I am a bit heartbroken. It is not a lot and it is not a little, but it is enough to wallow in. It has been almost a week, but still I catch myself in heavy sighs and cannot bring myself to be enthusiastic about any competition, let alone sports. I can't think about the game or the specific plays anymore - that became exhausting after the first day or two. Instead, I think only about the unfortunate reality that set in after all of that potential just vanished in one unexpected loss. It's like a bad breakup you never saw coming. The alternate possibilities you can think about forever.
The night the number one ranked UCLA women's soccer team lost to Virginia in the NCAA Elite 8 was a somber one. This team was poised to defend their national title with some degree of confidence. They hadn't lost all season, had given up only four goals and looked to be peaking at the right time. A win against Virginia and the expectation for that championship would have been near absolute. The roster fielded, with nine starting seniors, was also arguably one of the best UCLA has ever seen. To not even make the Final Four was a blow that has yet to stop reverberating.
It was a season-ender, and a college career-ender for those nine seniors, which came too soon. No trip to the national stage just seemed unfair. But alas, that chance would not come and it was strictly unbelievable. The crowd that showed up at Drake that night was shocked into silence when the clock ran out (apart from the cheers coming from those in orange) and no one knew what to do or say exactly. Most teams and fans, even if they do not consciously acknowledge it, have a mechanism for bracing for losses. That was not the case here.
After the game, the UCLA bench was silent except for the tears that you knew would come. As I made my way through the UCLA camp, there were a lot of hugs and back pats and a lot of those looks that carry that feeling there are no words for. The media and press stood around for minute after painful minute waiting for interviews and reactions, but no one wanted to interrupt the scene with noise or conversation, or even movement. It just seemed out of place. Everything was out of place.
Eventually, someone did move or speak and the moment was broken. Head Coach Amanda Cromwell did give an interview and you thought what a wretched thing to have to do. Standing just off camera was UCLA women's basketball head coach and Amanda's longtime friend, Cori Close. If nothing else moved you that night, watching Coach Close stand alone in the cold night to support Amanda as she answered questions about the team's loss was enough to do it. Heartbreaking and beautiful. In the midst of it all, there was a lot of love that night, too.
The fans filtered out of the stands. The players reunited with their families and friends. The staff packed up the gear. And the coaches were the last to make their way out of the stadium. No one wanted to go, but there was no choice. It was really over. The lights went dark on the scoreboard. The equipment crew took down the nets and the corner flags. All of that which was supposed to be celebration was now an empty field, a quiet stage. That would be all for the Bruins this season.
Now we sit at home and watch the Twitter feed roll by with conversations we know would have been about this team. We debate whether we will actually bring ourselves to watch the Final Four this weekend. We try to insulate ourselves from any further talk of the subject. We go get lost. We sigh and sigh and sigh. Still unbelievable.
There is so much that goes into a championship season, that was learned last year. This year we learned how much goes into a non-championship season. The difference between the two is damn close and that is the killer. Close became far with each second that ticked off the clock until the goal was out of reach for good. You wanted it for these girls and this staff and that program. Because they were great, yes, one of the best, but because it seemed like the only appropriate ending for all that went into the making of a great season.
And it was a great season, undeniably so, but my heart still hurts and that is just the supporters' blues. Next year is a ways off, too far to think about now, though we know we will come around eventually. The team will be exciting again and out to prove their place among the best in the nation. This one will just take some time, but we've got plenty of that.
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