GayAssLooserLand

Side blog for my woes and frolics. (They/Them) (mostly about college, might be about work, might be about my interests, possibly about my beautiful partner)

[panicblogging]

guess who has bell’s palsy (womp womp noises)

[aphrostiel]

twin peaks characters mashup!!

[panicblogging]

oh albert <3

[homofocused]

Getting into perfume makes you question your sanity. You think you won't become like the people on Fragrantica who have favorite scents for hiking and that you just like to smell nice, but then one day you will think, "Hmm, what perfume should I wear to bed?" And that's when you know you've gone insane. "Which one would be best for the farmer's market?" I've lost my mind.

[mewwon]

Yeah this is my wet hay perfume. this one’s my wet forest soil one, but then this other one is just plain wet soil. This one’s rotten citrus wet soil. That’s my fresh tennis ball one. Ohh and that one is supposed to represent the horrors of war lol

[whoznoah]

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes only to turn around and to your horror: the pot.

[panicblogging]

I used to be a dishwasher and yes it’s even more The Horrors when you turn around and there’s THREE pots …. just quit at that point

[rookthebird]

the thing about having moral ocd and not letting it kill you is that it loses the kick it once had, you know? like a soda going flat. you read that you're ontologically evil and need to end your own life because you (spins wheel) ordered Doordash while sick or (channels the ghosts) enjoyed the wrong silly little fictional failman, and instead of being frothed up into a wild frenzy of self-flagellation that would make a medieval monk hand in his cassock, you just go "ok cool" and drink the herbal tea you don't deserve

[kaiserin-erzsebet]

Possible unpopular opinion: treating having a special interest as equivalent to being an expert on the topic is another form of the savant stereotype.

[kaiserin-erzsebet]

For example: I am writing a dissertation on my special interest. Before that, I read everything there was publicly available to read about it.

Since doing professional research with academic training, I've realized that what I thought I knew was dependent on biased, outdated, and generally wrong historiography. Those books I read are incorrect in multiple ways, and I didn't know how badly until I was doing the research myself.

The point is: having a special interest may (and doesn't have to) make you read everything there is about something. But that might lead you to read old things or outdated things or things that are debated without necessarily having the ability to parse what is and isn't good information because you're just glad that it's about Your Thing. It does not make you an expert or even necessarily a discerning reader because the good feelings while reading a Wiki or an old book can make you less critical.

And it's ok that it doesn't! Sometimes the point is to make yourself happy, not to make yourself the most correct person in the room on a given topic.

[panicblogging]

This is Awesome to hear because the comorbidity OCD demons try to tell me that when I don’t know one thing or find a new source that reframes my fixations that i Actually Know Nothing and should question My Entire Diagnosis…

Because I “shouldn’t” not know everything about something i’m fixated on, obviously that means i’m NOT fixated on it and I don’t have Any Fixations and I am, by default, neurotypical and have no mental illness. Easy jump.

But hearing that despite fixations and SpIns that you CAN be wrong and there CAN be things you don’t know…? Insanely uplifting.

[patricia-taxxon]

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

[patricia-taxxon]

oops, in your attempt to martyr yourself out of respect for your victims you accidentally sabotaged your own ability to conceptualize yourself as anything but a perpetual evildoer who is always one bad day away from hurting everyone you love, all but guaranteeing history to repeat itself. rookie mistake

[patricia-taxxon]

im gonna try explaining myself, cus im a gambling addict and im waiting for the day that it actually works.

"forgiveness" is personal, that's why I said in the post that you might inflict harm on people for which they can never forgive you, but that's their quest. if you abuse someone, you can't go no-contact with yourself. you actually keep living in your own head indefinitely, and ultimately you need to learn to live with yourself in order to continue living a full life without further harm. this is not necessarily an anti-carceral thought, although i am generally anti-carceral myself. I simply want people to like, fix their heart and atone for real with measured accountability & self love instead of dissociating, self-marking themselves forever and guaranteeing their recidivism.

You and a remorseful abuser would both think I'm giving the easy, coddling path. It's actually the tough pragmatic path in disguise.

[ship-of-fools]

[actualaster]

The kinds of people who argue once you abuse somebody you can never, ever change and grow past it and stop being abusive are almost 100% of the time people who will contort themselves into intricate knots in an effort to justify any and all harm they cause to anyone else in order to make sure they never have to come to terms with the fact that they're equally capable of being abusive to others (and in a not insignificant number of instances I've seen people who do this be abusers themselves but they've convinced themselves their victims deserved it so they're still morally pure).

[panicblogging]

Unrelated but just posting about moral ocd

This post is awesome. Moral OCD tries to force me to see myself as The Worst Person Ever and it’s just bullshit. I forgive people all the time, so why don’t I just accept that I *could* be doing bad things, but to forgive myself because I know that i’m trying my best. I can be a good person AND I can cause harm and it’s me striving to be the better person and listening to others that is the Secret Sauce. I hate the idea that if I do one bad thing that it makes me a bad person.

[doctorsex69]

*opens mouth to speak*

*blood pours out before i can say anything*

*dies of blodd loss*

[maplemaplemaplemaplemaple]

moral scrupulosity ocd affirmations compilation

[panicblogging]

crushing

[panicblogging]

i love a good bidet. it’s so amazing.

[alpineshepherdlass]

[astralbondpro]

Wild at Heart (1990) // Dir. David Lynch

[panicblogging]

(To the tune of I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys)

🎵 Tell me why.. moral OCD compulsions

Tell me why.. i’m super fucking anxious

Tell me why… nothing I do is everrr right….

Please. take. my. brain. out. 🎵

[fabuladorah]

The thing with OCD is that all my thoughts are lies and any sense i try to make out of it is fake. If I try to question myself whether i am a good person or not, whatever asnwer I give is wrong. Because if I say yes, it's just my ego not wanting to be bad, if i was bad I wouldnt think of myself as bad, so if i say i am a good person, I'm not. However if I say no, thats just me being humble, because saying you are a good person its prideful, which is bad. But it could also just be self-loathing, a good person wouldnt admit to being good, so I might be good. But then again the self loathing come with a reason, so I'm bad, although, my opinion of myself is biased so maybe the reason is senseless, or is it just my ego trying to protect me again? I DONT KNOW CANT TRUST MYSELF

[haunt4haunt]

thinking about major briggs (guy addicted to going missing) announcing that he’s going on a walk alone in the woods while a serial killer is on the loose and harry and cooper (two cops leading the investigation into said serial killer) waving him off and letting him go. you guys will not believe what happens to briggs immediately after this