Paper/Ren | she/her
I really love oldie music. Interests on the merry-go-round right now are Simon Snow, Red, White, and Royal Blue, Dan and Phil, Percy Jackson, How to Train Your Dragon, Shut Up I'm Talking, Welcome to Night Vale, and textile crafts :D
Enjoy my little dragon hoard of digital treasures :)))) 🌻🌻🌻
my ao3
Simon grew up in care with no one that really cared about him. No one coddled him, no one fussed over him when he didn't feel well, and he felt like the most insignificant nobody in all of England.
And then this cool guy that has a sword and can do magic (whoa!) sweeps in and tells him that he's the most important and powerful somebody to ever exist and sweeps his entire world out from under him.
When we get his POVs, the mage spends the entire book telling us he has to fix Simon. That Simon is broken because he can't harness his power (which I did a tiny essay on here if you're interested). That Simon is so broken and shattered that he is unfixable.
From a boy with nothing to "Let the greatest power of powers reign, and may it save us all" and then back to a boy with nothing. His magic was what connected him to that beautiful world of worthiness and just as quickly as he was whisked into it, he was cast out. After being told by his mentor that he was unfixably broken.
That's... devastating.
and even more devastatingly, he believed it.
He believed it so much that started self-sabotaging every other good thing in his life because one horrible manipulative person told him he was broken.
and he believed it for over a year.
Which is why Simon and Baz meeting Lady Salisbury was so important.
She had a son who barely had any magic. And even though he didn't have magic, he didn't have that crucial connection to his mother's world that was coveted above everything else, she loved him anyway. She loves him so so much. and then, her son with some magic became her son with no magic at all. And she still cried with joy over his return when he came back to her.
Because love doesn't care about a silly thing like magic. Love is the greater magic, and it always is, and always will be.
He didn't have any magic to give, because he gave it all away. But he had love. He has more love in him than any other character in that series, except for maybe Ruth. He loves his school. He loves his friends. He loves his world of mages, even if it hurts too much to be a big part of it. He loves his mentor, and the silly goats that everyone overlooked, and even his evil, scorned roommate. Maybe the scorned roommate most of all. Simon never had a shortage of love to give.
And meeting Ruth and his real family was finally able to prove to him that the love he held close and carried around his whole life was finally enough. Better yet, it had always been enough, even though he was the last to see it.
Your love is enough. The love and goodness you put out into this world is enough. And you are worthy of love in return. Always. No exceptions. You are not broken. You are human, and humans are immovable and unshatterable. Your love is your magic, and you are worthy.
This post is for you. Never let them tell you you're not magic.
speaking of will & arden reminded me of a stream phil was in playing phasmophobia with them and PJ and it's so interesting to see the dynamic minus dan, phil was SO funny, sweet and entertaining in it - i recommend for new phans who haven;t seen it
"my parents had an exorcism once" you will always be famous. funniest man of all time....the comedic timing ever
please tell me more about makoharu and dnp (i've not seen free but i'm a hard launch phannie and i want to hear more about dan projecting)
OKAY some brief context on free: it was THE yaoibait sports anime of the 2010s and knew exactly what it was doing. and for the main character haru there were two major ships (where i can't call it a love triangle per SE when it was yaoiBAIT like we knew they weren't gonna COMMIT but it WAS homoerotic on purpose yknow). and that was between him and makoto, his childhood best friend, and between him and rin, his rival. naturally the ship war was relentless. now, free was one of those animes that dnp watched in a veeeery glass closet sort of way. haru, critically, had black hair and blue eyes. dan, critically, had figurines And A Body Pillow Of Him. he never addressed the body pillow to the point that "haru" kinda became a standin word for us for something just not being addressed. but haru was always there. exhibit.
when we asked abt the pillow he'd point at the one next to it. it was A Bit. also haru fully was so A Part Of The Vibe at the time that he was part of the tatinof set also. OFFICIALLY ALLOWED, because Crunchyroll Sponsored The American Leg Of Tatinof. ANYWAY. OKAY READMORE BC THIS IS SUCH A LONG RAMBLE.
point is haru was the bella in this ship war. and dan made it very clear which side of the war he stood on.
"makoto's character's so much deeper. there's- there's sadder angst there, y'know what i mean? cause makoto's like a quieter person, and it's not just- it's not just angriness and competitiveness, it's like- y'know, when haru was having his big existential crisis about not knowing what to do, should he go to college, should he just be a neet who stays at home, should he be a professional swimmer, makoto was the friend that cared about haru's future" <- aww you like that he's sweet to him you like that he was there for him when he was having an existential crisis about college you like that he's his best friend? fork found in fucking kitchen. i still remember watching this live and losing my goddamn mind. oh heres makoto and haru btw
and yes dnp did dress up as them in their anime cosplay video which was really legitimately sponsored by crunchyroll somehow. despite how scary it is. heres them being cute and then the horror of trying and failing to put contact lenses on dan bc makoto's eyes are green
(i do think its funny that like. obvs on an aesthetic level phil had to be haru and dan had to be makoto but on a projection level dan was projecting the other way round. and i do agree w him on that one)
awesome comment on the video also. like yeah. yeah sasa-brie..... how it fucking felt
they LOOOVED free back in the day there r many more instances of them talking abt it of course. but tldr. dan is GAY and SICK IN THE HEAD. here's a picture of him and rin (the other guy of the ship war) from japhan 2015. not bc it matters to the rest of this post but just cause hes cutes
no they’re absolutely gonna be glued side to side for every hlt show for separation anxiety prevention purposes
since they always just sit on the set for the preshow q&a (dan sitting on the wad stairs/dnp sitting on the tv stools they used during the show) maybe the hlt version will be the inflatable love seat and they can sit on top of each other like god intended
So @misskiwi4 was asking and I was getting bored of watching the blank page, so...
Here's a list of my fave oneshots. I'll separate them into fluff and angst, so to keep somewhat of an order.
cw: ALL THE ANGST HAS HAPPY ENDINDG
ANGSTY
That week in March - by @renisnotonfire
"In the door to their bedroom stands Dan, except Dan is pretty sure that he’s in the bed and also, he’s not that young anymore. The face of the other Dan is smooth, free of any crease, full, his curls shorter, his expression lost. He stands pressed against the side of the doorframe, arms wrapped around himself like a security blanket. In 2016, a younger Dan attempts suicide and wakes up in his own future."
TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE ATTEMPT
Amazing introspection and narrative, a knife to the heart and a band-aid after. - 8k words.
The sun forgives the clouds - by RavenXavier
"Three days ago he’d left. And he still hadn’t come back. Did that make it officially the worst they’d ever been? […] Was it Phil’s fault for still being on a beach miles and miles away from home after three whole days of misery, or was it Dan’s for still being quiet the way he’d never, ever been, in any of their previous fights?
Come back, Phil wanted to text, nonsensically. I can’t think when you’re away, just come back already. But that wasn’t what the person who left could say."
I LOVED this one, Phil being the one to step away (we don't see much of it), and how the author resolved it. So in character. ~4k words
safe space - by @red-string-of-phate
"Phil lounges on his back, laptop on his thighs playing the newest video from his favourite YouTuber. His grin is impossible to hide anytime he watches something new Dan has posted. He’s unbelievably proud of how far Dan’s come in the last few months of posting videos of his own, and this time is no different. Phil laughs at a quip and his phone begins ringing. His heart leaps into his throat – he hates phone calls. It nearly stops when he sees who’s calling. He slams his laptop shut and presses the answer button. “Dan?”
2009!Dan runs aways from home to the one place he feels safe: Phil. - ~8.5k words
i am yours and i love you and it hurts - by humphreyresidence
"I love you so much it hurts.” Dan says, just as soft and just as fond and Phil absolutely hates it. Despises it when Dan says that. It’s not supposed to. He thinks. I’m not supposed to hurt you. Our love is not supposed to hurt you. / After a while of silence, he gathers up enough of his voice to squeak out “I don't want you to hurt.”
I'm putting this under angst because it stirred my emotions so much I'm still thinking about this. 4+1 format. - 4k words.
Regrets Collect Like Old Friends - by @firecheeinthevoid
"A year apart over a stupid disagreement, Dan and Phil slowly find their way back to each other."
I absolutely loved the concept of this fic, angsty in the perfect amount. - ~2k words
FLUFF
The Person On The Other Side Has Always Just Been You - by stupidbitchwhoIh8 (CupcakeTaker)
(I know I put this in the fluffy list, it's still a oneshot, despite the 40k words).
AU- "The sticky note based English professor AU that has been haunting my brain for months now."
Beautiful dynamics and parallels. Strangers to friends to lovers. Lots of stationary - 40k words.
Break - by olivermirror
AU - "Dan competes in pro pool tournaments, and in many circles, is considered a professional and talented player. Phil is a hustler, whose victims often don’t realize they’re being swindled until it’s too late."
Extremely funny and creative, made me want to go out to the bar again. - 10k words
The life and death of the Minecraft pyjamas - by @raw-moonstone
"What can I say, I saw some rough play gifs after hearing the devastating news, and inspiration struck."
So funny and fluffy, love love loved it. Kath MVP. - 1.5k words.
Clair de Lune by @thepotatowithahat
"Phil wakes up early at the crack of dawn to see Dan sleeping peacefully beside him. Overwhelmed with emotion, he looks back on the life they've shared together and marvels at how much Dan has grown whilst admiring his sleeping figure."
Introspection and a lot of love, a trip trhough Phil's memories (maybe a little pang in the chest)- ~2k words
Northern Anecdotes - by @chani
AU - "Phil uses his first camera to shoot a viral music video with his emo band in 2008. Their first album „Northern Anecdotes“ focuses on growing up in Northern England as queer teenagers, exploring self-identity, embracing diversity, friendship, and the power of vulnerability.
Dan is a suicidal teen and the album saves his life. It sets him on a path to study social work and he finds his home with the queer community at university. He starts a mental health YouTube channel and becomes a YoungMinds embassador."
Multiformat fic, really funny and endearing (I wouldn't mind to have another chapter on that). - 4k words
Danisnotontwitch - by @renisnotonfire
AU - "Dan is a gaming streamer on Twitch. Everyone knows that he has 1) a short fuse and 2) a massive crush on AmazingPhil. / Phil likes to watch and ragebait him using a pseudonym."
I laughed a lot with this one, so cute and somewhat wholesome, the cw is that Phil is a little shit and we love him for that. - 13k words.
Not Yours to Touch - by Procrastination_is_my_specialty
"Attending a crowded flat party was supposed to be simple, but maintaining the "just roommates" cover gets exhausting fast, especially when a pushy, overly confident guy decides Phil is fair game."
Loved the dynamics and how they were portrayed, this could've 100% happened. Feat. Jealous Dan. - 4k words
coffee boys - by fromurmoon
"Phil just wants to live in peace and routine, but with only a couple of months left in his thesis, his favorite coffee shop closes for renovations and he's thrown off track. Thankfully, due to honed stalking skills, he finds a new place with a barista that's good for his heart (and his wallet)."
Cute, fluffy and wholesome, I smiled through the entire thing. They're so stupid I love them. - 10k words.
