fry of treachery

h, 26, they/she why am I still here

[mewwon]

the vivid sensory-memory of sucking water out of a washcloth as a child

[narwhalsarefalling]

just had a convo with my friend. she mentioned she doesnt like sake cause its sparkling.

“wait, sake is sparkling? what have i been drinking?” i said. because i also dont like sparkling stuff.

i look at the sake bottle ive been drinking from for fun events for the past year. its vinegar.

i’ve been drinking strawberry flavored vinegar.

[narwhalsarefalling]

in my defense:

and:

its very hard to tell for someone who only kind-of reads Japanese and just saw the component for "sake flask" (酉) and, rightfully assumed, that the bottle that said sake was probably sake.

[squirrelstone]

No no, you don’t get to hide this in the tags

[behindnightmaresanddreams]

Summary: no one involved was drinking sake.

[noccolibroccoli]

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

[sapphling]

the more time you spend in active recovery from any given self destructive behavior or addiction the more you understand the common conception of the "relapse" as defined by a broken "streak" to be, like, so bad for one's own well-being that it would be funny if it weren't resulting in just a lot of misery and death

[the-peoples-puppy]

I told my girlfriend to think of quitting vaping as training her endurance by seeing how long she can run before she gets tired, then doing it again and hoping to go further next time. She said it really helped her.

[cottoncandylesbo]

squeezing my pussy and concentrating all the microplastics in my body to print a perfect tiny figurine of a fruit bat

[the-lumpfish-queen]

[zinesbycee]

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

[babushkaat]

[hunter-rodrigez]

kitty perfect weight for picking up for cuddles! kitty very Soft and warm and will purr comfortably in your arms. Pick up kitty. no problems ever when picking up kitty because good weight and size for picking up after surgery.

[sadgi]

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"

[sadgi]

thank you wikipedia for this really good image

[sadgi]

a helpful mnemonic for everyone

[talkwithtatsu]

too good for tags

[headspace-hotel]

This mnemonic has a permanent place in my life.

Every time in yoga class when my instructor would say "now get into a prone position" I would think "ah yes on your pronis"

[polarity-disturbed]

I just watched a video about students getting their papers falsely flagged for using AI, even when they didn’t, and the advice was things like, “Leave in incorrect grammar,” “If you’re quoting something, don’t copy and paste it, type it out manually because it leaves a metadata trail that you used the copy/paste function and that's a flag,” “Write in the cloud so there’s a version history,” and the one that really got me, “if you find you write in a manner that can sounds too robotic or professional and it gets flagged, go to the writing center so a writing tutor can help you sound more humanly flawed,” and like what the actual fuck.

Like I get that is practical advice, but people should not have to fucking do that. They should not have to train themselves around not sounding like AI, when AI only sounds like that BECAUSE it was trained on them.

I spent so much of my life learning how to write, I shouldn't have to unlearn that because some computer algorithm learned from me.

[kosmogrl]

[lunarriviera]

[transfemmbeatrice]

thought of this immediately and was delighted to discover it’s the same op

[catchymemes]

[phaeton-flier]

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

[phaeton-flier]

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

[theaudientvoid]

[centrally-unplanned]

Regular bears tell stories of angel bears sent by the Bear God, pure white and twice as strong as any normal bear could be, who rule the summit of the Earth and kill all who stand in their path.

And they are right, those bears exist and totally do that. Humans just have fake angels as a cope.

[theabigailthorn]

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears

[orpheusilver]

HOW TO HUG LONG DISTANCE

[orpheusilver]

HOW TO EMAIL HUGS

[orpheusilver]

10000 KILOMETER HUG TECHNIQUES

[victusinveritas]

[nycswebhead]

theres a new villain roaming around new york that has all the powers of a tapir. give me an hour or two im gonna go google what the fuck tapirs do ill let you know if we need to be scared

[nycswebhead]

OK it seems if you are fruits or berries this is really really bad news for you otherwise youre fine

[trying-trying2lyk]

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

[justatiredlittlesnail]

[catchymemes]