and for the lady, perhaps a fking break?

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Not today Justin
i don't do bad sauce passes
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@permanately-confuzzled
and for the lady, perhaps a fking break?
I love Shane Hollander. I love how anything other than first place is repugnant to him, how a silver medal may as well be a dead rat for all he wants it. I love that any emotion that’s slightly too strong will bring him to tears and I love that he stubbornly refuses to let them fall. I love how snarky he is. I love that his vocabulary is 60% cursing and how his media persona would never betray that. I love his need to solidify himself as the unofficial face of the NHL. I love that he shoulders the responsibility of winning so entirely that every loss is a personal failure. I love that his true desires are buried so deep he barely ever even allows himself to recognise them. I love how much he loves being filled, how he craves having Ilya inside him, how he can’t let him leave without tasting him, even after he already fucked him. I love how the only time he can truly let go is when he trusts Ilya to bring him physical pleasure. I love his awkwardness and his pretty face and his freckles and his complete inability to communicate effectively. I just love Shane Hollander.
bastard sounds great in an irish accent. if an irish person calls you a 'daft bastard' it just feels right
the welsh have the monopoly on things ending in hell. fuckin hell and bloody hell hit different in a welsh accent. its like music to my ears
the scots have piss and shite for sure. "its pishin it doon out there" "this is a load of shite" absolute poetry
if i may speak for the english i think we do penis related words very well. dickhead, knobhead, twat, etc.
and for all the shit we give them, you gotta admit that no one can deliver a 'goddamn' quite like an american. theres a certain weight to it that you just cant achieve in other accents. when an american says goddamn you know shit just got real
[image ID: TikTok comment by Spedubopy: I once had a german bouncer look at my pre transition-ID and then back at me and just go "ja das ist an improvement" /end ID]
After I came out as an adult to my childhood best friend, he went back to his family and told them and then when we next spoke he said, ‘we’ve decided this is a good move for you.’
Shane doesn’t realize he looks Like That because, despite being ranked as #1 Hottest Player in the MHL and getting numerous sponsorships, he thinks “it’s not like I get treated any differently in my daily life because of my looks, people aren’t throwing themselves at me left and right, so it must not be a big deal.”
But the thing is, people DO throw themselves at Shane left and right, he just doesn’t realize it.
The Voyagers are at a club and girls are eyeing him like the last steak in a tiger enclosure, but Hayden is about to bang his head on the table because Shane is in his usual Captain mode and paying zero attention to the girls. A few of the bolder ones approach him but he’s like “Hi, can I help you?” and “oh sorry, I’m on duty right now, I can’t leave my team” and Hayden gives up, he just can’t anymore. Jackie will need to step up and find this man a girl cuz Shane ain’t gonna do it on his own.
At brunch with Rose, the waiter is checking him out hardcore and smiling flirtatiously. Rose teases him about it, and Shane is like “???? He’s just doing his job? Isn’t it his job to be friendly?”
Years later, Hayden and Rose are trading war stories of Shane being oblivious to human attraction and Ilya’s just like, *shrug* you just need to be clear and direct with him, and Rose and Hayden both stare at him like “what do you mean?”
And that’s how they learn that the way you get through to Shane about your intentions is you have to jerk off at him while looking him in the eye.
i always thought it was funny how in the lord of the rings sam and frodo head out and after awhile sam’s like “mr. frodo if i take one more step this is the farthest from the shire ive ever been” and then a ways after they meet up with merry and pippin on their daily vegetable run like jesus christ sam get out of the house once in awhile
shane always getting spoken to growing up about how he needs to be making sure he wears clothes around the house bc hes always got just a pair of underwear on and he doesnt fuckingggg want to wear those shorts mom they feel GROSS against his thighs!!!!!!! him always giving annoyed looks to grown ups that dare speak to him about this. shane rolling his eyes after years of hearing the same thing over and over and then one day hes so sick of hearing about how he doesnt even dress normally in his own home that he starts wearing "normal" clothes and hes so fucking overstimulated but whatever if hes home alone he can dress how he wants but he will dress more accordingly to when others are around.
anyways cut to shane being so ufcking comfortable around ilya that he stops wearing clothes around him other than like maybe a pair of his fav underwear at MOST and ilya is broken brained staring at shane like holy fucking shit you just are hiding this all for years and now we live together and you love being naked other than underwear???? HOW DOES HE SURVIVEEEE
.eighty-six. inspired by this post by @nightquills
I just know, after raising Shane all these years, Yuna is very in tune with the likes and dislikes of her family and always likes to pick things up when she’s out.
A blanket on sale that she knows is a texture Shane will like, sesame mochi — the only dessert Shane will eat — David’s favourite brand of chocolate covered almonds (Meiji, obviously).
And when Ilya joins their family it takes a while, but Yuna notices that he always reaches for the dried mangoes when there’s a bag open, and he eats the Miss Vickies sweet and spicy ketchup chips by the handful.
So it makes sense to her that she would pick these things up when she sees them at the store and make sure her pantry is stocked for all her boys.
Ilya only finds out when they’re over at his parents on a movie night, and Shane, rummaging around the pantry for snacks groans “at this point, you have more of Ilya’s stuff than you do mine,”
“My stuff?” He asks, completely befuddled.
“Yeah, like the ketchup chips and the dried mangoes. Your snacks take up the whole pantry.”
“My snacks,” Ilya says again flatly, still not understanding. “But you all eat these.”
“I mean sure,” Shane agrees, “but my mom buys them for you. Because you like them.”
“This is true?” Ilya turns to Yuna with wide eyes.
And Yuna smiles softly at him, maybe a little sheepishly at being called out so blatantly, and shrugs.
“I mean, yes, honey. I thought you liked those snacks?”
And Ilya gets all teary and reassures her that he loves these snacks. He’s obsessed with these snacks. They are his favourite snacks.
And he starts noticing how anytime he shows interest in something, it will start showing up regularly at the Hollander household—snacks, candy, that specific Japanese soda Ilya likes with the marble.
It becomes a running joke between them that Yuna pays more attention to what Ilya likes than what Shane does (not true but the joke makes them both pleased and sappy).
harris creates ILYA JEOPARDY for ilya’s 32nd birthday and the centaurs are hyped to see who can get more points than Shane; Bood and Ilya have been captains for years together, Troy and Ilya are best friends, Wyatt and Ilya have their own captain-goalie relationship, Luca is his mentee etc etc all the centaurs have their own thing with Ilya. “yeah Shane’s his husband but I saw him everyday for practice for years I think I’ll get some points in there”. AND the questions aren’t even that hard “what does Ilya order at osmows” “what’s his pre game ritual” “what’s his favourite city” “what’s his favourite gatorade flavour” - the centaurs keep getting the answers like 20% incorrect and shane gets to swoop in and correct them, “it’s actually a loon not a duck” “that is NOT his favourite fast and furious” “he doesn’t like blue he likes the light blue gatorade”. Ilya can’t even act nonchalant he feels insanely loved.
hollanov on separate bedrooms
jackie: yeah separate bedrooms can be a blessing! i love hayden but sometimes i need my own space
shane: ????
hayden: it’s healthy for couples to get a breather! and it makes it more romantic when we share our bed again <3 even tho you kick in your sleep babe ahah
ilya: okei….
(later, at home)
ilya: don’t you ever dare sleep in a separate bed from me i will hunt you down
shane: fuck no never — also when you kick me in your sleep i just kick you right thefuck?? like grow a pair hayd, jeez
ilya: ok i see your point but maybe hayden shouldn’t kick his wife
shane: you’re right jackie should just kick him harder
ilya: exactly! we should be marriage counsellors, solving everybodies problems ))
the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not
you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot
other assorted roles may include
retrieval team for objects in the backseat
custodian of the parking garage tickets
"All clear my way"
en-route dining concierge
announcing "Horses!" when there are horses
Don't forget the Tommy Gun
You should never forget the Tommy Gun
World Heritage Post
yuna getting really lovely, thoughtful, sometimes extravagant mothers day and birthday gifts from ilya never really understanding why hes going through all this effort even if she does appreciate it and thinks hes so so sweet for it all, even after the boys tell her and david about ilyas mother and the irina foundation it doesnt fully click for a while. it only comes together on some random day, ilya has a game later that night and he’s had lunch with yuna and david planned for a while and he shows up with the good vodka david likes and this small package of candies that ilya hands to her very shyly for the first time probably in his life, definitely since shes known him, and he explains with shaking hands that they were his mama’s favorite, and it was her birthday today.
yuna feels her heart break a little bit when he tells her that she would have been younger than her, maybe too young for how old her children are considering he had an older brother, but he thought about his mama when he was happy in the hollander home, and wanted to share his mamas favorite candy with the woman who was mama to his favorite person in the world. like they got to meet, in a way. and yuna realizes very suddenly that he does the birthdays and mothers days for both her and irina because she is the closest thing he has to a mother, and she looks at him and realizes with it that he is in some ways still 12, finding his mother, and she has never met a little boy so tall and tired when she pulls him into a hug and doesnt let go till david suggests they get inside for lunch.
I’m obsessed with the idea of Shane figuring out he can use his big beautiful doe eyes to get anything he wants.
He just widens his eyes, makes them a bit glassy and Ilya folds like a damn chair.
After a while Ilya figures out what he’s doing and screws his eyes shut to avoid looking at Shane.
Ilya: no Shane no I know what you’re doing, put your eyes away. You will not use your wicked spells on me today
Shane: Ilya will you just look at me please
Ilya always ends up looking at Shane because he can’t resist him and Shane gets his way every single darn time.