esoterica

25 🕯️ wouldn't you like to know

[peregrynne]

I'm Fida or TJ I like art and design and history and birds and computers and I love learning even though I'm bad at it. Lover of life but hater at heart. Chair appreciator.

@netcam my photos @ibmthinkpad computer blog

[peregrynne]

I still think it's crazy that one time when I had an extremely huge crush on this one mildly famous dancer guy like 5 years ago and then last year I found out he got married and had a kid and so I messaged him and said congrats and then he fucking started hitting on me while posting pictures of his kid on his story. And he was going bald.

[nyxscave]

Learning used to be so much fun. I'd read encyclopedias during meals when I was a kid, solve math problems bc it felt good being the only one in my class who could do it, finish fiction books in a day.

Then academic trauma happened. Being 'the smart one' suddenly meant pressure to be better, be perfect, have the grades and the test scores and the medals to prove it. And now I'm an adult and doing a master's and still feel like the dumbest, most inferior person in this uni. Studying is so painful and I get fucking hives at the 20-min mark.

I hate seeing myself as the victim of all that shit bc all the procrastination and anxiety feels like it's only my fault. But what the fuck. Why would they do that to someone who somehow enjoyed learning. Was it worth it? If I put all my success in a can and hand it to them, weight it against that person's own shame and past trauma, will I ever be normal about this again?

[mathhombre]

Just got to talk to Francis Su, literally yesterday, and he shared how in grad school he went through something really similar. Everything was hard, and there were real problems. So he had to re-examine why he was doing mathematics.

Decades of thinking about that led him to his Math for Human Flourishing message.

Quick take:

Longer take:

So I don't know about being normal, but it can be better, and this is an opportunity to pursue virtues that will make all of life better. Gratitude and community, among other things Francis meditates on. It doesn't have to be math, but it certainly can be, and math is a great path if you're drawn to it.

I hope this doesn't sound preachy. Just had to say something because someone kind took the time to talk to us yesterday about it.

[experiment41]

we are NOT bringing 4chan incel terminology to this site, take that "foid" out of your post and go wash your blog out with soap

[nobrashfestivity]

Cy Twombly, Untitled, 1967, Oil on paper, 52,7 x 57,2 cm

[peregrynne]

oo you changed your theme? this is very nice!!! 🐦💛 [sorry couldn't find an emoji with the accurate colour tone]

Yes! It's based off the work of Greek artist Alekos Fassianos!

[urgetocreate]

Sergiu Ciochina (Moldovan/French b.2001) Nights in Amsterdam#2, 2025, Oil on panel

[mlarayoukai]

[3rabbit]

milky way of lilium japonicum - flickr 2013

[peregrynne]

prayer request/good vibes request/whatever u believe in honestly request:

i'm really trying to be less mean spirited and spiteful, i've developed these thought patterns as a defense mechanism when i was younger but it's counterproductive and puts more negativity into the world that is not needed. i am trying to break out of my immediate hater impulses as it has led to me hurting others and doing things i regret that can't be undone, so please help me.

[rpfofficial]

society has genuinely moved past the need for christopher nolan

[solitarycam]

Ireland

[bgm05]

the reason usa birth rates going down is because we have a whole generation of women whose sexual awakening was Sans undertale and none of the men want to wear jorts and drink ketchup and go Er er er

[olicrosse]

[cephalopodvictorious]

fixed it

[star-thief]

[pansyfemme]

me when i FUCKING get you *image of two mourning doves cuddling*

[paperandpencilsandskips]

[oldpaintings]

The Nun of Monza, 1865 by Mosè Bianchi (Italian, 1840--1904)

[laclefdescoeurs]

Sala dell'Iliade in the Pitti Palace in Florence, Santi Corsi