How do I even adult?

If you hang out with me it will be 40% Netflix, 30% alcohol, 20% pizza, and 10% bad jokes.

[funnyvids]

Doggo’s just trying to help 😍

[j6]

[thelovewittch]

How could you ever be broken?

[buncha-bees]

Hi @ my asexual friends you’re valid 👊😔💛

[gaycism]

[alltimevirgilant]

i stan that grandma

[thundergrace]

[dolefulscribbles]

*feels both “I am so bored & understimulated I want to do EVERYTHING!” and “I am so exhausted & overwhelmed I can’t do ANYTHING” at the same time*

[dulect]

me: I really!!!! want!!! people!!!! to help!!!! me with!!!! my problems!!!!!!!

brain: you have to tell people about your problems first.

me: disgusting. atrocious. completely repugnant. I have never heard anything so vile. get out of my sight immediately.

[mingrose]

#we’re all dead aren’t we

[fuckyeahstvincent]

[geraltoffrivia]

#Dijkstra went off

[tibo30]

I don’t know who made this, but I respect them.

[corvidcantina]

Me: I want to know languages

Person: then study

Me: no study. Only know.

[poinsciuri]

stop calling every piece of fabric with a plaid pattern “flannel”

flannel is a soft, warm cotton. it has nothing to do with what pattern is on the cloth

[tasmanianstripes]

I see there’s drama in the plaid fandom

[poinsciuri]

im a lesbian

[mx-hexide-sk8er]

So am i and i say every plaid is flannel! You can’t change my mind! See that plaid blanket over there?? That’s flannel. The latitude and longitude grid on world maps? That’s a nice flannel you got there buddy

[poinsciuri]

hey are you free this saturday night. id like to meet up and have a passionate discussion with you

[jumpingjacktrash]

i can’t tell whether that’s a callout or an ask-out

[spectacledotter]

enemies to lovers, fabric store AU, 40k words

[acoolguy]

he’s licking his lips…

he’s checking it twice…

[the-pesci-mode]

Five minutes left, on his microwave rice

[spideysenseau]

anyway here’s thomas sanders destroying some homophobe on instagram

we stan,

[strickenwithclairvoyance-moved]

DESTORY THEM THOMAS FREAKING GO YOU FANTASTIC GAY

[canisbeta]

[accessiblecoldtimes]

[video: a seal emerges from a hole in the ice to breathe. It yells “Ah! Woo!” then sinks back down]

[redpaperowl]

The ahh was so much deeper and the woo so much softer than i could have expected i love it

[ulibeanzz]

imagine having money wow i just got chills

[thatdisneyworldblog-deactivated]

I think this is the most hilarious thing

[charaznable]

the storybook font is what does it for me

[abouttonotbedeerney-deactivated]

Ok so I have a story. I worked Fantasyland (Dumbo) at Magic Kingdom. We had a girl transfer from Pirates of the Caribbean. And she told me the most amazing story.

So Pirates is down (shocking) And this particular boat is stopped at the first big scene, Where Barbosa is on the ship yelling for Jack Sparrow.

Anyway the boat has been stopped for about 15 minutes at this point, and there’s a couple sitting alone in the back. So the guy decides that nothing gets him in a better mood than the smell of water that hasn’t been changed in roughly 50 years, and convinces his girlfriend to blow him.

Now this girl is in the booth, along with the coordinator, watching this go down. Literally. There’s not much they can do to stop it at this point, other than notify security. Then another problem arises. The guy finishes, and the girl makes the motion to spit.

In. The. Fucking. Water.

Now if that load is released into the water, thats an automatic biohazard, and the ride is shut down for weeks. The water is removed, the ride path is scrubbed, along with the ride vehicles, and then new water is brought in. Costing the company thousands of dollara and pissed off tourists. The worst combination on this earth.

Panicking at this predicament, the coordinator grabs the mic in the control booth and says:

“Spitting is for quitters.”

This echoes over the bitching of guests and 50 year old audio of pirates commiting various crimes.

The look on this woman’s face was priceless. She gazes up, as if Walt himself commanded her from the grave, and swallows.

I’m told the ride started 5 minutes later and the couple ran out from the exit queue as fast as they could.

And this is why you dont fuck at Disney. Because cast members will call you out and it will be the highlight of our day.