I am a handsy, handy person.

30. Geeky, Gay. She/They.

[ceruleanheaven]

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

[unhinged-soapbox]

Need more 800 year old vampires cosplaying as college students to pull up to Thanksgiving dinners as an engaged couple's third with the express purpose of tearing the family apart from the inside.

[status-quo-hater]

I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.

He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense

[status-quo-hater]

Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.

My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.

Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.

He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM

[fasrgswragf-deactivated20250703]

[crimegoku]

Capulets vs Montagues

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

Two houses, utterly devoid of dignity

[c3rvida3]

Me and my cousin have an ongoing bit where we pretend we made "slightly better" versions of things where we'll be like.

"That was a pretty good movie, but not as good as my movie, House of 1001 Corpses," or "I guess this song is okay. Kind of reminds me of a song I'm working on called 'Faster Car'."

Never once has it been funny or made anyone but us laugh.

[mucmucvi]

This reminds me of a joke I have with two of my cousins

[ravioliet]

god's weakest soldier is scrolling tumblr instead of being productive or participating in any of their hobbies

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the thing about being "good with kids" is all it takes is literally just not trying to control and mould them with every interaction. it's just being a normal person and engaging with them through normal interactions like having conversations and playing games. it's just being genuine and friendly and not perceiving them as lumps of wet clay you are there to shape. "oh you're so good with kids" thanks it's because I think they are people

[thememedaddy]

[yellow-cat]

actually hate that the bodys response to anything is nausea. ate too much? nauseous. ate too little? nauseous. an imaginary threat got you scared? be nauseous. on your period? you guessed it. sawed into your hand and need to go to the emergency room? perhaps throwing up into your open wound will be of help

[emilianonhigh]

someday there will be a generation of gay weirdos who don’t know about tumblr heritage. “what’s dash-con?” they say, as i cry into the shoulders of my three weed smoking girlfriends in grief at this loss, looking at the sky. god damn do i love the color of the sky.

[yogg-saron]

my little brother came into my room and told me that there was water all over the bathroom floor so i got up and grabbed a towel and ran into the bathroom to find all of my water energy pokemon cards sprawled out on the floor this kid is 5 fucking years old and he got me

[yogg-saron]

do you think this is a fucking game (because he does)

[yogg-saron]

THIS POST IS TWO YEARS OLD NOW. MAX IS 7. IT DIES DOWN FOR LIKE HALF A YEAR AND THEN SUDDENLY IT KICKS BACK UP AGAIN I HATE THIS POST 

[wizardshark]

this post is now 5 years old. Max is 10 and i hope he’s still schemin’

[explorerrowan]

There’s so much potential in this genre of joke. “There’s a fire in the kitchen!” etc.

[yogg-saron]

#max is thirteen now :(

i find it so genuinely hilarious that my little brothers age is measurable on tumblr specifically by people who have seen this post. i moved out a while ago but i know that he would love how often his dorky ass joke gets passed around on here. thank you all very much.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Max is an adult now

[storybookprincess]

so back when my little brother was in high school, my mom went as a chaperone for their senior year field trip to an amusement park. which, you know, brave move to volunteer to supervise a bunch of high school seniors let loose in a wonderland of rollercoasters and sugar

my brother and his friends in this field trip group were truly great kids. but they were not above run of the mill teenage boy shenanigans. it’s the end of senior year, you and all your buddies are at the amusement park, you’re naturally going to want to act like a complete moron

there was one kid in the group who was especially prone to goofing around. committed to the bit, some may say. my mom knew that if nonsense was going to break out, he’d likely be at the center of it

so she goes up to this kid at the very start of the trip and says “hey, i’m kinda worried about this chaperoning thing. this might be a lot to ask, but can you help me keep an eye on everyone? you wouldn’t have to do anything big, just be an extra set of eyes for me.”

friends, this kid proceeded to run their field trip group like the fucking us marines. everyone is at the meet up spots at the designated time. everyone waits in line for the rides like a bunch of boy scouts. the second the horseplay gets too out of hand, this kid is getting it back under control

it’s incredible how differently people act based on the expectations you set. instead of going to this kid and saying “hey, i know you’re trouble, so i’ve got my eye on you,” my mom went “hey, i know you have influence in your peer group, so i think you can help me.”

treat someone like a problem, they’ll act like a problem. but give people a chance to help, make them feel important, and they usually rise far above the occasion. it was a stroke of genius that i’m honestly still in awe of

[shubbabang]

happy 420 and day i reserve a spot in hell

[shubbabang]

its that time again folks

[oct2pus]

@shubbabang

(Source)

[synnthamonsugar]

The pilot -> astronaut pipeline makes complete sense but is also funny to me. There's a secret second sky and if you get good enough at doing sky you can do space.

[abbiistabbii]

The Germans really cooked making "Hobbyless behaviour" an insult. It is both devastating, applicable to a wide range of people and behaviours, and doesn't resort to swearing.

Man ranting on the internet about the Superbowl halftime show or complaining that something is "woke"? Hobbyless Behaviour. Girls mocking another girl for not looking right? Hobbyless Behaviour. Mindless vandalism? Hobbyless Behaviour.

It is more powerful than "get a life" or the English "You're Sad" because it gets to the central point of the matter, and that is wonderful. Danke, Deutsch.

[the-big-mood]

In 1997, local television in Kharkiv accidentally filmed one of the most iconic rave moments in history.

[ruinedchildhood]

[freakoutgirl]

the internet seems like a distant dream

[freakoutgirl]

whatever we are on rn is not the internet. It's ads