In which ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ Fushiguro Megumi ་༘࿐ , accidentally falls in love with you, and a life he can’t have.
— bittersweet/angst (pt.2) situationship!megumi —> pt. 1
It had been two weeks since you last saw Megumi, the absence felt real — too damn loud. You didn’t mean to, but considering it had become a routine, you got used to his presence, every week, for the past eight months.
You waited for him at the bus stop, heart beating slightly faster than usual, feet tapping anxiously against the pavement. Since you had texted him you wondered endlessly what he so desperately feared, what was so bad that he wouldn’t just tell you. But still, you promised not to push.
The moment you saw him getting off the bus a bright smile instantly met your face — that same smile that inevitably warmed his chest. He came up to you, gaze low, ashamed to meet your eyes properly.
“Hey,” he uttered, a soft smile tugging at his lips the moment he saw yours, his green eyes softening at the sight.
You were fighting the urge to wrap your arms around him and pull him into a tight hug, but you stopped yourself, arms resting awkwardly at your sides.
Somehow, as if he could read your mind — he pulled you close. One arm wrapping around your shoulder as the other held the back of your head close to his chest. A little abrupt yet gentle.
The moment had absolutely caught you off guard. For some seconds no words would come out, your arms pressed against his chest, eyes wide in surprise. You could even hear the rapid thumping of his heart against his chest.
Still, it didn’t take long before you wrapped your arms around him, settling into the warmth and comfort of the embrace.
It was unexpected — hell, even to him it was. There was something about you that made him act in ways he never allowed himself. Being this close to someone seemed forbidden to him. Wanting someone felt wrong. Yet ever since he met you, it was all he ever yearned for.
He’d find himself looking forward to seeing you every week too, buying movie tickets in advance and making sure to keep them safe until he could see you. Getting you small details from Tokyo you didn’t even ask for yet always appreciated.
And he felt sickeningly selfish. For wanting something he knew he couldn’t have — at least not as long as he wanted to.
As usual you spent the whole afternoon together. Walking downtown, his pace a little faster than yours yet he’d make sure to slow down from time to time to match yours. This time you took him to a record store, going through all the vinyls, you rambling about your favorite albums and him listening intently. Even if you didn’t notice it, his eyes lit up at every word you said. Your voice was music to his ears.
“I don’t even have a record player but someday I will,” you chuckled, taking one into your hands.
“I’m sure you will,” he nodded, a soft smile resting at his lips.
You went to the movies together, you had already lost count how many times you’ve been there. He always stole handfuls of your popcorn without asking, pretending not to notice whenever you looked at him. It didn’t really matter which movie you were watching, as long as you sat next to each other the comforting company was enough. Enough for him to forget his actual life. Because beneath it all, he knew this was only a fever dream.
He knew, every time he’d come back to Tokyo, that it was only a matter of time before he had to stop. It was unfair, awfully unfair. But the contrast between you and his life was too overwhelming to ignore, and as much as he wanted to do so, he couldn’t just pull you into this mess — the mess he was.
Yet still, he was sitting right beside you at the beach. Sand clung to the sleeve of his hoodie as he rested his arms behind him.
Captivated by the way your hair swayed with the cold night breeze, signaling that it was almost time for him to leave.
“You’re quiet…” you whispered, your eyes drifting to his side, his gaze lost to the waves in front of you now. “more than usual I mean.”
He didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Instead, his gaze dropped to the sand. He sat with his knees drawn close to his chest. The distant sound of waves and muffled laughter from further down the beach filled the silence between you.
Then, his gaze met yours, but this time it was different. Quiet, melancholic, as if they hid a burden to carry the whole world in his hands. His green eyes didn’t shine as bright as they usually do, as if the light had faded.
He sighed profoundly. His eyes lingering on your features as you laid on the sand, you quietly stared at each other. He wanted to memorize you.
“What?” you chuckled, heat creeping up your cheeks. “Is there something on my face?”
He shook his head, letting out a low chuckle, as he moved away a strand of hair from your face, the sudden movement leaving you momentarily speechless. He was different today, as if he was trying to savor every second before reality had to hit him like ice water.
And for a moment he allowed himself to be selfish, to indulge one last time in what it would be like to get what he’s always wanted, at least for once. This would be the last time.
His face dropped lower, maintaining eye contact, his hand moving to cup your cheek. You swallowed hard at the contact and the sudden closeness, and for a moment everything seemed to slow down. The waves suddenly too distant. Your breathing mingled with his, both of you steadying each other in the proximity.
His lips softly pressing against yours, at first it was gentle, slow. Like he wanted to trace your lips into memory, how soft they felt against his, how sweet they tasted. Then he deepened and quickened the pace ever so lightly, your arms instinctively wrapping around his neck, pulling him just an inch closer.
He pulled away for a moment, breath heavy as he stared at you with half-lidded eyes, gaze flickering from your dazed eyes to your plump lips.
He caressed your cheek with his thumb, tracing your bottom lip lightly to kiss it once more. The kiss deepened as his lips parted against yours, and what started gentle became consuming as he found himself unable to pull away. The sound of the waves intertwining with the sounds of your desperate kiss.
You had kissed before, once, you taking the first step. In that moment you had caught him off guard but not even a second later he was already pulling you close to him, kissing you like he’s been hungry for it. Yet after that, he told you not to take it serious, it was just the moment. A moment exactly like this, almost too late to think properly. But ever since it happened neither of you ever stopped thinking about it.
And you didn’t push for more, you didn’t ask for more.
He distanced himself, sitting back up, breathing heavy as he stared ahead. Neither of you said anything as you caught your breath. Yet the silence didn’t last long as the guilt tugged at his chest longer than he could bear.
“I did mean what I said,” he turned his head away from you, voice dropping low.
“Mhm? What do you mean?” you asked, propping yourself back up to your elbows.
“About not being able to see you anymore.”
Your heart dropped to your lungs. But so did his. He couldn’t even look you in the eye, especially not after doing what he did.
“Are you serious?” you asked again, sitting straight up, trying to find his gaze.
He nodded, staying quiet for a second before speaking up again. “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he exhaled heavy.
Truth be told he didn’t even know what to tell you, how to even look at you. He knew how unfair it was.
He thought this pain would only be momentary, you would surely get over him. Since you weren’t really anything, and you deserved someone who could stay, who could be with you like any normal person would. Even if it hurt, even if he wanted so desperately to be that someone.
“It’s better this way,” he spoke his voice threatening to break as his gaze dropped.
You stayed quiet. Too quiet. You felt a lump forming in your throat, feeling helpless as you couldn’t bring yourself to speak. You just stared down at the sand beneath your feet.
But no, you didn’t want to just accept this.
“Why? Really— why?” your voice raised.
“I told you I can’t explain.”
“No— I don’t see how that’s fair,” you shook your head frantically in denial.
“Nothing in this world is, that’s the way things are,” he said coldly. “I would rather you hate me now.”
You frowned, completely in disbelief at his words. How self deprecating he seemed, how devastated and utterly defeated he looked.
He let out a heavy sigh, his head turning to face you yet his eyes wouldn’t meet yours.
He was about to get up, but you stopped him, grabbing his forearm before he could fully stand up.
The way your voice came so broken, tore something inside him. He didn’t want to hurt you, but from the very beginning, he knew this was a ticking bomb waiting to go off.
Oh but you were making it so hard.
He struggled to understand what was it about him that you liked so much, he couldn’t see himself the way you saw him. Not in a million years would he ever believe he was deserving of you.
He placed his hand over yours, caressing it lightly before dropping your hand away from his arm.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his throat tightened around the words. He stood up, turning away from you. “Please get home safe.” You heard his footsteps against the sand slowly fading away.
That was the last thing he ever said to you. the last time you ever heard his voice. You did hurt, for months. Long awful months as you kept remembering every little thing, going to the movies together, now you didn’t want to go, knowing you’d be alone. The beach seemed utterly big and lonely for you.
It was real — you felt it, so deeply in your bones even if only for a couple months. And to him it would always be a connection he would always look back on bittersweetly. You were too real for him. You represented a life he couldn’t have, and could never allow himself to enjoy.
After all, he was cursed with the burden of sacrificing his life for people too ordinary to even understand the world he lived in. Including you.
After that he kept seeing you, far enough for you to not see him, but close enough for him to notice how you’ve changed throughout the months. How slowly, and surely, despite the pain you were in when he left, the light slowly returned to you.
What he couldn’t see is that even though that was true, you could never forget him. And you never would. Months later you still kept your movie tickets.
im sorry to anyone who’s reading this <3
lowkey been practicing writing more but my smaus steal all the attention <\\3
jbbartram-illu
snowghoul
pixelskylines
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