Complete rant. BUt. OMG people stop eating food in bed if it's not yours/ aren't going to clean up. And I'm not talkign plate on the bed. I do that too eveything is in the plate that's fine. BUt CRUMBS ????
If I have to clean up someones's crusty crumbs they left there for 2 weeks because they were going to leave after and never come back Again (for the 3rd time this week alone) I'm combusting. It's just. So easy to avoid TT
Also tell me why I can clean after someone just fine but the moment it's my room my body repells that very idea :')
Anyway sorry Clara I'm giving this to you. (Clara is another oc I just haven't drawn her ever TT even though I've had her for 9 years at this point. She exists only in my mind)
It'd maybe be better as a graph but I'm lazy and hate graphs. SO :
--
Rose and Jenny are cousins. Rose's parents are still married. Jenny was raised by her single Dad. Rose's mom is Jenny's dad's older sister.
(they live apart but see eachother so much they might as well live together. Jenny did live with Rose for a little bit as infants. then later as roommates. They all get along allright now)
Rose's parents often argued in her childhood, still do.
While it made her much more likely to curl up and bottle up her emotions, as well as letting people walk over her, she'd sometimes snap at Jenny as a consequence. Obviously felt awful about it, engaging in a guilt cycle of wanting to make up for it but not allowing herself to let any of her emotions out, repeating it.
(until she started cutting herself, finally ginding a way to relieve herself of pent up emotions without hurting anyone -not counting herself-)
Jenny has a great and loving relationship with her dad. She did sometimes feel like a burden but knows she isn't, courtesy of her dad reminding her how much she loves her everyday. He has always been very supportive. Even if he wasn't often home (which led her to venture into internet spaces, more on that later) they've always made the most of their time together. I'll maybe desbribe more, but her hdad was very codependent toward Jenny after his wife left him. (planting the seeds of Jenny's own codependcy toward Rose and especiallly Michelle later on)
Loves Rose like a sister, didn't like dealing with her snappy moods but never held it against her as she saw how it hurt her to act this way.
Feels very protective of her (and the people she loves), but especially Rose, after her bullying. Her strong temperament has caused her to have a more strained relationship with her aunt.
--
Charlotte has an older brother (9 years apart) with whom she never really bonded with due to their age difference. Their relation does improve in their adult life. She has a good relationship with her parents, although they did go through a rough patch during her adolescence, mostly due to their divorce (amical) which led to Charlotte acting out, such as dying her hair and smoking to be purposely "edgy/emo"
(something she knew they hated with a passion; since they associated it with her brother's own rebellious phase; where he almsot died by od at a party)
Felt a but lonely in her youth, often coming home to no one at home due to their job and having practically no relationship with her own brother after he left not long after he turned 18.
sometimes hangs out with her cousins. Specifically Clara.
--
Michelle is an only child but has lots of relatives. She loves her parents but has a complicated relationship with them. Half because she's deeply afaraid of coming out as bi to them (they're okay with homosexuality, as long as it's not their children. To Michelle's mom specifically, bisexuality is the worst, only sees it as a perverse)
Also because while her parents love eachother, they have fought a lot, arguments were common and due to work stress her dad lightly strangled her mom once. He has apologized after every signle time and since the stress went away has gotten much better. (it both angered and scared Michelle. But since her mom was okay afterward, they never talked much about it.)
(used to fantasize about killing her parents sometimes multiple times a day, more often than not her dad; felt bad later though which led her to let some behaviour slide out of guilt. Although the real reason why she never did anythins is because she's terrified of consequences)
( They separated once when she was 3-4 but got back together after her dad got his act back together)
Had a crush on one of her cousins once when she was 5 and it still haunts her
Started drinking (small sips) at 8 with her grandparents. Then smuggled some of her Dad's cigarettes in her late teens.
the first time Michelle and Jenny met, Michelle was humming along to "poupée de cire poupée de son" by France gall. That and her "porcelain appearance" were big influences in the making of Jenny's nickname for Michelle. That and flirting, since doll. poupée. Just plain flirting. Somehow it worked XD
(helps that Jenny didn't mean it as Michelle having as little emotions as a doll, quite the opposite actually. '"you know when you feel like dolls are looking at you all creepy ? I can feel your eyes following me, but uhm. I'm taking it as a compliment ;3")
1st, to be clear. I love my girls, and Michelle and Jenny love each other very much but it is NOT healthy. Jenny wants to give up control over her own life to someone else, to be owned and treated as the other's object? Of course she wtill wants to be seen as a human being, but her primary desire is to belong to somebody. OR at least belong WITH somebody. (more on that with her codepende to Rose)
Meanwhile Michelle, elle, needs to have control over Something in her life. She can't control the world, the way her brain functions and her feelings, but she can control her actions (somewhat). To be allowed to control another this way, to have the other at her mercy, is the best way for her to exerce this need. (although in the "good" ending she'd learn to yes, be in control, but alos learn to give up control over her own thoughts and feelings as well as Jenny, both giving up their self but in a trusting manner, instead of the current desperate one they have).
Michelle does love Jenny, but she's alos very much addicted to the way she feels when she's with her. Jenny needs to give her life to live and Michelle needs somebody elese to live. It's addicting to both. Almost to the extreme. They help eachother, but in retour they become each other's drugs.
-Others thoughts.
Charlotte.. knows they'll probably kill each other somehow, accidentally. She's happy for them, but she's known Michelle the longest. She's seen how she gets. She's happy she's happy, but she can see how it could go bad, very quickly. Perhaps it's selfish, but she'd ratehr Michelle gets to be happy and kill herself in it than decay without it. She thinks it's Something they can only figure out with each other. Of course she'd help if asked for advice, but she won't stick her nose in it as long as they're happy.
Rose. Wants to Believe they'll be good for each other, and does belive they'd be. But can also see how Michelle could self destruct, and knows that Jenny would follow suit. She also knows she can't do anything about it. Wishes the best for them. And, although she feels shameful for even thiking about it; is relieved she won't have to be feeling responsible for Jenny anymore or worry about Jenny being with somebody she doesn't know. Michelle might not be the stable lover she wishes Jenny had but she knows she'd never take advantage of Jenny's.. behaviour/extremes.
(Brief summary "not really) Michelle finally feels like she can breathe with Jenny, and Jenny wants to be suffocated by Michelle's everything.
they're both self destructive but in different ways. Jenny isn't suicidal but would follow Michelle if seh wanted to commit a doucle suicide. Meanwhile, Jenny is an Anchor for Michelle (who's only saving grace is her fear of conséquences). Whihch is good, but when jenny still gives her permission for naythign she'd want to do to her again and again despite Michelle tellling her it might kill her Something flips Inside. (which is why seh decides to not get together and work it out with her therapist.) - (in another universe she takes the hand jenny offers her and while their time together is increible their shared passion ends up Killing them early)
Used to have a braid, nickname "fishtail". Was often told she had "eyes like a fish, Dead as one" (among many others, lots of statues and paintitng commetns too) Hates that. Hates that people think she doesn't have emotions, doesn't express them. She does, she really does.
LOves looking at fish, A bit mesmerized by them and their colours. Htaes their smell, hates their texture. Hates their existence.
Very neutral, greys and monochorme palette. Looks a bit dead when alone. Like a fish underwater. (check but) Red is the first colour to disappear in the ocean. Jenny = red. maning close to the syrface and the sun and not fish. Wow; Symbolism and all.
Always felt like she was suffocating anyway. Tried to drown herself but didn't manage to. (water means a lot to her, in many ways. It carries a lot of history) Even if she doesn't like the taste of it, doesn't care for smoking more thn that (beside being very prone to addictions). She was Always suffocating even before, might as well ruin her lungs. It won't change much.
(anecdote): One time, at the beach, she saw a fish jump out of the water it was in; a wave going toward the sand. The fish landed near Michelle, flailing around and starting to suffocate. Michelle crouched down, looking at it. She did'tn put it back, nor did she leave it. She, for some unknown Reason, just started at it, pensive. (thinking) "Why did you jump ? What was the Reason ? To what end ?" She couldn't make ends or tails (yes pun intended) for this stupid creature's choice. Whta an idiot. How could it have possibly survived until now. She wacthed. Until Rose came by and saw the fish, struggling, and flicked it back to the water. She was about to ask why Michelle hadn't done anything, but stopped after seeig her face. Michelle looked elsewhere. They didn't speak about it.
In the bathroom, looking in the mirror. "Sees" the reflection but doesn't refister it as her own. Know it is, (can feel "her" skin when the hand touches the face in the reflection) and it's a mirror, so of course it's her. And yet, she can't recognise herself. Nothing makes sense, she knows she looks like that, she thinks. She has those features, but it's all wrong.
TRies to touch the other and (break in "reality" her fingers go theough the mirror, the body on one side, the nerves plastered against the mirror and Inside, only a skeleton. View from Inside the mirror, sees two "empty" eyes looking in. (Micehlle)
Strats to panic, can't unerstand what she is, what is she ?? What does it mean ? What is a body, what is hers ? Does she even have one ? Is she Nothing but consciousness that mistook dream for reality ? How vould she be ?
Back to "reality" Michelle puts her hand to her mouth, feels like puking. Quickly throwxs herself at the toilet to puke in. VIolent throath movement.
(Anecdote future w: Jenny) SOOOOO ROUGH (just idea. Make it better)
(((It was wrong. It was so wrong. She couldn't. How could she be allowed to toucj, caress, cardle the other ? She only wanted to love her, so why she have to fight against her own impulses, not to bash her head in as the other leaned on the wall, enterlacing her hands around Michelle's neck. It was so loving. It felt so goood. So why . Why couldn't she just enjoy it without feeling so violent. Even worse, she couldn't stop grinning. It was so wrong. So good; So wrong. So wrong to be so good. So good to be wrong. She couldn't even remember what the other had said.))
She can handle a bit. Most often than not though, it starts to burn. (unwanted touch, awful, obv.) Even if she does want ti, it just burns. Super annoying, "sparkling" like discomfort.
When crush; Still "sparkles" but more so in an "excited" way. Less discomofort, more like too much, good, but still too warm.
With Jenny. Incredily rare, it's pleasantly warm. Not too much, not painful. Just enough. Just warm, cozy, soothing. Reassuring.
Read with caution ! nothing explicit but mention of rape and slight pedophilia? (in the context of intrusive thoughts only.) as well as suicidal ideation and implied alcoholism
Michelle on the couch; looking sad. Not for any particular Reason. She felt fine before ahdn, her mind Simply decided to be morrose all of a sudden. It started slow, the thoughts. It was many thigns, she was used to most of them. Some, she could never get used to. As though her mind belonged to somebody else, a twisted and awful person, perhaps. She couldn't stop thinking about it. Rape. It came and went in her mind more and more as time passed. Although it had only been a few moments since this phrnomrnon had started, she was already tied of it. It had never happened. Bu tit felt like it had. She could feel her skin crawling, way too warm for it to be only her own warmth. AS if gropped by another, that burned her and made all of her hair stand up on her necK. But of course, if it were only that. No, it couldn't be that simple. Even if her mlind loved torturing her with made up expereiences, it loved even more to make her want it. Not for herself, but for antoher. The word, although nothing in its spelling had vhanged, Michelle could feel the intent change in her. No more was it aimed toward her, but to aything ehr mind had Under its metaphorical teeth.
It was already distressing enough to experience this thought alone, but it became much worse whenever it changed like that. Now, she wasn't the one bearing it, she was the one acting. And of course, of Fucking course, since her mind knew what was the most horrible way to spin this, as if it weren't horrible enough, turned its attention toward children. Michelle curled up even more in herself. Maybe it was because she had tried to get rid of the restless thpught, or because, uncsiously, she thought it couldn't be worse than this, and it felt the need to prove it could.
Shaking her head every second, desperatly trying to shake the thought off of her, as it was practically clawed in her brain at this point. Her eyes closed; hard; trying to regain control of her mind, she took her phone with one of her hands that was previously gripping her knees togetehr. Opening it, she quickly felt around to play some music. Turning the volume up, and up. Up util it was all she could ehar.
For a single moment, it worked. Her mind did not feel clear, bit it was instead so loud, overtaken by the piercing voice of some song that had been randomly chosen. It hurt a bit and she had instinctually pushed it away from her ear, but it was better than the mental torture her mind was subjecting itself to.
But then again mayeb this mind of hers was a masochist Or maybe it was sadism towaerd its co-owner. AS if to spite Michelle for even daring to stop its incessant depraved babbling, it came back full force, changing its trajectory and putting Michelle's friend, her person of affection; Jenny, on the recievenig end.
Disgusted, yet again, She let go of her phone to immediatly press down on her ears. Her eyelid were "wrinkled" down so hard on her eyes, it hurt. On one hand, it served to swap the intrusive image by those bizarre patterns that appear before closed eyes. One the other; Michelle wished she could have crushed her brain with her will, reached in from her ears and squeezed until her brain fluids came out of her nose and Nothing of this shameful idea could be foudn.
But none of wishes had been fulfilled until now, and it wasn't about to begin now. Her usual method to keep those things out had failed. No external sound could quiet down the cacophony on the insisde of her mind.
The Last thign that could possibly shut it down would be itself. It may not listen to her, despite it being her own body, it never did; but external factors could. Getting her head out of a pillow she had buired herself Under at some point, she stood up and marched toward her fridge, determined. Opening it in a hurry she quickly took one of the many bottles that she kept there. To be precise, some good Champagne she had bought last Week. It was supposed to be enjoyed at the next party, in appriorate glasses and to fuel everyone's excitement, keeping the gatehring joyful. Instead, the wax seal had been ripped in a hurry, the cork pried open hastly with a cork opener, only because it didn't work with teeth. The pressure Inside bubbled up, dripping down on the floor as Micehlle choked a bit on it, letting her head fall backward a bit as she guzzled down all she could.
She just wanted it to stop. Why wouldn't it stop. Why did it never listen to her. She didn't want this. She'd never. Why did it do that. Why? Why did it never Fucking behave the way she wanted it to.
She hated it. She hated it. She hated it. She hated it. She hated it so much.
So whta if it did'nt listen. She was still in control. She was. She could be. She knew how to shut it down.
Going back to the couch after hazardly putting a chiffon (rag) on the floor, hopefully absorbing the wasted liquid; Michelle turned on the TV. The bottle in hand, her eyes and ears fosued on one of her favourite series.(amicalement vôtre) She could be in controln here. She knew what happened. Nothing could disrupt her mind. Nothing new, no variables. As long as Nothing changed, she wouldn' have to suffer.
(( she woke up lter in the Morning, slighty hungover. The empty bottle still in her grasp. She turned bacl into the couch, not wanting to see the view. Not wanting to remember. What a pathetci display of 'control, she thought. It had worked to silence one of her flaws, if only for a little while, bt what of the others ? Those wree only reinforced.
It was too tiring, to be alive. To have all those thoughts, to deal with it all. She just wanted to sleep. No dreamsn, no nihtmzares. Only the absence of consciousness could cure her from her self made disease. If only she hadn't been born. If only.
Rose was a very chubby kid (technically not "overweight" fat but much bigger than the others) with lots of insecurity around her weight and social skills.Aactually pretty talkative but very shy; due to being seen as annoying by many of her peers as an example. Was pretty isolated from other kids her age; bullied by a trio of girls (actively bullied by the 3, still experienced bullying by others).
Mostly name Calling, insults and the likes. Her nickname, Pig. (my ocs are french, pig being "cochon". Not mentionned here but lots of nicknames Don't work in English)
The "leader" of her bully clique decided to try Something new, asking for tissues for her nose (Rose gave them to her because she's polite above all and sneezing is a natural bodily function) So the bully blew her nose then threw at the ground near Rose, telling her to pick it up to go throw it in the bin. Obviously Rose didn't, because well 1 it'd be humiliating and 2 it's incredibly unhygienic. So She got up and walked away, ruffling her bangs to hide her face some more.
This refusal to go along with her antics greatly angered Bully "A" (We"ll call them A, B and C for an easier read) Since Rose usually didn't protest against their insults, more of a doormat than anything.
As "punishment" for going against her, A decided to go after her, taking her jam out of her backpack (Something she always carried with her for the MJC* snack, and then used sparringly to spread onto Rose's backpack and/or clothes. un clin d'œil à l'expression "donner de la confiture aux cochons") And dropping its content onto her head.
Disgusted and feeling horrible (both psychologically and physically speaking) Rose fled to the ladies room and began to frantically wet her hair to try and get the jam out as the rest of the girls followed after her
(as ominous as it sounds, that was a usual occurrence at the school, creeping into other people's toilets through the open side on top and "catch them" often an activity done in groups, 1 to 3 people looking and the rest waiting in the ladies room. Rose often being a "participant" for that game)
After getting into the bathroom, B and C stood beside the door a second until A went toward her, grabbing her shoulders and turning her around. Then both C and B joined in and restrained her. A searched around in her backpack for her scissors, holding up her hair still full of jam, told her she'd "help" her out, and cut off her hair, bangs and all; leaving her hair completely disheveled.
(later in the day, at the time to go to the MJC, Jenny finds Rose and asks her what happened to her hair. Rose snaps at herand tells her to mind her own business, it's Nothing. Jenny, left alone, decides to go cut her own hair in the MJC's bathroom so they'd match. (to make Rose feel less alone / also coming up with the story that they tried giving each other a haircut as an explanation for their parents)
The next events happen a few days after. Jenny finds out who has been bullying her cousin and goes to confront them with Rose. Ovbiously, it doesn't go well and Jenny, having hidden her own scissors under her sleeves, threatens them with it. C tries to slap the scissors out of her hands, prompting Jenny to slash it at her. The whole group erupts in panic. C pushes Jenny and B screams and flees, knocking down Rose in her escape. Jenny punches C and lunges at A, biting her chin and trying to get to her neck, hands around her shoulders. Screaming and flailing around, A grabs at Jenny's hair to try and get her off of her while C comes to her rescue and drags her back, accidentally making Jenny's nails dig into A's arms, scratching them and drawing blood. Unable to stay on, Jenny turns around and continue scratching at C. Finally free from the other's grasp, A still reeling from the pain, takes ahold of the now empty jam bottle and goes to slam it over the back of Jenny's head. But before it can come into contact, Rose, who had finally gotten up, pushes out C and envelops Jenny with her body, shielding her and getting the glass bottle to shatter over her forehead.
as a consequence, Rose needs a couple stitches and A gets one of her hand's ligaments** cut from one of the shards which got lodged into it on impact. Jenny gets away with only some bruises, scratches and a blackeye. C has a few bruises and some thin scratches too, as well as the initial slash.
*MJC stands for "maison des jeunes et de la culture"; think of it as an after school place for kids to join while their parents finish their job.
**the injury (flexor tendon) resulted in her being unable to flex the proximal and distal interphalangeal joints.(upper phalanges). Sensation was intact tho
This doesn't show it but the bullying was rather severe, and although B and C were more into verbal and social bullying, they didn't mind Following A in the physical bullying. I'll probably write more about this at some point at a later date. (tried to make this short, hence the lack of dialogue)
