tori

incorrect peter parker

[petcrpqrker]

peter: can i swear?

bucky: sure thing

peter: f...

bucky: go on

peter: i’m nervous

[petcrpqrker]

mj: i need you to explain it like a normal person

ned: peter seems to understand

peter: *scribbling on a piece of paper*

mj: peter is drawing stick-figures

[petcrpqrker]

tony: what did you bring to the table?

peter: i think if i can join the avengers i could—

tony: no, what did you just put on my desk

peter: u mean my toad

[petcrpqrker]

idk if this will hit the right target audience but, have this hot take: taylor swift’s new (ish) song mr. perfectly fine is literally just bucky @ steve. don’t mind me sobbing in the corner.

[petcrpqrker]

peter: why are you looking at me through a fork?

mj: i’m pretending you’re in jail

peter: why?

mj: it’s spiritually self healing

[petcrpqrker]

therapist: love yourself

peter: i’m not my type

[petcrpqrker]

peter: the eagles won again

ned: you watched the game?

peter, covered in blood and scratches: what game

[petcrpqrker]

peter: *takes two free samples*

peter: i love robbery and fraud

[petcrpqrker]

harley: welcome to apple bees, would you like apples or bees?

tony: bees?

harley: HE HAS CHOSEN BEES!

peter: *comes running in holding a jar of bees*

[petcrpqrker]

mysterio: well if it isn’t peter parker

peter: but... it is me

mysterio: no— it’s an expression—

peter: your villain tricks won’t work on me

[petcrpqrker]

peter: i have an idea

mysterio, turning in fright: where did you come from?

peter, exasperated: beck, i’ve been walking next to you this entire time.

[petcrpqrker]

“it is i, thor, son of odin!”

[petcrpqrker]

peter: alright whoever ate my leftovers in the fridge come forward and all will be forgiven

harley and shuri:

peter: smart. you knew i’d never forgive you

[petcrpqrker]

ned: jellyfish have survived 600,000 years without brains

mj: a ray of hope for peter

[petcrpqrker]

peter: oh, oops

tony: pretty sure getting stabbed calls for more than an ‘oops’

[petcrpqrker]

harley: i have the sharpest memory. name one thing i’ve forgotten

peter: you left me at walmart like two weeks ago

harley: that was on purpose, try again

[petcrpqrker]

bucky: gonna be honest, i feel like you don’t like me

sam: i’ve told you multiple times that i don’t