evie/eve 𐙚 they/them 𐙚 '05 𐙚 university junior 𐙚 white 𐙚 disabled 𐙚 host of @thelovebotsystem 𐙚 author on @lovebot-fics
𐙚 interests ;; k-pop (mostly 2&3 gen) , exo (my ults<3) , markiplier , dan and phil , smosh , kitchen nightmares , flamingo , jack manifold , five nights at freddy's , poppy playtime , cult of the lamb , tomodachi life , stardew valley , pokémon , my little pony , sanrio , sonic , anime , dungeons & dragons , nintendo games , htgawm , stranger things +more!
𐙚 fave characters ;; princess peach (super mario) , uraraka ochako (bnha) , amy rose (sonic) , sylveon (pokémon) , my sweet piano (sanrio) , fluttershy (my little pony)
𐙚 identities ;; fem-presenting non-binary , demisexual , omniromantic , taken by my one and only @thetarotcollective (02/14/24)
𐙚 dni ;; don't interact if you post anything about self-harm. i'm currently in recovery. also just don't interact if you're not nice. i'm pretty accepting of all people though.
𐙚 stances ;; pro-choice , anti-fascist , anti-maga , anti-nazi , punk , radq neutral but i prefer not to interact
𐙚 extras ;; i have quite a few mental health problems and some undiagnosed disabilities which i'm in treatment for. my favorite color is pink!!! i love interacting with all sorts of communities so you'll probably see me around :3
if you want to be mutuals, feel free to interact!! i spend all, and i mean all, of my free time on tumblr, so i'm usually around when i'm not in class!
Okay this was literally made for those of you who love first kisses 😭 do we want a little extra smutty bonus part four?? I'm so sad to see this series go, I don't want it to end!! Thank you all for the love I've received on it 💛
Pairing: poly!marauders x fem!reader
Synopsis: In the aftermath of Remus' attempt to kiss you, you face the boys one at a time and are forced to ask yourself if you're ready for things to be different...
Words: 9.7k
Warnings/Tags: a little angsty from the girly's anxiety, kissing!!! so much kissing!!!!, detailed makeout scenes but nothing graphic
Part one; part two
Requests are: ✨opennnnnn!!✨
Sirius
He found you on the wooden bridge.
It was early still, and there was an empty mug balanced precariously on the railing beside you. You were bundled in Remus’ jumper from the evening before, nails digging into the fabric at the cuffs.
He’d been standing at the entrance to the bridge for almost ten minutes, trying to gear himself up to approach. It was rather annoying, really. He’d never been nervous to approach you before; but things between the four of you had changed so much recently.
It had all come tumbling out once you’d run off the night before.
“I just—bloody fucking hell, I wasn’t thinking.” Remus was grabbing at his hair, the chocolate bar you two had shared still clutched in his fist with shavings of it getting left behind in his curls.
“Thinking what, Moons? Fill us in here, please,” James said, discarding his broom on the ground and bouncing on the balls of his feet.
Sirius knew James was thinking the same thing he was: that they’d never seen that look on your face before—well and truly freaked out.
“I think we…I almost kissed her,” Remus said after a pause. Guilt was written all over his face. “I’m…she was just there and—and…I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
The other two fell silent. Sirius really wasn’t sure what to say to that, and from the look on James’ face, he would say they were in the same boat. On the one hand, the trust between the three of them was as strong as it was because none of them went around pulling this kind of shit; but on the other hand, this wasn’t some random-almost-kiss-moment with just anyone. It was you. The light of their lives. The one they’d all been thinking about differently for weeks now, and probably before then but hadn’t realized. It may have been unspoken between the three of them, but that didn’t mean they weren’t all individually aware of it.
Sirius hadn’t been oblivious to the way his two boyfriends had been studying his newfound comfort with you, or to the way their hushed conversations fell to the wayside when he came within earshot. But he hadn’t been able to admit to them that his feelings towards you had changed yet—he hadn’t even been able to admit it to himself. If he was honest, it scared him.
However, while James mirroring his own feelings towards you was a given, Remus was a bit of a surprise. One that made every following moment feel inevitable.
Sirius sat heavily on the coffee table, broom at his feet, and settled his connected palms in front of his mouth—thinking, but completely silent.
The other two exchanged a look—Remus’ heavy with guilt; James’ weighed with confliction.
James walked over to Remus, placed a hand on his back and affectionately rubbed a circle. “We’ll figure it out—let’s just talk about it, yeah?”
Sirius dropped his hands and looked up at his two partners, exposing the shine in his eyes. He bit his lip.
The expression of guilt on Remus’ face doubled.
“I’m not mad,” Sirius said around the gravel in his throat. He didn’t feel quite so innocent himself all of a sudden—his thoughts about you recently hadn’t exactly been completely pure.
“You’re not?” Remus slumped under James’ hand in relief.
Sirius shook his head and held a hand out for Remus to take and pulled him to sit in front of him on the couch. James sat beside him.
Sirius rubbed his thumb over Remus’ knuckles, and grabbed James’ hand with his other, copying his actions. “I need to admit something.”
On the bridge, Sirius’ heart was beating hard with the weight of his admission on his mind because now it was real. It was real and it was shared by his other partners—all that was left was to see if their chance with you hadn’t been completely blown apart by Remus’ impatience.
Originally, they’d thought about talking to you all together, but when you’d told James you were going for a walk with your coffee instead of eating breakfast with them, it was obvious enough that you were overwhelmed. So much so that cornering you was the last thing they wanted to do—they’d decided on Sirius to find you. He’d smooth things over, tell you what was really going on and gauge how you felt. If things went well, hopefully they’d be having a four-person conversation in a few hours from now. If not…well, frankly, Sirius couldn’t even consider that option. He’d been trying to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay last night while attempting to convince Remus that his own weren’t real—that they’d never lose you. But truth be told, the ebony-haired boy wasn’t sure, and that scared him the most.
Sirius walked a little heavier as he neared so as not to startle you.
You didn’t look up as he approached, or as he leant on the banister, close enough that your elbows touched.
“You’ll catch a cold out here, you know,” Sirius said, voice warm against the bite of the wind.
“I’m fine,” you said, but softened the unemotional response with a small smile at him before tugging Remus’ jumper over your hands.
Sirius couldn’t deny that you looked exhausted. Beautiful, always beautiful, but exhausted. Even now, Sirius could see the cogs turning at top speed in your head.
“How did you sleep?” Sirius knew that it was a stupid question, but he’d found himself floundering for the right thing to say. How the hell was he supposed to approach the topic that your three best friends were falling madly in love with you, hoped you’d feel the same and that his idiot boyfriend hadn’t meant to literally scare you off?
You laughed quietly. “Small talk’s never been your strong suit, Siri.”
Sirius quirked a smile. He turned to lean fully against the wooden sideboard and nudged the tip of his boot against your shoe.
“I guess it’s no surprise that we need to talk about something then,” Sirius said.
You swallowed. “Not really, no.”
Sirius watched the sting of the wind burn your eyes. He’d guessed you’d already figured things out for yourself for the most part—with how well you knew them and how obvious Remus had just made things; it couldn’t have been hard. Figuring out where your mind was at, however, was a different story.
“Hey,” Sirius reached out to brush your cheek. You closed your eyes at the feeling, leaning into his palm as you turned to look at him. “We don’t have to talk about this now if you don’t want to. ‘M not going anywhere.”
Your eyes filled with a sudden shine that had Sirius rubbing his thumb back and forth across your cheek.
“Everything’s changing, Siri.”
“Yeah, I know.” Boy, did he ever. He’d barely stopped thinking about it.
“I just don’t understand how it’s all happening at once.”
“I wouldn’t say that. I know you’ve noticed some…changes over the past couple weeks.” Sirius resisted the smirk that tugged at his mouth when a faint blush rose to your cheeks.
“You mean the hand-holding?” You asked, voice dropping in shyness.
“The hand-holding, the staring. I’m not exactly known for my subtlety.”
You breathed a laugh. “So these are…new feelings then?”
Sirius held your gaze, letting the silence between you settle on the breeze. “Um…no. It’s just that I’ve only had the balls to stop ignoring it recently.”
Your movements paused as you absorbed the information—Sirius could hear his pulse ringing in his ears. Had being vulnerable always been this bloody scary?
“How…how long?” You breathed.
Sirius sighed. “I don’t really know. I kind of just realized one day. I think I’ve just been too afraid of what it means to really acknowledge it.”
“Oh,” you said breathlessly.
Sirius knew you hadn’t meant to seem so emotionlessly shell-shocked, really he did. But those years of starved affection in childhood had never left him, and as much as he wanted to give you a moment to absorb the information, self-protection had him dropping his hand from your cheek and looking down at his boots.
“Don’t do that,” you said quietly, bringing his hand back to your face. “I’m just…I’m surprised.”
“I know,” Sirius said quietly.
“Surprised doesn’t mean bad.”
“No?” He hated the small crack in his voice, hated how terrified he felt. Like his entire friendship circle was dependent on the success of this conversation.
You held his gaze. “No. I’m just scared. And I don’t understand how you’re not.”
Sirius had to hold in what would’ve been a fairly dry laugh and moved his hand to rub your back.
“I’m just as terrified as I was when Prongs finally told me to cut the crap and admit I was mad for him and Moons. Nosey bugger.”
Sirius’ mouth tilted at achieving another small laugh from you.
“And now?” You asked.
Sirius studied you. It was a wonder to him how he hadn’t seen it all these years. He supposed it hadn’t been as obvious to him because he lived with the other two idiots that captured his heart.
Sirius slowly took a step towards you, giving you a chance to move if you wanted, sliding his weight along the banister until your shoulder was pressed against his chest. You were now effectively trapped between Sirius’ body and the column behind you.
You blinked up at him—eyes wide and vulnerable.
“The only thing that scares me about any of this is losing you,” Sirius said.
You shot him a look. “That’s never gonna happen, Siri.”
Sirius could feel the thundering of his heart in his hand on your cheek; he wondered if you could feel it too. He also wondered if that declaration you’d just made was true. His certainly was. The thought made him bite the inside of his lip.
You clocked his facial expression and turned to face him fully before nudging his arm so both of your hands could reside on his cheeks instead. “Never. You hear me?”
Sirius’ eyes stung and he nodded against your open palms.
“Swear on Snape’s greasy mop,” you said with a smile which made Sirius smile in turn.
“And his great crooked nose.”
“And all the nasty bugs that must get stuck up there,” you finished together, laughing at the vow from first year—something random James had said when he was swearing truth to a fact that was definitely made up. But the saying had stuck. Merlin knows why.
You dropped your arms from Sirius’ face, but he caught them before they lowered past his shoulders, sliding his fingers up your palms until they were interlocking with yours. He tugged your hands so the small space between you closed up, and then you were right there, warm against Sirius in a way he’d been imagining for weeks. He couldn’t run now. This was real. You were there, with him—and you weren’t pulling away.
Sirius eyes flicked down to your lips before he could stop himself. It made your breath stall. “If you want to just pretend everything is still the same…we can.”
Sirius waited for you to pull back; to say you changed your mind. But you didn’t say anything. Didn’t move. Only stood there, looking up at him with dilated pupils that flicked between his eyes and lips in a similar manner to how he’d done with you.
“But if not…I know this isn’t exactly a secret, but I want to be more than just your best friend,” Sirius said, trying to ignore the way his voice had an undertone of shakiness to it. “So would Prongs and Moons.”
You exhaled at the confession that had been hanging around the four of you, unspoken. You allowed for a few beats of silence—just long enough that Sirius started to wonder if you’d changed your mind.
“I want that, too,” you finally admitted, voice just above a whisper.
Sirius felt the entirety of his body light up. “Really?
You exhaled a breathy laugh, as if you, too, were surprised by what you’d said. “Really.”
Sirius felt himself begin to tilt down into you, trying to contain the pull he felt now that he knew things weren’t one-sided. “Can…can I?”
A full blush spread across your cheeks at the question, seeming to suddenly notice how close you were to him. “What about Rem and Jamie?”
“We talked about it…they’re okay with it, if you are.”
Your blush deepened. “You talked about it?”
Sirius couldn’t help the smirk that tugged at his lips this time. “We might have.”
You blew out another exhale and zeroed in on Sirius’ mouth—after a beat of your focus not letting up, Sirius found himself continuing his slope down into you.
“Siri…”
Sirius stopped as soon as you breathed his name.
You looked up at him with wide, terrified eyes. “No matter what happens…”
Sirius didn’t need you to finish the sentence to know what you were asking him to promise you. Risking the three most important relationships you had was likely the scariest thing you’d ever done. And if there was anything he was willing to promise you, it was that his presence in your life wouldn’t disappear. Not for anything.
Sirius pulled his hands from you, cupped both sides of your jaw and tilted his forehead onto yours. “No matter what happens.”
Sirius felt your fingers grip the fabric of his jumper and rest your hands against his abdomen. It made his insides turn to mush, having you here, like this, with him. It’s also what gave him the last gentle nudge to lower his mouth and slot it gently against yours.
Despite your initial gasp at the unfamiliar contact, you quickly softened against him. Sirius moved one arm to wrap completely around your waist so that he could pull you flush to him, hands shaking. You white-knuckled his sweater while he moved his mouth fluidly against yours.
Sirius didn’t rush things, didn’t push you to go faster; but after a few moments you managed to find comfort in all of the unfamiliarity—your hands snaked their way up into his hair and your mouth started to part slightly. That made his other arm wrap around you as well. Kissing you was as addictive to him as kissing James and Remus for the first time.
When your nails scratched his scalp slightly, he sighed—involuntarily, mind you—into your mouth. You had him completely undone.
Sirius stepped further into your space, turning you so that you were snug between him and the wooden railing. He pulled away slightly, checking your features for discomfort, but you only wanted more of him, eagerly tugging on his jumper while biting your bottom lip.
Sirius leaned back down against your mouth and breathed a giddy laugh before pressing your lips back together. He was feeling a dangerous level of happiness—he was kissing you. You. His best friend, his anchor. And you were kissing him back.
He had no idea how long he kept you like that, but by the time he pulled away from you, your pupils were blown wide and your face was dusted pink. He could feel a similar burning on his own cheeks, and for a moment he could only stare at you.
Sirius opened his mouth and then closed it again multiple times, trying to think of how to convey everything whirling around inside of him.
“I don’t think I remember how to say things,” Sirius admitted dumbly.
You laughed, which made his own breath of joy leak out as well. And once he started smiling, he couldn’t stop. Neither could you.
“I don’t know what’s going to kill me first, you or the idea that I have to share you,” Sirius said, leaning in to press feather light kisses along your jaw.
“You’re forgetting I have to share you, too. Absurd, really,” you said, voice all breathy from his exploration. You subconsciously tilted your head to encourage him.
Sirius hummed. “I agree.”
In peeking his eyes open to get a glimpse of you, he noticed the emptiness of the banister at your back. He straightened. “Didn’t you have a mug?”
You turned against the same spot where your cup had once been. You looked over the banister and down into the dark gorge below you, hands sliding down Sirius’ arms as your spine twisted.
“Oops.”
Sirius let another giddy laugh slip which had you turning back to him.
“I don’t think I really care,” you admitted, already pulling him back to you.
“Good, because I definitely don’t.” And with that, Sirius moulded his mouth back against yours, selfishly taking the time to map you out, relishing in all of your tiny sounds and sighs that he’d been deprived of for far too long.
Remus
Remus was sure he was losing his mind.
Sirius had been gone for over two hours now, and considering James had spent the evening in bed with you last night, it was safe to say he was beginning to feel a little spun out. Especially considering he hadn’t had the chance to apologize for his ridiculous behaviour.
He’d been pacing around the heater in the center of the room for twenty minutes. Every time he heard someone approach the door he’d stop; once they passed and he realized they weren’t Sirius or you, he’d turn and start pacing in the other direction. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to know how things were going—you could’ve told Sirius that you wanted nothing to do with any of them for all Remus knew. The thought made him feel sick, though he couldn’t honestly say he would blame you.
“Moons, would you relax? You’re making me feel on edge,” James said from where he was lounged on his bed.
“Pads has been gone for two hours,” Remus crossed his arms anxiously and bit the inside of his cheek. “How am I supposed to relax?”
James groaned and pushed himself onto his elbows. “By not imagining the worst-case scenario.”
“Easy for you to say, you didn’t humiliate yourself in front of the girl we’re all in love with last night. You just got to sleep with her,” Remus finished with a grumble, continuing his pacing.
“Would you stop saying it like that? She asked me to stay. I wasn’t going to leave her, babe. You wouldn’t have.”
Remus supposed that was true. He would always stay if you asked. But the way he’d left things with you last night had his teeth grinding and his joints twitching—it also had his dramatic side shamelessly flaunting itself. Meaning he couldn’t admit to James that he was right. Even though he knew he was being ridiculous.
James was spared Remus’ melodrama, however, when the doorknob to the dorm rattled and swung open to reveal a very dishevelled looking Sirius.
Remus whirled to look at him, James sat straight up like he’d been shocked. Sirius looked at his two partners with the most lovesick grin on his face they’d ever seen.
“Bloody hell, Pads,” James laughed disbelievingly.
Sirius walked robotically over to James before flopping himself directly on top of him, using James’ lapfor a pillow. He blinked at Remus, his grin growing slightly at the look of utter shockon his boyfriends face.
“How did it go?” Remus asked anxiously.
“Turns out our feelings are not as one-sided as we thought,” Sirius said.
“Wait, really?” James leaned forward to get a glimpse of Sirius’ face where it was smushed against his leg, his own voice now full of excitement.
Remus felt the room tilt, that swoop flooding him at Sirius’ words.
“She’s waiting in the common room,” Sirius sighed dreamily to no one in particular.
James looked up at Remus, holding his gaze for a moment as they both tried to comprehend what this could mean. “Why don’t you go?”
“You don’t want to come with me?” Remus asked, already heading for the door, secretly ecstatic at some real alone time with you.
“We may as well just take it in turns. Wouldn’t want to overwhelm her.” James winked.
Remus rolled his eyes. “Alright, see you later.”
“Her lips are so soft, Jamie.” Remus heard Sirius say airily on his way out. It made his insides do all sorts of funny things—the idea of his boyfriend kissing you.
At the base of the stairs to the common room, Remus found himself frozen on the last step. You had your back to him, folded up in the same corner of the couch as last night, still wrapped up in his jumper.
Remus was hit with another knee-bucking swoop that had him gripping the banister for extra support, eventually using it to forcibly push himself towards you.
“Dove?” He said quietly, standing at the opposite end of the couch to you.
You looked over at him, and Remus didn’t think he’d ever seen you look more beautiful—your hair tousled, lips stained a suspicious shade of pink. And in his bloody jumper for crying out loud.
He itched to be closer. The summers he’d spent away from you were nothing in comparison to the way he’d missed you the previous night, but it was exactly that which kept him cautiously at a distance. Despite the contrary proof, he was still mostly convinced you wouldn’t have forgiven him for being an absolute twat, and there was no way he was risking a reproduction of the mess he’d made.
“Hi,” you said quietly, already turning towards him and criss-crossing your legs up on the couch.
Remus swallowed. “Hi.”
You studied each other for a moment; Remus was desperately trying to keep himself upright as nerves and that bloody swooping flooded his body the longer he held your gaze.
Eventually you held out a hand for him, and Remus needed no further invitation before he was closing the space between you. He sat heavily in front of you, already reaching for your waist to pull you against him. Your scent flooded his nose with it buried in your shoulder, and a full sigh of relief left him when your hands tucked themselves eagerly in his hair.
“I’m so so sorry, dove,” he whispered into your skin.
“It’s okay,” you whispered back almost immediately.
“No it’s not.”
“Rem—”
“It’s not.” Remus pulled back from you despite the way it made his instincts scream, releasing your waist to cup both of your cheeks. “I never should’ve put you in that position. Any of you. I feel terrible.”
“It’s okay, Rem. It is,” you said, rubbing his wrists with your thumbs. “I forgive you.”
That made Remus’ nostrils flare, his eyes stung. “You do?”
“Of course I do. You big dummy.”
Remus laughed tearily, sniffing some as the panic that had accompanied him for the past day began to finally dissipate. “I am a bit of a dummy aren’t I?”
You smiled softly at him, reaching up to stroke his cheek. “I’m not exactly innocent either. I shouldn’t have run off like that.”
“I understand why you did, though,” Remus said quietly, playing with your hands in his lap, moving one to rub circles on your thigh. He simply couldn’t stop touching you—too afraid that if he let you go, you’d float away and never come back.
The silence stretched for a moment; Remus watched as you scanned the common room. Not nearly as crowded as usual, but still, not empty.
“Do you wanna find somewhere to talk?” You eventually asked.
Remus quickly nodded.
With you tucked as close into his side as possible, your arms tight around Remus’ middle, he pressed a few butterfly kisses to your hair before leading you out of the common room.
With most people outside enjoying the last of the mild weather before the temperature dipped, the halls were quieter than usual, save the odd cluster of study groups here and there.
The library on the other hand, was almost completely empty, leaving your favourite study corner free for you to tuck yourselves away in. The sunlight had broken through the morning drear and was now streaming generously through the windows—the loveseat Remus had pulled you into was in a perfect sun puddle, enabling him to stare at your lit up features.
Remus let his head roll against the back cushion so he could look at you through his eyelashes, rubbing your legs where they were draped over his lap. “I really am sorry.”
You reached out to rub his cheek. “I know you are. And I forgive you. No more apologizing.”
Remus reached up to grab your hand, promptly pressing sweet kisses into your knuckles.
“I am curious though,” you started. “Have you ever…wanted to do that before?”
Remus’ stomach dropped. “Kiss you?”
You hummed, turning your hand slightly so your fingers pushed through his.
Remus swallowed. “Uh…a few times.”
Your eyebrows rose. Remus’ eyes flicked nervously away from you and he started to trace the lines in your knuckles instead.
“Yesterday…what made you…” you trailed off and nervously bit at your lip.
Remus instinctively reached out to free it from your teeth before he realized what he was doing.
He cleared his throat. “What made me decide to actually try?”
You nodded dumbly, your chin moving in his hand as he continued to thumb at your bottom lip. The shift had him releasing your face with a flush of heat across his own.
“Uh…honestly…it wasn’t something I exactly…decided. You were just…there, and it felt so natural I almost didn’t realize I was doing it.”
You blinked at him.
Remus felt a flutter of nervousness at your silence. “Sorry if that’s—”
“No,” you said with a quick shake of your head. “Keep going. I want to know.”
You wanted to know. Merlin’s tits.
Remus laughed nervously. “Well…I don’t know, dove. I’ve just always seen it as the four of us. Even when things changed between me, James and Sirius, you didn’t vanish or try to take up less space—not that we would’ve let you.”
You breathed a laugh.
“I think that might be why I didn’t really notice until I noticed, y’know? You were there every step of the way, we just hadn’t admitted anything out loud. When I realized, it was so obvious that I’d always felt this way, I just- I didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t know who to tell. So I swallowed it and hoped it would just go away but then last night it was just the two of us, and you were right there, and I think I forgot that I hadn’t told you that things had changed for me, and—”
Remus was cut off when he felt a soft palm lay across his cheek and turned his face up from where he’d been rambling at your lap, to look you in the eyes. Your expression had completely softened, and he knew what you were asking from the way your thumb brushed the scar along his cheek.
Turns out our feelings are not as one-sided as we thought, Sirius had said.
That same impulse from the night before returned full-force, but so did the fear of watching you run from him.
You seemed to be able to read his thoughts—you always had been able to—and spared him of the fear of leaning in. You sat up slightly, hand still on his cheek before you started slowly closing the space one breath at a time. When you were as close as you’d been the night before you paused, searching Remus’ features for any sign that you should stop.
He could feel the energy with its own pulse fluttering between you.
“Is this okay?” You whispered, your voice settling into a small echo throughout the stacks of books surrounding you.
Remus swallowed and nodded, unable to trust his voice.
“I don’t- I mean, we don’t have to…do anything…if you don’t want,” you said, suddenly not feeling as confident now you were less than a centimeter apart.
Remus only ran his hand along the arm that was still stretched out to his cheek and tugged so the limb draped over his shoulder as you leaned further in. His other hand found your waist and by the time you full folded into him, his lips had found yours.
Remus didn’t know what to expect from kissing you—there was even a small fear that it wouldn’t live up to the build-up in his head, but he found himself thinking the same thing he thought when he kissed Sirius and James. That every variable could be different and kissing all of you would still feel like reconnecting to a part of himself that had he thought he would never find.
The soft sounds of your mouths moving together filled the immediate space around you both. Remus found himself reaching for the back of your neck to keep you from pulling away—it had you leaning further into him, your hand sliding down his forearm, the other hooking around the back of his neck.
Remus’ entire body flooded with warmth—he could feel everything. The heat radiating off you, the distinct feeling of actuality that came with every brush of your skin against his. This wasn’t some dream induced by sleeping draughts or lycanthropy. This was real. You wanted him as much as he wanted you.
He softly looped his arm under your legs and fully lifted you into his lap, disconnecting your mouths when you clung to his shoulders as the jostling.
You’d sat in his lap a thousand times before, but the close proximity…the way his lips were buzzing and the fact that he swore he could taste Sirius on you had his nervousness mixing with something far less bashful.
Just when he was about to ask if you were okay with the new positioning, your hands found his hair and you re-closed the distance. Your lips parted for him, one of his hands travelled the length of your spine to cup the back of your neck. You sighed into him.
Remus couldn’t help it; he smiled into your mouth.
It prompted your own smile, until you were softly giggling against him while he pressed butterfly kisses over any surface he could find. He reached out to brush a hair behind your ear, and you leaned forward to rub your nose against his.
Remus found himself with nothing to say since he’d convinced himself he’d blown up your friendship. His mind had completely stilled; his joints and organs weren’t screaming from holding all that tension for so long. He could just wrap himself around you, close his eyes and let himself believe that everything was actually okay.
James
They’d barely moved, James and Sirius. The only difference really being that they were sprawled out on the common room couch and not James’ bed, but their positioning had remained the same. James had stroked out Sirius’ curls to frizz while he listened to Sirius ramble about how good of a kisser you were. James had listened like the good boyfriend he was.
It’s not that he didn’t want to hear—he definitely did—but he would much rather experience it than have to imagine it through the eyes of his boyfriend. Especially as the other boyfriend was currently off probably doing the same thing with you.
“When do you think they’ll be back?” James said into the stillness of the room.
Sirius soothingly rubbed his thumb on James’ hip and propped his chin on James’ stomach. “Soon.”
“How soon?”
“Jamie,” Sirius said with a laugh.
“Pads.”
“They’ll be back soon, baby. They will.” Sirius dropped his mouth to kiss an exposed sliver of James’ stomach.
James let his hand wander back to Sirius’ curls while he stared up at the ceiling.
“Do you think they kissed?” He asked eventually and felt Sirius’ mouth quirk at the mention.
“Probably.”
“Do you think she’ll kiss me?”
“Most likely.”
James tried to let that be enough, really he did. But the fact that he’d had to endure an entire day of knowing you were, or were most likely, kissing his boyfriends—and that you would most likely be kissing him—had his head spinning and his fingers twitching.
“You’re overthinking,” Sirius mumbled.
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I’m—”
James was cut off by the scraping of the portrait hole swinging open against the stone floor.
Sirius quickly propped himself up on his elbows when Remus stepped through with you in tow.
James also sat up on his elbows and had to resist the urge to wolf whistle at the view of you both—your lips puffier than Sirius’ and Remus’, but the evidence of your eagerness was equally as visible in the pink staining of Remus’ mouth. Not to mention the glaze that misted his eyes.
“Alright there, Moons?” James teased.
Remus opened his mouth to answer but only uttered a flustered laugh before looking down at his shoes, then at you beside him—your hand clung to his and you were hiding slightly behind his frame.
“Hey beautiful,” Sirius said to you dreamily, his head having dropped into a palm so he could gaze at you.
“Hi,” you answered shyly, cheeks darkening from being in the room with three men who were now more openly obsessed with you than before, two of which you’d been kissing all day. Then your eyes flicked to James and held his stare.
James winked at you and relished in the warm feeling that came from your attempt to hide your flustered smile by pinching your lips together. Eventually your expression turned into a nervous biting of your lip while you nodded towards the portrait hole.
James couldn’t have gotten up faster, scrambling out from underneath Sirius who let him go willingly. In two seconds flat, James was barrelling towards you and then dipped so your stomach hit his shoulder.
You squealed in surprise as James stood up and started moving in the direction of the portrait hole. “Jamie!”
“See you later, loves. Don’t wait up,” James hopped up the stairs and onto the stairs, though gently enough so that you weren’t jostled too much. As soon as the Fat Lady closed behind you though, he set you down but couldn’t hide his playful—and extremely excited—grin as he smoothed out your hair.
He waited for you to make some cheeky remark about being over-eager, but you only blinked up at him with an inability to hide your giddiness. James hooked an arm around your neck and started leading you in the direction of the one place he knew privacy was guaranteed: the quidditch pitch.
Conversation with you had always flowed naturally, no matter what plagued your daily lives. But as the silence stretched between you, James realized that he was beginning to feel…nervous. Nervous about what to say, what to do. Would you be too overwhelmed from everything to want this conversation with him? What if he said something that messed it up, or—
“You’re quiet,” you said softly, observing him as you entered the field.
James breathed a laugh and tucked you further into his side. “I think I’m a little bit nervous.”
“James Potter, nervous? I didn’t even know that was possible.”
“Okay, cheeky.” James pinched your side and saved the giggle he pulled from you to replay in his head later. It had his stomach unclenching somewhat.
A ‘schoolyard crush’ is all he’d ever named his feelings towards you as—he felt foolish for using such a neutral term now. He was only about to reveal that he’d been nuts for you for…your entire friendship. Godric.
When you reached the posts of the quidditch hoops, James flopped to the grass and leaned against one, pulling you down next to him.
You faced him with your legs stretched out in front of you, and your hands supporting your weight, soaking in the sunshine that was breaking through the clouds.
James’ adams-apple bobbed. His natural instinct was to reach out for you, but now that his nerves had completely taken over his body, he was sure a simple touch like that would ignite him.
“So how was your day?” James asked, cringing at the way it sounded on its way out—nervous, too fast, terrified.
You laughed softly at the question. “Slightly out of the ordinary.”
James quirked a lopsided smile at you. “But it’s been…okay? Not too overwhelming?”
You shook your head. “A little scary, sure, but…not bad scary. I’m very happy right now.”
You proved it with another wide smile that broke out over your face, it had James’ own blossoming fully—his dimples popping on either side of his face.
“I can see that,” James teased.
You rolled your eyes and nudged his knee with your own.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Pads that happy, either. And Moons looked like he’d swallowed a whole bloody love potion when you both came in.”
Your cheeks flushed and you brought your hands up to cover your face. “Stop Jamie, or my heart’s gonna explode.”
“See I don’t think I can when you smile like that,” James flirted, reaching forward finally to bring your hands down from your face. You let him, allowing his thumb to softly trace your fingers.
You looked down at your joint hands thoughtfully.
“I didn’t know they felt that way…Siri and Rem,” you admitted.
James hummed.
“Did you?” You asked him.
“Yes and no. I’ve known about Moons for a little while. And we both noticed that Sirius was acting differently recently, but you know Pads. If he wants to hide something he will, so we were never sure. He only admitted it to us last night.”
You nodded as you took in the information.
“And…you?” You asked, voice dropping to the volume of the breeze.
James felt his stomach flip.
“What about me?” James said, stalling.
You bit at your lip, adjusting to sit cross-legged and took a deep breath.
“How do you feel about me, Jamie?” You asked, voice mostly breath as you fought your nerves from displaying on your face. James wanted to reach out and kiss each worry line until you forgot what worry was.
James looked nervously down at your hand in his, busying himself with tracing your knuckles. “I’ve always felt differently about you.”
Your lips parted. “What do you mean…always?”
James scratched the back of his head; his palms were beginning to sweat.
“Uh…well, my feelings for you have never been…exactly…quite…platonic.”
You paused.
“Like never,” James concluded.
Your eyebrows shot up. “Like…never never?”
James nodded. “Like never never.”
Your mouth parted, eyes darting around like you were scrambling for what to say. James’ heart was slamming up against his chest, part celebration at telling you what he’d always wanted to tell you; part terror at telling you what he’s always wanted to tell you.
“Merlin’s tits, Jamie,” you eventually whispered.
“I know.”
“That’s huge.”
“I know.”
“Siri and Rem, do they—”
“They know, yeah.”
“But you…you never said anything,” you said, voice falling even softer than it had been—a tone of excitement there that would’ve gone undetected by someone who perhaps didn’t know you as well.
“Honestly, I kind of assumed it was just a crush,” James said with a shrug. “I thought I’d grow out of it.”
“What changed your mind?”
James hummed, slightly relaxing at the fact that you hadn’t run for the hills—yet. “It was more like realizing that it never was a simple crush and I’d really just been in denial for years, than one moment of falling head over heels for you. Turns out I always have been.”
You gaped at him. “This whole time?”
James nodded, slightly amused at your expression. “I don’t know how you didn’t notice, angel. I’m really not very good at hiding it.”
“You just always seemed…like James. Like Jamie.” You reached to press your finger to the tip of his nose, smiling when he crinkled it at you.
“You never noticed I’ve been wrapped around your finger from day one?”
“No more than Siri and Rem.”
James raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for you to realize exactly which people you were claiming to have a likening to.
“Oh,” you breathed.
Exhaling another laugh, James stroked a finger over your cheek. “Making a little more sense now?”
“I can’t believe you never told me.”
“Well, having all three of my best friends reciprocate my feelings wasn’t really an outcome I expected. I didn’t think you felt the same.”
“Yeah, well…you were wrong.”
James looked at you then, stomach whirling at your admission. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” you breathed.
“Well thank Merlin for that,” James said leaning off of the goal post so he could flop back onto the grass, his usual ease creeping back in. He puffed out a full breath relief.
You giggled. “Did you really think I’d spend all day kissing your boyfriends if I didn’t feel the same way?”
James sat back up against the goalpost and bit his lip. Somewhat hesitantly, he reached forward and lifted you onto his lap.
Your breath hitched, and James’ hands burned against the fabric of your jeans—everything felt different now that it was all out in the open. You knew the reasons behind every blush, every stutter.
“You know this isn’t a game to me, yeah? I wouldn’t be saying all of this unless I meant it,” James said lowly and brushed a hair behind your ear.
“I know. Me too.” Your hands bunched into his jumper and pressed against his chest.
“When Moony, Pads and I talked about the three of us getting together, we made this promise that if things ever went sideways, we’d never let our friendship die. That we stay in each other’s lives, and yours, no matter what.”
Your eyebrows rose. “You talked about me?”
James paused and moved to hook his finger under your chin. “You’ve been a part of our relationship since the beginning. When Moons and Pads asked me about my feelings for you that night we made things official…I mean, they’re not idiots. You really think they would’ve gotten into a relationship with someone who was obviously mad for their other best friend if they didn’t feel the same way deep down?”
Your lips had parted again, the bewildered expression settled back in your cheekbones.
The moment stretched.
Then your eyes dropped to his lips and stayed there for a few beats before flicking back up to his eyes.
“Jamie…” you whispered.
James felt his restraint slip through his fingers like sand. He dropped his hand to cradle your jaw and quickly moulded your lips together.
Those same fireworks that went off inside him wherever you were concerned lit up his body tenfold. You, soft and warm before him, returning his kisses with an equal amount of desire and need—James was sure he could melt right into the pitch then and there.
His kisses were tantalizing. He wanted you to feel the intentionin them—and how bloody long he’d been waiting for this to happen. He felt your jumper-clad fist curl in the front of his jumper; your shoe rustled the grass when your body leaned into him, searching him out.
James’ hand wandered to your back, leaving space for yours to roam into his hair. He let out an involuntary, and slightly surprised, groan when your other hand went up to join it buried within his roots and lightly pulled the strands.
You broke away. “Sorry—”
“No, don’t um,” James cleared his throat, trying to get some sense of grounding from everything you were awakening in his body, “don’t apologize. That wasn’t…uh…”
James felt himself lose focus looking at you in front of him—breath short, eyes hazy. He could only swallow, then lean back down to speak against your lips, “do it again.”
He felt your surprise in the way you momentarily froze in his hold, before your fingers slowly wormed back into the forest of curls. It was a shyer tug than the first, but James let his appreciation known with a sigh into your mouth before going in for another kiss.
James’ moved his hand to your lower back, letting his fingers trace achingly close to a sliver of skin that had exposed itself.
He broke off for a breath. “You good?” He panted slightly. Despite the screaming of his instincts and desire, he had no intention of pushing you further than you were comfortable with, eagerness and years of secret loving be damned.
You breathed a laugh against him. “Perfect.”
James’ insides melted to goo and he ferociously recaptured your mouth, fingers dimpling into your hips. He’d been waiting so damn long for this he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to stop.
He took his time tracing you, his kisses equal parts stifling desire and timeless patience. He wasn’t in a rush, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel that burning want for you pumping through him.
When James’ hand travelled up to your thigh, you let a small sigh fall from your mouth to his.
“Gods…don’t do that,” Jamie whispered against your lips, fingers tightening their hold on you slightly.
“Sorry,” you whispered back, with a tilt to your voice that made James think you weren’t sorry at all.
“Liar.”
Your giggle into James’ mouth indicated his instinct was correct, as did the fact that you let your small sounds fall from you a little louder now. And James, Merlin save him, couldn’t stop the way his body insistently responded to you—holding you tighter, breathing back every sigh that left you, preparing himself to never let you go.
You
Your entire body was buzzing. You could feel it everywhere—tiny vibrations inside your skin as if your heart had been stuffed full of so much love, it bred tiny little heartbeats into every cell of your body.
Even in your nose, pressed against James’ neck as you clung to him while he towed you up the hill to the castle.
“Doin’ alright back there, pretty?” James said with a slight huff, rubbing his thumbs where his hands were wrapped around the bottoms of your thighs.
“Never better, handsome,” you flirted.
“If you keep sweet talking me like that, we’re never gonna get back to the common room.”
“That doesn’t really sound like a complaint.”
James stopped at the entrance to the wooden bridge to look over his shoulder at you. “Don’t tempt me.”
You swung your legs in his hold playfully, drawing a breathy laugh from him. You leaned in to press your lips sweetly to his, mulling over how that was a desire you could act on now in the breath afterwards.
James kept his eyes closed as if he was determined to soak up as much of the moment as he could. “One more.”
You laughed into his shoulder before leaning in to press one short kiss to his lips, followed by another lengthier one.
“Babygirl, you’re gonna be the death of me,” James said with pink cheeks and an expression that made you think he didn’t quite mind.
James didn’t put you down for the entire walk—refused to, in fact. But you happily obliged with small, sweet kisses to the slope of his shoulder, slowly getting shyer the closer you got to the common room.
Knowing Sirius and Remus were waiting for you both to return had your stomach flipping over itself relentlessly. You knew the hardest part was over now—thank Godric and all the witches—but you had no idea what would happen next. Only that everything in your life was about to change.
“Ready?” James stopped in front of the Fat Lady and slowly dropped you to the ground, quickly bringing you into his side.
“Yeah,” you whispered nervously.
“We got you,” James whispered back, leaning down to press one firmer, but reassuring, kiss to your stained mouth. He gave the Fat Lady the password, and you held your breath as he descended into the low lighting of the common room.
The crowd had thickened since you were here last—the pre-dinner hunger beginning to make people restless and drawing them inside. Remus and Sirius were nowhere in sight, and James mumbled something to you about going to the dorm before beginning to tow you through the clusters of students.
It was only when you were in the hall that you realized the ringing in your ears wasn’t from student chatter but from incoming nerves.
James gave your hand one more reassuring squeeze when you arrived outside the dorm door before turning the handle and leading you inside.
Remus had his head in Sirius’ lap and his legs stretched out across his boyfriend’s bed. Somehow they’d gotten more beautiful since you’d seen them just three hours ago.
“Welcome back,” Remus said lowly, eyes going directly to you. Sirius matched Remus’ gaze, hand frozen in the lycanthrope’s hair as you became the object of his focus. You tucked yourself more into James’ side out of shyness.
“Wasn’t sure we were going to make it, honestly. This one’s a fiend,” James teased and pinched your side.
You let out a squeak of surprise. “You’re one to talk.”
James pretended to consider your comment for a moment. “That is true.”
There was a breath of silence—the four of you not knowing what next turn was the right one to take. Then Remus held out his hand towards you.
You approached slowly, and only after a bit of a nudge from James. You didn’t know why you felt so nervous all of a sudden—hadn’t the hard part been admitting everything out loud?
Remus sat up as you got closer, making himself comfortable next to Sirius and pulling you into his lap when you were within reach.
You felt heat flush your face. Your senses completely lit up—Remus’ warmth behind you, the heavy stares of Sirius and now James, too. So much had changed in just two days. If someone had told you last week that you’d soon be confessing unknown feelings to your best friends and spending an entire day kissing them, you probably would’ve laughed. Yet, here you were, and it felt as natural as before.
“How was your day, dove?” Remus said gently into your ear.
How was your day, he asks, as if he hadn’t completely flipped your life overnight.
You looked directly at James as you repeated the same answer you’d given him, “fairly out of the ordinary.” You decided it was worth it as soon as your ears were met with the silver trumpet sounds of Sirius and Remus laughing.
“Was it okay though?” Sirius asked, ever the unsure receptor of love.
You reached out and hooked your finger around his, prompting him to grab eagerly onto your hand.
“It was perfect.” You squeezed Sirius’ hand before he raised it to press his mouth against. Your stomach flipped—the wildest thing about all of this was that besides the kissing, nothing had really changed. Sitting on Remus’ lap wasn’t new, Sirius kissing your hand wasn’t new, James looking at you like you were made of gold wasn’t new. But now everything was out in the open. It all had a meaning to it. The way your feelings had revealed themselves the last twenty-four hours was intensely addicting, but intense all the same.
Remus shifted and slid you into the small space between him and Sirius, both of them finding ways to keep both hands on you at all times.
James walked casually over and sat on the edge of the bed, placing his elbow on his knee, and his chin in his palm, joining in on the ogling.
You felt like you were in a spotlight in front of a million people with all eyes on you.
The four of you allowed the silence to stretch beyond a normal length—you, specifically, had gotten intrinsically caught up in the way Sirius’ fingers were moving in and out of your own. Like he was quietly memorizing every fold and crease in each one.
So new, and yet, exactly the same.
“What now?” You asked quietly after a moment.
Remus rubbed your knee comfortingly, and you naturally leaned further into his side.
“Well…” Remus started, “what do you want to do now?”
You blushed as the immediate thought of ‘keep kissing you’ came to your mind. You caught Sirius tilting his head at you before you barrelled forward.
“I just mean… we can’t exactly go back to before, can we?”
“Bloody hell, no,” James shook his head so harshly you worried he’d sprain something. “No buggering way I’m going back to before. Absolutely not.”
You laughed shyly, nudging him with the tip of your foot.
“I second that,” Sirius quickly agreed.
Remus hummed, “me too.”
Your blush darkened and you zeroed in on Sirius’ hand, unable to meet any of their gazes.
“What do you want to do, doll?” Sirius asked, reaching over with his spare hand to brush a finger over your cheek.
You glanced up at him, and then over at the other two.
“I don’t want to go back to before either,” you finally admitted.
“So does that mean…” your eyes flicked up to James who had a dangerously hopeful look on his face, “we can call you…our girlfriend?”
You were sure that blush was permanent now. Girlfriend.
You smiled down at your lap. “I suppose it does.”
“And that’s what you want?” Remus asked, lowering his voice slightly in the way that only Remus does—as if he’s creating a momentary bubble, just for you and him.
You looked up at him and felt the certainty that had been humming beneath your skin all day, finally settle down deep inside you.
You nodded. “More than anything.”
Remus’ face settled into something soft and fond; he dropped his forehead to yours, prompting you to close your eyes and take a deep breath, letting the moment settle.
“I’ve never been so glad to have made such an idiot of myself before,” he whispered softly into the space between you.
You couldn’t help but laugh airily.
You felt the rumble of Sirius’ dramatic cough behind you. “Moons if you don’t mind…I’d like to kiss my girlfriend, please.”
Reluctantly, Remus straightened, but you’d found yourself frozen in place.
How many hours had it been since you kissed Sirius? What if you’d forgotten how to? What if he changed his mind and decided you were a terrible kisser—
You had no more time to let your mind spin a hole into the ground, as Sirius reached over with a single finger to rotate your chin towards his awaiting lips. He quickly captured them, and the same mind-numbing bliss you remembered from this morning washed over you.
The way he had a hand splayed out on your thigh had you thinking he was reluctant to let go, but too soon, he was backing away from you, eyes a shade gooey-er than before.
James let out a low whistle.
Your natural reaction to it was to hide in Remus’ shoulder, as you so often would when you needed a moment from the world, but Remus swiftly redirected your destination with a firm hand to the back of your neck.
He pulled you up to him, and if it hadn’t been for his hand keeping you attached to him, you might’ve fallen over. Kissing the boys in the space of a day had almost imploded your system, let alone a few minutes.
You couldn’t help the breath that escaped you when Remus—greedily, mind you—parted your lips with his tongue.
“Careful, love. Moons tends to enjoy making us putty in his hands,” James said, rubbing your ankle affectionately.
The words turned your bones to mush, and Remus—unenthusiastically—freed you, his gaze heavy on your mouth.
“My turn,” James said, swooping in with his legs crossed. He squeezed right between Remus and Sirius pulling your legs over his hips until you were in his lap. He wasted no time reconnecting your mouths—as if it had been him who hadn’t kissed you since the morning, not Sirius.
James kissed you feverishly, capturing your lips in quick, cracker-fire bursts. He had you gasping in seconds before he wandered down the expanse of your jaw and neck.
You tilted your head subconsciously, panting.
“Prongs,” you heard Remus say over the fog that had clouded your senses and felt James peek out from your hair. “We have time.”
A chill ran up your spine at that.
James gave you one more searing kiss with a farewell bite to your lower lip. You fought every instinct not to whimper.
Sirius was quick to envelop you under his arm when you returned to your original spot with shaky hands, your legs in James’ lap. “Bet you’d rather do that than work on those dumb essays, huh?”
You nudged Sirius with your elbow. “I’m not sure Slughorn will accept that I was too busy kissing my boyfriends to give a shit about Golpalott’s Third Law as a viable excuse.”
“Ah, you won’t need an excuse,” James squeezed your shin, the effect of hearing you say boyfriends adamant. “Ain’t no way you get anything less than an A on the next one or ol’ Slughorn’ll be hearing from me. No one messes with my girlfriend.”
James puffed his chest out until he got a laugh from you.
“Well maybe I wanna stand up to Slughorn for her, she’s my girlfriend, too,” Sirius tucked you further into his side.
James rolled his eyes. “Maybe if you hadn’t constantly distracted her when she was writing the last one we wouldn’t have to in the first place.”
“Me?” Sirius guffawed. “Who was it that was constantly asking for her opinions on Quidditch strategies?”
“Well at least I wasn—"
You glanced over at Remus who was already looking at you, features the softest you’d ever seen them, before he rolled his eyes.
You knew this was exactly how things were meant to be, with those who loved you most. And though everything was new and different, you also knew that really, nothing had actually changed at all.
the hardest class in the English department at my university, Literature Theory, the class I've sat through and struggled to comprehend and understand, the class I got a 75 on the midterm, and I'm ending off with a 90!!
I was soooo not confident because I've been struggling to comprehend the material since the midterm, but I locked in and pulled it together and got an 87 on my final!! I'm so proud of myself for that!! AND on my last paper I got a 100 which I've never ever gotten a 100 on a paper before so that blew my mind.
me: i don't have tomodachi life yet but so far i have 4 islands planned! one for real people, one for our systems, one for fictional characters, one for my OCs-
content warnings: struggles with religion and religious abuse
deconstructing my core values and views on the world has been challenging. i was raised by my grandparents, devout Christians who from day 1 instilled the belief in me and my siblings that it's always God first. that he is so loving and kind and all of these amazing things. reading about Jesus, I was fascinated by the compassion, acceptance, and overwhelming love I saw in the bible. but i never read it right apparently.
through my time in the church, i was verbally abused, harassed, the idea beat into my head over and over that no one can bare the weight of my sins other than God, and that i should never have friends who weren't religious because they'd go to hell. from the time i was young, that sat with me, scarred me and pushed me away from potential friendships and relationships. when i was discovering i was queer, the youth pastor told me off and the next day at church i had people coming up to me telling me they were praying for me. at 12 years old.
these fears have bled into my adulthood. through my relationship with my incredible partner, i have not been able to talk in detail about growing old together. not only did i never see myself making it that far, but he isn't religious, and over and over again all i could hear during these discussions is that they're going to hell, they're going to leave me, and im the afterlife, i will be alone while they burn in hell forever.
despite my love of the CANON Jesus, Christianity has done nothing but hurt me. i have believed out of fear, an overwhelming, existential dread looming over my head. i contemplate my death and my fear of losing them at least once a day if not more. i don't want to believe in a religion that gives me panic attacks when i try to talk about my future with the person i love. if they can't go to heaven, i don't want any part of it, regardless if i'm afraid or not.
not only has my relationship harmed me, but my familial relationships. i'm wounded because i have no idea if the people who raised me, who i love more than anything, will come to my wedding because we are queer. since they found this out, i have been the black sheep of the family, religion pushed onto me so hard, more than anyone else, and it has damaged us. they cannot merely be loving and accepting of me because i'm their granddaughter, the person they raised. "christianity," or their warper perception of it anyways, has tainted the idea of pure, unaffected love and acceptance. and it will probably always be like that.
anyways, i've been very interested in witchcraft/paganism/wiccan so if you have any tips to getting started i'd love to hear them <3
my brain comes up with the most random crossovers ever. so you want to hyperfixate on both attack on titan and the marauders? BAM. fully developing an au with the same ideas but different plot structure and details to make it its own thing. and holy shit. it's a lot to plan, but it's sooooo funnnn. i'm having a great time :)
cw ;; angry opinions that are actually just facts.
conservatives PISS ME OFF. "we need to separate bathrooms by biological sex! what if a man lies and says hes a transwoman to get into the bathroom and expose himself."
Okay. Fucking idiot. FIRST OF ALL. Public indecency/exposure and assault are already crimes. Deciding what biological sex can use what bathroom does not change that. If a man, or ANYONE for that matter, goes into ANY bathroom and exposes themself in any way, thats already a crime.
SECOND. what prevents them from lying? If transmen have to use the women's bathroom and they look like men, why can't a cis man go into a bathroom and say he's a transman? What then? Are you going to make a law against lying? How will that work out for ya?
THIRD. This will impact the fuck out of anyone that doesn't look "feminine" or "masculine" enough. This will be traumatizing to a lot of people, regardless if they're trans or not! It will disproportionately effect POC, especially black and indigenous women.
FOURTHHHH. What about people that don't have typical chromosomes? What about intersex people? People with naturally high levels of estrogen/testosterone while identifying as their SAAB? What about people with hormone imbalances? For example, people with PCOS grow a lot more hair, and some like me, it's in unconventional places like on their chin/would-be beard area.
And fifth. There is (although limited amounts of) research that finds NO CORRELATION between the rise of violence in bathrooms and gender-inclusive policies. Not only that, but other research suggests that people who are trans (ESPECIALLY YOUTH) are more likely to be victims of assault! Well isn't that crazy!
Thats the thing, they don't even give a fuck! They just want control, they want power, they want to turn the American people towards a different enemy so they can get away with all their fucked up shit. They're choosing a target. It's white supremacy. It's fascism. It's fucking disgusting and so many people are falling for the propaganda it's insane.
to be seen without performing. to be heard without screaming. to be missed without disappearing. to be enough without proving it. to be held without falling apart. to be understood without explaining. to be wanted without conditions. to be. to be.
validating people's emotions and feelings is very important, and I think most of us understand that. however, it's equally as important to be able to analyze your thoughts, recognize your feelings on whatever situation are not, in fact, valid, but you have them regardless. your feelings won't change whether they're "valid" or not.
you're allowed to feel things that don't make sense, aren't logical, have no grounding. you'll have feelings on everything your brain wants to. but recognizing that they're unfounded after thinking about them critically and holding yourself accountable while making personal space for said feelings is necessary. only searching for validity in every feeling can actually be really toxic and that's how people fall into a pattern of enabling themselves and others.
that being said, thinking critically about your feelings is hard as fuck. you can psychoanalyze yourself and try to get to the root of your feelings, and yeah, understanding why you feel things can be helpful to stop them at the source, but being able to deal with feelings head on is a much more imminent skill when dealing with mental health issues. we can try and prevent the feelings at the root, but being able to work through them in the moment is arguably a harder and more valuable skill to have because you're not always going to be able to find the root, find the cause, so treating them and calming the severity is extremely important.
(sorry this is lowkey everywhere not very eloquent today)
There is not enough kindness and understanding in the world and WE NEEEEEED IT NOW MORE THAN EVER!!!
Please be kind to people! Embrace them, teach them and learn from them, have thoughtful conversations, validate people's experiences, and DON'T BE A FUCKING BIGOT!!
(The best of this post and its reblogs, but with links that work)
Here is a website where you can scroll down to all the different levels of the ocean
Here is a website where you can see the future of the universe
Here is a website where you can press a ‘make everything okay’ button, over and over, until things really are okay
Here is a website that you can read if you feel like a burden
Here is a website where you can look at strobe illusions (TW strobe/flashing)
Here is a website where you can cut stuff up (TW blood/sh)
Here and here are websites where you can play with sand
Here is a website where you can draw with macaroni and other fun foods
Here is a website where you can paint someone’s nails
Here is a website where you can grow a garden with emojis
Here is a website with hundreds of videos of people hugging you (rightfully dubbed ‘the nicest place on the internet’ because it really is, y’all, it made me cry)
Here is a website that will take you to other useless websites
Here is a website where you can make a tiny cat play bongo drums (and other instruments!)
Here is a website to help give you gentle reminders <3
Here is a website where you can grow a tiny farm
Here is a website where you can take a bunch of scientific personality tests
