{[she/they]} (19) This is a personal account, if you're looking for just paleoart follow my gallery: PPaleoartist Gallery Here you will find ramblings about cute girls, my oc's, and my worldbuilding projects Linktree
Welcome to my personal blog, here you will find exactly what the description says, i might make separate blogs for my worldbuilding projects in the future, but here all stuff like oc art, personal art, and ramblings will definitely stay.
Basically this is just a filtered feed of my brain.
here's a recent piece i was commissioned to illustrate by @/sophiesaurus98.bsky.social, it's of her fictional iguanian the Crown-of-Thorns Dragon which was designed by @/ddinodan
the paper which described this animal made some very bold claims about its anatomy and phylogenetic position. others have questioned these interpretations after looking at the scans used. as always more research is needed
to celebrate Sir David Attenborough's 100th birthday and mother's day, i decided to draw Materpiscis attenboroughi aka Attenborough's mother fish
this fish has a very special connection to my heart not only for its association with Attenborough but also because it's from Gogo which i also love dearly as a person living in WA interested in Palaeontology, and i will continue to thank Attenborough for bringing attention to it
this week we drew Epidexipteryx (mine is a juvenile being chased by a Pterorhynchus), Witwatia, Ceratosuchus (the bird behind it is Diatryma), and Prognathodon (mine has caught a young Archelon)
his week's #Paleostream flocking was themed around the Walking With series of palaeontology documentaries to honour the last Ben Bartlett who passed yesterday
we sketched Ornithocheirus, Brontoscorpio, Liopleurodon, and Koolasuchus
today was my birthday. (jotting some thoughts below):
i was born today and i always feel conflicted about it. i dont celebrate it, but i want to!
it just doesnt feel right to when i cant look in the mirror and see myself, when i cant sit down and feel at home in my own skin, when i cant make art without seeing all of its imperfections, when i cant do anything without wondering how i could do it better. what if i was the person people in my life have been telling me im meant to be, instead of who i am now?
im not the only one who feels this way either, it's a constant fight with both my mind and body, like chronic pain but of emotion and identity.
it's like i have impostor syndrome but from comparing myself to that person people think i am, "why me? do i deserve to be me? why couldnt i be someone else?"
at times like these i think about how small i am in the grand scheme of it all. where others would find themselves slipping further into dread, i find comfort in how small i am. i find comfort in knowing that even though im so small, im a one in a septillion chance, there will be nobody else like me! sure, ive been told all my life i should be someone else, but that shouldnt mean anything to me! im the one experiencing this after all! i never asked to be born, nobody does.
and yet, i still feel this resentment to the 17th of april, i feel this guilt for not celebrating, this guilt for not being as excited as seemingly everyone but myself.
ive talked to therapists about this before, and my relationship with this date has definitely improved and continued to, but i still wonder when it will ever feel right again to indulge myself in celebrating my existence, that's a future me problem though.
to anyone else who feels this way, you are seen, you are loved, and you are more important than you give yourself credit for.
if you have to take away anything from this, remember we only have one life, it should be enjoyable even if we have to work for it. put in the energy to help yourself, live a good happy life, and reach other people with your kindness, indulge my request a little wont you?