idontknowwhatimdoinghere

isn’t it obvious

[pinknecko]

You're not a child anymore.

How does that statement make you feel? It makes me a little angry, some sad, and a lot anxious. Maybe even defeated, and let me tell you why. I’m angry because I have a thing with my dad, who was the first person outside of myself to tell me this. I only told myself this in the context of not wanting to be a child anymore, and saying it complementarily: I am a grown up! Or, I want to be a grown…

[pinknecko]

Hi. I am growing. The process is nothing short of magnificent. I am in love.

[pinknecko]

Growing Pains

Typically on Friday evenings, I go to a workout dance class. I’ve been going for the last two months, and have been extremely consistent with the gym – despite waking up on mornings and wanting nothing more than to lay in my bed, with not seeing any progress, with having crushing anxiety…that with the fasting from Lent, as well as being a senior in college: I have just found myself exhausted in…

[pinknecko]

Let That Wound Heal

I constantly pick at my skin because I cannot handle change. For as much of it I ask for, I do not allow myself to enter a state of complete healing, and regeneration. I must interfere with the process, never letting it flow. Never letting it finish. It is just so satisfying to interfere with the process. I think I can do it better than my skin can. Than my body can. Than my Goddess, can. I…

Let That Wound Heal

[pinknecko]

Don't Be Afraid to Pour Your Energy Back Into Yourself.

Old article to me, new to you. Don't be afraid to pour into yourself! With love, Kokoe.

Below is an article that describes my experience being back in school for the Fall 2023 semester at Emory University. The previous semester, I prioritized my wellness and got all A’s! This time, I planned to give a little less energy to school in general, and to just have a good time. But Fall semester had for me more in store. I ended up having to prioritize my wellness not by choice, but by…

[pinknecko]

African Identity Construction within African American Culture: How Ethnicity-Essentialism Plays a Part in Identity Practices to Index Identity and Femininity

Kokoe Kangnigan. Word Count: 7599 This finna be on some Americanah shit. The following paper takes a western methodical approach (i.e. scientific method) mixed with a personal essay/article approach to explore the ways in which West Africans (those lineages more likely to be affected by transatlantic slavery), either born in America or in their African country and spent formative years in…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]

Why Should I Stay Alive?

An Update to the "What Am I Alive For" Anthology....

In my early 20’s, the desperation to get out is really starting to hit. I turned 22 in September. 3 months later, the difference from 21 is something I am starting to feel. The growth of it. Winter has always been a tough time for me, but this winter, and all of 2023, has put my strength, and honestly my will to live, to the test. I went back to school for the first time in 2 years this year. I…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]

Aren't we limitless?"

I wrote a poem about my dad, in 3 parts - the beginning, the past, and the present. This one is available to just my subscribers only, so subscribe on Wordpress, and you can get an email whenever I publish something new, too. Thank you for reading!

My father didn’t protect me – emotionally. But I think he’s told himself that he’s done his best. And maybe that was his limit. But If he really did do his best and was a good dad like he said his peace with his parenting gives him a pass to perceive an upbringing as perfect, and it makes me nervous. i’ll have to put my memories to the test. maybe I got it wrong? Because I’ve had to…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]

My Body; Who Do I Owe A Flat Belly?

I did a social field study today 🤭

The midsection is one of the most scrutinized parts of a body in western society. People go to dangerous lengths to achieve a certain standard, certain proportions, all to avoid social retribution. As a Black woman, the current standard under Black hegemonic masculinity in a heteronormative culture is to have a fat ass, and somehow, a flat stomach. Too little of us meet this standard naturally…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]

When My Friends Leave

A poem about responsibility and the transition into adulthood When my friends leave, I am burdened with the responsibility of being alone. When my friends leave, I don’t necessarily have to go home. I can go around town and have to tell nobody. I can sit at the coffee shop and have to answer to nobody. I can study quietyly or I can shout out loud. It’s all, all up to me. I can even…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]

Gracing Through Grief - A 7-Step Breakup Guide

If you’re going through a breakup or a grieving process of any kind, here are some tips that are sure to help on your healing journey. Remember, take it one day at a time, and time will heal all. Listen to A LOT of music – Music is so beautiful. The sonics carry waves that somehow represent all of what you’re feeling. I didn’t want to listen to sad music at first as to avoid falling into a…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]

How Semantics Defines Humbleness and How Ego Defies It.

Humbleness is a specious thing. It’s seen as one thing, but it’s actually another. The less ego you have or seem to have, the more “humble” you are or seem to be. So, how is humbleness portrayed, and how can we make our own personal walk to what (I believe) humbleness actually is? Before my current experiences with humility, which I will talk about later, the word “humble” brought up 2 things…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]

The 21st Goddess Year. Cycles - My Energy Is So Worthy. And Yours is, too.

Rolandesperspective is back and better than ever :)

My birthday is in exactly 1 month from 3 days ago, and my 21st cycle around the Sun is coming to an end. When I turned 21, I made a vow to myself to become a Goddess: to embody being a goddess, to demand that I be treated as one, and to learn any lessons necessary that stood in my way of becoming one. I just wanted to go deeper in my relationships with others, myself, and God, really. As I go…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]

Throat Lozenge - Poem

I wrote this poem after getting out of a connection with someone who made me feel free, but also made me feel stifled. Now, both of these reactions could be attributed to choice, and they can both be attributed to me. I allowed myself to feel free in some regards, such as expression of certain thoughts, and sexual acts, that I was confident in my experience of knowing. When it came to being more…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]

Don’t Let the Sorrows of Yesterday or Today Bleed into Tomorrow.

This post is about seasonal depression and letting your past trauma make the decisions for your future. Discipline as self love, all the things… Seasonal depression is challenging. The days get shorter, that path to your goals become murkier, and the motivation to keep going drops. If you have one, you begin to wonder why your “why” is so important anyway. This post is to urge you to keep…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]

Allowance

Written May 2022 For someone. As bad as I want to, I can’t ‘get rid’ of the thoughts of the habit, of the path that my nervous system takes to tell me to have it, to do what is familiar, that floods my consciousness with “new is peculiar,” kill yourself instead. Everything is changing. All that’s left is for me to change too. To take control by unfolding, unholding, & letting go. I forget that…

View On WordPress

[pinknecko]