[dogmotifs]

hanif abdurraqib was really fucked up for saying “there is intimacy in the moment where the eyes of two enemies meet. there is a tenderness in knowing what desire ties you to a person, even if you spent your dreaming hours cutting them a casket from the tree in their mother’s front yard. it is a blessing to know someone wants a funeral for you.”

[whiledancing-deactivated2021043]

water in taylor swift’s folklore and evermore

[peardrpqs]

flicking through old drafts and posts on here makes me realise how much my writing style has changed and developed. i am much happier with the way i write now, even if it is much less frequently, thus leading to posting once a year (if 2020 is such a year to base this on, amusingly).

[peardrpqs]

𝐀𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐡 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧

• Supposedly, Halloween is the one day of the year when the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead is the thinnest. • Or, Kun misses Ten, there’s no doubt about that. Kun’s learnt to live life without him, but there will always be a part of him that can’t quite seem to let go.

• also available on ao3

You make me feel like radio static and the fuzz at the edges of old TV screens. You colour my world in moon haze and light creaking through broken blinds. Every footstep by your side is an adventure.

 Kun misses Ten. There’s no doubt about that, it’s a simple fact. He misses his smile, his laugh, the way he held him, the way he looked at Kun. 

 Their story was simple but Kun thinks it must look sad all the same to others. He didn’t like to think of it that way, after all he knew Ten would die one day, he sat by his side through countless hospital visits, carried him up the stairs when he was too exhausted to walk himself, brushed the hair out of his face when the chemo filled Ten with every ounce of pain it could muster.

 Kun learnt to live life without Ten after being by his side for so long. And he’s okay, really. For a while he wasn’t, even when he said he was. He knew Sicheng saw through every single one of his facades but the younger let him be, he knew he needed time. Time is the greatest healer of them all. 

 It’s been two years now and Kun finally feels like he can breathe again. It took a few weeks, more like a few months, for Kun to truly say goodbye. All the days spent bundled under piles of blankets in bed, clutching at whatever piece of Ten he could find. Their apartment felt empty without Ten, void of joy and life. But Kun kept telling himself that one day he’d be okay, he’d find home again.

 Learning to do things without Ten was the hardest. Waking up in the morning and only making one cup of tea as opposed to two, only putting enough bread in the toaster for one, one toothbrush in the bathroom, one side of the bed untouched, grocery shopping for one. It was the small, mundane, mediocre, everyday things that were the hardest. But Kun got through it. Rather than making meals for one, he’d take leftovers or invite their friends over and all of them would drop what they were doing in a heartbeat to make sure Kun was, to make sure he is okay. He couldn’t have done it without them. All the grumbling when they tried to drag him out of bed or attempts at resisting Lucas’s puppy dog eyes to get him out of the flat or Chenle turning up unannounced to play him a new composition he’d learnt.

 Time passed, Kun learnt new things, he moved forward, took each day as it came. Kun began to breathe again.

 ༓࿇༓

 In all honesty, Kun feels stupid. He may as well of said bippity-boppity-boo and been done with it. But still he sits, curled up in his apartment at 10 pm on a Thursday night with a glass of wine in his hand (his second, he’d downed the first before he’d even managed to get out of the kitchen). It’s the expensive kind, the bottle of red he and Ten used to buy for special occasions– not date nights though (arguably a special occasion to Kun but Ten always countered that with a ‘I’d call all the time we spend together a special occasion, if we did that we’d end up broke by the end of the month’). 

 He wasn’t sure what to wear or how to do his hair, does anyone know you’re supposed to ‘look the part’ when you attempt to summon your dead boyfriend across the veil separating the dead and the living? It’s not exactly something he’s prepared to google. He still couldn’t believe he was doing this.

 Is this even going to work? Is Ten watching him from beyond the grave, laughing at how clueless he is?

  Does Ten even want to see him?

 The weirdest part of all is somehow not the actual trying to communicate with the dead, but that he’s actually listening to Yangyang. Of all people, he’s trusting Yangyang. Maybe that’s the first red flag that Kun has truly lost his marbles, but why not lose a few more while he’s at it, continue on whatever downward spiral you need to be on that you’re trying to contact those beyond the grave. He's really believing Yangyang that people can cross the veil between the living and the dead. 

 According to him, Yangyang had learnt about finding ways to get closer to the dead in his philosophy class (seriously, what were they being taught these days?) and decided to share it with Kun in the hopes it’d help him finally take that next step in moving on with his life. He'd spent hours going on and on about the veil between the worlds of the dead and the living, explaining what simply, sounded like nonsense to Kun, but had sparked his interest when he mentioned being able to see the loved ones you lost again. Kun had moved on, he didn’t shed tears day after day anymore, he hardly ever got two mugs out instead of one. He was doing well. But he couldn’t completely let go.

 He wasn’t sure he ever would, he doesn’t know how to exist in a world where he doesn’t love Ten.

 There’s still pieces of Ten filtering through their (he never calls it just ‘his’) apartment, miscellaneous nick-nacks Ten picked up from market stalls on their travels, unpaired earrings Ten seemed to leave all over the place, paintings hung on the walls with Ten’s small signature in the corner, Ten’s clothes still hung up, left completely untouched in their wardrobe.

  Kun’s really doing this, he’s really about to try and summon a ghost. 

 Before he does anything else, he swallows another large gulp of wine and then another, before lighting the candles. There’s a mix of lavender and a faint spice Kun never learnt the name of, those were always Ten’s favourite and that seems to be one of the things he hasn’t let go of yet, the scent still filling his apartment day by day. A subtle but potent reminder of Ten, of his presence. 

 The candles are lit, the glass of wine placed with wobbly hands on the table next to him. He closed his eyes, thinking that’d make some kind of difference. Kun mutters the words Yangyang had told him to, they’re something foreign, a language Kun doesn’t recognise. He thinks he must be going mad when he’s jolted out of his trance by a knock at his front door. He thinks it couldn’t be any more cliché, not that he’s actually expecting Ten to be there. In fact he’s fairly certain it’s going to be a drunk Xuxi crying about how beautiful Renjun looked in whatever costume he decided on for the party they were throwing tonight. 

 What he doesn’t expect is to be greeted with an all too familiar smile, an all too familiar person leaning against the door frame like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

 “Hello my love, aren’t you going to let me in?” There’s a smirk on his face and  god, Kun missed that smirk, Ten’s eyes sparkle as he lets out a slight laugh with it, Kun missed the way it makes his heart skip a beat. He’s never felt more alive in the last two years than he does right now, staring with his jaw hung low at his lover. His boyfriend, looking so lifelike. Kun thinks his mind must be playing tricks on him, he must’ve had more wine than he thought.

 Kun steps aside, holding the door open, watching intently as Ten walks through, standing in their  living room like he never left. Kun’s head spins a little, he sits down and tries to speak but no words come out.

 There’s a pause, a lul as neither of them knew what to say until Kun seems to be teaching himself how to talk again.

 “Holy shit. I didn’t think this would actually work,” Kun let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, somehow regaining the ability to speak again. “I never thought I’d see you again.”

 Kun feels a warm hand caress the side of his face and he looks into Ten’s eyes as Ten steps closer to where Kun’s seated, the same eyes he fell in love with all those years ago.

 “Oh Kun, my love, I miss you so much. You know I’m always watching over you.”

 “I can feel you touching me and I can touch you and oh my god- this feels so real. I love you, I love you, I love you. I never told you I loved you enough.”

 “Yes you did my love, you told me everyday, you still tell me every day.”

 “I love you, I never want to let go.”

 Ten sat down next to Kun, tangling himself in the pile of blankets, like he always used to. Kun watches him with a smile on his face that can only be described as fond and adoring.  

 “Kun-Kun, I’m sorry, this is going to end, I have to go back.”

 “I know, I know, just- just let me pretend for a little bit? Let me pretend like you never left and that I still get to wake up with you in my arms?” 

 “Okay love, I can do that for you.” Ten leans down, fidgeting a little so his head is resting against Kun’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. The gentle metronome grounding him. Kun’s hands move instinctively, one caressing the patch of exposed skin where Ten’s shirt has lifted slightly with his movement, the other running through Ten’s hair. And  god, it’s like he never went, his hair is still as fluffy as it had always been and there’s the faint scent of whatever spice it is from his shampoo, Kun never remembers the name, only that it’s not cinnamon. Ten always hated cinnamon, he would complain every Christmas about how it spoils gingerbread, begging Kun to make some specially for him, no cinnamon.  

 “You can’t waste all your love on me Kun,” Ten sighs, interrupting the silence they’d been basking in. “You’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you. Move on, fall in love with some pretty young thing and have the family you always wanted. You don’t deserve to be pining after me for years to come, you deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy.”

 Kun’s crying now, just a little, the tears rolling down his cheeks and dampening the collar of his shirt. It’s been a while since he last cried over Ten, it only makes him miss him more, despite the fact he can feel Ten’s weight on his lap.

 “Don’t worry about me anymore, Kun. I get to live the life where we get our happily ever after but for you, in this universe, you’ll end up happy with someone else. I promise you that and I promise you I’ll never stop loving you.”

 “I’ll never stop loving you either.”

 “I know my love, I know. But you can’t let that hold you back from falling in love with someone else. You deserve to be happy.”

 “But you’re the one Ten. I got my soulmate and you died and that’s the end of our story. I had my one chance at the whole ‘great big love story’.”

 “I’m only ‘the one’ until you find the next one. Trust me baby, I know more than you could ever imagine.”

 “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t save you. I was supposed to be by your side, supposed to protect you and I- I couldn’t even keep you alive. I failed, I- I broke my promises.”

 “I’m happy Kun. I’m here, I’m alive in my own way. Here I am, sitting with you like nothing changed. I’m not in pain anymore. How is that failure, my love? You couldn’t change anything, I knew that before I met you.” Ten lent forward to press a soft kiss to his cheek, “I love you, I’ve always loved you. You took care of me even when I was at my worst. You gave me a light in a world I thought would be dark for the rest of my time on this godforsaken Earth.”

 “I’ll always ask for a little more time, I know you can’t give it to me but you know I love you. I will love you until the end of the earth.”

 “I love you too.”

 ༓࿇༓

 Kun wakes up to the harsh light of the morning sun filtering in through the cracks in the blinds. He has to crick his neck from sleeping on the sofa, he knows his back is going to hurt the moment he wakes up but it was worth it. They laughed, smiled and cried while they felt normal for a slither of time. Ten asking questions about Lucas and Renjun or if Chenle’s keeping up with his piano lessons from Kun. Kun wants to ask why Ten wants to know when Ten’s already admitted to watching over him, keeping tabs on their friends. Kun wants to ask why, why Ten came to see him again. He wants to ask how, he tries to resist the temptation. Kun doesn’t ask, he lets himself enjoy Ten’s company, while it lasts.

 He doesn’t know if it was real, he’ll never know if it’s real or just something he dreamed of in a way to cope with missing Ten. Kun will never know the truth but he prefers it that way. He smiles to himself, no matter what– Ten knows Kun loves him, Kun knows Ten loves him, wherever they may be, however far apart they are.

 Kun got to be an inch from heaven and for that he will be eternally grateful.

 Kun doesn't know how to live in a world where he doesn't love Ten, and he never will. 

 When he finds the motivation to get up and trudge into the kitchen there’s a post-it Kun doesn’t remember putting up;

‘I love you. Take care of yourself my love, until next year.”

[peardrpqs]

˗ˋˏ last christmas ˎˊ˗ | johnjae au ♡彡

• Johnny’s an author, celebrating his newest bestseller. Jaehyun’s trying to ‘find himself’ after years of feeling simply lost. They meet somewhere amongst the chaos of New York at christmas in a crowd of strangers. The rest is, as they say, is history.

[soobins]

[halla-san-deactivated20191123]

Current mood: missing Mingi ☹️

[peardrpqs]

Days Gone By Notice:

Days Gone By will be undergoing a massive edit / revamp, including changes to the plot. I lost where I wanted the story to go and have had new ideas on where to take it, I hope you can understand. It’s officially on hiatus while I do these edits. If you have any questions please let me know and I’ll be happy to answer them (:

[oh-theatre]

Me: *has a plan for my story while writing*

Me: *suddenly goes in a completely different direction*

Me:

[peardrpqs]

days gone by

[peardrpqs]

9 - The Art of Truly Caring (days gone by - nct au)

Donghyuck learns more about himself and the meaning of having a soulmate–an idea he hadn't entertained before.

-> As always this is available on ao3 which I prefer to use for formatting, you can find that link here

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognise anywhere

"I think you know why I'm here."

It wasn't a question, there wasn't any doubt in his voice. He knew Donghyuck was well aware what his reasoning for being there was. Donghyuck wasn't stupid, nor was he.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Where's the fun in me answering right off the bat, Johnny ?”

Donghyuck took in his slightly disheveled appearance, giving him another once over before speaking again. "You better come inside, your mum would murder me if he knew you'd been sat out here in the cold and wet waiting for me," Donghyuck sighed, "Lord knows I don't need that on my conscience, nor do I feel like getting killed in my sleep any time in the next week."

Donghyuck's house was usually pretty eerie, it was always too quiet, no sibling's screaming at each other from across the hall, no clanging of pots and pans in the kitchen or the echo of the TV. Wildly different from his own home.

"I'm sorry to just show up like this but I didn't know what else to do."

"It's not a problem, what am I going to do anyway? Turn you away from my front door in this weather? I can be a bitch but I'm not heartless, Johnny.”

“I never said you were. I just wasn’t expecting you to actually let me inside, you seem to be shutting just about everyone out right now, both physically and metaphorically of course.”

Donghyuck shuffled around the kitchen, grabbing two mugs so he could make them some tea, it was the least he could do before he got berated for breaking Johnny’s brothers heart. Johnny just watched in a daze, trying to think through all the things he could say; neither Donghyuck nor Mark were aware of Johnny having witnessed heir argument, having watched as not just one, but two hearts shattered to pieces the moment Donghyuck had let out that first, strangled ‘I’m sorry’.

The two sat across from each other, in Donghyuck's far too clean and tidy living room to have even been lived in, hot chocolate's in hand and heating their only defense against the grim weather.

“Guess I like you too much to do that, plus you scare me slightly when you get into protective big brother mode.”

“You know protective big brother mode applies to you too, right? I’ve known  you longer than I’ve known Jisung, you’re just as much my brother as Jisungie or Mark.”

“But Mark or Jisung aren’t the ones who broke your little brothers heart. Or rather shattered it into oblivion and crushes all his hopes and dreams. I’m a horrible excuse for a human-being.”

“Don’t say that Hyuck, you can’t think its the be-all and end-all just because you don’t feel the same way about him, just because you don’t know how you feel or what you feel.”

Donghyuck ran his hands over his face and sighed, "Mark hates me Johnny, I didn't just break his heart - I clawed it out, stomped all over it and chucked it away like he meant nothing to me."

"He doesn't hate you, he could never hate you Haechannie."

Donghyuck scoffed, "And how would you know that?"

"Because that's the thing about soulmates. No one ever realises the true power of a soulmate until they find their own, even then it's practically impossible to explain. There isn't words to describe the pure devotion, that true love you feel, the way you'd do anything for them. Your soulmate isn't someone you give your life too, it's someone who completes you. Without them you'd smile a little less, cry a little more and be a little lonelier. They support you in life and you do the same, you work together, not alone. It's so beautiful. Whether they’re by your side, down the street, or the other side of the world–you’re connected."

"I still can't comprehend how much of a sap you've become."

It was Johnny's turn to scoff, "Come on, be serious with me here. It's just me and you, you know you can talk to me about anything. You don't have to talk about Mark or soulmates, you can talk about school, or applying to uni, or Red Velvet's latest comeback, you don't have to lie or fake anything to me. It’s me Donghyuck and I may not be your soulmate but I’m not going anywhere."

"Johnny, you don't have to do this. You don't have to act like you care... no one else does, not even my own parents. Save yourself the trouble and whatever obligation you feel to be here."

That was the thing about Donghyuck's parents, they just didn't really care. There was no 'I'm proud of you' when he brought his report home, or a genuine 'how was your day?'. The two lived and breathed their work and he would always be thankful for everything they had given him but he couldn't help the feeling of missing the attachment that the others around him had to their parents. He went home to an empty house, the place looked like something straight out of a catalog, not a shoe out of place. It didn't look lived in and it never felt like a home. He'd always spent more time at Mark's or Jaemin’s during his childhood especially, they were homes. Jaemin's always, without fail, smelt like home cooked food, it was warm and cozy with little traces of each member of the family filtering in to every room. Mark's on the other hand was arguably utter chaos , the usual smell of burnt food (Mark has been banned from the kitchen but that doesn't seem to stop him) or the vanilla scented candles his mother adores and insists on putting in every room no matter the weather.

If you asked Donghyuck to describe what a home felt like, whether he thought about it or not, he would inevitably end up describing the Lee's. There were pencil markings on the wall beside the inside of the office door, logging their heights every year since Johnny was four, his personal favourite is this past year when Jisung officially passed Mark in height - and yes, Mark is still bitter about it. Donghyuck likes the way he knows that the chips on the skirting board in the hallway and the dent in the wooden flooring is from when Johnny dropped a bottle of vodka at sixteen and it was his first experience witnessing someone use such colourful language. He likes the way he knows that the light on the fence at the bottom of the garden doesn't work because Jaemin had finally kicked a football into it one too many times and they still haven't gotten around to fixing it despite the fact it was almost five years ago. He liked the little nick nacks that had found their way onto any possible empty surface, random pictures of days out, school events and Polaroids of  evenings that are now slightly hazy in their memories but if the smiles on their faces are anything to go by it was enjoyable all the same.

Donghyuck liked the way Mark's bedroom screamed him the moment you walked in. Donghyuck's was plain and simple, aside from the pop art canvas print of Michael Jackson his mum had bought him to replace his 'ghastly' posters. Mark's room was filled with miscellaneous art and clutter he loved despite not having any meaning (it had meaning to him no matter how stupid- it always had meaning), from his giant poster of the periodic table (colour-coded and all), to the one of his favourite football team, the vintage band posters he'd put up to remind him of his dad, to ones of his favourite movies and video games. In all the years they've known each one another Donghyuck is pretty convinced he can count the number of times Marks bed has been made on one hand, his numerous blankets tossed haphazardly around. It was organised chaos, it made Hyuck feel safe and cosy, made him feel like he was home.

"You can't stop me from caring about you Donghyuck, that's not going to happen. I love you just like my brothers, you know that, you grew up just as much a part of the family as anyone else. You don't have to hide who you are Donghyuck, not to me."

"I don't know what to do, Johnny. I don't know where it all went wrong," Donghyuck's voice faltered, barely above a whisper. He let out a faint sob.

Johnny got up from his seat, wrapping his arms around the younger and pulling him into a tight hug as he let out sob after sob. Finally releasing all his built-up emotions.

"Shhh, don't worry Hyuck, I've got you okay. You're going to be just fine, I've got you."

It took a while but the younger had finally calmed down enough to speak again, hesitantly removing himself from Johnny's tight hold.

"So, what I got in between your sobs, Mark confessed but you haven't gotten your soulmate Mark so unless there's some sort of glitch, you and him aren't actually meant to be - wow, my whole life has been a lie if that's the case- and you think you may be 'kinda, sorta, maybe' gay?"

"Yeah that's about the most of it," Donghyuck huffed.

"Right. Honestly don't know where to start with unpacking all of that but you seem might need to talk your feelings out.”

“It feels like my whole life I’ve been told that Mark and I will end up being soulmates, no one ever thought we wouldn’t be. We just ignored it, kept living our lives as best friends and that let me ignore my feelings, ignore the fact that my parents would treat me the same as they did Taeyong if they knew I was gay, that I am gay.

I’ve grown up in a house that doesn’t believe you have to be with your soulmate, that doesn’t believe that there’s just one person out there for everyone. My parents not being with their soulmates made me think there wasn’t anything wrong with it, that people getting sick when they’re apart from their soulmate is some manufactured lie. I don’t know what to believe anymore. ”

“I watched my mum lose my dad Hyuck and whether it’s true or not, she wasn’t the same after. She wasn’t the same for a long time. That love she had for him had nowhere to go, it destroyed her. I don’t have anything against people who don’t date their soulmate, or people who go without ever so much as searching for them. I don’t think it's denying your soulmate that destroys you, it’s denying that love. Love is powerful and all-consuming and it makes you lose yourself for a little while but you always figure it out in the end. Whether you think Mark is your soulmate or not, if you truly care for him as something more than just your best friend, no one will stop you. Soulmates don’t resign you to loving one person.”

"I don't want to be with someone whose heart belongs to someone else. If Mark and I really aren’t soulmates, surely I’m just setting myself up for heartbreak? Just once, I want to be someone's first choice. I'm so sick of being second best all the time."

"Hyuck, you know that's not true. You know you're not second best, that's just stupid."

"Yes, I am. Sometimes it's subtle, like the way my parents finally let me enroll in dance classes or allowed me to dye my hair - but I realised that they were dealing with the fact Taeyong walked out by replacing him with me. I'm not really Mark's best friend, Renjun always will be, but we all know Mark would choose family above all else, you included. You and Ten defy all odds against your relationship because you truly believe in one another and the idea of soulmates. Chenle would find Jisung in every lifetime and Jaemin... Jaemin lives and breathes Renjun. Jaemin wouldn't let a soul so much as harm a hair on Renjun's head he is so in love with that boy. So, no Johnny, I'm not even second best, I'm a last resort to everyone, even my own parents."

Johnny paused, mouth opening and closing a of times while he tried to figure out what to say, "Your parents are really trying to replace him with you?"

"I don't know, it feels like they are. Sometimes they'll accidentally ask if he's coming home for tea or something equally mundane and the looks on their faces when they realise what they've just said... it's obvious they miss him but they won't do anything about it, they're too stubborn to care." Hyuck runs his hands over his face and lets out a deep breath,  "They only started letting me do all these things since Taeyong left. They couldn't stop him, he didn't listen, but I did and look where that got me. I'm a stranger in my own home and I have to hide who I really am. It’s like they hope that if they give me more freedom that I won’t turn out like Taeyong or ruin their little picture perfect family."

"I know you're angry right now, at me, at Mark, at your parents... at the world. But, I will always try my best to be there for you and if you need to get out of there please, please just come to ours. I can't stand that you still live there, you don't deserve to be in a place like that."

Johnny gave one of his heart-warming smiles, hugging Donghyuck again. “You are loved Haechannie, there are people who care about you, people who would risk the world for you and you just need to let yourself be open to the idea that someone can love you, for you. Don't be a stranger, stop hiding from the world and let yourself be you again. You didn't get the nickname Haechan for nothing.”

Johnny left after more hugs and tears, telling Donghyuck he’s loved, over and over again. Drilling it into him so he couldn’t forget, so he had no choice but to remember.

[jisquish-remade]

seungmin to his hyungs: with ALL due respect, which is none,

[canariesarchive-blog-deactivate]

HELLO I JUST FOUND THE BEST FUCKING WEBSITE FOR WORKING ON CHARACTERS AND WORLD BUILDING YEET FUCKERS SEE YOU IN 8 YEARS

[canariesarchive-blog-deactivate]

If you have been struggling with world building and finding a way to keep track of everything PLEASE GOD LOOK AT NOTEBOOK.AI

Notebook.ai has different categories for different things:

And then once you make something each category has different questions for you to answer about your world:

This website is literally a blessing

[peardrpqs]

for don’t call me angel we’re actually gonna plan some of it unlike with days gone by whoops

[peardrpqs]

Don’t Call Me Angel / NCT secret agent au | read on ao3 here

pairings: Kun x Ten, Johnny x Taeyong, Doyoung x Jaehyun, Mark x Donghyuck, Lucas x Renjun and small Hendery x Yangyang

note: I changed the pairings from the original ones slightly and apologies for that but I think the story will work a lot better now. Anyways, enjoy (:

“I do not need some six-foot, macho-man, babysitter, Kun. I think I’ve made it perfectly clear I can take care of myself and we both know I work better alone.”

“Ten, when I came over last night I found you crying on the sofa with an almost empty bottle of expensive white wine over Grey’s Anatomy. You cannot take care of yourself.”

“Derek died Kun, gone , dead , never coming back! He left Meredith alone, and she’s pregnant! Think of the babies! Anyone with a heart would find that upsetting.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t have a heart then,” Kun tisked, “And seriously, what is your obsession with babies? Can you move on from that soon—you keep mentioning them around Taeyong and he keeps whining about how cute they are too. Babies are weird, squishy things, they are not cute . They cry and scream and you can’t just leave them to their own devices. It’s so irritating .”

“Jesus, you’re such a bitch. You’re my best friend and I love you but god Kun, you can be so mean . But we’re getting off topic—I don’t need a damn bodyguard!”

“He’s not some bodyguard or babysitter Ten, he’s going to be your partner —your equal, if you will.” Kun stood up from his seat and walked around his desk to lean against it, gaze firm and business face on. “The two of you will be working together . He happens to be extremely skilled in the combat side of things and yes, he is much taller than you and appearance-wise he seems more fitting to the role. And his looks match your work a little more than yours do. He’s ex-military, his file says a Navy SEAL if I recall correctly. He will make sure you stay out of trouble while you charm and flirt your way through missions. He will allow me to guarantee—or at least somewhat reassure—your safety.”

“I sincerely apologise that I’m disrupting your usual conduct Ten, but I won’t apologise for wanting to make sure you’re safe. After what happened with Sicheng, neither me nor Taeyong are willing to take any risks when it comes to the safety of our agents. Even Doyoung is being assigned a partner for his field work. Taeyong is letting him know later, and so I give it—” Kun paused to give a quick glance to his watch and then the clock ticking against the wall. “—about forty minutes until the coffee table in the reception is smashed into several hundred thousand pieces, again . Remind me to ask Jungwoo to order a new one when we’re finished.”

Ten let out a soft chuckle, “I’m sorry too, by the way.” Ten took a deep breath, his voice was much quieter than normal, almost as if he was embarrassed. “I get where you’re coming from, I’m just not used to working with any other people aside from Doyoungie or Hendery in my ear, let alone working with anyone in the flesh. The only person I ever had as a partner was you, way back when we were still rookies.” Kun flashed him a small smile in return, an acknowledgement of some sorts of their rookie days. The days before Kun left.

“It’s going to be an adjustment, but I think it’s a good thing. Frankly, even though you probably won’t see it at first, you and Youngho will get along great. He’s coming from a placement in Berlin. He was originally part of the European branch actually, and he’s also bringing three other agents with him—Jung Yoonoh, Lee Donghyuck and Liu Yangyang. I’m not sure what code names they’re being assigned as of yet. Youngho is fluent in both Korean and English, and apparently his Mandarin isn’t terrible so you can pick what you like but keep in mind who your in-ear is. Don’t speak in a language they don't understand. That will remain the rule.”

“You mean if my in-ear is, for some reason, not Hendery or even Mark. You do know that there’s been only one case out of the four hundred and ninety-six missions I’ve worked where my in-ear hasn’t been one of them? And while we’re on that, please never assign Jeno to me again—he was awful but , in all fairness, I think he was just scared of telling me what to do.” Kun rolled his eyes at the fact Ten has memorised his exact number of missions and watches as Ten had visibly relaxed once again, kicking his feet up onto the arm of the sofa he was lounging on. His eyes widened as he tried to remember the information Kun had told him. “Wait, European? Kun did you finally find me the hot British agent of my dreams? I’m ready for my romancing. Okay, that’s a lie, but who knows.” He shrugged.

“No. I don’t know the logistics of how he ended up in Europe but he’s American, from Chicago—the place that, according to him and a quick google search, has really good pizza and is always windy. I wasn’t really interested in his life story, I was more interested in his stats on his transfer application. If it’s any consolation, Irene and Seulgi swear by him—gave him glowing references from their time in Paris and said he’s easy on the eyes, whatever that means.”

“Ah, Kun dearest ,” his voice dripping with sarcasm at the added endearment, “How would you rate his attractiveness?”

“I don’t know, Ten, I don’t pay attention to these things. Besides, I’ve yet to meet him in the flesh. I’ve only seen the pictures from his profile that were provided.”

“Bullshit! Just because you’re all work-focussed and don’t spend time on tinder doesn’t mean you can’t objectively determine if someone is attractive or not. What do our years of friendship get me if you can’t even tell me whether or not he’s ‘future partner with mutually beneficial relations material?’”

The apples of Kun’s cheeks turned rosy at that, a light blush washing over him as he visibly stiffened slightly. Ten always found it amusing that even with their years of friendship and his own distinct lack of a filter, when it came to most discussions—particularly his nonchalant approach to sex and the attractiveness of someone—Kun would flush instantly like you’d just caught him with his pants down. Unfortunately, Ten knew exactly how Kun reacted to being seen with his pants down, a price that comes with having been friends for many years and Ten’s old habit of showing up at Kun’s apartment unannounced. It’s safe to say Ten avoided him for several weeks after the incident, and now he always makes sure to knock or text.

“He—” Kun faltered, “—I guess, objectively speaking of course, I might agree that he’s attractive. Although he seems like a romantic so don’t get your hopes up. God , I need a drink before I talk about this with you and the tantrum Doyoung is going to throw—oh dear.”

“No worries, I can help you with that!” Ten jumped up from his seat, walking over to the large bookshelf filling the length of one of the walls of Kun’s office. He rummaged behind several boxes of files before yelling, “Found it!” and returning with a bottle of soju. Kun doesn’t want to know how or when it ended up in his office, but Ten seems to have gained psychic abilities because he counters that, “It’s a need-to-know basis and you don’t need to know. But you never know when you might need a bottle. It’s handy to keep one around.”

“Have you got glasses hidden somewhere too?”

“’Fraid not. We do, however, have mugs so that’ll do. Shot glasses are a pain anyway. You have to keep refilling them and with a mug you don’t.” Ten promptly poured the soju, filling the two mugs and whispering “It’s our little secret,” before sitting down once again (with his feet up on the arm rest again, Kun couldn’t help sneer a little—he was a fan of the no shoes on the furniture policy, but Ten doesn’t agree to it at home, so why would Kun expect him to at the office?).

“Stop glaring at me, Kun. I’m not putting my feet down. Now , finish what you were saying about my partner .”

“I really don’t know much else about him,” Kun sighed, “he requested that two of the other agents also received a transfer and the third was given a non-negotiable transfer. He got into some trouble while in Berlin so they had to pull him immediately, but even I wasn’t given the details. I do know that he speaks Mandarin, so you can have someone else to practice with when you feel like, and I’m sure Xiaojun will be roping him into the Chinese-only nights in no time.”

“Kun, you’re supposed to be the source of all information. How do you know so little? Oh quit it, I know you only know what the profile tells you blah blah blah.”

“You can tease Doyoung about this partner, if that makes you feel any better. I don’t know much about him either but he’s another ex-military poster boy, Yoonoh could pass as a high-end model too. According to Seulgi they call him ‘everyone’s first love’. He has dimples that are apparently ‘ to die for ’ and if the photos on his profile are anything to go by, he has some rather... prominent abs. Taeyong described them as washboard,” when Kun had asked him to explain, Taeyong had patted the younger’s head and told him that it was late and he was going to head home. “I practically had to wipe the drool off of his face after he spent far too long looking at the pictures attached to the profile. Who even attaches multiple shirtless pictures to their profile? We only need one for identification, not multiple for Taeyong to fawn over. Jesus , pass the bottle, would you?”

“Kun it’s not even 5 pm, I think one mug of soju is enough daytime drinking while at work, especially if the new people are arriving today.”

“Need I remind you that I’m your superior, pass the bottle so I can drown out that picture. He kept making jokes about how I never date. I was young and hot once you know? I had fun, I got around, I wasn’t old and boring like I am now.”

“Kun I do not need or want to know how your sex life has deteriorated. I lived next-door to you in college—that’s all I need to know. You’ll find someone when you’re ready. Who knows, maybe you’ve already met them.”

“Have you thought about my offer to live with me or on-base yet? I don’t like the thought of you living alone… not after everything.”

Ten raised his eyebrow at the comment. “I haven’t yet but I’ll think about it. Now , tell me about Yoonoh.”

“The only other thing I was told is that he’s supposedly quite the charmer and sweet talker, however he’s always declined any advances made towards him according to Irene. He seems to have a naturally flirtatious personality, though.”

“Ahh, brilliant! Poor Doie is going to fall in love with him so quickly, I can’t wait . I hope Yoonoh’s going to flirt with him. He isn’t going to have a clue what to do.”

“What you’re saying would sound sympathetic or supportive coming from anyone else's mouth, but from yours it just sounds downright sadistic.”

If Kun hadn’t known Ten as long as he had, the eerie smile Ten is currently adorning would’ve been alarming but alas, once you’d known someone long enough, and you’d risked death together and saved one another’s lives more than a handful of times, and a large part of your job involves killing other people, it takes a lot to creep Kun out these days.

“Hey, your forty minutes are up now and no smashed coffee table yet—“

As if someone of a higher power was listening in, the sound of glass shattering echoed through the ground floor of the building along with several screeches from whoever was milling around at the time. This wouldn’t be the last time Doyoung would throw whatever piece of furniture he could get his hands on off the balcony, launching it to the floor below and consistently nailing the coffee table in particular.

“As you were saying Ten?”

Ten pouted and mumbled, “Never mind.”

There was a sheepish knock on the door and Kun yelled a quick come in as a response.

“Sorry to bother you guys, just thought I’d let you know, Kun, but I’m putting the order for a new coffee table in now and a new office chair. Is there anything else you need?”

“No that’s all, thanks Jungwoo.”

“Wait? An office chair too?” Ten sat up a little, waiting for a response.

“Yes, Ten,” Jungwoo sighed, “That’s what Doyoung threw off the balcony—may need to bring a contractor in to fix the dent in the floor, but I think a new table will cover it enough that it doesn’t need to be done anytime soon.”

“I forgot you’ve never actually witnessed Doyoung throwing various belongings off the balcony. The money he costs me is ridiculous.”

“I’ll leave the two of you to it. I doubt it’ll be long before they make their way down. You know what Doyoung’s like.”

“No worries, thanks Jungwoo.”

Jungwoo had only just made it back to his desk where Xiaojun was waiting with a fresh cup of coffee when Doyoung flung Kun’s office door open, bypassing the now sheepish looking Jungwoo and closely followed by an exasperated looking Taeyong.

“For the last time, Taeyong, no! It’s not happening! I work alone, alone ! Do I need to spell it out for you? It’s a five-letter word, of which the meaning is to be by oneself, or shall we take the definition from the Oxford Dictionary where they define alone to be: one, without any other people or two, without the help of other people or things.” Doyoung took a second to catch his breath in between sentences, “I don’t need someone looking out for me, I look out for me. I’m the quartermaster, I head up our entire technology department.”

He jabbed a finger in Taeyong’s direction, “I’m regarded as one of the best amongst all the branches of NCT. Yes, I hacked my profile again to look. You really should get someone to make it less easy—oh wait, you can’t because I’m the only one who can because it’s my job. I am not some newbie field agent who doesn’t know how to reload a handgun in less than ten seconds. You made me go through the training just like everyone else, I can tell you that I did not engage in hand to hand combat on a daily basis with Lucas for shits and giggles. No one trains with Lucas for fun aside from Renjun but its Renjun. That kid scares me, he may be pint-sized but if Ten has taught me anything, the short ones can bite and they usually have high pain thresholds but not-so high patience and I’m not ready to die just yet. Honestly, I’m getting a tad concerned at the number of people we employ that appear very cute but just happen to be capable of snapping your neck or blowing your head off.”

“Are you done yet?” Taeyong sighed, impatiently tapping his foot against the floor. He was fully aware that Doyoung wasn’t actually angry, he wasn’t death glaring either Taeyong or Kun, and aside from the coffee table no major damage had been caused. It was typical Doyoung, whine until someone gives in.

“No. No, I am not finished. Thank you, Taeyong.”

“Oh my, please continue, Doyoung. Everyone here wants to hear your pathetic complaints.” Ten’s trademark sarcasm dripping from every word.

“Oh Ten, don’t act like you weren’t whining to Kun about this less than an hour ago.”

“At least I haven’t been bitching to Taeyong for an hour and thrown a fucking chair. You can be so dramatic Doyoungie.”

“Dramatic? Me? Have you met yourself?”

“Both of you, be quiet!” It was rare of Kun to yell at someone, to be angry with them—let alone full-fledged shouting in the confines of his office. “Taeyong, please may you check with Jungwoo on when the new agents will be here? Ten and Doyoung can join the meeting as well if they stop insisting on acting like children . Apparently, they seem to have forgotten that we may all be friends here, but while we’re at work, I am their superior and what I say is final.”

“Sorry to interrupt again Kun, but the new agents are here. Xiaojun is with them in the conference room and asked me to get you as soon as possible. He seems to find them rather intimidating.”

“Right, nevermind Taeyong and thank you Jungwoo, we’ll be right there. You and Xiaojun can feel free to head home. I’ll need just one of you to round up whoever’s still hovering and point them in the direction of the dorms—I don’t want to be interrupted when we give them the tour. Have a nice evening, and I will see you tomorrow.”

“Will do, thank you. I’ll be in for the conference with Japan first thing in the morning. See you then!” With a meek half-smile, he hurried out of the office once again. Jungwoo wasn’t a stranger to the tension of the office, so he knew very well that Kun rarely shouted, and he wasn’t for testing his patience.

“Okay then. Do you two still want to act like toddlers with your whining? Or can we all go and introduce ourselves to the new agents with the manners and respect we would expect to receive from anyone else?”

“Yes, Kun. Sorry, Kun.” They both mumbled simultaneously, standing up and straightening their clothes.

“Ready, Yong?”

“After you.”

[peardrpqs]

chapter 9 of days gone by is practically written, all the scenes and things i wanted in it are there but there’s absolutely fvck all linking them right now whoops

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i am working on the next update of days gone by, i just changed the chapter a lot (honestly about 2% of it has been kept the same) and i’ve been moving things into later chapters etc so it’s taking a while and i’ve been back at school. i’m super sorry! but i’m hoping to have it sorted by the end of this week or early on next week and maybe an update for my social media au over on twitter (which i’m hoping to start uploading on here too!)

[peardrpqs]

haha so i lied,, i got sick i’m so sorry! it’s not been great, i haven’t had much energy to do just about anything and best part is definitely the fact my brain is just not working lmao

[hyunjins]

angel

[peardrpqs]

happy birthday to the angel that is felix ✨

[peardrpqs]

hi hello

my blog is having a lil renovation so sorry if it looks kinda messy right now i’m playing around with themes on both mobile and desktop (: