I'd learned to take rest when I could get it, and to wake up on my own terms.
My surroundings were comfortable and familiar. I could feel the pile of plushes against my arm. Definitely my bed, in my hab.
It was pretty quiet.
I heard the sounds of people walking and talking outside.
I heard the sound of terran breathing.
There was someone in my room.
This should've made me panic, yet every time an anxious thought formed, it quickly melted into nothing.
A soft, gentle whisper broke the silence.
"Hey. I'm almost done with your vitals. I understand you might be overwhelmed, so just tap twice if you want me to leave you be. They'll check up on you in an hour if you want."
She sounded nice. But, she was also another terran in my room! Someone I've never met before! Oh stars, oh stars, oh stars, I'm not safe anymore, I'm not -
My brain slowed down even more, thankfully cutting off the anxiety loop before it got worse.
I decided to be polite, and open my eyes. I sat up, and the motion felt much more fluid than I was expecting.
The visitor was unusual for a human.
She sat in a chair a few feet away from me, with a pen and clipboard in her lap.
Rather than the usual bright, comfortable clothes most sophonts wore, her outfit was neat and black under a clean white lab coat. Long, platinum blond hair was tied into a tight bun.
Her demeanor was intelligent, but kind. I wasn't used to this.
Not long after I joined the Kompania, I tried making friends with other independents. They always felt desperate, bitter, or scarred in some unknown ways. (This included me, of course.)
This terran was nothing like that.
She was looking at me. Patiently, but expectantly.
I forced myself to speak.
"O,oh, uhm. You're good, I think?"
Her expression shifted into a concerned smile as she looked me over.
I avoided meeting her gaze. She might've been a kind terran, but I still... felt vulnerable, interacting with her.
"Well, you certainly don't look any flavor of sick... How do you feel, Esther?"
"Mmm, mostly just, out of it? Everything's all floaty.... Class-Es, right?"
"Well, someone knows their stuff!"
She giggled in an interesting way. Almost Affini-like.
"Hey, answer a few questions for me and I'll be out of your hair, okay? I know new people can be scary, but I gotta do my part, alright?"
Her hand softly brushed the fabric on the bed, enough distance away to make sure i didn't get uncomfortable. I appreciated the amount of care she was putting into this.
I nodded, still feeling somewhat skittish.
"Okay, first things first. How are your senses? Can you feel everything, no weird brain fog?"
I moved around slightly, rotating my head, poking myself in the arm. The usual things I'd do in this scenario.
"I mean, I've got the usual slower thoughts from the drugs, but everything else seems fine, I think?"
Her pen clicked twice.
"Good! Good, okay, that's a good start!" She furiously scribbled something on her clipboard.
"Okay, question two! Can you tell me what year it is?"
"Oh, uh, 2555, right?"
At some point, I'd started hugging one of my plushes, a large corduroy shark. I would've been embarrassed by this, had the Class-Es not flooded my system.
Her pen clicked twice, again.
"Good! Hey, you're doing great. Are you okay to answer a few more for me?"
I nodded, a bit more eagerly now.
"Yeah, uhm. Sure!"
"Okay. Question three. This might be a tough one. What's the last thing you remember?"
It took a moment to recall the memory, and a further moment to put it into comprehensible words.
"I was... in an elevator. Yeah. Elevator. I messed something up, and I was freaking out, I think."
Two pen clicks.
"Good! Yes, you were found in an elevator."
Now her tone was very matter-of-fact.
"Let's not think too hard about the bad details, just in case. Where... were you coming from?"
"Oh, Miss- uhm. Falonia Albnis's home, I was there to work for her, and I uh. Yeah."
I started nervously shifting. Something was bugging me, right at the edge of my consciousness. (And it gave me the opportunity to change the subject.)
"Wh-why do you keep clicking your pen like that?"
"Oh! O-oh, that's, uhm--"
Her face visibly flushed.
"S-sorry, that's instinct! I work a lot with florets, and I guess it just kind of becomes habit after a while. I can stop, if you'd like?"
I was a bit confused by this. Was it one of those clicker training things I'd heard about?
My visitor was noticeably embarrassed, so I didn't push any more.
"No, I don't mind it? Was just curious."
"Yeah! No, totally fair. Good er... instinct? Anyways, uhm... Last question!"
"Do you need anyone to stay with you, or someone to talk to immediately? Maybe another dose of class-E's for the anxiety?"
I froze up slightly, trying to word my thoughts. On one hand, company was nice, on the other, I couldn't allow myself to get too comfortable again.
"N,no I should be ok. Thank you though!"
"Okay. I trust you."
Her tone became playful, like the sound of jingling bells.
The visitor got up, and gave me a small wave, before finally introducing herself.
"My name is Dr. Mana Pōkole. It was a pleasure to meet you, Esther."
It took effort, but I made eye contact with her for the first time since we met.
"Y-yeah, it was nice to meet you too!!"
She smiled again, almost looking relieved, before turning and heading out the door.
Just before she closed it, she poked her head in one more time.
"Ah, almost forgot! Someone's still going to check up on you in about an hour! Take care of yourself, and don't forget to drink some water!"
The door shut, and my home became quiet. My thoughts grew loud again.
I knew who they were sending. I wasn't ready for this. Usually I had more time to prepare before a session. I wasn't ready.
-------
One Week after being rescued.
I'd never had a therapist before.
I'd never seen a giant covered in 6-inch long thorns.
Furthermore, I'd also never cried in the lap of a 20 foot, cactus-based health professional.
Today was full of firsts.
I wasn't being stabbed (she was able retract her thorns), but I wasn't quite comfortable either.
Hilden's voice was rich and sweet with a musical quality audible, even in these delicate hushed tones.
"These are dangerous, complex memories for a sophont. You'll be much happier with them removed, Esther."
I wiped away hot tears and I shook my head.
"No no no no. I-I can't, it's too important. I'm the only one who remembers them, y'know? If I forget, they're gone forever, and I can't let that happen, I just can't."
"You also cannot keep living like this, petal. You're not eating, you're being rude to other sophonts, you're forgetting your medication. This is unacceptable."
The tears were streaming again. Maybe they never stopped.
"I,I know. It's bad. I need to fix it, but that's not how I want to fix it."
"If these behaviors continue, you may not have the choice for long. Multiple Affini have expressed interest in you, and under emergency circumstances,"
"N,n,no, please, not yet. When I'm ready, but not yet, please, I don't want it yet."
I was fully sobbing now.
She let out a sigh, and ruffled my hair.
"Then what should we do with you, Esther?"
I was silent for a while. Hilden waited patiently for my response, all the while giving me calming pets and scritches.
I finally negotiated with myself enough to find some semblance of an answer.
"The forgetting thing..
...Can it be temporary?"
-------
Thank you for reading!
The Kompania ship setting was created by Zoapie_621 and Ms0tterly over on Ao3, and we really appreciate them not only letting us use it, but also answering all of our annoying questions. Go read their stuff!!
