Me, Myself & I

I want to be better. 19 || Leo || INTJ || 8w7 || she/her || demisexual

[pukicho]

This you?

YUP

[singswan-springswan]

In a happy world where Jason is legally resurrected and gets to go to college like he's always dreamed of

[finalgirlabigailhobbs]

collection of clark, bruce, and what they think of each other’s voice

[plantanarchist]

SO THIS IS HOW I FOUND OUT TRISHA PAYTAS IS IN LABOR

[ladyvader23]

the queen's death is my fault

so I posted that tumblr meme about king arthur coming back and claiming the throne after the queen dies and then LITERALLY MINUTES LATER THEY ANNOUNCE SHES DEAD AND I COME BACK TO THESE MESSAGES

I KILLED THE QUEEN WITH MEMES WHAT THE FUCK

My boss after I explain why I'm wheezing: Could you post some memes about other politicians, too?

[nicostiel]

#ready the crabs

[marxistgnome]

Hey guys accidentally destroyed a painting of this decrepit woman in the attic of Buckingham Palace lol .did anything happen while i was gone

[moonachilles]

Jane Austen really said ‘I respect the “I can fix him” movement but that’s just not me. He’ll fix himself if knows what’s good for him’ and that’s why her works are still calling the shots today.

[nitewrighter]

Meanwhile Emily Brönte just said “We can make each other worse.” 

[theonlycabbage]

Mary Shelley said, "I can make him

[nightwingslittlewing-deactivate]

is it just me but i absolutely hate it when people refer to nightwing as "batman's greatest success" and when they refer to red hood as "batman's greatest failure"

like stfu :))

[strongermonster]

i’m taking the management/hr end of a health and safety course purely so i can gain insight into their demented little thought processes when i’m fighting against them, and it’s the most soul-sucking/crushing thing i’ve read recently. 

the entire thing is worded juuust evenly enough to pass any legal obligation, but is still very much a “put the business first or else” type deal. all the little hypotheticals are like “sally is sick today! sally has been sick a lot lately. it is hurting production. you eavesdropped on employees in the breakroom without their knowledge and one said sally was depressed! depression isn’t real and we don’t have to pay for that. confront sally directly and tell her to get her shit together or else! :)” 

genuinely what has to be wrong with you to be a part of this and enforce it

[edjectedly]

Now, what exactly happened when Dick first came to live with Bruce in this AU?

Disclaimer: Canon is stupid and I don't respect it

First <<Prev Next>>

Dick: did you take me in cause you’re lonely?

Bruce: ….no

Dick: it’s not polite to lie

~~~~~~~

Bruce: I don’t think I can let a child fight crime

Dick: *looks like he’s going to cry*

Bruce: okaynodon’tdothatyoucanfightalittlecrime

Dick: you’re the best! *leaves to make a costume*

Bruce: …. Alfred he said I’m the best

~~~~~~~

Bruce: don’t play with that, I’m taking it away from you

Dick: I’ll tell Alfred on you *clutches onto Bruce’s cape*

Bruce: … what

Dick: I’ll do it

Bruce:

Dick:

Bruce:

Dick: ALFR-

Bruce: *puts his hand over Dick’s mouth* fine fine fine

~~~~~~~

Dick: Bruce I had a nightmare

Bruce: that’s… not good

Dick: *frowns*

Bruce: do you want to go…. ride in the Batmobile?

Dick: yes!

~Bonus~

Dick: Bruce Bruce Bruce Bruce where’s Alfred

Bruce: he went to visit England, remember?

Dick: oh yeah well I’m hungry

Bruce: …. I can make you food

Dick: okay!

~~~~~~~

Bruce: what do we tell Alfred *horrified*

Dick: *shrugs* that sounds like a you problem

Bruce: hnn

Dick: alrighttttt say I didn’t know you can’t put water on grease fires

Bruce: …. okay….. thankyou

Dick: anytime B man

~~~

If y'all wanna send me ideas for this please do!

[ms-musers]

Dick: “Everyone meet my baby brother.”

Jason [literally a 6’0” tall absolute monster of a man who has guns strapped to his thighs, standing in front of several unconscious men]: *waves*

Kori: “baby?”

Roy “I’m already in love” Harper: “baby”

Based on this tweet:

[crispykodraws]

The hairdresser was banished

[edjectedly]

How Jason Todd Should Have Been Introduced to the BatFam

First Next>>

Batman, frantically putting in numbers and calling someone.

Batman: pickuppickuppickup

Dick Grayson, who just got got in bed after a long patrol, groaning.

Dick: Hello? Bruce, what's going on?

Bruce: Dick I need you to come home right now

Dick: what's going on, is everything okay?

Bruce: yes, I just need you to come home

Dick: .... B I can't just come home I have work at the gym tomorrow and-

Jason, in the background: Holy fuck is that a dinosaur?!

Dick: was that a fucking child???

Bruce: ...

Dick: ...

Bruce: ...

Dick: ....

Bruce: yes

Dick, rushing out of bed, knowing good and well Alfred is on vacation and there is no way B can be alone with a new child: what happened?

Bruce: hestolethetiresofftheBatmobile

Dick: ... That doesn't mean you can kidnap him!!

Bruce: I couldn't leave him. He was hungry. We got burgers.

Dick: oh my god, okay, I'm on my way, have you called Alfred?

Bruce: ...no

Dick, rushing down the stairs to his car: Bruce I swear to God you have to tell Alfred

Bruce: what if he's mad at me

Dick: holy child abduction Batman, you have to tell Alfred before he gets back. I'm not dealing with that.

Bruce: ...okay

Dick: okay, I'll be there in an hour, don't let the kid die before I get there. How's he doing?

Bruce: .... I don't see him anymore

Dick: you don't- Bruce!

Bruce: gottogoseeyouwhenyougethere *hangs up*

Dick: he fucking hung up on me- *deep breath* it's fine, I'll be there in an hour, it'll be fine. He watched me all the time growing up, it'll be fine....

Dick: *remembering all the times he and Bruce sat things on fire because Alfred wasn't there*

Dick: ...fuck

Bonus:

Dick: so you stole the tires off the Batmobile?

Jason: yeah, what about it

Dick: I believe this is the start of a beautiful brotherhood

Bruce: oh no

~

After seeing how popular this is I've decided to make this a whole AU, please stand by lmao

[eggmacguffin]

Tim Drake is so fun to write. SO MUCH FUN. He's so smart that he's an idiot. He's a high school dropout (respect). He's a majority shareholder (disgust). His code of ethics consists entirely of a bulleted list written on a sticky note by Batman and handed to him when he was 12 years old. He grows up to be evil in a genuinely concerning number of timelines. He is a baldfaced liar and never tells anyone anything ever just in case it might give him an upper hand later. He periodically loses his mind. He is the personification of "Boy Genius" said sarcastically.

[lantaniel]

had this vision of Batman full-naming his kids, but he has to preserve the secret identities

[incorrectgothamcity]

Jason: If a dead ancestor doesn’t appear in the sky to stop me, it can’t be that bad of a decision

[fallenangelvictorious]

Tim: if Jason doesn’t appear out of nowhere to encourage me, it can’t be that bad of a decision