kept calling them by the name i first gave them and #man they are just so different now #trying to push out the thoughts that plague me #i aim to be aimless though i fear other's expectations and they point it out and they say something like i didnt do enough #yeah i didint #theyre coming again oop #i had a dream that one of the ocs ive been dreaming of for a long while revealed itself to be as a person in my life's oc #and i kind of panicked because "shit oh fuck what if they knew and they have been digging and they already asw ant ehy know how i #when #i need to go back into the #i need to lock #i #i need to turn off my head #theyre gonna terminate the cont

Jul 29

. sweat drop

#i heard him shout my name across the room earlier when I sent the wrong email #i fear that he can read it all #even the messages #deleting it would be a lot more suspcious so i m just leaving it #complaining on in some of my messaging apps would be bad i think #i feel like he somehow knows and kind of vaaguely mentions it #i just said i liked ben 10 lsat week #where did he see or hear that #like i know i only drink when SHES around but like #this aint the first time too but uknow #i want to say something but im afraid he will see that too an d #yeah #still hankful for my friend who lent me this shi #its theirs and none of it is mine #its. okay #i just need to put up with it cu z he earns money and shii #and i wouldnt be able to live as i do right now if i do anything #i can still buy food and sleep well #i can still close the door whenever and he doesnt approach much #so its. still oka y #i like number 9 #i still kind of want to . sleep longer though

Jul 28

.

#i miss my phone #there wass a game there that i play anf now cant #my avvuognt #my za #mhmbvgcccccccccccccc #thety eant egangement ang feebavk #ey whatn someont presnt long term somoen wholl be wiht them in thfurute #im not that persong #i gont want ot ygse other people luje that byt gid un jsyt kuej them #um sotty to anyone who knre me #yhe only teasong im tyoping on this as because my girend askrf me #abg thyte the only one who tuck arouhg evet after every edissaponh rtment #um sotty yim weak #i dont have a sthong thing #i get irritated whn cpmpeared to somoebone #afwul ego #i goulnt hsvr lr t my fabr dyop mr from covmmiyinh yo my plsmds #i shouldve stopped ages aho #i shoubrlr enry eiy h iy ehil r iesd diyll in high dvoooll #i sgyold faoolw my relatibes suggestion and reobme myself #i mean ny accoungt wheter ai draw for gun is gone cuz of them #so i think i sholh do the asame and judt go #i geel the call of sleep again #im happgt

Jul 28

.

#man im the absolute worst #how can i expect others to help me when i cant even help others #theyre drinking again but this time whiskey #i didnt have time to hide it and now theyre taking it and mixing it with juice #i feel disgusting to have even suggested it but I just want them to stop talking to me #i jut wanna disappear #maybe sleep a bit longer #last night i slept from 6 pm and woke up at 12 pm #it was nice #i kind of want to sleep a little longer #it was so quiet and more peaceful that way #and i didnt have to think about what would happen if my relatives take me in #ive been bluffing for so long #im a god damn idiot whos a fucking liar and the only way i can make people stop talking to me was to suggest drinking #awful .#the drink tastes awful too #i dont think i ll ever get used to it #i only had onesmall cup of it #but at least it kept my roommate occupied and shes not angry at me #and i cant even emphatize at all with her or anyone right now #i just dont want to feel it anymore #everything seems like a burden #too much trouble and too much effort in anythingim tired #my stupid personality #i wish someone elsee would replace me already #someone more competent and caring #someone who has goals for the future and can picture themselves living #i hate this name this face and everything #i keep hearing that communication is a group effort but i dont watn to be a part of anything #its too tiresome

Jul 20

.

#you mean to tell me this talking thing that you pass back and forth with others is natural?#what do you mean that you dont feel like clawing your throat out and bashing your head to the nearest cement just because you exchanged #words with someone. like whaaaaaaaat #i think im being sarcastic #there are other people who are a lot more than me #utterly ridiculous #so cool so awesome #they are #ok im serious about them being so cool #hahahha someone just raised their voice in surprise and i feel like i want to run #lmao what a loser #im such a loser

Jul 20

.

#i know i have to talk with others because that is expected of me #but i really dont want to #i dont want to #something about having to have close connections as you grow or whatever #i dont #i dont want that #or #i exaggerated a lot of features from someone to the point that they feel like a joke now #but thats how theyll be remembered in a way #then again were unreliable as fuck so #it doesnt matter #it doesnt really matter no #no it doesnt #such a chatterbox #i dont know what i want #nor how to perform in a way that others #want #im a terrible performer anywa

Second to Last @p-3-nultimate - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag