Progress Not Perfection

[pairsh]

Why I Don't Want to Argue (And You Shouldn't Either)

I hate politics. As my girlfriend/her mother would be quick to remind me, "Hate is a strong emotion." And that's true. And I *hate* politics. I hate politics because I hate arguing, and I hate arguing because I hate conflict. I don't want to confront somebody and I don't want to be confronted and I'd really rather we all just get along. But I also hate denial and having unrealistic expectations of the world. Conflict and confrontation are a part of everyday life because there's more than just one of us out there. At some point, my experiences, interests, and/or opinions are going to get perpendicular with yours, and that's okay. One of the lessons that was missing from my life for a long time is that conflict is a natural part of living, so don't freak out or think that everything is falling apart just because you're experiencing conflict. It's important, too, to know that conflict resolution is an important skill to have, and it's a skill that can be learned, so each conflict you have is an opportunity to practice and get better at resolving the next one. Arguing, though... That's something altogether different. Arguing isn't about resolving anything, it's about winning. Arguing takes conflict and makes it into a contest. Arguing is about establishing someone as the loser. Arguing takes a conversation, with all the complexities and subtleties of human interaction and reduces it to a binary fight about whether or not I'm right. Arguing doesn't care about you. It doesn't care who you are or where you're from or what your experiences have been in life or what your values are or why they're your values or what kind of impact they've had on your life or other people. It takes all of that and chucks it all out the window because I'm right and you're wrong and I'm not letting go until you admit that. Arguing commits the sin of acting like other people don't exist. And other people very much exist. Think about it: every other person on the face of this planet either has or (at one point in their lives) has had parents and a birthday and a favorite color and a best friend and a highest hope and a deepest fear and a favorite smell and a way they most desperately want to be loved and a thing they do when they're nervous about looking foolish in front of someone they respect. They had dinner last night (or maybe they didn't) and went to bed at a certain hour and woke up today and experienced a life so unique and profound that it could easily be translated into a short story of some significance, were there a storyteller skilled enough to convey it. Every single person on the planet, all seven billion-plus of us, represents a rich tapestry of thoughts and feelings and experiences, and arguing doesn't care about any of that. I don't argue because I care about honoring and respecting the most precious and sacred aspects of who you are. I argue because I'm right and you're wrong and I can't stand the thought of losing a disagreement. I know there are times to stand up for what's right and represent the truth to the best of our ability. I know that there are consequences of not doing that. I'm not saying we should give up our convictions and let what we see as wrong or evil simply roll right over us without putting up a fight. What I am saying is that the next time you're tempted to argue with someone, take five seconds to think of them as a fully-developed person, and then do your best to care for that person as well as you can. Talk to them the way you would talk to someone you love and would want to see them experience the best that life has to offer. Don't soft-sell what you believe to be the truth, but don't get so hung up on being right that you forget there's still a real human being in there. Sometimes that means giving the other person the freedom to disagree with you while continuing to maintain a position that they are still worthy of your love and respect. Sometimes the best way to do that is draw a boundary and enforce it. But my basic theory behind all of this is that it's not necessary to throw somebody's "wrongness" in their face and belittle them until they seemingly give up their position. That's not banter. That's a bully.

[pairsh]

Do not internalize the industrial model. You are not one of the myriad of interchangeable pieces, but a unique human being, and if you've got something to say, say it, and think well of yourself while you're learning to say it better.

David Mamet

[pairsh]

Human felicity is produced not so much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen as by little advantages that occur everyday.

Benjamin Franklin

[pairsh]

The great end of education is to discipline rather than to furnish the mind; to train it to the use of its own powers, rather than fill it with the accumulation of others.

Tyron Edwards

[pairsh]

Avoid luxury, avoid effeminate enjoyment, by which men's minds are softened... While all excesses are hurtful, excess of comfort is the most hurtful of all; it affects the brain; it leads men's minds into vain imaginings; it spreads a thick cloud over the boundaries of truth and falsehood.

Seneca, c. 60-65 A.D.

[pairsh]

Walk With Me

Yesterday I walked to the Barton Springs pool from my apartment, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal if you don't know where I live (nine miles away).  In fact, even attaching a number to it doesn't make it sound like that big of a deal.  Any way you look at it, nine miles isn't that far.

But try telling that to my feet.

Just to be clear, I have a car.  I have gas in my car.  I even have money to put more gas in my car should the gas that's already in it be insufficient to get me where I want to go.  This wasn't about lacking the means to get around or trying save money.

To be honest, though, I didn't really have a clear idea what it was about, I just felt like it was something I needed to do.  I kept a journal with me and jotted down some ideas that helped me piece it together.  Here are a few bits from that:

5 AM - "I'm not sure what to call this because I'm not sure what to expect from it. On one hand, it feels exciting and visceral, like I'm going on some kind of spirit quest or preparing for battle.  On another, it feels kind of stupid, because how much self-discovery can you really experience in a day? ... I feel like a lot of this is going to follow a "we'll see as we go along" approach."

6 AM - "I guess the purpose behind this is clarity, as opposed to endurance or survival, which is probably why it makes sense to think about it one way and seems silly to think about it another... I just feel a need to get out of my usual habit for a while and straighten myself out... I really hope one day is enough to do that."

11 AM - "I'm constantly second guessing myself about this, thinking of all the things I could do today if I just stayed home.  The fact that one of them was 'download a bunch of porn and sleep all day' tells me I'm doing the right thing."

1:56 PM - "This walking business is more physical than I imagined.  And slower.  If I was on my bike, I could cover twice the distance in half the time... But maybe that's part of the mentality I need to confront: maybe I get too hung up on how fast I'm moving when I should worry more about where I'm actually going and why."

3:41 PM - [Having stopped at Whole Foods a couple of hours to eat, read and journal] "...I can feel my feet and legs begging me not to continue on to Barton Springs; to just stay at Whole Foods with all its delicious smells; to catch a bus home and do all this soul-searching from my easy chair... If I'm meeting with this much resistance, maybe I'm starting to get somewhere?"

5:38 PM - "No major breakthroughs or catharses so far.  Just a couple ugly topless chicks and a bunch of screaming kids... Why *did* I come here?  What did I think was going to happen?  That it would change my life?  That it would solve my problems?  ...I feel stupid for being disappointed... I guess the only thing left for me to do is stop staring at all these other people having fun and jump in.  After all, I did walk all this way..."

6:32 PM - "Whoever came up with full immersion baptism clearly didn't do it in Barton Springs.  Either that, or "buried with him in the likeness of his death" includes some serious shrinkage... I didn't really come here for some kind of life-changing epiphany or because I wanted to meet my destiny at Barton Springs on a Monday.  I walked all the way down here because I need to know that I can do something really difficult and kind of ridiculous (or possibly just kind of difficult and really ridiculous) and survive the whole experience none the worse for wear... I'm not going to get to the kinds of places I want to go in life if I can't do that."

All in all, I guess that's what yesterday was about: needing the proof that I can be uncomfortable or inconvenienced and still get where I want to go.  Maybe for most normal people, this is just a given fact of life and they don't need the validation.  For a recovering addict, this is a life-saving lesson and I need to remind myself of it constantly.  I want my life to be worth something and to die feeling like I've had an adventure.  I don't want to be a lifeless nobody who's too scared of the outside world to leave his house.

Then again, who really does?

[pairsh]

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. In this life we get nothing save by effort.

Teddy Roosevelt

[pairsh]

When I was a child of seven years old... and being charmed with the sound of a whistle... in the hands of another boy, I voluntarily offered and gave all my money for one... My brothers, and sisters, and cousins, understanding the bargain I had made, told me I had given four times as much for it as it was worth... and laughed at me so much for my folly, that I cried with vexation; and the reflection gave me more chagrin than the whistle gave me pleasure. This, however, was afterwards of use to me, the impression continuing on my mind; so that often, when I was tempted to buy some unnecessary thing, I said to myself, Don’t give too much for the whistle; and I saved my money... In short, I conceive that great part of the miseries of mankind are brought upon them by the false estimates they have made of the value of things, and by their giving too much for their whistles.

Benjamin Franklin

[pairsh]

The Truth

The truth is that oatmeal cream pies and Dr. Pepper make me sick to my stomach, but I bought and ingested both of them today.

The truth is that I get really sleepy around 9:30 every night, but it's midnight as I write this and I'm staying up to watch House.

The truth is that I like scented candles and fragrant hand soap, but my apartment is a mess and smells like dead fish farts.

The truth is that I'm a reasonably talented writer and a damn good artist, but it's easier and cheaper to make excuses and I don't have to wake up early to do it.

The truth is that it doesn't really matter what the truth is if my behaviors don't align with it.

[pairsh]

Hand to Mouth

The main reason I don't blog very often is because I don't have an effective system of productivity.  If I take the time and actually create something (anything, really) that I believe is worth putting out for public consideration, I get a blog post for that day.  If I don't set aside that time or I don't spend it working, then I don't have anything to post.  

It's not rocket science.  Work = post.  No work = no post.

The problems with this creative method are obvious.  For the audience, it's inconsistent and unreliable, like a restaurant with weird hours that either closes or runs out of food right when I think I might like to place an order.  From the creator's perspective, it's total chaos.  I spend days/weeks/months feeling bored and constipated and then spend a few days or a week trying to get all of my thoughts organized and expressed in a whirlwind of activity.  The relationships and responsibilities that comprise the entire rest of my life are all strained or damaged because of what all I'm ignoring or avoiding so as not to interrupt my "flow."  Things like cleaning and washing dishes fall to the wayside, so the workspace is a mess and there's no room to keep going, even if I wanted to.  Like I said, total chaos.  

The solution, then, is to make a conscious decision to stop living like this and start working in a different way.  If I want to get ahead, I have to establish a system of production that is efficient and effective and then commit to adhering to that system every day.  I have to give myself room to make bold decisions and try new things that don't look like what I've been doing so far.  I have to stop living paycheck to paycheck and find a new way of doing things.

I'm still talking about 'blogging, right?

[pairsh]

A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

Hunter S. Thompson

[pairsh]

Well, here it is.  Almost a month from the day I bought all the stuff for it, I have a completely functional and totally finished workbench to call my very own.  Even though there were a few blemishes/screw-ups along the way, I was able to correct or compensate for most of them and I'm extraordinarily pleased with how it turned out.  I think this is the first build I've ever done on my own that turned out almost exactly as I designed it.  I'm going to spend a few days trying to rearrange things so that my bench can find its new home and get my studio back in order and then I'm going to start figuring out how to turn this whole thing into some real money.

Excelsior!

- Pairsh -

[pairsh]

Tonight's achievement.  I've actually been working on it since the last photo, but progress made while sanding doesn't exactly come across as dynamically different from one picture to the next.  I'm pleased with how it's turning out and I can't wait to finish staining it (hopefully tomorrow) so I can get to work on the clear coat and have it finished by the end of next week, if I'm lucky.  It'll be nice to have my studio space back and be able to move on to other projects.

[pairsh]

Getting there... the build is 100%, now all I have left is sand, stain, and clear coat!

[pairsh]

It's coming along quite nicely, I'd say...

[pairsh]

This is either a very cleverly disguised workbench or a colossal waste of $275.  I guess it depends on which voice in my head you ask.

[pairsh]

Little Boxes

I have a stack of boxes in my bedroom that have been there since Christmas.

They are stacked and they're out of the way, but they're still random empty boxes and I've been telling myself that I'll find somewhere to put them once I get my studio cleared out ever since I set them down.  I have also been telling myself that I will clean my studio when my laundry is finished, and promising to finish my laundry when the dishes are finally done.  

And, really... in light of everything else going on in my life, boxes don't seem that important.  I need to make more money and I need to write more and I need to paint more and I need to go to work and I need to spend time with my girlfriend and boxes don't help me do any of that.  After all, they're just boxes.  It makes sense to me that "just boxes" would get the bottom slot on the to-do list.

The obvious problem, however, is that I still have boxes cluttering up my bedroom and, unimportant though they may be, they're still in the way.  Yes, it's going to eat up 10 or 15 minutes to break them down and find somewhere to put them where they're out of the way and won't hit me in the face every time I open my closet.  And, yes, I could spend those 10 or 15 minutes working on the dishes or the laundry or all the other thousand things that aren't right with my life.

But as long as I continue to eat and wear clothes, I will continue to have dishes and laundry to be done.  And as long as I don't deal with the boxes, I will continue to have boxes in my bedroom.  If I keep closing my eyes (or just leaving my apartment) and pretending like I'll get to those things later, I'm really just choosing to spin my wheels and not take any decisive action whatsoever.  

I think sometimes "importance" isn't necessarily determined by how big or loud or heavy something is, but by its obviousness.  Maybe they are "just boxes" and they won't get me a new job or improve my relationship with my girlfriend, but maybe my unwillingness to deal with the little things in life indicates a greater problem for me.  Maybe doing something about it right now, today, is the spark of momentum I've been missing for so long.  Maybe once I get that done, I'll find something else less-small-but-more-meaningful to fill my time with instead of eating junk food and playing video games.

Or maybe I'll just get rid of a stack of boxes that have been hanging around for over a month and have a more productive day than I've had in a while.  Either way, what's wrong with that?