Metamorphic Delusion

Paulo Javierto, Mapúan Future Engineer

[paulojavierto]

i wander these streets, the corners i turn. solace in shadows and road lights that burn comfort in thoughts. i am home.

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let me tell you a secret on being happy. dont look for things you dont want to see, dont ask for questions you dont want to hear the answers to.

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Everything was grey, his hair, his smoke, his dreams. And now he’s so devoid of color, he don’t know what it means. And he’s blue.

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This is the absolute pits. Yes, I’m sad, I should say? and I wish someone would make this melancholic need-for-love restless feeling go away.

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6.12.15 12:47am  Letting Go

Lord, I am no longer young. I think I should have learned by now that I don’t have to lead the charge or muddle through, somehow.

My pride so often led me over to a long and winding road that apparently has no end. Until... at last, frazzled, I faltered beneath my load.

I held on, tautly; I refused to let it go. I want to be strong. But the longer that I carried it, my burden seemed to grow.

I staggered with the weight of it, slowly, I’m going down on bended knee, and from this unpretentious position, I finally learned to see.

So many of us, Lord, are scarred inside; afraid to admit that we are weak. It’s finally when we are on our knees we find the peace we seek.

This burden that I carried, were never meant for me. But this might be a destiny?

It just amazes me, how two people who once loved each other so much, can turn into water and oil in an instant.

Where have all the love gone?

Lord, You stood by, waiting patiently, so You could set me free.

I am free!

[paulojavierto]

believe me, this sea of clouds doesnt carry rain nor will usher storm, they carry my dreams.

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back to reality! #hello4thterm © @kimcarlcacasftw

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the magic lives on

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"Pathway to the light"

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"surreal" #vscocam #silhouette (at Quezon City Memorial Circle)

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the new mapua r&d bldg

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kuno (at Intramuros, Manila)

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spontaneous Baguio City getaway

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10.22.14

I cannot imagine how fast time can be, it's a little more than two months before this year ends, and I got less than two months to prove myself. If I was wrong to choose this path or I am right because maybe I'll just need to get a better foundation. I have to make a decision for my own good. Well, I still believe that everything that is happening's in accordance to God's plan for me. 

My life has been a series of roller coaster rides. I've been through a lot of ups and downs lately. Sometimes, I tend to be overly sentimental, overly sensitive over things. Say something about me, I might be thinking about it for the whole day. I may not be able to show you because I'm a man, I don't want to sob in public, to show how "weak" I am in public. Because I was known to be a strong and a witty person who always seems to be pleasant, but I'm telling you, I might be dying inside. You'll just never know. I could keep every scrape inside me, easily.

As I become more mature, I've realized that I just need someone. I just need that someone. Someone who could accept me for whoever I am, who could be happy with just the simple pleasure of being with me by their side. Being with someone who could be contended with what you have and what you can give. That would be the most overwhelming feeling in the world. I've realized that I just need someone to love me. 

What I believe is that to love someone is a matter of choice right? I mean, there would be the feelings of course but to love them is a choice, obviously.

Moreover, the transition from being "friends" to being "more than friends", it's a scary kind of thing. Getting to that second stage gives you a colossal responsibility and obligation. It might be frightening but you were the one who chose to love. Apace, it will test how patient you can be for that someone you love. It's always a game, you'll never know where would it be leading, but all you know is that you'll do whatever it takes to make things work, until.... you win. That's just the game of love. The eagerness that comes over you will be your gear to here and there.

We've reached the time wherein it is no longer necessary to ask, "would you be my girlfriend?" I mean, when two people share mutual feelings, it just magically becomes common knowledge between two people that they are indeed "together". Labels are not necessary. 

I like someone right now, someone I'm comfortable with, someone I so much enjoy talking with. I've never taken someone so seriously, but she's different. I don't know, whenever I talk to her, I can't hide the smile I paint on my face. I admire her, she's just beautiful inside and out. I don't know where this would be leading, this might be leading to nowhere but I don't care, all I know is that I want us to grow. We will grow.

[paulojavierto]

9.29.14

It's been a while. It's been a couple of months or so since the last time I typed a word here on Tumblr, and I missed this feeling of just being comfortably sitting on a couch with a coffee beside me worrying about nothing, typing whatever I want to type or whatever comes to my mind. This is probably the best feeling for a college student who still got the moronic mindset of a first year high school student. You can consider me as a clueless person fixated behind the bars of a rehabilitation center, lol just kidding. I hope I could update this blog any time within the week.

[paulojavierto]

8.5.14 One's Existence

An Oscar Wilde quote, “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.”

The point of existing is to live with a purpose. Purpose basically means doing something that could give a positive effect on others. But what’s ironic these days is that we, people, keeps on being bounded by a line encompassing us, repressing us, and has always been a reason for us to be voided around. However, I still believe in the power of people’s mind to think outside of the box and look for ways on how to find their purpose why they existed in this world. Existing with a purpose is not an intention, it’s a desire. Hence, living along with your purpose must be done deep within your heart, if not, your life’s purpose shall be considered as a pointless intention without a destination.

I can relate existing with a purpose in writing or speaking. Just like how books, magazines, newspapers, talks and speeches influenced us rhetorically, existing with our purpose must also bring an impact on other people’s lives not negatively but positively.

Just what Oscar Wilde have taught, living is rare. Our purpose must be really hard to find, but I know, as long as our desire is burning, as long as we want to find it out as much as we want to breath, there is no point for us not to find it out. One’s existence is a journey, you may not know what your purpose of existence is right now, well, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe sooner or later our existence might bring an impact on someone. Just keep your desire of existing with a purpose burning. “You only live once”, a cliché saying and now being a dogma, I must say, better live life into its full extent.

[paulojavierto]

Some snaps at the wedding we attended last June 7, 2014 held at Barasoain Church in Malolos City, Bulacan. 

PS: I was unable to take a decent shot at all because I've been here just to be the photographer of my grandmother and I do not know the couple personally.