Mrs. Tony. Stark.

Tony Stark gives me a will to live. Stony gives me life.

[parker-industries]

Peter: look what I got!

Steve, without looking up from his magazine: no possums, Peter.

Tony: that’s not fair! There’s no rule saying we can’t have a possum.

Steve, pulling out the Avengers Family Rule Book: actually-

[robertdowneyjjr]

Yeah. Still good.

[thefalloutkid]

“I will love you until your face is fogged by distant memory. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else–and i will love you if you never marry at all, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all. That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.”  –Lemony Snicket

[parker-industries]

Loki: A Summary

Loki: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.

Bruce: I think you mean "tricks"?

Thor: He did not.

Loki, pulling knives out of his sleeves: I did not.

[parker-industries]

Steve, stroking Tony's hair: You're so tiny and adorable.

Tony, half asleep: I could literally kick your ass right now.

Steve, looking at Tony with heart eyes: I know.

[parker-industries]

Peter: welcome to my very first vlog in which I will be trying different hair products.

Peter: *sprays hairspray into his mouth*

Peter: well, right off the bat, I can tell you that this is not very good.

Tony: what the fu-

[parker-industries]

Peter: Tony! Can I ride this scooter Steve gave me?

Tony: sure whatever, I mean I'm not your dad.

Peter, running out: okay! thanks!

Tony, screaming after him: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY-

[parker-industries]

Peter: everyone keeps telling me what Tony would or wouldn't want.

Peter: WELL GUESS WHAT, I'M MY OWN DAD NOW!

Peter: I'M GONNA HAVE COOKIES FOR BREAKFAST AND BEDTIME IS NEVER!

Tony, from the afterlife: fuck 'em up son!

[parker-industries]

Rhodey: How do you manage all these kids you keep getting?

Tony: The secret is, I don't. I have no control over them whatsoever.

Tony: This morning Morgan yelled out to me and when I showed up to see what was going on, Peter shot me in the throat with a nurf gun.

[weepingballoonheart-deactivated]

today on “Hozier liked”

[parker-industries]

*Peter screams from another room*

Steve: What was that?

Tony: I don't know. I think Peter saw himself in the mirror.

Peter, from afar: MR STARK! THERE'S ANOTHER ME ON THE WALL!

Tony: JUST INTRODUCE YOURSELF! I'M SURE HE IS NICE!

[parker-industries]

Tony: You can't make everyone like you, you're not Peter.

Steve: What? Not everyone likes Peter.

Tony: Who doesn't?

Steve: Well-

Tony: Names, now, Steve. GIVE ME THIER NAMES!

[parker-industries]

Bucky: *pulls out a knife*

Steve: oh no

Bucky: *opens are cardboard box with it*

Steve: oh okay

Bucky: *pulls a gun out of the box*

Steve: oh no

[parker-industries]

Tony, deathly hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was the king of ducks.

Steve, sipping his coffee: I would, but then I would be lying to the king of ducks.

[parker-industries]

Tony, sarcastically: Yeah, everything is great. We are just one big happy family. We are all having a great time.

Also Tony: I want to set either myself or this compound on fire.

[parker-industries]

Peter: I would kill for you, Mr Thor!

Thor, gripping his shoulder: Well, that's not necessary-

Peter: Oh, that's a relief, because I would do it, but it would weigh on me.

[parker-industries]

Doctor, to pre-serum Steve: you should stop picking fights with people bigger than you.

Bucky: but everyone is bigger than him.

Steve: you want to die, bitchboy?