John Michael Carter (American b,1950), Summer Reading, 1986, Oil on linen
One Nice Bug Per Day

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John Michael Carter (American b,1950), Summer Reading, 1986, Oil on linen
Reset NYC
Gonna chill out the rest of May and then change my entire life in June. Possibly July if that doesn't work out. Certainly no later than September or October.
Hallie Packard - Fountain, 2025 - Acrylic on canvas
outfit repeater, movie rewatcher, same post mutiple times reblogger
I think the harm of denying people the right to control their own bodies is so, so much worse than the risk of people regretting the decisions they make. Regretting something you decided to do is a much healthier pain than the pain of regretting that you didn't get to have a choice.
when i was a kid there was a big spider that lived in our kitchen. we called it a wolf spider bc we had some in the cellar, but probably it was a giant european house spider. also my mom worked for the county newspaper, where she wrote a featured front-page column every sunday. more on that later. i named the spider something very silly, a completely made up word (can't say the name bc it could doxx me) and one winter morning our furnace was broken and the Furnace Guy came to fix it. me and my siblings were sat in the kitchen eating breakfast before school when he walked in the door (we used the kitchen door as our main entrance instead of the actual front door) and while he was talking to my mom, our spider skittered out from under a counter. he went "WOAH THAT'S HUGE!" and as we all yelled "NO" in an instant but what felt like slow motion, he killed our spider with one stomp.
i immediately began wailing and my siblings were themselves in uproar. the guy was mortified. i guess if you crawl around in cellar furnaces for a living, stomping spiders might become deeply instinctual to you. but i think he might have began to second-guess himself after that.
already he was deeply apologetic. you could tell he felt really bad for what he'd done and that perhaps he was reconsidering his stomp-stance on spiders. so to this day i become almost hysterical with laughter when i imagine what he must have felt picking up the newspaper from his front steps that next weekend, the special, full-color sunday issue with all the extra content, to see the front-page, left-hand column, a Eulogy to our spider.
something law school taught me is that however suspicious you are that "oh, oops this law accidentally created a loophole that allows for bigotry by accident" is a lie, you are not suspicious enough.
anyone affected by such laws could tell you as much, but it really is something to read the actual law, the legislative history, public comment, etc and see just how much it was on purpose. it really makes me lose my patience with people pretending otherwise.
"oh this silly law says your house has to be blue in this neighborhood and sometimes Black people were accidentally kept from the neighborhood because blue paint was sometimes hard to come by"
and anyone with two braincells thinks, "yeah it probably was at least somewhat on purpose"
but then you find out the town made a law that it was illegal to sell blue paint to people of color and illegally buying blue paint was punishable by life in prison and the city ordinance about blue houses is called like the Keep Our Neighborhoods White--I Mean Blue Act of 1999. and the town had a weekly newspaper issue talking about how crime had gone up in the paint district so we need more police but also all the people of color are strangely homeless and homelessness means more crime so we need more police, but the police are overwhelmed so you can sign up to be a deputy looking for paint thieves called the Slave-Catching Renaissance Ordinance
and the only proposed "solution" so far is that selling blue paint is no longer illegal.
"It takes a long time to undo all of these things" mhm, either that's also a lie or do you not find it a condemnation of how the system works that it's so easy to install these laws that are blatant on its face bigotry (most often and blatantly racism) but near impossible to get rid of them?
It is simple. You stop trying. Instead, you do the thing you want to do. I mean, that's all you could ever do, except the whole time you were distracted with the thought that you should be doing better. Now, do it effortlessly and without judgement. Fold to every impulse and indulge in every fantasy. Effortlessly writing, drawing, talking, dancing, fucking, weeping, breathing, dreaming. Next time you look up from what you are doing you will notice one thousand miserable futures fade, clearing for you an empty space. You do not ask the world to love you, just as you do not ask your reflection to smile. Doing from love effortlessly the world has no choice but to love you back. This is how you pass the level.
children are annoying but you have to forgive them. like they just got here
When Dostoevsky said, "Pain changes you, but it teaches. That is its mercy." but Kafka said, "Pain changes nothing. It just repeats itself until you forget who you were before it started."
its always like be careful this song might become a memory. this cologne might become a memory. this brand of beer might become a memory. i time travel all the time
life gets good when you focus on the good
Oh ok so it turns out ive been borrowing grief from the future ! it turns out ive been preparing to lose the things i love rather than basking in the light of them while they last. Maybe i should nt do that
Sylvia Plath, in a letter to her mother Aurelia, dated 27 March 1962, from Letters Home: Correspondence 1950-1963