Y'all probably mostly know about this, tf2 mermaid au where half the cast is mermenn and the other is merman hunters yadda yadda
Some general headcanon lore stuff that has been added to this au since last time i posted abt them
I have yet to find a proper way to name these fellas! Yippee me! So for now im just gonna call them by the roles they are given in the merfold society
Merfolk now come in two distinct species, mermaids and sirens.
Not much difference between the two, other than sirens often being based on more deep sea fish, are slightly more monsterous in appearance, and they tend to be more rare that the common merfolk.
The assassin is a siren.
Not much is known about him.
The shackle on his hand that he refuses to get rid of (as offered by the artificer) raises a lot of questions amongst the merfolk.
The doctor is a self proclaim "human hunter", he doesn't have the best reputation amongst the people due to his short temperdness and general violent revenge methods, but he's not one to care about what other's think of him.
Very competent healer.
The teeth on his necklace each belong to a human he has "hunted".
The letter boy is the son to the assassin. Everyone knows that, they just have yet to find a way to prove it.
He is too hoteheaded for his own good, gets in trouble and hurts himself way too often, always to the dismay of his father.
He is not built to be a fighter.
He strives be a "human hunter" himself, immensely looking up to the doctor and very nosey about being an apprentice to him (much to the doctors annoyance)
The artificer is very well respected among the people, being as useful and as generous as he is.
Noone knows how he lost his hand, but children enjoy making stories about it.
He is mildly endeared by this.
The knight is a veteran. He has long stories of his many battles, most notable of which the battle with the serpent like creature that cost him one of his eyes.
He is well liked by the common merfolk due to his lively personality.
Close friends with the artificer.
refer to this post for more information and more art (including old outdated designs)
Hi everybody and happy (late) Disability Pride Month! This is post one of two about the tf2 mercs and disabilities I think they could/do have. I just thought this and the later physical disabilities post would be a fun post for this pride month! (Even if I've put it out too late 😭) It also gives me an opportunity to talk about and research disabilities, which is always fun.
And more representation never hurt anyone!
I hope you guys enjoy it, and thanks for being patient with me during my uh. 6-month break 😭
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Word Count: 4,300
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Demo:
Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) -
Using a mix of fanon, and for once, canon. It's not hard to imagine a man with an alcohol addiction (we will discuss that in a moment, trust me) having struggles with depression.
In my mind, this is something he's definitely struggled with practically his entire life. And it's heavy. It's a drain. He's good at his job, he's a great friend, people in his life care about him, there are so many good things! But it's not enough. And that's what eats at him the most. If he could just "be happy" everything would be better.
Of course, with the mental side effects of guilt and sadness, physical side effects like issues regarding his weight, physical pain, and exhaustion come too.
It's hard to live with. But I do think even though it's something he's struggled with AND struggles with, the people around him, even when he feels like just that thought alone isn't enough, do end up helping him a lot. Demo is definitely, mixed, with his ability to mask, but I think he's usually good at being happy around his friends. I think he's great at making his friends happy. I think some of that splashes back and helps him get through the day.
I've always found it kind of cute that Demo has relation to sunflowers because (even though it's not true </3) the idea that sunflowers face each other when there's no sun to find, kind of just fits him to me.
Alcoholism -
You know I've seen people talking a few times about how frustrating it is that Demo's alcoholism is treated pretty flippantly, or as a joke. And I gotta say I agree completely! There's so many nuances to addiction. There's so much more to talk about, and discuss outside of "isn't it funny.'
Demo isn't stupid. He knows exactly how bad his drinking is for him. He can feel his memory getting worse. He knows its what makes him feel worse. But getting clean isn't as easy as it seems. It's easy to give advice about quitting, especially when you aren't the one trying to give it up.
It starts with stress, or guilt, or anxiety. Just feeling *bad*. Then leads into drinking. Which turns into a high. But ends with a really low low. And after all that he's right back at where he started. And staying clean feels a million miles away. I don't think it's entirely impossible. But much like his MDD it's not something that's just going to disappear. Being around people he cares about, and who care about him help a lot. But it's still an uphill battle. I think he just needs time, and patiences from those around him. He'll get to a good spot in his life though.
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Engie:
Phantom Limb Syndrome and Phantom Limb Pain -
Technically, a tie in with my physical disabilities hc post I'm working on. But I'm an amputee Engie truther, and this, of course, comes with mental side effects.
Phantom limb sensation can vary in the way it presents in people diagnosed with it. I think for Engie it shows up as a heat where his forearm should be. It's not chronic, and it's not something he struggles with forever, but it happened enough when he was first adapting to things that he remembers, even when they start to fade out of his life.
Phantom limb PAIN, however, is different. And not as common as you might think. It definitely still happens and is very real though. I think Engie would feel an aching feeling. It's dull, but still something he can't quite push out of his mind. And, of course, there's a shooting pain on occasion, but it's not all the time. This too fades though. He might not have it chronically, but every so often it comes back up, reminding him it's never completely gone.
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Heavy:
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) -
In a similar way to my headcanon with Demo, guys, do I even have to say anything? I do think all the mercs have forms of PTSD in their own different ways.
But the key reason I think Heavy has CPTSD as opposed to PTSD is because of the very important distinction between these two mental illnesses. PTSD is triggered by witnessing a traumatic event. We used to primarily use war as an example of what could trigger it. (Though we know now many other traumatic events can lead to PTSD), But CPTSD develops from repeated or long-term trauma. And as I'm sure I'll say a million more times in this post. Do I really need to say more? TF2 loves giving me mental illnesses implications for these guys, Oh lord.
Of course, there's more than just the development of a disorder. The symptoms stay with you, for a very long time. A point raised by people who have been in recovery is that "you developed CPTSD over a long period of time, and it will take time to recover from it." It doesn't help that CPTSD is also very commonly misdiagnosed or mistakenly attributed to other things.
And with Heavy, many of the things I said above apply to him. I don't think Heavy would ever really find out he has CPTSD. The diagnosis never comes to him. A mixture of problems regarding diagnosis and his reserved nature aren't putting any odds in his favor.
He also manages to put on a facade that things are actually okay! Everything is fine! There's no need to talk about the guilt he's felt for decades. Guilt for something that could never be his fault. It's normal. He could have done more. Shame, sadness, and despair follow, of course. He feels even more guilty at just how disconnected he feels he is from everything. If he really loved his family, he would do more. Wouldn't he? If he cared about his friends, he wouldn't put up so many walls. There's also a frustration at how on edge he feels all the time. Like everything is still out to get him.
But fear not Heavy fans, there's still hope. Even though he's undiagnosed, and will continue to struggle for a long time. Slowly, as his body and mind adapt to being safe (or safe enough in comparison to his past), I do think he heals. He realizes the expectations, the guilt, the weight on him can be lessened, or let go. His family is happy. His friends are happy. He can be too.
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Medic:
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) -
Sinking my evil self-projection claws into Medic so I can tell you about OCD. I've seen other headcanons for Medic having OCD that tend to discuss it in the way many people do. "The C stands for clean :)" and I'm sorry, but a man who puts his bare hands in your chest doesn't have "obsessive cleaning disorder" he has OCD, and it's important to know that those aren't the same!
I don't think the idea of being bloody or touching someone bothers Medic. That's fine. He's not wearing his gloves to avoid touching you, but he is spending hours in the shower with the feeling of not being clean enough. Everything being clean isn't what he wants, but the obsession with FEELING clean does. He can turn off his brain for a moment when he's doing what he's good at. But it always creeps back in that each drop of blood is on him. And even when he washes it off. It doesn't ever really go away.
Intrusive thoughts get to him in other ways, of course. It definitely eats at him when it comes to his birds and thoughts of hurting them. He loves them so much, so it's always decently upsetting. He'd apologize to them a set number of times until he feels like it's all okay, and they will comfort him. On a similar note, I think a lot of his compulsions revolve around numbers and counting as well as the overall feeling of "correctness." If he apologizes five times, he feels alright. If he counts his patients' ribs a few dozen times, he can focus better. If he- and so on.
Trichotillomania -
I also wholeheartedly believe Medic has trichotillomania (hair pulling). It's commonly described as a strong urge or compulsion to pull out your own hair. It is notably not a form of self harm, however. I think it really flares up for Medic when he feels a lack of control over the things around him, or he's been away for too many hours. And it is part of the reason his hairline is the way it is now (if you show me a man who's balding or who has a receding hairline, I'll show you a man with trichotillomania…<- the projector)
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Scout:
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) -
It's not shocking or new to hear an ADHD Scout headcanon, but it's accurate to his character more than anything else (maybe besides the second headcanon I have for him in this post).
He's definitely got the hyperactivity part locked down. I do think that Scout wasn't ALWAYS as ready to run around, as odd as it might seem. I think that as a kid his hyperactivity came out more along the lines of being very chatty instead of a constant need to move around. But as he found himself going through school, sports became the one part of the day when he didn't feel like he was struggling or falling behind. So he ended up loving it, and the need to constantly be moving around followed soon after.
As he grew up though, everything he had lived with obviously stuck with him. And ADHD didn't just go away. Not that he hadn't hoped it would. He's fully well aware that his attention span and his ability to get things done got worse and worse. I think it's really the only reason he willingly signed up to go fight. He could only imagine himself being useful away from anything where he had to rely on people to help him to learn.
Because oh brother is Scout ever Mr. Learning disability. Not that that's a bad thing! But especially in the time he grew up? Good luck getting anyone to care about that. Which actually leads into something else…
Dyslexia -
So we all know Scout canonically can't read. And I definitely think it's because he has dyslexia. There are multiple types of course, so I specifically think he has developmental dyslexia, with the specific subtype being phonological dyslexia.
So we all know Scout canonically can't read. And I definitely think it's because he has dyslexia. There are multiple types of course, so I specifically think he has developmental dyslexia, with the specific subtype being phonological dyslexia.
And for once, we don't even have to ignore canon. The main challenge for people with phonological dyslexia comes with breaking words into sounds as well as matching letters with sounds. Sounding out words is a struggle, and spelling words themselves can rely only on how the words sound when spoken. People struggling may often default to guessing words based off the sight of them or the context they're used in instead of actually understanding the words.
And honestly, do I have to say more than just showing you this?
Phonological dyslexia doesn't go away with age, it takes a different learning structure to help those who have it learn to read. So it's not a far leap to assume Scout didn't receive the help he needed as a child, and was left still struggling as an adult. I do think, eventually, Scout would find help, and he would struggle, of course, but he definitely learns to read after years of just guessing.
I actually get to give you guys a bonus headcanon. I think Scout's Ma is illiterate. Research has shown there is a very real correlation between dyslexia and genetics. She really did do her best for her children. And she did. But Scout happened to take after her the most, to some unfortunate consequences. But I also like to think as Scout lived his own life, he also made time to help his mom and be an actually good teacher for her. They ended up both helping the other learn and grow <3
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Sniper:
Autism -
"I looked autism up in the dictionary, and they just put a picture of you." Like, once again, do I even need to say anything to you? Well I mean. I'm GOING to.
Much like Heavy, I actually think Sniper never gets an official diagnosis or word to describe the way he is (or if it does, it's EXTREMELY late in life) because he's also extremely reserved, but for other reasons, of course. He doesn't WANT to talk about it. He doesn't need to talk about it. And if there's no point in talking about it, he's not going to bring it up.
In terms of how it presents in Sniper. He's quiet, you aren't going to get much other than the bare minimum information out of him, and that's if you're lucky. Not to mention it's very rare to see him show his emotions openly. Even in things he does hold a strong interest in, he still tends to be quiet and say very little about them. Though there is a noticeable shift in his demeanor. There is an overall bonus to most of his symptoms, that being, it definitely makes the job easier.
I actually don't think his diagnosis (or lack of one) gets to him. He's different from other people. This isn't new information! It doesn't have downsides. There's always lows, sure. Don't ask him how he gets, even if things change for him suddenly. But that's normal, to him at least. Life goes on for him. Name for it or not. I think Sniper just likes being himself. He's fine with his job, and being alone, and not getting into hours-long conversations. And if it means he's okay with being autistic, then he doesn't see a problem with that.
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Spy:
Body Dysmorphia -
It must be a nightmare to become someone else and have to analyze your body in great detail once it's all over. With all the changes that have happened, do you think you could even remember who you really are?
There's always SOMETHING wrong. There's always SOMETHING he could change about himself to just be BETTER. And, oh brother, trust me, he has tried. A perfectionist at heart, and he can't make the one thing he needs to be perfect just right.
Spy absolutely makes up for the way he feels about himself by overcompensating in other ways. It might be true that he just wants to look his best and be high class because that's just who he is. But it's also not hard to imagine it's all another act. What better way to distract someone, right? Not even to mention the fact that he is chronically wearing that mask. Don't ask him to try and look at himself in the mirror.
He is also CONSTANTLY making sure everything he CAN control about his appearance is meticulous and perfect. It's almost an obsession. But it calms his nerves. It leaves less to judge.
I just think it's really interesting to think about…but I won't leave this with JUST me tormenting Spy, of course. I do think there are moments of peace for him. The body dysmorphia isn't going to leave, even if he really wants it to. But I think he can learn to love himself in a way that isn't all for show. He managed it once before…maybe he could do it again…
Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD)-
Can spies REALLY be anything other than paranoid? Well not really, but most spies don't develop an entire personality disorder surrounding it. But to Spy at least, that's just a further sign that he's simply better. What's the point in analyzing anything further?
But paranoia isn't the only part of it that Spy isn't able to analyze further. The grudges he holds, how hard it is to take criticism. He's cold to the people around him, he can't relax, he always feels the need to argue. There's always something more. But it doesn't matter much if all his actions seem justifiable. He's a good spy. And he's just protecting himself.
(One of the ways PPD is formed actually ties in to childhood neglect, and it reminds me I have to tell you guys about what I think about his childhood.)
Regardless! Much like I've said for the others, he's not getting an official diagnosis anytime soon. And I'm not even sure therapy could help undo everything he's internalize over the many, many years he's struggled. But it's not entirely hopeless. I think if the people in Spy's life can accept him as he is, even if it's hard or confusing sometimes, it'll be a bit of progress towards him healing.
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Soldier:
Postal Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)-
So Soldier is definitely THE man with PTSD in the group of all the mercs (besides Heavy). Or at least his is most prevalent and something everyone is aware of.
PTSD symptoms are typically categorized into four different groups and are different from person to person and can depend on how long someone has dealt with the symptoms. For Soldier I think it started out with "negative changes in thinking and mood". In that for a long time he didn't necessarily remember what happened. The memories of what made him feel so empty all the time just couldn't exist for a while. And eventually it became easy enough to *almost* feel better. The memories weren't there, so Soldier could feel better, in a way. It wasn't permanent.
His symptoms changed towards "intrusive memories" as he found his new job with the other mercs. It was a LOT easier to be triggered by things around him. Not everything comes back to him, so he's able to still have some moments of joy. But when the intrusive memories come back, it's really obvious.
It starts with nightmares. Waking up just barely being able to remember what was haunting him while he slept. Then as the morning comes, so does the memories, then the base goes almost unusually quiet as he just. Sits. Sits with the flashbacks. Reliving it for however long he's stuck in his own mind. Sometimes he talks, but usually it's pretty quiet.
It's obviously extremely stressful. It's like living in a nightmare. But luckily for Soldier, the people around him DO understand. And they know what to do. At any given time SOMEONE will sit with him. Keeping their distance, of course. But they'll talk to him. And while it varies from person to person what they say to him to ground him. They all do try.
Soldier doesn't like to talk about it much after it happens. He'd rather go back to forgetting. But he does appreciate the people around him regardless. And while snapping him out of it doesn't fix the overall problem. Having people support him DOES help. It's just something he'll live with for a long time. But he's glad to know he's not alone.
Pica -
I've actually had this headcanon for the longest time. Couldn't tell you WHY, besides the fact it just fits. For most people, pica improves with age, but it's still entirely possible for someone to be an adult and still struggle with it. It's especially prevalent in conjunction with other mental health issues.
So it's not a shock that it's still hanging around with Soldier. Dirt, rocks, sand, clay, paint chips. You name it, he's probably had a craving for it (and suffered consequences for eating it). A not so fun fact that you can tie in with comments regarding Soldier and lead poisoning is that it ends up being a genuine risk.
The cravings (for Soldier at least) tend to be brought about due to stress. And it's unfortunately pretty obvious that, prior to having people talk to him to help with putting the cravings out of his mind, or alternatives to make the cravings less and keep himself healthy, he was stressed out pretty chronically and the cravings took their toll. His teeth weren't exactly perfect before they got drilled into.
Fortunately, however! He does get the support he needs, so no need to worry too much. Plus, I think he'd find substitutions pretty cool. Not to mention the fact that some of them are almost 1 to 1, with the only difference being that it's actually edible. Imagine his shock that you CAN eat dirt (in a way) without horrible consequences.
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Pyro:
Mutism -
Although very rare and not a common cause of it, I do think Pyro struggles with reactive mutism brought on by childhood trauma. A neglectful and objectively traumatic childhood (which I ALSO still have to tell you guys my thoughts on) made it so Pyro just. Couldn't speak. In most situations at least. The words getting entirely stuck in it's throat as they desperately try and communicate anything. It just never comes.
Even as they grow older and they manage to distance themselves from it's trauma, it doesn't make it suddenly go away. Talking is still a struggle. And it honestly it just becomes harder and harder for Pyro to get back to a point in its life where it can speak. So. They don't. They still make noises, that was never something it COULDN'T do.
I do think instead of speaking verbally Pyro learns ASL. It's one of my favorite headcanons to talk about. I like to think Pyro taught a lot of the other mercs how to sign, or at least understand enough to communicate pretty well. (This actually has a tie in with the physical disabilities hc too! You'll see it come back up).
Kelptomainia -
Do I have any reason for this headcanon? Absolutely not. Will I still argue that it makes sense? Absolutely.
It's just an uncontrollable urge to take things. And unfortunately, while thinking about it, and overthinking it a few dozen more times. Giving in to the urge feels really good. Which has gotten Pyro into trouble a fair number of times. Usually, people on base hardly notice things disappearing (Pyro does manage to put a good number of things back once the urge has been fulfilled, unless they forgot </3) but when they do, they can always count on where it will be.
Pyro does, indeed, feel remorse for stealing from it's friends. But it's not enough to change the pattern of behavior overnight. Though I'd like to think the other mercs are VERY patient with Pyro. They know it's never out of malice, but it's still annoying to have to track down room decor. The patience definitely does help with Pyro getting better, overtime. It doesn't disappear overnight, but I really do think people not instantly being at Pyro's throat with the idea that it's nothing more than a thief who's trying to exploit their friends helps a TON with not staying in a cycle of shame.
Schizophrenia -
And yet again, we end up in the realm of canon! Well, maybe not EXACTLY. Schizophrenia is more than just Pyroland and Pyrovision, but I think there's still something we can sink our teeth into here.
Hallucinations, for example, are probably our best place to start. We see very plainly that Pyro sees things differently from how they are in reality.
This is a good example. The world doesn't work for Pyro the same it does for other people. And well, it's pretty good for showing a lot of Pyro's whimsy (and good for discussions on how a lot of the hallucinations keep Pyro in a safer but not completely unaware headspace). It doesn't really get into how it makes living life really hard.
Sure, Pyro DOES have fun, don't get me wrong, but intermixed with moments of being grounded in reality can leave Pyro feeling incredibly disoriented. The world is always changing around them. How are they supposed to stay unchanged through all of that?
The picture above also shows off another symptom of Schizophrenia. It's behavior changes frequently. From moving around happily to a sudden anger and frustration taken out on the bear. There's also other problems surrounding behavior, in that being constantly between delusions and hallucinations that all feel incredibly real and real life which IS real, it makes it hard to do simple tasks that are needed by them.
They aren't a child. But it struggles to take care of itself. It struggles to know what's real and what isn't. It struggles with speaking in a clear way, and thinking straight. Pyro isn't a child, but they are someone who needs genuine support from the people around them. (And I really hate that that's seen as needing a parent to care for them.) And I'd like to think they DO get that. They have friends willing to help them. It has people willing to take their time and wait with Pyro while it explains what it needs. I think having people who understand them goes a long way.
Treatment resistant schizophrenia (which is what I think Pyro would struggle with specifically) typically leads to a lot of struggling. It's a long-term disability. I've said a LOT in this post that support systems are important. And I really do think they are. I don't want it to sound like I think this is the cure-all. That you can support system your way out of a mental illness. But I just really like to think that as long as the mercs are all together. There's a really high chance that they can all help each other with the things they struggle with. It won't stop everyone from facing side effects of mental illnesses. But I do think it's a start to making sure everyone is safe at the end of the day.
Pyromania -
Also like, obviously. Pyro is a pyromaniac. I can NOT elaborate further. It's just canon.
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And there's the post! I'm very sorry it wasn't posted sooner. I really didn't know time would fly by so quickly. The physical disabilities post will be out as soon as possible. I don't have all the mental illnesses/disabilities mentioned above, but I tried my best to portray them respectfully. And I hope some of you who see yourselves in these characters feel seen!
Also, if you have any headcanons of your own, feel free to tell me about them. I'd love to hear them. I'm working on the physical disability headcanons right now, and it'll hopefully be out in the next few days, but it WILL be published before disability pride month is over.
I got an alert for an abducted baby this morning, which is obviously terrible and I hope they find it safe and sound, but they described the baby as having "blue eyes and Bald hair" and i can't stop thinking about it
