uhhhh venting i guess? cw: mentions of throwing up, bad smells, cat shit on the floor, mother
So, my room was an utter mess. I didn’t want to clean it cause that would take too much time and i had no motivation to deal with it. (curse you, motivation stealer!)
My mother said that my room was disgusting, and that I needed to clean it. I also recently graduated and she said i now have all the time i need to clean it. (Which I do agree with, but that still doesn’t give me my motivation.)
I tried to explain to her that telling me to clean my room, won’t give me the motivation to clean my room, to that she said that she didn’t hear it. (Which either means she actually didn’t hear it, or she heard it and wanted to hear it again.) Now, I’ve “fought” with my mom before. Recently, I got upset at her since the house was kind of…off? Not toxic, but that was the word I used. And I also got mad at her for spraying my cat when she just wanted some food. (It was i think chicken. She adore chicken and sour cream.)
I remembered what my dad said about my mom. That some fights with her are not ment to be fought. So, I just said thank you to my mom and that i’d start. I explained to a friend what happened and they asked if we could just both clean on call. I agreed. I went into my room and my friend asked to show how my room was at the moment. I showed them and they asked me how l live like this. I told them that i just kinda exist around it. (it was bad bad.)
I started with my clothes, since that was taking up the most space. After a while, I started to smell cat piss on some of my clothes and found cat shit on some. After a while of bringing loads of clothes up into the laundry room, I found cat shit pretty much embedded into the floor. The smell was so bad, i had to go to a different room just to stop myself from throwing up.
I came back with a dust pan just to clean up the mess, went into the bathroom and just placed into there and went back to clean up the smell. My cat (Hirose) kept coming in and seeing what i was doing. I was annoyed with her so i just kept moving her away, and telling her that I wanted to be left alone. After cleaning that whole problem and removing the smell at a different spot, I just laid on the floor and cried.
My friend, hearing my sob my eyes out, comforted me and said that we can try doing small things. Do certain things per day and keeping up with that. To which, i agreed with.
Later on, I started doing a load of laundry and just grabbed things and stuffed them into the washing machine. My dad saw and came in to give me some tips, to which i started crying again. He understood on what was going on and said that I should try doing fabrics that are the same or similar together to make it easier. I agreed but also said that I was tired. He said that i’m trying my best. He gave me a hug and a kiss before going to bed.
this is why i love my dad so much and why he’s a role model for me.
titsay
2087
turnnoffyourmind
theartofmadeline
