Lone Star Lover @pansexual-texas - Tumblr Blog

boarofthenorth100

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Yes, come on in!

boarofthenorth100

Ok

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Yes, yes, come in to my cabin, watch your step please.

boarofthenorth100

You Have A Lovely Hombe

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Thank you, Horace. Sit, make yourself at hombe. Or would you like to play a game of Billiards in my special room over here?

boarofthenorth100

Oh I Just Love To Play Balls

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We’ll get along splendidly, then.

Some wine?

boarofthenorth100

Oh Enough Chit-Chat And Lets Talk Creams.

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Go on.

boarofthenorth100

Well I Just Love Creams. Well They Taste Good. And. Oh The Texture An-

…

*Shrnf…*

Smells Of Steel.

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*All pretense and friendly affect is dropped, eyes fixing coldly on the boar*

*Advances*

boarofthenorth100

Well I Simply Knew All A Long

*And Horace Delivers A Series Of Funny Kicks And Rageful SMACKS To The Assailant’s Solar Plexus And Hip Bones*

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AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! DEFL…AAAA…a.aa….aaating….

boarofthenorth100

Hm Hm Hm That Aought To Teach You Scoundrel

*Horace Turns His Handsome Snout To Face YOU*

Rememboar: Dont Go In A Strangor’s House Or Something I Forget

Lying Liars

YES!

hilarioushumorfromouterspace

mephostophilis

are non brits aware of count binface.

mephostophilis

to give some entirely bizarre context, nigel farage (extreme cunt) has stepped down from his position as MP for clacton (due to a scandal where he received £5 million from a crypto billionaire that could have been laundered) only to run again so that he can prove people like him. and the only person running against him is count binface. who has been a staple of british politics for many years. and now the british press is forced to interview him seriously while he sits there with his binface.

mephostophilis

sorry. correction. laurence fox is also there

LIKES TO CHARGE REBLOGS TO CAST

the-goddess-of-annoying

you people aren't CASTING

the-goddess-of-annoying

NO

themintman

Takes my super cool cowboy hrt which turns me into a super cool cowboy

mentally-homeless

the-spoopy-ghost-of-raejin99

Obligatory

whosname

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]