The News of Chris Cornell's death this morning was a shock to say the least. As I read some articles, i stumbled across something that hit me like a sledgehammer.  A rush of sadness and  a dark familiar feeling hit me. The article stated that authorities believe that it may have been a suicide. Now this could totally be bullshit, But, I'm saying that an hour or so removed from my fall So I'm a little better at understanding. No surprise to anyone, I have some mental issues. Mine have been officially diagnosed, like many many other folks, and I deal with it through therapy, meds and self medication( at times, like other folks. ( I apologize to all the Grammar teachers reading this. my bad)  The thought of suicide scares me. A LOT. I've been dark. REALLY Dark. I read an article that said I'm probably suicidal, but that I'm the ok Suicidal because I'm functioning and wouldn't act on it. Whatever the fuck that means. Yea I think about it. Alot. Won't do it. But, I mean, Chris Cornell. his music helped me out through a lot. So if this guy couldn't anymore, what the fuck am I doing? I'm just taking in somebody else's oxygen. So yea, I read that he may have killed himself and i had a mini panic attack. A memory brought me back. A conversation i had with my brother( from another mom but still) My brother Janner. Now, that convo was private, but and I don't know if I told you this bro, You saved my life that day. You really did. I was right on the edge of a panic attack that day and reeled me back down to Earth. I can never repay that bro, thank you. The point here, is that I saw a man I  look up to, Cornell and I see that he was a roubled and weak as I am, we're the same. Even though he's a rockstar and i'm really nothing, we're the same. What the fuck chance doI have if he couldn't do it anymore? then i remember what Janner told me, " somebody out there is suffering too and they have less that I do. I gotta focus on what i have here and now" I wish Chris Cornell could have heard those words.Â
