i feel like there's a trend i'm seeing, esp in online queer spaces, of being, like, oddly against the idea of people being attracted to each other
like I've been seeing the word āsexualizationā tossed around to mean sexual attraction and framed as a bad and disrespectful, bordering on nonconsensual, thing.
recently in a sapphic group Iām in, a teenage lesbian mentioned that sheās attracted to her friend and and keeps getting distracted by her boobs. she was immediately dragged by dozens of grown ass adults telling her this was gross and inappropriate
it would have been one thing to tell her not to stare (she already wasnāt tho tbh), but the general gist of the comments was that seeing someoneās body and feeling attraction is *inherently* inappropriate and unethical
itās totally fine to be attracted to someone. and you know what, a lot of people like boobs and thatās also fine
basically i just keep seeing stuff cropping up in the queer community with the message that sexual (and i guess now romantic?) desire is bad
and thatās uhhh whatās the word, fucked
on the other hand people are chill with tinder and hooking up and there are a ton of ānormalize having sex with your friends!!ā posts
people are cool with sex but they are not ok with desire
tinder, i think, feels fine because itās really not about attraction. itās about fulfilling a general need for sex and isnāt about the person at all.
being attracted to someone, though ā looking at or thinking about a specific person whoās already in your life and wanting to have sex with them ā thatās what it seems a lot of people arenāt ok with
thereās a level on which i get it. the person is just existing, they didnāt specifically and intentionally put themselves in a space for sexuality like tinder
this is how attraction works. you spend time with people, you do things alongside them, you get to know them⦠and maybe you start thinking theyāre hot. maybe you want to fuck them or kiss them. this is literally so totally fucking fine.
the thing thatās disrespectful is when you actually do shitty stuff! donāt say vulgar things to them. respect their boundaries. donāt make them uncomfortable. if you approach them for sex or dating and they say no, accept that. etc
but thereās literally nothing wrong with wanting to fuck someone or wanting to date someone.