I want to make you feel something

| she/her | 17 | Lesbian | Trans, Bi and Aspec inclusive | My DMs/ask is always open |

[patheticlesbianwriter]

Look

She doesn't feel the same.

She's told me so.

But,

I've still had that small hope,

That maybe,

Just maybe

She liked me back

But,

Just didn't realize it yet.

I had that hope.

Well.

She went on a date this weekend.

She was hesitant to tell me about it,

But

She eventually did.

I supported her,

And her choices.

But,

The hope still persisted.

Untill.

Today.

She was meeting her again.

So,

She came to our school.

And the way she looked at her,

The same way I look at her,

With the obvious face of someone with a crush.

Smiling that cheesy smile.

Leaning into the conversation.

And I realized

That

She's never looked at me

Like that.

The hope

Is

Gone.

And it hurts,

But now,

I can move

On.

[patheticlesbianwriter]

This is very random and has nothing to do with what I usually post so feel free to ignore.

Do anyone on here use a menstural cup and are willing to answer a few questions about it? I'm concidering getting one, but there are a few things I'm wondering and I can't seem to find anything on it online

[patheticlesbianwriter]

hello r u looking for a new relationship or r u taken thank u

I'm not taken, but am still working on moving on from being rejected by the girl I was crushing on for half a year. Though I'm planning on setting up a tinder account when I turn 18

[patheticlesbianwriter]

Hi I'm writing a fantasy story where the mc has tourettes, but since its fantasy it cant be named after the guy named tourette because he doesnt exist in fantasy but also I was wondering what you do during bad tic days to make them not as bad? And maybe a suggestion for what the fantasy version name should be? Or if I should leave it as tourettes? Idk also your poems are nice and gays are great (I'm gay too btw)

Personally, if I have a bad tic day, I just let my tics do whatever. As I (after a load of hard treatment) now don't have any noticeable tics most days (I only have small ones) I usually let the bad tics just happen, without surpressing, even on bad days. (One of my main triggers is physical activity so I usually get a pretty bad tic attack during weekly pe) I'd suggest you ask some other people than just me too! Because tourettes can be experienced in a lot of different ways, for some people surpressing tics on bad days may be the best way to go. What I do do on bad days tho is take breaks. Especially during pe, Ill usually only participate in half of the lesson before I legit cant walk anymore due to my tics. Breathing exercises can also help a bit, but I usually just wait it out. As for a name, it kinda depends on the fantasy world, os it old fashioned? Where people are less educated? If that's the case I'd suggest a more literal approach, like "the flinches" or "the yells" or something like that, depending on what the most common tic is in that universe. But if the world is more advanced, in health and stuff, you could try googeling and see if you can find a professor or scientist that has done a lot of research surrounding tourettes and name it after them. Hope this was of help! Feel free to ask more if somethings unclear or if you're wondering anything else!

[patheticlesbianwriter]

It's Hard

It's hard

Wanting her

When I know

That she doesn't want me back

It's hard

Being rejected

It's hard to know

That she likes girls

She just

Doesn't like

Me

It makes moving on harder too

'Cause there's always that

tiny, tiny

Piece of hope

That maybe

If I

Cut my hair

Dress better

Change my personality

Loose some weight

She'll want me too

But

I know that's not gonna happen

And I want to move on

But

The tiny

Tiny

Hope

Is still there

[patheticlesbianwriter]

Hi! I have a blinking tic where I blink 2-3 times in a row, but I also tend to catch blinking tics when I see someone else doing it, for example if I watch a video on YouTube and the person blinks a lot. I know that Tourette’s makes people catch other people’s tics, so I wondered if my blinking tic might be more than just that..

If your only tic is blinking its by definition not tourettes syndrome. (You need both sounds and movements to be diagnosed) I dont know a lot about tics without tourettes but it doesnt seem unnatural that you may get triggered by someone elses tics. Tics in itsself is nothing to be afraid of or worried about and a lot of people experience it at some point of their lives, but if they get very bothersome one might consider getting treatment, even though one doesn't have tourettes. For most people tho tics like blinking etc that are quite mild and dont come with a lot of other tics will stop on its own in a few months time. Hope this was helpfull! Feel free to ask if youre wondering anything else and I'll answer to my best ability

[undeniably-gayy]

It’s crazy how much you can love every little detail about someone. The way their eyes squint when they smile. The way their nose crinkles up when they laugh. Crooked teeth, acne, short finger nails, messy hair, freckles, stretch marks, cellulite. I love everything about this girl, and she’ll never understand the depth of my love for her.

[patheticlesbianwriter]

Wanna know a fun little thing about tourettes? I currently have a dry cough because I have a cold. And as we know, dry coughs get worse the more you cough. Well when I cough I get coughing tics so I'll just keep on coughing for about 10 mins straight. I just finished coughing and about halfway through I coughed so hard I puked a little. I am exhausted and my whole entire body hurts from the ordeal (this all happens several times a day and makes it almost impossible to sleep before I get so tired that my tics shut down) and on top of these coughing attacks I have regular coughs throughout the day and all the other fun cold stuff like a fever, clogged and runny nose and headaches!

Tourettes isn't cute or trendy, its straight up dangerous and exhausting.

[writhe]

HERE ON THIS BLOG WE GIVE A FUCK!! APATHY FEEDS THE MACHINE! WE ARE ALL ABOUT LOVING AND CARING DEEPLY FOR HUMANITY HERE!

[patheticlesbianwriter]

Not to

I met her again today.

I thought I was getting over her

That now,

Now that I know she doesn't feel the same,

My feelings would subside.

But,

Today I realized,

That

They haven't.

I was a bit drunk,

So was she.

We were talking about everything

And

Nothing.

It took everything in my power

Not to

Reach out and touch her.

Not to

Grab her face in my hands and kiss her.

Not to

Stroke my fingers through her hair.

Not to

Hold her in my arms.

It took everything in my power

Not to.

But I managed,

And hopefully

It'll get easier.

[patheticlesbianwriter]

Something's happened

I was supposed to meet her tomorrow,

But something's happened.

We were skyping,

Her sister entered the room and told her something.

I didn't hear what it was,

But she hung up without saying goodbye.

I tried texting her,

No answer.

Then she cancelled our plans and told me she'd go offline for a while.

I asked if she wanted to talk about it,

She said she couldn't handle to yet.

I'm worried for her,

And I hope she'll be alright.

I wish she'd confide in me,

like she usually does,

But

Something's happened

And I can't help her.

[patheticlesbianwriter]

I know

I know that she doesn't like me that way,

And that hurts,

But

I'm so happy

To have her in my life.

Even just as a friend,

And nothing more.

She cares

And enjoys my company.

And I enjoy hers.

She pulls me up on my darker days

And I like to think that I help her aswell.

We have fun together,

Talking about everything, and nothing, for hours on end.

Being able to tell her stuff

And being met without judgement.

Yes, my feelings for her are one sided

But

That doesn't mean she cares for me any less.

It doesn't change the fact that she'd be there

in a seconds notice

if I ever needed her to.

[patheticlesbianwriter]

But

I'm starting to wonder,

What my future will look like.

I didn't think I'd get this far,

But

Now it seems I'll get even further.

I know what I want it to look like.

But

I doubt that's what's gonna happen.

I'd like to be married,

To a lovely woman.

Someone who loves me

And can give me the support,

Attention,

And company,

I so sorely need.

But

There are so few women for me here

They're all either

Straight

Taken

Toxic

My exes

Or

Simply don't like me that way.

I don't want to be alone,

I don't want to be alone for a single day longer,

But thats not the only problem.

I could deal with being alone

Hopefully I won't have to

But I could deal with it.

But

My struggles,

Even though I've gotten this far,

Aren't over yet.

There's always something new

And therapy can only do so much.

I'm afraid of the things I'll have to do

Just to get through the day.

I'm sure I'll survive

But

What good is that if shit only gets worse?

I want friends,

That's the most important one.

Being lonely

That I couldn't take.

And most people think I'm a great friend,

But

Once you get older

People stop hanging out with friends.

It's all about family,

Kids,

Spouses.

So what it I end up single, depressed, and friendless?

I don't know what I would do.

And I know

The chances are low

But what if?

[patheticlesbianwriter]

What's next

Three years ago

It all changed.

My body was no longer my own to control.

The head jerking and shouting exhausting me at every moment

Every day.

But

I could handle it.

I still had hope.

Two and a half years ago

It got worse.

My body was almost under control

But my mind was not.

I was exhausted,

Sad,

Unmotivated.

But still,

I had hope.

I got meds,

Fantastic meds that worked great!

A few side effects, yes.

But brilliant meds,

I was myself again.

Then the treatment came,

Exposure therapy.

Not a lot of sessions,

But still

One of the hardest things I've ever done.

When I think back at it

I see that it was unnecessary.

My life would've been harder if I hadn't done it,

But I wish I'd just enjoyed that happy year.

It was a bumpy ride

But

I still had some hope left.

One and a half year ago

My meds stopped working.

Getting help took six months,

Three months of waiting.

Waiting for an opening,

Then

Three more months of trying to figure out what was wrong.

No treatment

Just screening

They didn't figure it out

They still don't know.

I barely remember those six months

Six months of my life

Gone from my memory

For good.

But I finally got my treatment,

New meds.

They don't work as well as the old ones

And the side effects are just as bad.

I had no hope

It had been too long

Too much.

Always a new challenge when the previous one was overcome.

After a while

I got better.

But then,

Another challenge arose

My battle was no longer with my mind

But my thoughts.

Thoughts refusing to go away,

No matter how little sense they made.

I spent a few months dealing with that,

I can't remember how,

Or exactly how long.

My memory is hazy,

But

I somehow overcame that aswell.

Then,

Half a year ago,

When I finally had my mind and my thoughts somewhat under control,

My body started acting up again.

Several weeks of painful movements,

Stares from people at school,

Comments from teachers

And the exhaustion.

Somehow I got through that too.

It passed,

Like everything else.

Then the schools closed.

All my routines where broken,

Having to stay at home with my family,

Not being able to see my friends.

It was bad again.

My moods came in waves,

Changing as quickly as the ocean.

They still don't know what's wrong with me,

But it changes

A lot.

Now

I'm better,

Stable,

But still dependant on meds

And oh so very tired.

I don't know what my next challenge will be

But,

I'm fairly sure

There will be one.

[patheticlesbianwriter]

Sick of it

I'm sick of being alone

I miss knowing that there's a person out there

Who will always put me first

Someone who enjoys my company

A person who picks me above everyone else

I'm sick of always feeling like a second choice

Of being the one to make the plans

For once

I'd just like someone else to text me first

So that I'd no longer feel

Like

A second choice

[girls-are-very-pretty]

**This post is gonna be slightly more risque than my other posts, read at your own disgression**

_______________________________________________________________________

I really want a girlfriend who will go with me into stores that I’ve never been allowed in before aka I want a girlfriend who will go with me into victorias secret or some other similar place, who will hold up some bra set and say I’d look cute in it, because me and my tiny boobs have had the same bras I bought on amazon since forever ago, because my christian mother thinks lingerie is the devil’s creation. So yeah I want a girl who will pick out fancy underwear with me who will laugh with me when I pull out some crazy over exaggerated set or when I pull out one that would be way too big and make fun of it and myself. I want that kind of playful relationship with intimacy rather than a fearful one I was taught to have.

[patheticlesbianwriter]

I told her

I told her how I feel about her today

It was awkward

Terrifying

But

I wasn't afraid of her not feeling the same

I was afraid

of

our friendship

Changing

She doesn't feel the same

It hurts

But

I'm not surprised

And

Luckily

Our friendship is

Unchanged

Though

I didn't tell her

Everything

She still doesnt know

How the thought of her has kept me up at night

How she always makes my stomach full of butterflies

But that's okay

Cause I'll get over her

I'll move on

That's all I can do

But

I'll never forget

The way I once felt