ASOUE Characters as Jenny Nicholson Quotes
Violet Baudelaire: “The longer they are alive, the angrier they get at being alive.” Okay, same!
Klaus Baudelaire: This isn’t a genre that I usually cover, but I, too, read the sample pages on Amazon, and they were so terrible, and I thought they were so funny, that I had to read it.
Sunny Baudelaire: I was so relieved when he got to that song, because I would not have tolerated that kind of plothole in my fast-food animatronic entertainment.
Count Olaf: And the moral of that story is “Kill your Girlfriend.”
Lemony Snicket: Hey, you know in The Good Dinosaur, how the Dad Dinosaur dies and it’s, like, a freak accident just because life isn’t fair and your parents can’t be there forever? No, you don’t know that, because nobody saw The Good Dinosaur.
Arthur Poe: I’m an American, so I know that the only thing that scares Americans more than ghosts is foreign things that they don’t understand, and this is both.
Esme Squalor: We can be, like, an evil conquerer power couple, it’ll be really cute!
Olaf’s Troupe: They are like the Bebop and Rocksteady to his Shrek.
Kit Snicket: “Well, what were you doing in there?” Wearing gloves and being sad.
Jacques Snicket: His job outside of the show is a Firefighter, so even though I find him terrifying, at least he’s putting it all to good use, you know?
Beatrice Baudelaire: Loving something unconditionally doesn’t mean you love it more, just means you love it sadder.
Monty Montgomery: It’s kind of hard to convey proper nouns through hissing noises. It’s why snakes give such lousy driving directions.
Josephine Anwhistle: And then, feeling awkward, you wander into the attic, where you find the one actually scary ghost in the whole house, this terrifying ghost bride who startles you so you fall backwards out the window and then you die and become a ghost yourself. Again, universal experience.
Duncan Quagmire: So, was ending on an extended Newsies joke, like, a bad call? Cause, like, I kind of feel while it was happening that it was a bad call, but I couldn’t stop myself.
Isadora Quagmire: We’re trapped and we have to listen to “Shake It Off” now, as punishment, until they come and get us.
Quigley Quagmire: “If you don’t follow the steps properly you will die. Do not play this game at all, you will die.” Well, I’m sold!
Carmelita Spats: I really wish real artists’ songs were uncomfortably autobiographical to this degree.
Fiona Widdershins: I usually don’t take suggestions, but, um, they’re usually not good.
Friday Caliban: “What’ll you do up here?” I will wear evening gowns and sing about my freedom!
BONUS Ellington Feint: There’s that moment Thanos has hold of Gamora, and Gamora’s like “Peter, shoot me!” and Peter’s like “I don’t wanna shoot you!” and Thanos is, like, mocking him, like “Yeah, do it, Peter, shoot her, shoot her!” and it’s just like every time I bring a boy home to meet my parents.