[wakingfromthewater]

Still thinking about this mobile game ad I got. You will f**k increasingly large creatures.

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

[warpsbyherself]

It is truly mind boggling that they can have an entire ad about extreme monsterfucking but cannot actually type out the word fuck

[talesfromtreatment]

I... I don't think the patient's weight got entered correctly. Just a hunch

[wimpud]

please, my dog, he is sick

[talesfromtreatment]

Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard

[awaggaa]

[my-life-is-a-sidequest]

A Horse power being only 735 watt is honestly so weird like that's not even enough to run a modern game on decent seatings

[pseudomasochist]

You wanna know what's fucked?

Your brain is a 25-watt computer.

Brain is 25% of your energy consumption, you burn about 100 watts of power (about 100 joules per second). You're a 25-watt computer.

[my-life-is-a-sidequest]

I don't like that fact

[pseudomasochist]

No but for real. Your brain is one of the most advanced machines known to exist. It's a computer capable of running a sapient intelligence on - and I cannot stress this enough - 25 watts of broccoli and stew. What the fuck.

[my-life-is-a-sidequest]

It's a cool fact it just makes me uncomfortable

[virtualgirladvance]

so an average toaster runs at about 1200 watts, say it takes 5 min to toast bread thats 0.1Kwh. itd take 4 hours of brain power to toast it

[my-life-is-a-sidequest]

Just connect multiple humans together matrix style

[virtualgirladvance]

in the woods amongst my coven, 48 all in total, linking hands deep in concentration. our collective will united on our task of great importance for what feels like days but in reality scarce but a few minutes. in the centre of us lays a single slice of toast cooked to perfection

[guardianspirits13]

aro(sp)ace

[baddywronglegs]

Do you think Michael Crichton had a deep-seated hatred of theme parks because he was too tall for all the rides?

[wanderer-chronicles]

Yes.

[tumblr] is a flat circle.

[baddywronglegs]

Damn, it sure is huh

[zetabrarian]

We should do this more on this website.

Person 1: -posts-

Person 2: -pulls out the historical documents-

[baddywronglegs]

I have been brought before the scriptures and my heresies found canonical.

I accept the judgement "unoriginal" and "should have looked it up first" but, in my inadequate defence, Tumblr's search function does fucking suck.

[zeemczed]

Defense found perfectly cromulent. Let Baddywronglegs free, and let no mark be against said blog.

[fozmeadows]

"I have been brought before the scriptures and my heresies found canonical" is an all-time banger line.

[arctic-hands]

When I was a teenager and still on Neopets I was part of a pretty big Star Trek guild and eventually became part of its council, with the solemn duty of creating weekly polls. Well one day I created the poll "Which would win in a fight? Borg Cube or Death Star?". Naturally, since this was a Star Trek guild, the answer was overwhelmingly "Borg Cube", but someone did have the rationality to point out we were biased.

So I look up a pretty prominent Star Wars guild and message one of their council and ask them to poll the same question and get back to me in a week. They do, and naturally the fuckin geeks said "Death Star".

So then I look up a Stargate guild and messaged the lead council member, saying the same thing, and they get back to me almost immediately saying that the Death Star would immediately one-shot a Borg Cube but they would never be able to do it again to another Cube. And I took that wisdom back to my guild and we were mollified, and for one moment the Nerd World was peaceful.

[evilsoup]

[gilliagandy]

Truly thrilled to finally find this post on my dash.

[wizardshark]

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

[saspitite]

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME

BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

PANSEXUALS GROW FROM THE CEILING

[kaijuno]

[yossyislandd]

[manlymothman]

[oneheadtoanother]

[oysters-aint-for-me]

please do yourself a favor & watch this rock climbing–themed drag king/burlesque performance set to “roxanne” by the police with all the lyrics but “rox” edited out

via @edithwigglesandgiggles on instagram

[cleo-fox]

Writing tips:

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets

[maple-seed]

Both options convey that he's horny

[cleo-fox]

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post

[foone]

The three types of kink are

* you have power

* you're safe

* feet

[foone]

this is a shitpost but I think it's not THAT wrong. Most kink is either one of (or a combination of):

You get to play at having power over someone else. This is your dominance sorts of things, your sadisms, etc.

You get to play safely. You can play with scary things while knowing there's safewords and a dom/top who loves you.

Feet. By which I mean, there's some normal part of the human experience that your brain has for some reason fixated on. Maybe you're into red hair, or glasses, or fluffy tails.

[foone]

"safety" can also present as "useful". You have some intrinsic value that cannot be taken from you (because of some sex/kink thing). The safety is from abandonment, because you're useful, despite everything. And "useful" is a bunch of kinks (none of which I'm comfortable mentioning here).

[sleepydogdisease]

oh no, animal ears are feet

[foone]

yeah. cat ears are feet!

[mere-technicality]

can someone turn this into the calvin's dad dialogue

[foone]

oh god, this is so obviously calvin's dad dialogue that now I'm worried that I plagiarized it without realizing it

[madigail]

the two types of tumblr post are calvin's dad and rule 34. all posts fall into one of these two categories. despite being kink-related, this post is actually calvin's dad.

[raccoonmilf]

When I was in grade school I used to send emails to biologists and zoologists asking them questions to get answers to include in school projects I was working on, and would cry when they did not respond because I thought I was stupid for thinking that some random kid would ever be deserving of a response from someone who does something as smart and cool and important as *checks notes* studies frog fungus.

Now, at 29, I’m lowkey having a panic attack because my academic email is filled with middle schoolers wanting me to answer their questions about pygmy raccoons and I keep putting off answering them because I’m so overwhelmed with all the other raccoon stuff I have to do.

Anyway, greatest apologies to any scientist I ever emailed as a child and also an adult.

[raccoonmilf]

I know your research is really important and I appreciate all you are doing but this is so fucking funny

[crowboy-bebop]

unauthorized fucking thing!!!!!!

(warning: loud chirping throughout)

source: hellgate osprey cam

[curlicuecal]

[elexecution]

they need to invent the opposite of an nda called an fda where u have to tell everyone everything

[ilovedirt]

subpoena

[virtualgirladvance]

tumblr

[earhartsease]

alcohol

[beltsquid]

war thunder forums

[fangorn-forest]

masculine energy this feminine energy that. well i’m out of energy

[batbetbitbotbut]

need me some of this "renewable energy" I keep hearing about

[furo-contra-machina]

Am reading PHM after seeing and loving the film and I'm realizing that it is an academic's fantasy of getting kidnapped into your dream job with, oh no, all the resources and funding and exciting important space adventures! It's like fifty shades for asexual researchers