This is so silly but I'm watching a short video essay on sincerity in cinema and the creator is talking about how he watched Lord of the Rings for the first time at 17. He explains that he'd grown so used to the 'ironic' meta style commentary in the movies of the 2010's that as he was watching the opening narration of LotR, he spent the entire time waiting for the joke to come. For someone to take it all back with a zinger line. He listened to Blanchett describe and explain the backstory, and he waited for the other comedic shoe to drop.
And he kept doing it. Scene after scene.
He spent the film expecting someone to make a joke about how unserious things were or to break the fourth wall or do some other self referential type thing.
Now, maybe I'm just at that point in my cycle or maybe I'm too delicate in general, but I literally teared up hearing that. Straight up cried a bit. It is so fucking sad that sincerity and genuineness is being bred out of people.
People say all the time 'this generation can't take anything seriously!' and really, is it any wonder? Younger people have been trained out of it. You are no longer encouraged to be genuine or show emotion or be honest. You are actively punished for it. In fact, you are almost guaranteed to suffer for it.
That is so fucked up. I'm sorry to go on a bit of a random ramble rant but it's so fucking gut wrenching to see younger people lose that element of themselves. You can't express your passion without being told you're 'crashing out' or 'cringe'. You have to live in this neutral state of fear of perception, and god forbid anybody step outside of it!
You're told you should only consume and succumb and be ironic and emotionless and cool.
Listen, if you're following me and you're like.... 25 or under, let's say. Please. I beg of you. Do not fall for this rhetoric. Please, for the love of all things, feel. Feel and create and be honest with yourself. Indulge in things that make you happy. Be sincere. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Do not let this hyper-capitalistic, hyper-consumerist, self-centred, individualist culture take that from you.
Bleed yourself into the work you create. Live. Don't fucking let anyone tell you different.
i feel i will be spiritually changed this sunday, when i'm going to experience ilya's tunnel monologue on a big screen.
i've been mentally preparing since i knew this was going to happen by not watching episode 5 anymore - it's been i think two months since i last saw it.
i'll be normal.
i'm also going to watch that fucking tampa bay flirting on a big screen. shane saying he hired a stylist.
Haven't written anything in a while, but I just had this idea stuck in my head and couldn't go on with my day.
Maybe the title doesn't make sense, but in my head it kind of does and that's the only one I could think for this little piece. I'm so happy to write something for these two. It's a bit silly, hopefully flirty and something I imagine they could do.
3 am in Ottawa
When he entered the bar, the first thing he noticed was his husband’s friendly laughter. He was talking with the bartender; very obviously, he was flirting with the bartender, and the bartender - a messy ginger bun complementing her sleek neck and a tasteful but still big dragon tattoo peeking over her shoulder - was flirting right back.
It was all quite harmless teasing and, if he was being totally honest, the idea of watching him be charmingly funny from afar brought a breezy heat to his lower stomach.
It was 3 am in Ottawa, only 9 in the evening in Ibiza. The weather had been amazing. The place had been perfect. Fun. Untethered. Luscious.
He had just sent a video message to his mom after ignoring her text and her video call request that day. He felt bad - but not really that bad. And she would understand.
So, after he finished recording, he entered the bar and decided to stop at the entrance to look. To stare, more accurately.
Just for a while. Just because he could.
“I have to tell you this, but don’t look, guapo,” her accent was noticeable, but really not unpleasant. “A very hot guy just stepped in and he is totally staring at you. He's just leaning against the entrance column and he's looking right in your direction. I'm telling you, bebé, he wants to have hot sex with you.”
A rich chuckle left his heart-shaped lips when he replied, “Maybe he wants to have hot sex with you, da?”
He was not going to look, but he felt the urge to stare back run through him. He was stronger than that though - he could accept being looked at without reciprocating. For now.
“Amor, I know when a man wants to rail me - I have been railed many times.”
He chuckled again.
“That gorgeous man over there? Oh, he's definitely not here for me. Bueno, now I'm going to serve you your cocktail with my unsolicited but necessary suggestion: pleeease, bebé, don't disappoint like so many handsome and stupid men. When he sits here, in one and a half minutes max, ve a ligártelo.”
She brought her face closer to his and she almost, almost, whispered.
“With your sweet sexy eyes and this ungodly beautiful mouth of yours, I'm sure you'll make him come without even touching him.”
Then she winked at him and went back to polishing her glasses.
It was one of those rare occurrences when he found a worthy flirting opponent. It was fun.
But the room was getting warm, and the silky brush he felt on his naked arm made it even warmer.
“Could I get what he got, por favor?”
“Sure, hermoso. My friend here speaks very good English. You should chat while I make your drink,” and she winked again, at both of them, suggestively, in a way that would have been ridiculous if someone with less verve had attempted it.
“I heard you were staring. That is not polite. Not very Canadian.”
“It isn't? So I have to ask permission to stare at my husband? Have I interrupted your fun?” an obvious fake annoyance in his tone.
“Opposite. We were discussing the hot guy staring - she was sooo convinced he wanted to have hot sex with me. But I think he left,” he whined. “Do you possibly know a hot guy who wants to have hot sex with me?”
A capacious grin on his lips, an alluring gaze in his eyes, and a soothing - but oh so tempting - hand on his partially exposed thigh. Their faces so close now, both on the verge of asking for the nearest washroom.
“You guys are wasted on these stools. This is your drink, honey, but drink fast and please go have sex together. I can feel the sex will be great, but I don't want any proof that I then have to clean up.”
That made them both laugh. It was lighthearted and sexy and everything they had always wanted. It was also a little sweet, how this stranger clocked them without having any preconceived notion of them. She was also right. The sex was going to be great.
“Clara,” Ilya announced, smiling, while getting up and taking his husband's hand in his own. “I must confess now: I do sometimes make him come without touching him. Amazing experience, great for ego, and really really hot.”
He winked at the bartender, Shane blushing just slightly but smiling wholeheartedly.
If she were surprised by his admission, her reaction didn't give it away. The smile she gave them filled her face, as she appeared gleeful and delighted by the newly acquired information.
“Por fin, two handsome, sexy men that are not stupid! Venga, vamos, now get out of here and go fuck yourselves... in the bestest way, of course!”
Keeping an alive tumblr in 2026 is proof of one's sincerity and authenticity - a type of person who enjoys posting for the sake of it with absolutely nothing to be gained....just the enjoyment of curation and self expression untainted by opportunity and relevance
no one is asking for this but i have to make my one million hours on ao3 mean something
the texture of memory: very very very good, read it i am so serious, completed
the anatomy of a bird heart in slow decay: a love story ft ghosts, grief, mothers and sons, and survival. completed
car wash redhead, tube top R.E.M. concert, juror #6: hollanov character study, power and love, i adore those freaks so much <3, completed
fall in love again and again: the classic tuna-melt groundhog day, with a house of leaves flavour, completed
Jessica: teenaged shane as seen through his relationship with his high school girlfriend, i love them both so unbearably much, completed
home economics: nhl lockout leads to hollanov living together in the situationship era-there's no way this could go wrong! completed
Route 96 Kanata: shane suffers a career ending injury before meeting ilya but where there's a will there's a tortured hollanov situationship nonetheless. full of fantastic ottawan idiosyncrasies. wip
World on Your Shoulders: what if shane had a queer rookie while deep in the midst of his "i'm not gay" era? delicious shane characterization, this whole series is a dark comedy that i want to swallow whole, completed
adding a cut because this got so fucking long lmao
wunderkind: breathtaking look into yuna hollander's inner world but everyone really shines through wonderfully here (ilya my heart i love you so much), completed
always, sun: canon,,,,,,,divergence?? magical realism, gorgeous and vaguely terrifying, completed
I have only two emotions (careful fear and dead devotion): shane disappears from hockey post prospect cup and hollanov meets again much farther down the road, gorgeous tender slow burn, completed
nothing makes me feel as good: shane character study through jj's eyes, god im so obsessed with this crazy crazy man, completed
I. ONE LITTLE GOD FALLING OVER ANOTHER: the last year in boston, gorgeous format, peeling back the edges of the GC universe, wip
The Canadian Hot 100: incredibly tender series of married hollanov vignettes, wip
The Discipline Of It: The Eating Disorder Shane Fic, at least for me. such a realistic look into an ed and ocd tendencies. love this take on shane & yuna's relationship as well, completed
your presence has gone through me (like needle through a thread): ilya gets a family and i cry one million tears of joy, wip
we'll make a home on the cracks: journalist shane fights his way out of an ethics torment nexus and finds true love <3 cute hollanov & fun shane characterization, wip
frequently, secretly fond of each other: boston! shane, you know it you love it, wip
some pacific wind: race and language: a hollanov conversation on perception, completed
dark out and still thirty degrees: one of the only a/b/o fics i've ever enjoyed, the misogyny/discrimination feels very real, ft. wonderful trans shane journey!! completed
gens du pays: "Do you think you can love two people at once"? aka giving shane a second situationship with sasha nolastname. might not be everyones cup of tea because ilya hasn't entered the picture yet, but i've been thinking about it nonstop since reading. such a good sasha , wip
Plexiglass Box: what if hollanov met as teens in Moscow? (ilya x coach's son but it was shane the whole time), Excellent tension, completed, with wip sequel
one of your eyes is always half-shut (something happened when you were a kid): a wonderful take on alexei, Such a gut punch to read as an older sibling, completed
and he spoke the bridegroom fair: pre-tunamelt shane on marriage, gender, race, and being known. completed
Hello From Moscow, Goodbye from Montreal: canon divergence circa 2012 where ilya calls shane drunk one night, and keeps calling after that, equally funny and devastating, wip
i could have been somebody else: shane and rose post-breakup discovering things about themselves together, platonic soulmates2me, completed
waiting for the tides to change: sweet little hollanov-as-childhood-best-friends snapshot , completed
It had to be you, Wonderful you: transmasc ilya you are soooo dear to me, completed
Offside: coach/player forbidden hollanov but it's sweeter than you would expect. wip
Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago: climbing inside your soulmates body is a thing that is both normal to want and possible to have (ft. painful but warming version of shane's life post. career ending injury), wip
head and body to you: tortured self-destructive shane character study, toxic? situationship hollanov, canon-typical emotion development through the lens of sex, completed
the soviet montage: obviously already popular but i had to, cold-war era hollanov post. ilya's defection from the soviet union, completed
Home Ice Advantage: another boston! shane but diving more deeply into how being traded would impact the hockey of it all, very perfectionism torment nexus, completed (with wip sequel)
Blizost: what if you could climb inside your lover and share one body between two souls?, completed
Mama's Boy, Mama's Boy: shane hollander's journey if the whole time he was also haunted by his situationship's dead mom, fantastic irina characterization, completed
cracked plexiglass: canon rewrite that fleshes out a version of shane's pre-NHL hockey career that's more realistic to the actual environment of high level Canadian juniors, very very good, wip
i know where to draw the line: older captain shane and younger teammate ilya, super cute, completed
but what if I need you in my darkest hour? : our favorite hockey players plane crash Bad on the way to 2017 All Stars, painful in all the ways, completed
Just Enough of You: shane fills in for his identical twin during a photoshoot with ilya rozanov, and the consequences are disastrous. hilarious plot on top of an incredible twin tormet nexus. wip
other half: another twin! shane fic, but twin sister this time. incredibly endearing main oc and complicated hollander family dynamics. wip
The Eyes are Afraid: "accidental child aquisition in the sense that shane accidentally finds himself co-parenting ilya's little sister", wip
calcified and useless (should i try and do it?): my favorite shanebortion fic, completed
spartacus.: "Ilya Rozanov, what do you want? And how are you going to get it?", completed
lenticchie per capodanno: ilya makes a friend post-tunamelt #doublebeard, the torment is so good, wip
Moscow lost and found: 13 year old shane goes on an epic family reunion quest in moscow and meets ilya along the way, they are soooo sweet and young it makes my heart hurt, wip
the winners-verse: canon-divergent series exploring shane and ilya's relationship after the end of HR. obsessed with these versions of them, they both have serious teeth. completed
I'm Just Happy You Still Call: yuna character study as shane does a little growing up, completed
if you're scared of wolves: ilya in a time loop but it's a Decade Long, broke my brain, wip
thylacine: shane's introspection on his race and hockey, i shed actual tears at the end
there are like millions more that i will add once i remember them
anywayyy i will not be made to feel crazy or delusional for believing that people shouldn’t have to earn their place in the world. that everybody should be afforded dignity, even beauty, and life, regardless if they have ‘worked hard’ or checked a box or not. regardless of who they are and where they are born. the laziest person in the world is not less deserving of happiness than the most hardworking person. deserving means nothing. free your mind of the idea of deserving and you will begin to be able to think!!
gummygunk
jbbartram-illu
theartofmadeline
2087
dededos
yousharknotpass
