﹒ 𖧧 𓏼 After everything, it’s still you ⌣ 🗡️ .
Word count: 5k ┆ part 1 ┆ prologue
੭ ֹ Even after nearly becoming Dottore’s experiments, you and Lohen still remain good friends. Looks like nothing can break your bond… at least that’s what you think. A few years after the incident—in your mid teenage years—you are called back to Snezhnaya to attend your duties. This causes you and Lohen’s bond at cost as you return to Snezhnaya. At first it was bearable, writing letters to each other and keeping each other updated. But as you grow older, the harder it becomes to find time to write those letters. Soon enough, the letters stop. Maybe celestial decided to take pity on you because suddenly, both of you are arranged to get married. The only question is, will the arrangement stay political or will the years of yearning take over?
warning: not canon, may be ooc, little bit of angst, little bit of yearning, non canon backstory for lohen, hasn’t been proofread so expect mistakes
Notes: AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT ON THE PROLOGUE ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ do we like the layout? I’ll probably use this for everything else. The end is lowkey kinda ass btw whatever..
taglist: @saaaasas @peonyeats @joyyluvpierrot @reikamasama
“Lohen, I swear to barbatos if you keep charging in without warning then I’m just going to let you bleed out,” You scolded as you tended to the wound on his torso.
Lohen’s shirt and jacket had been thrown onto a chair in your room, leaving him shirtless. The oh so impulsive and reckless Lohen had snuck off from Adorno’s training once again. Instead, he decided to fight a small hilichurl camp not too far. In result of his impulsive decisions, he now had many cuts and wounds on his body. Which led to him lying down on your bed as you tended to those cuts and wounds
“Hah! You love me too much to do so, bun!” Lohen teases as he pokes one of your cheeks. Even with so many nasty bruises and wounds on his body, his aggravating—but frustratingly charming grin never seems to fade away.
You roll your eyes at his words as you continue to dab alcohol soaked cotton balls at his open wound. Your warm hands were a contrast to his cold body. It was no surprise his body was always cold. It was quite fitting as he wielded a cryo vision.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” you mumbled under your breath.
“Still not admitting it?”
“I have nothing to admit!”
“Sure bun, sure,” that comment earnt him a pillow to be thrown at his head which Lohen caught with ease—stupid knight reflexes. His reflexes had always been good, but ever since he became a knight, his reflexes became a lot quicker.
Lohen held the pillow in his hand, contemplating the choice of throwing it back at you or putting it back down.
“Don’t do it.” Lohen groaned at your words, placing the pillow back down on the bed.
“You’re no fun, bun,” he grumbled in response.
Before you could open your mouth, the doors of your bedroom opened.
“I got us fo- oh my Barbatos! Lohen! What happened to you?” Theodore exclaimed, the bag of food forgotten in his hands as a wave of worry rushed over.
“Awe poor Theodore is worried!” Lohen chuckled as he eyed the bag of food in his hands that were on the verge of slipping. “Don’t let your worry consume you or else you’re gonna drop that bag of food.”
Theodore’s eyes immediately darted to the bag in his hand that was hanging on his index finger. “Oh… h-heh…” He stumbled as he quickly adjusted his grip on his bag, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “Sorry.”
You giggled a little as you started to bandage up Lohen. “It’s fine, Theo. It’s natural to worry!” You told, your eyes still focused on Lohen. “Though it would be a shame if you did drop the food. A certain food lover here wouldn’t be too happy about that.” Your eyes looked up to meet Lohen’s as you playfully shoved his shoulder, being careful of any injuries.
“Tsk…” Lohen scoffed as he turned his head to face away from you. His mouth coming to a pout.
Theodore laughed a little at your banter, watching as Lohen sulked on the bed. He watched as you tended to Lohen. Your gentle, soft hands carefully bandaging his torso. Oh how Theodore wished it was him who was holding your hands. He swallowed at the thought of it.
Ever since the you and Theodore were recruited to be medics, you two has begun spending more time together. Whether it was during training or studying herbs and techniques, you were spending more time together. This causes Theodore’s little crush on you to expand, but he could never tell you that. You were way too good for him—confident in every area he wasn’t. Yet you still remained kind and cheerful, refusing to let arrogance get to the best of you.
“Okay, all done. Come on, let’s eat.” You placed the first aid kit on the nightstand and walked over toward where Theodore was. Lohen followed behind, stumbling a little as he walked, but refused to show his struggle openly.
Theodore had started placing the food down on the table. “You must be starving, Lohen. Afterall, being a knight must take up so much energy.”
“Oh please Theo, don’t flatter him. His ego is already high enough.”
“Still, being a knight in general is quite exhausting.” Theodore responded as he handed a plate of food to Lohen.
“See, you should be more like Theodore, bun. So thoughtful and caring!” Lohen said, stuffing his mouth with food.
— —
A knock came to your bedroom door while the three of you were in the middle of a card game.
“I’ll get it!” You exclaimed, putting your deck of cards on the deck.
You twisted the knob and opened the door in the slightest, peeking through the gap. “Oh, Captain Adorno! Hello” You said softly as you opened the door fully. “Did you come to check up on Lohen?”
The old man nodded as he looked over your shoulder, seeing Theodore and Lohen continuing their game of fun. “No need for such formalities y/n,” he waves a hand dismissively. “And yes, I did. Is he recovering well?”
“He should be! The wounds weren’t too serious, he just needs a bit of rest.”
“That’s good,” Adorno responded. Even with your reassurance, something seemed off. Adorno’s eyes darted around the room in an almost nervous manner. It was a bit uncomfortable to you as you’d never seen him like this.
“Adorno, are you okay?” You asked, your voice lacing with concern.
“A-ah, yes,” He answered hesitantly before his eyes landed back on your face. “Can I speak to you privately, y/n?”
You gave him a short nod in response before turning to Lohen and Theodore. “Theo, Lohen, I’m just going to have a small conversation with Adorno!” You informed before stepping out into the hallway and shutting the door behind you.
As you and Adorno walked through the infirmary dorm wings and into the main part of the Knights of Favonius, you couldn’t help but grow nervous. Usually with the Benevolent Knight, he’d start small talk to cut the tension—but this time he isn’t.
The thick tension in the air sent goosebumps throughout your body. Adorno’s cold and indifferent expression didn’t help any further with your goosebumps.
Adorno came to a stop at a door on his right. He opened the door, gesturing with his hand for you to enter first. You nodded in acknowledgment before taking in your surroundings.
Adorno’s office wasn’t anything fancy. Surrounded by shelves and shelves of books. In the middle of the room, sat a wooden desk. Stacks of unfinished paperworks laid on top of the desk.
“Sit, don’t be a stranger, y/n,” he said as he sat down in his office chair. His expression softens as he looks at you, putting you at ease a little.
You took a seat in the chair across from him, your hands unconsciously fidgeting under the desk.
“Where do I begin…” Adorno sighed as he opened a draw, taking out an already open envelope. “I think you should read this before I say anything,” he told, slipping the envelope towards you.
Your eagerness immediately took over you as you grabbed the envelope off the table. You flip over the flap which reveals a letter.
“It’s addressed to you,” Adorno explained as you pulled it out of the envelope. The first thing that caught your eye as you unfolded the piece of paper was the signature at the bottom. It seemed to be your uncle, but what could he possibly want? Consumed by curiosity, you started reading the letter. The breath in your lungs was stolen as you read the first paragraph.
Dear y/n,
I hope Mondstat is treating you well. I have received a couple letters from Lohen’s parents talking about how well you’ve recovered. I’m pleased to know that the incident didn’t take up too much of your mental health.
I apologise that neither me or your parents have reached out to in these past couple years. You see, after we heard of the incident, your parents mutually agreed that you stayed in Mondstat so you could take your time to heal. Afterall, Mondstat is the city of freedom.
For you to stay in Mondstat was much more ideal than recovering from the trauma back in Snezhnaya. You have so many responsibilities back at home, being the heir as the next duchess of the family. It would have been inconsiderate to make you serve your duty while recovering from quite a traumatising event.
Though, I suppose they should have written a letter to you. Again, I apologise for the lack of communication from both me and your parents.
You must be wondering why I am suddenly writing to you. Well, I will tell you.
You remember how your father had just been diagnosed with a very hard to cure illness before you went off to your trip in Mondstat, no? Well, over these last couple months, your father’s condition has been getting worse. He has requested for you to come home to see him. The doctors are trying their best to cure him, but if they don’t, he will have very little time left.
Two weeks after you have received this letter, your aunt and I will take a boat to Mondstat and take you home to see your father. I do understand if you wish to not go home, but you have to anyway. It’s also about time you returned home, no? You have duties that must be fulfilled and those duties won’t fulfill themselves.
I have come to the end of my letter. I hope by the time we arrive in Mondstat, you have packed your bags and you are ready to go home. In the meantime, take care, my niece.
Signed by yours truly, your uncle.
(Fancy signature at the bottom)
You exhaled sharply, closing your eyes to stop the tears from flowing. Your hand subconsciously tightened on the paper.
“Easy now, you’re going to crumble the paper,” Adorno said softly.
“I don’t care,” you mumble as you crumble the piece of paper in your hand.
After a few moments of silence, you feel Adorno’s hands gently prying the crumbled paper out of your hand finger by finger. You can hear as he unscrunches the paper and places it on the desk to smooth it out.
“I know you’re gonna want to show it to Theodore or Lohen later.” You open your eyes to look at him. “You always found it easier to show things rather than tell them.”
Your eyes averted to the letter. Despite Adorno’s best attempts to smooth it out, you could still see many folds.
“You don’t have to say anything to me right now.” Adorno stood up from his chair with the paper in hand. He kneels down next to your chair, looking at you with ever so gentle eyes. No matter how angry Adorno was, he could never look at you, Lohen or Theodore with eyes full of anger. “But promise me you’ll tell someone how you feel about this—anyone. This is huge news to you, kiddo. I don’t want you to keep it to yourself, okay?”
You nod at his words and he smiles a little, patting your back. He folds the letter into quarters and gently places it into your hand. “Take it easy for now, okay? Enjoy your last two weeks in Mondstat.”
— —
Lohen lets out a deep sigh as he folds his arm across his chest. Theodore’s hands are shaking in the slightest as he holds the letter.
“Go back home? All the way back to Snezhnaya?” Theodore looks up at you with wide eyes. “B-Bu-But that’s so far!
“I know,” you say with a sigh. “But my uncle and parents wish for me to return. Afterall, I have been in Mondstat for the past seven years. Barbatos knows how many responsibilities I need to catch up on when I get home.” You sit on the edge of your bed, hands rubbing your temples as you feel a headache come in at just the thought of the endless list of responsibilities.
“Will you ever come back?”
“I-I don’t know… Well, I kinda do. I probably will live in Snezhnaya for the rest of m- H-Hey! Don’t cry, Theo!.” You stand up and make your way to Theodore. You take a spot next to him on the couch and hand him a tissue. “I’ll still visit! Don't worry, I will never forget about you guys.” You gesture to the two of them.
Theodore takes the tissue from your hand and wipes the tears away. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be crying so much.”
“No, no, it’s okay! It’s okay to feel sad,” you reassure him.
As you’re busy comforting Theodore, Lohen watches from the other end of the couch. He rolls his eyes as he looks out the window. “Never changes, huh?” He grumbles under his breath.
Neither you nor Theodore heard Lohen as you continued to comfort him. Eventually, Theodore stops crying and gives you a small hug.
“I’m going to miss you when you leave,” he mumbles softly.
You smile a little as you pull away from the hug. “Awe, Theo. I’ll miss you too,” you look over at Lohen, noticing the fact he looked a little left out. It tug at something in your heart seeing the usually so energetic Lohen look so lonely. “And you too, grumpy,” your voice softened in the slightest at the nickname.
Lohen glances at you before scoffing. “Grumpy? How rude of you bun.” He stands up abruptly with his hands still folded, turning his head away. “And for your information, I will miss you, but I will handle it.”
Lohen’s act of offense and confidence causes both you and Theodore to giggle.
“He’s gonna be too busy training to be a knight to miss you,” Theodore jokes.
“Of course he will, he’s Lohen. The egotistical and crazy guy he is.” You joke back.
“And this ego and craziness is going to lead me to be the captain of the fifth company by the time you come back to Mondstat to visit!”
“I’ll hold you to that promise,” you laugh.
— —-
It’s the night before you leave Mondstat.
Your uncle arrived this afternoon with your aunt. Your aunt immediately started gushing over you as she stepped off the boat. It had been a few years since you’ve seen her so you didn’t mind too much. Your uncle on the other hand watched from a distance, making small talk with you. You always wonder how the two of them got married. Your aunt was so bubbly and happy while your uncle was more… sophisticated—wait no, that’s not the right word. He was just calmer, calmer than your aunt at least.
It had always been entertaining to see your uncle and aunt embrace the opposite attracts tropes like how you read in books. Your parents on the other hand were what people would call a power couple. They both held high reputations in Snezhnaya and had lots of connections—even with the Tsaritsa!
You sigh as you lay down on the patch of grass, looking up at the stars. Your mind had been working non stop ever since your uncle and aunt arrived. Tossing and turning in your bed over and over eventually led you to being outside. You had snuck out of your room and out of Mondstat’s gates. Now you laid just outside of the gates, legs hanging over the edge of the little island the main city sat on.
You close your eyes just to listen to the sounds of nature. The sound of waves gently clashing over each other over and over again. The breeze quietly whistled while making you shiver as it blew past you. Faintly, you could hear music coming from someone’s house. The tune was quite catchy as you found yourself humming to it.
You were so busy humming that you missed the footsteps approaching you. You only registered the noise once you heard someone taking a seat on the right of you.
“Can’t sleep, bun?” You hear a voice say.
You crank open one of your eyes just to see those familiar red eyes with surrounding them staring right back at you—Lohen.
“No, not really,” you say softly, turning onto your side. “Looks like you can’t either.”
“Hm,” he grunts in response, his eyes darting to the body of water surrounding the city.
You take that as an opportunity to admire Lohen while he isn’t looking. Lohen’s hands were on the ground behind him, supporting his weight. He looked so relaxed in this state, nothing like his usual energy, reckless self. His usually neat hair was slightly ruffled up with a few strands sticking up. It looked so soft and fluffy that you had to fight the urge to touch it. The way the night glow gave such an ethereal look to his face, looking as handsome as ever. My archons could you look at him forever.
Lohen turns his eyes back towards you and for a moment your eyes meet. Your breath hitches as you feel an electrical surge between the two of you. Immediately, you turn to face the other direction.
“Caught staring and now you’re all shy?” Lohen says with a small smirk on his face. “Come on, tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Oh shut it Lohen!”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say bun.”
“So annoying…”
“If i was so annoying, you would have got up and left.”
“Urgh,” you grumble as you adjust to lie on our back, looking up at the night sky. Not a single cloud was in sight tonight so naturally your eyes were drawn to all the stars that filled the dark sky.
Lohen’s eyes didn’t leave you as he watched how engrossed you were in the stars. Your eyes sparkled with almost child-like innocence. It’s still a mystery to him sometimes on how you are heir to a role so important and of high nobility. Even as you grew older, your curiosity and friendliness never ever died down—infact, it seemed to grow.
Oh how Lohen envied you. Despite everything the both of you went through when you were little, you remained… well you. You didn’t let the incident get the best of you. Instead, you took it as a way to help others because of what you went through. You signed up to be a medic so you could save lives or make lives better if they were injured or hurt—Lohen on the other hand was the complete opposite.
Till this day, the incident haunted him and he hated himself for it. He hated how was too weak to fight back. He hated how he didn’t have the strength to protect you before they both captured you. How he wished that in that moment, he didn’t have to let you go through it. The nightmares of the incident fueled his motivation to grow stronger—that’s why he became a knight. He swore to himself that one day, he would be captain just so he can protect you. Not that he’d admit it aloud.
“Lohen,” you say softly, snapping him out of his trance.
“Hm?” He responds.
You continue to stare at the sky, admiring it for a little longer before your eyes meet his. “Are you ever scared?” You ask.
Your question catches him off guard as he freezes in place. How does he answer it without it sounding vulnerable? He hated being vulnerable even with you.
“Me, scared? Of course not!” Lohen says, quickly diving back into his usual demeanour.
You let out a small hum as your eyes dart back to the sky. Lohen can see the gears working in your brain and the way your eyebrows knit together in thought. “Whatever you want to say, just spit it out.”
“I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of moving back to Snezhnaya.”
“Why?”
You sigh as you close your eyes. “I don't know… I just feel like I’m not fit to be a duchess,” you admit quietly. Lohen doesn’t say anything in response and you take that as a sign to keep going. “I just- I like it here. I like being here with you, Theo, Adorno and everyone else. I feel so relaxed here. Back at home, I was bound by so many rules and responsibilities. I could only dream of letting loose.” You open your eyes again to look at Lohen. This time, his eyes were no longer on yours but looking at the sky. Your eyes narrow a little at how distracted he looks. “Are you even listening to me?” You ask, your voice cracking as you don’t even try to hide your frustration.
“I am, I’m just looking at the sky while doing so.”
You groan as your hands cover your face. You hated how everytime you tried to express yourself that Lohen would never have his full attention on you. You decided to continue rambling anyway cause you’d rather be here than suffocating in the darkness of your bedroom.
“Theo said he’d write letters and so did Adorno,” you told him, not caring if he was listening or not. “Theo also gave me a small box of presents today. It was really nice of him! He gave me a-“
Lohen had stopped listening to you as you started talking about the gift Theodore had given you. He hoped that in the darkness, you couldn’t see the way his jaw tightened. Or the way his hands clenched onto the grass beneath his palms. He hated himself for feeling this way. He hated the tight feeling in his chest every time you brought up the kind and caring things Theodore had done for you. It was particularly his fault anyways. Becoming a knight meant he spent less time with you so it’s natural you’d spend more time with Theodore.
As you continued on and on about Theodore, Lohen suddenly stood up which caused you to pause in surprise.
“Lohen, are you okay?” You asked as you sat up on the grass. Your eyes looked so pretty in the moonlight while being laced with concern.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just starting to get sleepy,” Lohen says as he turns on his heels, ready to leave. “Goodnight.”
Before you can even open his mouth, Lohen was already gone.
“Lohen,” you mumbled softly though your call was only met with the sound of waves gently clashing over one another. You sigh for the second time tonight before laying back down onto the grass.
If only you had the guts to tell him.
— —
“Remember, if you ever need anything, just send a letter, okay?”
“But also write letters to tell us everything about Snezhnaya!”
“Yes, Adorno. Yes, Theo,” you respond while rolling your eyes. “I’ll write letters to you whether or not I need help.”
“Good, I expect a letter a few weeks after you’ve settled back in Snezhnaya,” he says while patting your back before walking over to where your uncle and aunt were.
“Are you going to miss Mondstat?” Theodore asks.
“Of course I will. Mondstat’s also my home just as much as Snezhnaya,” you state.
Theodore nods in response, satisfied with your response. “Take care of yourself,” he tells you before pulling you in for a hug. “I will miss having such a great friend by my side.”
You stiffen slightly as he does. Not from the hug, but the way Lohen’s eyes narrowed as he watched from afar. He was leaning on a pillar on one of the many docks. You hadn’t spoken to him since last night which made you nervous. You didn’t want your last interaction to be where you didn’t even say goodbye. “Awe, Theo. I’ll miss you too! I’ll write plenty of letters to you.”
“And I’ll hold you to that,” he teases.
You roll your eyes for the second time this time before your eyes fall onto Lohen. “I’m gonna say goodbye to Lohen, okay?” You tell before you walk over to Lohen without waiting for Theodore’s response.
Lohen’s gaze didn’t waver as he watched your figure get closer and closer to him.
Why was your heart suddenly racing? You’ve talked to Lohen many times, you’ve known him since you were little—it shouldn’t be hard, right?
“Not even gonna say goodbye?” You stop a few feet away from him.
Lohen only hums in response as he looks out to the sea.
Here he goes again, barely paying attention to you while you try to talk to him. Why does he do this? He did it last night and now he’s doing it again today. You felt the wave of hatred for him from last night wash over you but you try to push it away.
“Lohen,” you say, your voice coming out a little firmer than you intended. “If you don’t want to say anything, then that’s fine. Though I would prefer it if you say something.”
Lohen only looks up at you as you say your words. The tension between you two is thick and unfamiliar. In the past, even when no words were spoken between the two of you, it was never tense.
You shuffle your weight on both your feet, silently pleading, begging for a response. When he doesn’t, you sigh.
“Okay fine, goodbye Lohen.” You turn on your heel and just as you’re about to walk away, a hand stops you. You look down to see Lohen’s moved from his position, his hand on your shoulder.
“Wait,” he says, his voice quieter and softer than usual. With his non-occupied hand, he reached for something under his coat. “Here.”
You turn around to face him, pushing away the arm on your shoulder. “Hm?” You say while folding your arms.
In his hands was a small gift, wrapped in a light blue handkerchief.
“What’s this…?” You ask in suspicion as you took it from his hands.
“You’ll see when you unwrap it,” Lohen responds. “Don’t do it now though.”
“Why?”
“Just… don’t, please.”
“You’re being awfully quiet and nice today, Lohen.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles as he turns you around and pushes you to start walking. “Just go before your aunt starts pestering you,” he pauses, contemplating if he should say his next words. “Take care of yourself in Snezhnaya.”
You nod at his words, offering a small smile. “I will. Goodbye Lohen,” you say softly before walking towards the docks.
“Bye,” Lohen says though you’re already a good distance away from him.
Lohen’s eyes linger on your figure as you walk away and start boarding the ship. He watched as you said your final goodbyes to everyone. The small glance and wave you send his way doesn’t go unnoticed. He gives you a small wave in response which makes your smile grow. You were so pretty when you smiled.
The horns of the ship go off, signalling the boat’s departure. You look so pretty standing on the boat, waving goodbye to everyone before your boat travelled far enough to the point it was just another dot in the sea.
Maybe he should have been more thoughtful about his goodbye—no, it was for the better. The less emotional he was, the easier it was to let you go… right?
— —
Goodness barbatos your heart hurts. When it finally hit you that you were actually leaving Mondstat, you felt homesick. Obviously you kept it to yourself or your uncle would scold you about being so emotional. Maybe he should learn that not everyone is as stuck up as him.
You walk towards your cabin, a small square room with a bed and single nightstand. Your temporary room looked sad compared to the rooms in the infirmary wing of the Knights of Favonius. How you missed Mondstat already.
You close the door behind you and flop onto the bed. The bed let out a small creak as your weight sunk into the mattress. Great, you were gonna get tons of sleep with a creaky bed frame.
You turn your head to the side and the blue handkerchief is visible from the peripheral vision. Your curiosity takes over as you sit up in the bed and place the wrapped gift on your lap. What did Lohen give you that he didn’t want you opening in front of him?
You carefully unwrap the item from the handkerchief. As the item is revealed, your eyes widen in the slightest, breath stuck in your lungs.
There were actually two items in the handkerchief: a cecila and an earring. The cecila had been pressed in between two pieces of parchment paper. It had been dried and pressed in order to preserve the flowers. Cecilas have always been your favourite flower, its pale white petals reminded you of the snow back home.
Then there was the earring, but it wasn’t just any earring—it was one of Lohen’s earrings. Why on teyvat did he give you one of his earrings though?
Nonetheless, you smiled at the gifts as your finger gently traced Lohen’s earring. You didn’t want to touch the cecila . Maybe you’d grind it into a small pendant alongside Lohen’s earring. Making a necklace out of his gifts for you was a genius idea.
Even with the gifts he had given you, you wished Lohen showed a bit more care with your departure. Sure he wasn’t good with emotions but at least there could have been a bit more banter in it. Whatever, you were going to write to him so it’s not like that was the last time you’d talk—well it would be in terms of actual in person conversation.
A small sigh leaves your lips as you flop back onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. You wondered what would have happened if you told Lohen you liked him. No, that would be cruel. If he liked you back then you’d be dealing with long distance. Barbatos would that be annoying. Though if he rejected you, at least you’d never see him in person again for a good while. At least that saves you so much embarrassment. You’d still write to him either way and everyone else you’d promise to write too.
You close your eyes and let sleep consume you. It wasn’t even close to nighttime but you wanted rest after the day’s event. Letters and Lohen can be the next days worries.
