panic_pickers

panic_pickers on Ao3 updated sporadically and irregularly main: tobyig

[panic-pickers]

Current fics on Ao3

In Progress:

STAR WARS

Just Stay With Me

(Fox + Original Jedi trans male)

If I Cross The Line?

(Hunter/Original Jedi female)

The Wrong Girl

(TBB + Original child)

hasn't been updated in a while, don't get your hopes up

Completed:

STAR WARS

Oh Captain, My Captain

(Original Clone Trooper/Original Jedi female)

When Have We Ever Followed Orders?

(Hunter + Omega)

[tobyig]

listening to Lights in the Sky (NIN) and actually almost crying cause its so Kaide core it actually hurts. like it physically ails me.

spoilers for JSWM :3

my plan for Kaide + Rig is to have not so much a "forgivness" arc but a "moving on" arc for Kaide, which only really happens when the two are isolated and can truly talk about what happened. this ends with the start of a very unhealthy, unbalanced, emotionally draining relationship between the two where the only way either of them learn to exist in the moment and truly be present is when they're together.

Rig will eventually die (not really a spoiler) and this ruins Kaide. all the progress he might have been making (both negative and positive) gets set back to zero. his person, his only family besides Fox just died because of his own failure and it breaks him.

and Trent Reznor the man that you are. oh my lord.

"She's mostly gone/Some other place. I'm getting by in other ways."

Kaide is learning to emotionally regulate that doesn't involve romance and all that shit. this was the first "healthy" (meant as in "first in a while that didn't include some sort of pain/harm/etc.") mechanism in a while and he has to explore how to just live without that lifeline

"Everything they whispered in our ear is coming true."

umm yeah needless to say, if we think Kaide's current "i will not let anyone die especially if i already know how!" is bad then ohhhh my god. you have no clue. literally everything in his head is happening and while Fox might be adamant that his death/not death is not his responsibility, he does not care at all. it is so incredibly his responsibility, esp after Rig.

"Try to justify the things I used to do. Believe in you."

this whole story is him trying to justify all the shitty things he did/let happen idk man

"Watching you drown, I'll follow you down. I am here right beside you. The lights in the sky have finally arrived/The lights in the sky are waving goodbye. I am staying right beside you."

THIS is the part that really got me. like the amount of actual prying and forcing people will have to do to even get Kaide to leave Rig and the others. every step will be a battle for everyone. He would follow Rig/Fox/insert named character tbh to the actual ends of the universe and leaving them after they're gone is not an option. He is not opposed to finding any way possible to join them.

"I'm trying to stay away, just in case."

is this a stretch? possibly. but after Stuffet (all of Umbara, really), Krell, Rig, and any other deaths really, he 100% is gonna at least consider the possibility that its him. something about him is causing all of these catastrophes. so arguably the time he needs friends and family the most he is so self isolating when possible its not even funny. he'll attend meetings, he'll speak at briefings. but he isn't calling, he isn't hanging out. he barely leaves his assigned quarters on any given vessel/building/etc.

"I've come to realize we all have our place. Time has a way, you know, to make it clear."

what else can he do but think? and thinking provides answers (most of the time). he has his duties, he has his men. he has Fox. he can't just leave everyone. Rig (probably) wouldn't have wanted him to.

"And I have my role in this. I can't disappear or leave you here." (see above)

[ricesinspo]

☆ — oc questions: reactions. by @ricesinspo, tag me if using!

— ☆ —

how would your character react if someone did these things? consider their personality and behavior, as well as who is doing it and why.

alternatively, ask game: send me a question + 2 characters

offered to help them on something they can do on their own

jokingly made fun of them

gave them a gift they didn't want

threw them a surprise party

told them "i don't care about you"

kept ignoring them

brought lots of attention to them

asked them to perform in front of an audience, like right now, without prep

asked them to do something they're uncomfortable with, "oh, but you have to do it, for [loved one]!"

invited them to a social gathering

took them to a fancy restaurant

told them they're a bad friend / partner / ...

wrote them a poem

died two weeks ago (they only found out now)

pulled a prank on them that went very wrong

pulled them aside from the crowd

told them a secret

exposed something about them that should've been kept private

told them "we need to talk."

punched them

— ☆ —

[panic-pickers]

ohhh man. saw this last night and have been mulling it over ever since (doin this for Kaide ofc) longggg post incoming >:) (JSWM spoilers >:) )

1. i think it depends on who offers. like if a stranger was like "hey, let me help" he'd say "oh okay thanks" but if Fox/Rig/anyone else they personally knew asked, he'd probably start to spiral a bit. like "why are they asking, what do they want in return, i dont need/want/deserve help," etc.

2. ummm i think the list of people who could do this without Kaide getting really sad is v short. and by that i mean i think that maybe Fox could make a comment like that after a WHILE and he'd be able to laugh it off. anyone else, known or otherwise, he'd have one of two reactions: try super duper hard to make up for what the person commented on, or just shut down and not really say anything else. it really depends on the joke/his mindset that day.

3. any gift received would get the same response lol. anything given to him is appreciated on the outside but on the inside he will act v v similarly to q1 ("why, what do they want, etc."). its genuinely gonna take them so much time and effort and wok to grow out of the "people only want something from me" mentality and into the "people can enjoy being around me and i am not just a means to an end" and its basically all thanks to Fox <33

4. panic. oh my god. are you kidding me?? there is not a more scared person alive than Kaide in that moment. and every following moment. surprises are NOT good. people focusing on you is NOT good. people remembering things about him warranting a party are EVEN WORSE.

5. ahehehe. okay. so this is SO bad. stranger, he doesnt care. in his head no one should care about him anyway so literally who gaf. but like. if someone he knew + trusted said this (Fox, Rig, Percy, etc.), he would actually maybe never recover. like it wouldn't be surprising to him, the dude that was supposed to be like a parental/teacher figure to him made it very clear that he didn't give a shit. but it would cause such a big spiral that would start at like "this person doesn't care" -> "no one cares ever and i dont deserve anything ever ever" and would almost certainly end in him cutting nearly everyone else off.

6. we like technically see this in JSWM w Fox, tho Fox is obviously not actually just ignoring him but that is how it feels to Kaide. silently asking "why, what happened, how do i fix it" and mentioning it to literally nobody ever until he has some sort of emotional breakdown and just spills everything. but he would not try to help the situation. if they wanna ignore him, let them. he probably didn't deserve their support anyway.

7. we already covered this kinda in the party one. BAD. BAD. BAD. OH MY GOD. any amount of public or private praise or attention IS a life or death situation for him. only ever getting negative attention for most of your formative years will indeed make it so that any attention is BAD attention. he would try his best to either avoid that person if possible or be as invisible as possible if necessary.

8. might depend on what tbh. like no matter what the topic/performance/whatever is, this is not good and will make him so scared and panic. but if someone is like "tell me about this thing you know a lot about", he can and will probably continue doing so until stopped. but if its like an actual performance or smth he doesnt know a lot about, i think its v possible this is one of the only "no way, im your General and im ordering you to fucking stop being here right now"

9. do we even need to talk about this. this is what JSWM is. he's doing it immediately. just instantaneously. doesnt matter what AT. ALL. if someone just TELLS him "do it for [friend, partner, etc.]" he will not think twice. this is entirely what Krell did and Rig will do. and it works every time.

10. almost certainly over analyzing everything about the event. who will be there? how long is it? when does it start? where is it? what should i bring? what should i wear? should i have talking points ready? can i follow my friend(s) around the whole time? do i have to go?

11. oh this might depend on when it happens. if it happened now, this would not be good. obviously, someone is treating him to something and thinks he deserves it. not good. also, food is not a friend for him and he would feel awful if he couldn't find anything or if he couldn't eat it all. however! if it happened later in life, the attention thing probably wouldn't be great still but at least he'd probably eat what he ordered :)

12. heartbreaking. oh my god. immediately starts asking questions, "what can i do, how do i be better, what happened, etc.". this is probably staying with him for the rest of his life and he will always, no matter if/what he changes, think he's a bad person/friend/partner/etc.

13. probably similar to q3, but with an added "....what is this" lol. not from illiteracy or anything, but more of a "why did you do this, what????"

14. i can only think of one or two people this could be, cause everyone else is basically always with him. so. woah this is life ending for him possibly. he really has two friends that arent with him for every campaign: Ahsoka and Fox. if this happened with Ahsoka, he is devastated. thats like his one friend and now he has none. he's v worried about her circle of friends and he probably just feels so sad that no one told him.

if his happened with Fox. oh my god. its very possible we would need to come up with a Sith name. im currently working on Ch 15 of JSWM and it focuses on grief a bit, so this is all in that context basically. there is so much anger. so so much anger. at himself, for not being able to save Fox. at Fox's men, for not telling him?!? At Fox, for being stupid and dying. at his own men, for being alive when Fox isn't. and the Jedi council for not caring. at the world, universe, whatever. at whoever killed him! oh that person/group is not living much longer. the idea of "would Fox want me to avenge him" does not cross his head. he is killing whoever did it or he will fucking die trying. he is never moving on from this. there is no forgiveness. he is a changed person. if not for life then for many many years. he is angry and frustrated and so much of that comes from unprocessed grief because grief hurts and his closest family is no longer here to help him. he becomes violent and short tempered. he 100% either leaves the Jedi Order or is kicked out.

15. pulling the prank in general would make him untrusting of that person and nervous. if it went wrong, even more so. he's probably a bit anxious every time he's with that person lol. if someone got hurt, he's 100% mad with that person and is doing his version of reprimanding them ("hey so um. you cant do that. oh god was that mean am i the worst person alive oh fuck.")

16. im having a bit of an issue figuring out what this means lol so this is gonna be a longer answer.

he's in the crowd and someone he knows grabs him and pulls them to a quieter, less dense spot: he is immediately getting every piece of information on this person. he is very close to just fighting whoever this is, cause he was just grabbed by possibly a stranger. but afterwards he is so grateful. he is thanking them and wants to stay with them the rest of the time.

he's in the crowd and someone tries to kidnap him: probably the same beginning as the previous scenario, but it does just end with a fight. you'd better hope they brought force cuffs cause he is not going to be afraid of defending himself. he wont be using his lightsaber/other weapons because he's in a crowd, but he will punch and kick and use the Force on this person until they are running away crying.

he's in the crowd and someone he knows pulls him aside to talk to him: he's already overwhelmed cause of the crowd, so this is not going to go well. he will be defensive no matter what the topic is and will probably be pretty shut down during/after the conversation.

17. this secret is going to his grave. the fact that someone would, for some reason, trust him with this information is so terrifying yet honoring that he will not tell a single living soul (unless it was like something just evil or similar)

18. he might not cut that person off, but he's never telling them something private again. he's not going to trust that person with information ever again and depending on who said it, he's probably gonna keep to himself for a while just around everyone

19. panic. if its someone he trusts, he's worried he violated their trust, did something wrong, Is Inherently Evil, etc.. even after the talk is over, he is on edge and nervous for a while. if its someone he doesnt know very well then he's still on edge before + after the talk but he isn't as likely to catastrophize (however its spelled).

20. 100% depends who. if its someone he doesn't know, he is fighting that asshole until one of them is unable to continue. if its someone he does know, he is accepting this is something he deserved and was a punishment. he's looking over all his past mistakes and wondering which one it was. he's keeping this shit to himself. he's covering it up with medicine or makeup or he's making up a story.

[panic-pickers]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

part two as promised :)

Chapters: 14/? Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Major Character Death Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox & Original Character(s), Pong Krell & Original Character(s), CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, Ahsoka Tano & Original Character(s), CT-7567 | Rex & Original Character(s), CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives & Original Character(s), CT-6922 | Dogma & Original Character(s), CT-5385 | Tup & Original Character(s), Original Clone Trooper Character(s) & Original Jedi Character(s) (Star Wars) Characters: Original Characters, Original Trans Character(s), Original Clone Trooper Character(s) (Star Wars), Original Jedi Character(s) (Star Wars), Pong Krell, CC-1010 | Fox, CT-7567 | Rex, Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Clone Commander Thorn (Star Wars), CC-4477 | Thire, CC-5869 | Stone, Coruscant Guard Trooper Hound (Star Wars) Additional Tags: Found Family, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Pong Krell Being an Asshole, Pre-Umbara Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), Post-Umbara Arc (Star Wars), Umbara Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), yeah we're deep in this one, sorry gang, Canon-Typical Violence, No Cloneshipping | Clone Trooper/Clone Trooper Relationships (Star Wars), Clone Troopers Deserve Better (Star Wars), Trans Male Character, Trans Character, Coming Out, Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety, Grief/Mourning, Skipping Meals, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fox is basically a dad atp, CC-1010 | Fox Needs a Break, CC-1010 | Fox Needs A Hug, CC-1010 | Fox Gets a Hug, isnt that fun!!!!, Suicide Notes, Suicidal Ideation, Self-Esteem Issues, Loneliness, Jealousy, Paranoia, Chronic Pain, Hiding Medical Issues, Mystery, Sexual Assault, just because most clones are good doesn't mean all of them are, Protective CC-1010 | Fox, Abuse, Dissociation, That's Not How The Force Works (Star Wars) Summary:

Two years of being Pong Krell's padawan had taught Kaide many ways to succeed under his rule. But a year into the Clone Wars, she does the unthinkable and befriends one of the Clones. Remaining his perfect student becomes impossibly hard when her new friendship reveals things she had never realized.

  Kaide's story through the Clone Wars, making and losing friends faster than she can track.

[panic-pickers]

guess who is back from an unexpected hiatus!! chapt 13 is up :)

Chapters: 13/? Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Major Character Death Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox & Original Character(s), Pong Krell & Original Character(s), CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, Ahsoka Tano & Original Character(s), CT-7567 | Rex & Original Character(s), CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives & Original Character(s), CT-6922 | Dogma & Original Character(s), CT-5385 | Tup & Original Character(s), Original Clone Trooper Character(s) & Original Jedi Character(s) (Star Wars) Characters: Original Characters, Original Trans Character(s), Original Clone Trooper Character(s) (Star Wars), Original Jedi Character(s) (Star Wars), Pong Krell, CC-1010 | Fox, CT-7567 | Rex, Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Clone Commander Thorn (Star Wars), CC-4477 | Thire, CC-5869 | Stone, Coruscant Guard Trooper Hound (Star Wars) Additional Tags: Found Family, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Pong Krell Being an Asshole, Pre-Umbara Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), Post-Umbara Arc (Star Wars), Umbara Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), yeah we're deep in this one, sorry gang, Canon-Typical Violence, No Cloneshipping | Clone Trooper/Clone Trooper Relationships (Star Wars), Clone Troopers Deserve Better (Star Wars), Trans Male Character, Trans Character, Coming Out, Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety, Grief/Mourning, Skipping Meals, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fox is basically a dad atp, CC-1010 | Fox Needs a Break, CC-1010 | Fox Needs A Hug, CC-1010 | Fox Gets a Hug, isnt that fun!!!!, Suicide Notes, Suicidal Ideation, Self-Esteem Issues, Loneliness, Jealousy, Paranoia, Chronic Pain, Hiding Medical Issues, Mystery, Sexual Assault, just because most clones are good doesn't mean all of them are, Protective CC-1010 | Fox, Abuse, Dissociation, That's Not How The Force Works (Star Wars) Summary:

Two years of being Pong Krell's padawan had taught Kaide many ways to succeed under his rule. But a year into the Clone Wars, she does the unthinkable and befriends one of the Clones. Remaining his perfect student becomes impossibly hard when her new friendship reveals things she had never realized.

  Kaide's story through the Clone Wars, making and losing friends faster than she can track.

[leatherbound-breakdown]

Soft prompts for ships that aren't together yet.

Hugs that last longer than they should.

Immediately looking at the other after saying or doing something funny, hoping to see their smile.

Making playlists and moodboards for each other.

Trying to learn about the others' interests.

Continuously denying others who think they are together.

Always giving the utmost attention to the other if they are in a crowd.

Associating random things with them.

Getting matching keychains

[bearloonz]

how it feels to really like your ocs

[panic-pickers]

sorry this last chapter has taken ages to come out, but uh. good news! you'll be getting two parts like maybe a day apart

[panic-pickers]

question for the masses: how interested would we be in yet another fic abt Fox? got the idea for another one at work and im..........thinking i'll probably try to get the main story figured out soon haha. Fox always needs more fic in my mind

[celestialswonders]

Adding onto whoever said that Fox’s batchmates should get to know that a baby fox is a kit and therefore bully him about it, with the commanders and other clones in the GAR calling the Coruscant Guard “Fox’s kits” and with the Corries unable to deny it because they literally are basically his kids.

[panic-pickers]

being forced to delete one of my chapters i think (reread an earlier chapter and holy crap how anyone read this is beyond me)

[drafthorsemath]

Reblog to trample Pong Krell with an AT-RT.

[panic-pickers]

man you know what sucks? writing for JSWM and like yelling at the screen about unhealthy relationships and how Kaide needs to get outta there and like. too bad i cant do anything about that :/

[panic-pickers]

what if collectively we threw sticks and rocks at Pong Krell. would that do anything.

[panic-pickers]

man idk why but something about writing a scene featuring Kaide having implicit trust that Krell will protect her is uh. fun!!!! and great!!!!!!!! not at all saddening no we're having a great time trust dw

[crabussy]

sometimes it's important to injure the character

[panic-pickers]

chapter 12 is now out!

Chapters: 12/? Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Major Character Death Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox & Original Character(s), Pong Krell & Original Character(s), CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, Ahsoka Tano & Original Character(s), CT-7567 | Rex & Original Character(s), CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives & Original Character(s), CT-6922 | Dogma & Original Character(s), CT-5385 | Tup & Original Character(s), Original Clone Trooper Character(s) & Original Jedi Character(s) (Star Wars) Characters: Original Characters, Original Trans Character(s), Original Clone Trooper Character(s) (Star Wars), Original Jedi Character(s) (Star Wars), Pong Krell, CC-1010 | Fox, CT-7567 | Rex, Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Clone Commander Thorn (Star Wars), CC-4477 | Thire, CC-5869 | Stone, Coruscant Guard Trooper Hound (Star Wars) Additional Tags: Found Family, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Pong Krell Being an Asshole, Pre-Umbara Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), Post-Umbara Arc (Star Wars), Umbara Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), yeah we're deep in this one, sorry gang, Canon-Typical Violence, No Cloneshipping | Clone Trooper/Clone Trooper Relationships (Star Wars), Clone Troopers Deserve Better (Star Wars), Trans Male Character, Trans Character, Coming Out, Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety, Grief/Mourning, Skipping Meals, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fox is basically a dad atp, CC-1010 | Fox Needs a Break, CC-1010 | Fox Needs A Hug, CC-1010 | Fox Gets a Hug, isnt that fun!!!!, Suicide Notes, Suicidal Ideation, Self-Esteem Issues, Loneliness, Jealousy, Paranoia, Chronic Pain, Hiding Medical Issues, Mystery, Sexual Assault, just because most clones are good doesn't mean all of them are, Protective CC-1010 | Fox, Abuse, Dissociation, That's Not How The Force Works (Star Wars) Summary:

Two years of being Pong Krell's padawan had taught Kaide many ways to succeed under his rule. But a year into the Clone Wars, she does the unthinkable and befriends one of the Clones. Remaining his perfect student becomes impossibly hard when her new friendship reveals things she had never realized.

  Kaide's story through the Clone Wars, making and losing friends faster than she can track.